How do you feel about Suicide?

The Healer

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I've heard many things, such as people who commit suicide are selfish and cowardly. As a person who's tried to commit suicide before, while I am ashamed of having tried to do it, would never consider it cowardly or selfish. Is it selfish or cowardly to want to stop endless pain and suffering? (Oops, meant to post as @Caleb Richardson)
 

Logan

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As someone who's contemplated it before but found ways to pull myself out of that spiral of depression, I've found that this song in particular by Scroobius Pip sums up eloquently why people consider suicide to be the single most selfish act a person can commit. Here's an excerpt if you don't feel like listening to the whole thing:

"It's tragic, you tried to cut yourself in half
But this ain't magic
In fact it's something far more dark, or more dramatic
Self harm, that's what they call it
Cause it just affects you
It's your life, your body, so you can choose what you do
And if one day you can't reign it in
And of your last breath you are the only witness
Then so be it, cause it's your last breath
And it's nobody else's business

But, how about your little sister?
I mean, you think your life's been bad
And by no means am I belittling that
Cause I know the troubles you've had
But a teen finding out her big sister chose death over life
Finding out instead of turning to her with your problems, You turned to a knife
That's a whole lot of pain to deal with
And a whole lot of damage
And the only role model she has now is little more than words engraved in granite"


 

GABA

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So in therapeutic terms, suicide and suicidal thoughts are a form of a communication. Generally if someone is feeling suicidal, its not because they necessarily want to die, these thoughts and plans occur because they are looking for an escape from their current situation. They often get stuck and have not developed the coping skills needed to get out of this cycle of anxiety and depression. (On a side note, many clients I work with who are suicidal have severe anxiety and the depression is just a side effect from that anxiety).

If you know someone who is talking about killing themselves, talk to them. Don't ignore it, don't pass it off as they will get over it; I guarantee this a cry for help, they need to talk about it and you will most likely save their life. Sometimes it can be scary to talk to someone about suicide just because it is such a serious topic, especially when it comes from out of no where, and usually it does, but let them talk about it, listen, and validate their feelings. If the person is serious about killing themselves, talking about it is not going to make them suddenly decide they're going to end their life. If they have a plan, they probably are already convinced themselves that they are going to follow through with it. So you won't do any harm by talking about it.

Some people might say, well, they're just doing it for attention. This is the wrong attitude to have. Yes, they are doing it for attention, but do not ignore it. Those who have had suicide attempts in the past, are more successful in completing it if they try again.

So here are somethings I talk to my kiddos when they tell me they want to kill themselves:

1. Do they have a plan? Ask them how they want to do it, where they will get their drug, weapon, etc and when they want to do it. Plans are very well thought out, if they can tell you how and when, call their parents, or call the police. However, continue to talk to them about it, ask them to help you put their drugs or weapons, etc in a place where its safe and they can't access them.
2. Ask them what is happening in their life right now, get them talking! Get a weird message or phone call? Talk to them, often before someone decides to end their life, they frequently reminiscence in past mistakes and start sending apologies to people. Trust that gut instinct, if it seems off, it probably is. We follow the acronym: IS PATH WARM (Idiation, Substance Abuse, Purpose, Anger, Trapped, Hopelessness, Withdraw, Anxiety/Agitated/Insomnia, Recklessness, Mood) to determine if the individual is at risk for suicide and its important to know these and recognize them if someone is acting odd lately.
3. Ask them what type of thoughts, moods, or images in their head they may get when they have these thoughts.
4. Ask them if there is safe place they can go to relax and get the thoughts out of their head.
5. Ask them about the people they can talk with.
6. Ask them if they have a professional who they can speak with.
7. Ask them what you can do to help them get through this.

All in all, there is nothing shameful about it. Its unfortunate our society has decided it to be this way and in part is a big contributor to the failures of our mental health system.

Lastly a good number to keep on hand if you know people who have suicide ideation or for yourself is the suicide hotline. You can call or I think they even have a chat system set up now for individuals:

1-800-273-TALK (8255)
 

Prudence

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I have to agree with what Logan said. As someone, as well, who has been on the verge of committing suicide in the past, and has the scars of self harm - something I don't really like to admit but for the sake of this discussion I find it gives a little more depth to my perspective - it is a really complex issue. Like GABA said, it is often a cry for attention, and it is the result of being stuck in a rut. When it feels like there is no escape to the pain or the misery, it seems like a really good opportunity to get out.

I'm lucky to have found my way out thanks to some friends who were there for me, and pulled me back, and have been pretty good for awhile now. In the moment you don't think about how it's going to affect everyone around you, and how fucked up everyone else's life is gonna be from your single decision. Like GABA said, definitely making sure you talk to anyone who is talking about suicide or acting strangely could save their life. Don't feel like you're being annoying, that person is subconsciously going to be finding any reason they can to isolate themselves so that they don't feel bad about ending it all, and you can't let that happen. Berating someone who is suicide is a terrible idea too, instead you should comfort them, listen to why they feel how they do, and try to reassure them.
 

