Asharte

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Miz

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Name: Asharte

Inhabitants: The dominant species of Asharte are the Cydavesse (Su-dah-vehs-ee) an abnormally long-lived species. The hybrid between the nameless native species and the humans that made Asharte their home thousands of years ago. The Cydavesse are an ominous race with dark features, black hair, and pale translucent skin. They boast a considerable amount of intelligence and athletic prowess but are easily hurt by direct sunlight and a natural affinity to the dark side. The Cydavesse are a cruel and sadistic race who value debauchery and domination.

Coordinates: G-15

Hyperlane: N/A

Climate: Cold. Very cold. The Dark Lands are plagued by constant dark side storms and occasionally acid rain would drift in from the Dark Lands.

Terrain: Beyond the spiraling towers and skyscrapers of the Dark City, Asharte is a barren wasteland known as the The Dark Lands home to some of the most dangerous mutated creatures in the galaxy. The only city on Asharte is named Arasadom or The Dark City. Most of the city acts as a folly due to the abundance of free labor and many of the skyscraper are left vacant.

Rotation: Unlike most celestial bodies, Asharte does not orbit around a central sun. The planet was left in place after its sun had been stolen (native myth) and now the only thing providing the planet warmth is its heat absorbing atmosphere and the nearby nebulae that gives the planet light. The nebulae is infused with the Dark Side of the force (may even be one of the sources of dark side energy), meaning that the gas and dust imitates the tortured spirits of days of old. As such, Asharte does not rotate.

Satellites: Asharte has two moons Topheth and Gehenna, all stripped bare of all resources and have been re-purposed as military complexes.

Technology: The technology is on par with most other space fairing worlds, though it holds one of the biggest space ports in the galaxy and is home to some of the most valuable astronomical arrays. Lastly, the Cydavesse have mastered the art of plastic surgery and body augmentation.

History: No one knows when the first humans stepped foot on Asharte's bleached sands but it is reasonable to assume that it happened within recent history. The most well-known origin story was that it was a group of outcasts, wicked and corrupt who were damned to live on this inhospitable world for the remainder of their days. These exiles stumbled upon another race of sentients who were kind and foolish who offered their new neighbors gifts. They taught them how to survive in the desert and how to fend off against predators. As a token of their gratitude the sick and depraved humans enslaved Asharte's natives. It were not a hard task seeing as how the natives were rendered meek from thousands of years under Asharte's corrupted weather. In celebration of their triumph, the near humans held a celebration of their victory in the native's capitol now named Arasodom, where they reveled in victory. The humans slaughtered many of the remaining natives who were not taken as slaves or wives. The humans of Asharte thought themselves superior in every way and saw fit to destroy all of the natives culture and identity. Chaos filled the streets of Arasodom as they raided their museums and places of learning. The natives where thought of to went extinct , through years of abuse and torture, though all of Asharte's humans share some common ancestry with the natives, nobody even remembers that species name. Though it was of no consequence, the humans of Arasodom found new species to enslave, more capable of carrying out their will and don't break as easily as their past play things. Weak and frail figures can be seen trekking through the white sands just beyond the horizon saddened by the loss of their old friends. Some regained entrance to the city due to Cydavesse apathy, but are treated little better than slaves like most other non-humans.

Government: Arasodom is lead by the Archon, a supreme monarchy, though, he/she rarely involves themselves in day to day affairs. For that he has his princes who control their own corners of the Dark City. Once an Archon dies he is replaced by the prince with the most success. If a prince were to die or ascend then their position would be replaced by their apprentice or their most trusted adviser (Savant).

Resources: Not much. Being a slave world, Asharte possesses an abundance of free labor and as such there are many underground factories.

Culture: Most slaves on Asharte are either worked to death or become warriors in their military; slaves that are granted addition benefits and perks equal to that of a regular elite, though, most prove their loyalty through a series of rigorous tests. Most Cydavesse are born in the rich social class enjoying vibrant paintings and sculptures, eating out in fancy restaurants, and all around living very luxurious life uncommon for people living on the edge of wildspace. If there were a middle class then it would be guests to Asharte, such as vacation goers and tourists. The Cydavesse hold no qualms with enslavement and most believe that it is within their right to enslave lesser races, as such all free Cydavesse own slaves and use them to do even the most mundane of activity such as making breakfast and turning on a television. They hold education in high regard and as such most boast a considerable amount of intelligence. In addition to being a will learned race, the Cydavesse has a strong warrior culture and most men participate in the arena fighting slave and beast alike.

Intent: For fear of spoiling things here I go!I'm intending for my PC, the Dead Drop Pact AFL, Asdrubael Troy to become Archon of Arasodom becoming the most powerful force user on the planet.

You may have noticed that the sun was stolen. It was stolen by a dark side spirit named only has The Deceiver by the natives though its just a myth the spirit is as old as the force itself. When the natives went to war with one another one of the chief shamans made a deal with The Deceiver to give them dark side magic, but the dark side magic turned the sun black, stripping the planet of all light side energy. With the power of the dark side and all light gone, the natives noticed the error of their ways and continued to study the light in shame. Something Asdrubael has to discover for himself.

The Deceiver still lives in the maw of the nebulae where every decade The Deceiver will commune with the Archon. The Archon will offer thousands of slaves as tribute in return for prosperity to Asharte. Asdrubael is no regular Cydavesse. He was born from a strange native ritual in that he was born with a magical third eye. His third eye allows him to see the true intention of all sentient beings (cannot be used on other PCs unless asked and can only be used in the dark). He will see the true intention of the Deceiver in his attempt wait until Asharte and the surrounding space to fill up with enough Dark Side energy so that its strong enough to consume the lightside spirit within Asharte. From there The Deceiver will become powerful enough to posses the Archon and take over the world.

Sadly for The Deceiver, Asdrubael wants to rule over Asharte himself. Asdrubael will continue his quest to cause enough pain and suffering until his power eclipses that of The Deceiver. With its power rising, Asdrubael needs a quicker way of obtaining the power to defeat the evil spirit. He joined up with the leader of the Wandering Marauders, a former Sith who told him of a dark side artifact in Moraband's halls of the High Tabernacle and another Dark Side artifact (on Coruscant) hidden someone else in the galaxy. With these two artifacts, Asdrubael's power will eclipse The Deceivers and he will destroy him and the light side spirit for good measure.

Agatha's story arc is to fool the galactic republic into providing the Steeleye Brethren (Asharte Defense Force) with the materials it needs to fight off the Wandering Marauders from the south. Of Course there is no Asharte Defense force. The Steeleye Brethren are allies with the Wandering Marauders and will stop attacking the republic so long as they provide them with goods (perpetuating the lie that they're fighting the Wandering Marauders). Her job is to also make sure the Jedi and Border Alliance stay off their backs and subtly screw over the Republic.

Asharte is unique due to its strange history. The Cydavesse are not hutts in that they are not interested in greed. They are not Sith as they do not fight for religion or out of some kind of inferiority complex with the Republic. They do it because they're born evil. There are many lost native shrines in the Dark Lands filled with scrolls and holocrons useful for any Jedi. Since the planet has no sun it is extremely difficult to find. For a Dark Side nexus its not as gritty as Korriban and Ziost where Sith are bred from constant adversity and struggle. Asharte is a sophisticated world free from struggles who's warriors are born from sheer mental illness, extreme privilege, and for some that were slaves - unwillingness to go back to a life of servitude.

Alternatively if the Jedi find out about whatever The Deceiver is doing, then they would be inclined to try and free the light side spirit and use its wisdom to destroy the Dead Drop Pact and the Sith.

Plus, it will eventually become a base for the Dead Drop Pact.
 
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Kiro

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Well. The very first piece of criticism I'll give you on this... is that the Enter button is your friend. This is just one massive wall of text, which can make it not only hard, but quite daunting for most to read. If you put a line between each part, like Intent and Culture, for instance, it'll be easier on the eyes. But you should also consider breaking up big, big, big blocks like Culture and History as well, by breaking it up into separate paragraphs.

Boli's new Dathomir, and (not to honk my own horn) my Edem are decent examples for how to use paragraphs for write-ups like this.
 

Lucid

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Well. The very first piece of criticism I'll give you on this... is that the Enter button is your friend. This is just one massive wall of text, which can make it not only hard, but quite daunting for most to read. If you put a line between each part, like Intent and Culture, for instance, it'll be easier on the eyes. But you should also consider breaking up big, big, big blocks like Culture and History as well, by breaking it up into separate paragraphs.

Boli's new Dathomir, and (not to honk my own horn) my Edem are decent examples for how to use paragraphs for write-ups like this.

Go away kiro.
 

Miz

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Made a few edits!
 