Toska

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Ultimately, personal choice, mood dependency, if one chooses it is their prerogative. But, I prefer people alive; you only get to experience misery and pleasure and all the other emotions while you're alive. Do it up, be miserable, be happy, wherever your life ends up going it's the only one you've got. Makes it worthwhile to live in my eyes.
 

TWD26

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As someone that suffers from chronic long term depression, I've never suffered from an anxiety attack, but I still get lingering thoughts about dying. I'd say for myself, my depression gives my life and perspective a shade of grey at times. I'd say I've never really struggled with killing myself, but I often have trouble struggling maintain a right weight--sometimes I'll get really skinny and then gain a ton of weight in a span of a few months. I also struggle concentrating and I would say that the worse part about my depression is the loneliness that comes with it. I personally find it very hard to truly connect to people, I talk to many people everyday, and have perfectly fine social skills, but I don't have any friends--I don't hang out with anyone outside of school or work and never get invited to do such things. I came out of an abusive relationship about a year ago, which has added an extra layer of seclusion on top of my introverted personality. To me, the hardest thing to come to grips with is not feeling a physical embrace, like hugs, for over a year now.

But, to get back onto subject I see both sides of the coin, I feel that its no one's decision to judge someone for committing suicide, but I can see how their death would affect those close to them, thus I can see how people would see that as selfish. I personally just go on walks a lot by myself in the national park where I live, it's quiet and not a lot of people go there, so I can often just be lost in nature--which helps. I try to tell myself that the disease makes me think irrationally, which it does--but, it's still really hard to remember that mindset all the time.
 

Clayton

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Like Gaba said, suicidal ideations aren't something to be ashamed of, despite what Lifetime movies will tell you. It's honestly probably a topic that more people than you'd expect have thought of at one point. When I failed out of Eastern Illinois with some pretty awful grades, it really was difficult to accept my responsibility for it. I'd wasted a lot of my parent's money, wasted a lot of my own time, I had no idea what to do next with my life. I'm not going to say suicide never crossed my mind, though I never began to form a detailed plan. But it did seem like an easy way out of the deep hole I'd dug.

Now I'm working at going to law school. So, things get better, you just need to talk. It's a heavy subject, but that shouldn't be cause for stigmatization. If typing stuff out online is your preferred medium, if that's easier for you to do than talk aloud, then do that. See what services there are for that.
 

Marf

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I was suicidal and self-harmed for most of my high school days. I live with a plethora of mental disorders which prevent me from living as a functional adult, but I owe my happiness to my creative pursuit and the characters I make up in my head. Writing has helped me immensely, to release negative thoughts and to just to relax. I encourage anyone who is having destructive thoughts to pour them into a constructive hobby, as opposed to taking them out on yourself.

Proper medication and psychiatric help are paramount at the end of the day, but it is also greatly helpful to have an endeavor you love.
 

Venom

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Think it's a personal choice, and something that should be offered by medical services to those who wish it.
 

Kaane

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Think it's a personal choice, and something that should be offered by medical services to those who wish it.

I'd certainly agree with people who have practically become prisoners in their own bodies and minds. But able-bodied and able-minded people I don't think should be allowed to. Suicide is an irreversible decision after all. I know it's a free country, but people who decide to do that are often desperate for some kind of change that they could receive if they just hang on, and really not in their best frame of minds to be making that kind of decision.
 

Clayton

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I'd certainly agree with people who have practically become prisoners in their own bodies and minds. But able-bodied and able-minded people I don't think should be allowed to. Suicide is an irreversible decision after all. I know it's a free country, but people who decide to do that are often desperate for some kind of change that they could receive if they just hang on, and really not in their best frame of minds to be making that kind of decision.

I recall there being a story about a (Belgian?) Olympiad who basically spent her entire life in horrible pain, to the point where it was extremely difficult to get more than 20 minutes of sleep at a time, and was granted permission by a court for a physician-assisted suicide. Brutal story, and while I can imagine why she wanted that, I'm not sure.

If you're terminally ill and pain meds can't do anything for you, say you have cancer because that's easy to use as a terrible disease, and you've got a month of terrible pain ahead with which morphine won't help? I'd be tempted. It's a very heavy topic with huge religious and political arguments against it. And ethically in the US I really doubt it would happen. Jack Kevorkian was put on a crucifix even though he was very methodical, so to speak, in his process.
 

Padmé

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Suicide is a subject best handled by trained medical professionals/therapist/head honcho at your preferred place of worship/temple, AND what some have already echoed above: dial the Suicide Hotline.
^^That's how I feel about suicide.
 