Brandon Rhea

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Enough, Lucid. If you're not going to be helpful in submission threads, please do not post in submission threads.
 

Green Ranger

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I need more information in your intent section. Intent really should be at least a paragraph of OOC information - how a planet is going to be actively used in the RP, why it's a unique setting, what it brings to the RP that's different to canon worlds, and so on.

This isn't just you, I'm seeing similar issues with the other planet submissions, but the intent section is ultimately your sales pitch. So sell it up. Tell us about all the exciting stuff you want to do with this planet. Get us excited to see what you're going to do with the submission once it's approved. If it's just a homeworld for a species then...well that's not really enough reason for us to approve it.
 

Miz

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I need more information in your intent section. Intent really should be at least a paragraph of OOC information - how a planet is going to be actively used in the RP, why it's a unique setting, what it brings to the RP that's different to canon worlds, and so on.

This isn't just you, I'm seeing similar issues with the other planet submissions, but the intent section is ultimately your sales pitch. So sell it up. Tell us about all the exciting stuff you want to do with this planet. Get us excited to see what you're going to do with the submission once it's approved. If it's just a homeworld for a species then...well that's not really enough reason for us to approve it.

I've done a major update to the intent section.
 

Dmitri

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The powers of the Deceiver and the Archon seem a bit OP. Maybe try scaling it down?
 

Outlander

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Is this still up for approval? The correlating species was previously archived.
 

Dmitri

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As the Intent is not solely for the species, it may be reviewed, but will be under consideration for archival if subsequent non-species points do not support the planet.
 

Miz

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The powers of the Deceiver and the Archon seem a bit OP. Maybe try scaling it down?

Scaled down the Deceiver so it can only possess the Archon not consume the galaxy and the Archon is scaled down to that of a Jedi General/Darth. I also added that Asharte could become another base for the Dead Drop Pact if it weren't already clear earlier. As for the subspecies: can it just be an Umbaran/Human hybrid or generic near human?
 

GABA

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Why can't this Story take place on a world already in existence?
 

Miz

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Why can't this Story take place on a world already in existence?

The story arc could take place on another planet but I don't feel as though it would be the same as other planets as they don't support the history and culture. To my knowledge this culture of excessive abuse and mental illness is completely unique to star wars. I could say [enter canon world here] became a hedonistic and slave driven society who somehow came under the rule of several princes that makes deals with an evil dark side spirit, but that would be very far fetched backstory and one a lot of roleplayers wont recognize to be important to the plot. I wanted to create a very grim and depressing atmosphere of a world tainted with the dark side of the Force. Plus, the story arc isn't the sole reason for its existence. I wanted to create a barbaric planet with a backwards culture that is the refuge of the most evil scum in the galaxy. Like I said before the DDP will also have a strong presence on the planet and others have expressed interest in trying to topple the government which would create a lot of interesting scenarios and missions for the DDP, Accord, BHG, and Sector Rangers.
 

Outlander

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Something i'd like to mention quickly is that it's generally not good form to create a planet with the implication that you have assets there. If you want to take over the planet, you'll have to go through the threads to do so.
 

Miz

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Something i'd like to mention quickly is that it's generally not good form to create a planet with the implication that you have assets there. If you want to take over the planet, you'll have to go through the threads to do so.

Thanks for mentioning this! The majority of my PCs story arc is to gain power over Asharte. For now he's just a prince and has been sent on a mission to gain power outside of Asharte (such as help forming the DDP and trying to take over Mustafar and Shumavar). It isn't until the DDP has obtained a few squares will he be worthy enough to try to take the Archon's throne. And only after defeating The Deceiver will he gain complete control of the planet. For this reason Asharte has very few to no natural resources as it would be against the rules for an independent faction.
 

Dmitri

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Alas, there are a lot of issues here. First off, the inhabitants are non-existent, due to the species not being approved. Furthermore, the planet feels like a wannabe Dromund Kaas: complete with rainy atmosphere, a Dark City, malevolent dark side spirit, etc. Furthermore, the Deceiver is massively OP and I have issues with its use here. We can discuss later if you're interested in using it as a plot device for a controlled storyline, but for here, in how it would be used, is vulnerable for abuse. Even more, a character (excluding certain characters in Main Factions) cannot control a planet, at least right-off the bat, so your character being Archon, the ruler and highest ranking Force user on the planet, would not fly. Dead Drop Pact can find a pre-existing planet for its base of operations; one doesn't have to create a planet to get a base.
 
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Kiro

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