Green Ranger

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My granddad has pretty serious dementia and can barely walk now, let alone have any awareness of where he is, what year it is or who he's even talking to - even his own kids. He wets the bed, he gets confused and violent and often injures himself without even realizing what he's doing, and he's a risk to himself and the staff who tend to him. It's all pretty unpleasant really. He's also always been kind of a douchebag, but that's a whole other thing - all I know is if I could sign a piece of paper that said I agreed to be humanely and peacefully killed if I should be in that kind of state, I'd absolutely sign it. And one day I'd love to be able to make that choice, with proper medical and legal guidance. There's dignity in that.
 

Vulpes

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As much as I don't like quoting lyrics on such a serious topic, I have two from the same song; "Any urge is indiscernible from community service to the kiddo" because, at least in my case, it's the loneliness that drives it. It sucks to feel like an inconvenience to people, and it especially sucks to feel like the people you burden outweigh the people you help.

The other quote is "[I don't] judge a man by how honorable his death is, on a scale you made up anyway". To me, death is death. It's a tragic thing regardless, but I wouldn't necessarily call it greedy or cowardly. By no means do I condone it, though. The best thing to do is to get help and work through it.

It's something I haven't talked about much, but I experienced a lot of those thoughts in high school, and an attempt resulted in institutionalization for a time. A toxic combination of anxiety, depression, and stress can make you feel that way. Unfortunately, I've started to think about death a lot again. I hate that I do it, but recent events have made me wonder if I really do help the world more than I burden it. The loss of multiple family members this year has really grounded my perception of mortality, and then to have the girl I spent a quarter of my life to leave me and seem happier with someone else, it makes you wonder. I know it'll get better eventually, but being in the rut where you think about it is a miserable feeling. The loneliness is the toughest part, at least in my experience and the HS event kinda kept me from developing the lifelong friends that'll support you during the 'down' times.

An important thing I think is developing a support network that can be anyone, whether it's friends, family, medical professionals, or all three. Trying to deal with things alone and then letting it build up is where I feel a lot of issues come from, or at least in my experiences.

Idunno. Got a little too personal, but tl;dr Paragraph 2.
 

Vinn Esper

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There has been scientific studies that suggest a correlation between suicide risk and high intelligence. Some scientists hypothesize that the mind that recognizes it's human existence might be inclined to destroy itself. I don't necessarily agree with that, but at the same time, I can understand from an outside perspective why it would be undesirable to part of the human race.
 

soed

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I am on my phone, so I will be brief: Someone in my very close family committed suicide and being part of the shattered core left behind, is not something I would wish on anyone.

Get help, if you need it.

Edit: Also the post above mine, unsure how to quote on phone, is utterly laughable.
 

FinnSimmons

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If you are contemplating suicide please do one(or more) of the following:
  • call the suicide hotline,
  • talk to a teacher/councelor at school,
  • talk to a friend/sibling,
  • talk to your parents,
  • or go see a therapist.

There is probably more I am not thinking of.
Just try and talk about it instead of botteling it all up inside. There is always a better way out of a seemingly irresolvable situation.
 

Corvinus

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My granddad has pretty serious dementia and can barely walk now, let alone have any awareness of where he is, what year it is or who he's even talking to - even his own kids. He wets the bed, he gets confused and violent and often injures himself without even realizing what he's doing, and he's a risk to himself and the staff who tend to him. It's all pretty unpleasant really. He's also always been kind of a douchebag, but that's a whole other thing - all I know is if I could sign a piece of paper that said I agreed to be humanely and peacefully killed if I should be in that kind of state, I'd absolutely sign it. And one day I'd love to be able to make that choice, with proper medical and legal guidance. There's dignity in that.
My grandmother has dementia and I am currently taking care of her. She was very much in the same way as your grandfather. We finally got her of proper medication such as Aricept and seroquil. She is no longer violent now.

I agree, if I had dementia euthanize me. It is something no family should go through
 

Mazianni

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Unless the individual in question has certain responsibilities to carry out, the only selfishness involved with suicide is on the part of others who may will that individual to stay alive for their own benefit.

That said, I can think of a lot of preferable alternatives to straight-up killing yourself, in most situations.
 

The Living Daylights

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I prefer not to throw negative name tags at people who attempt suicide. Having lost a friend to suicide, I will say that it is a tragic thing that happens only when people feel the loss of all hope, which is another tragic thing. It's certainly not something that comes into your head when you wake up one morning - it's a prolonged, painful process. Nobody should be put through such an experience. Seeking medical/psychological assistance as quickly as possible would be the best thing to do.

Barring euthanasia, I don't believe someone should ever commit suicide (I'm referring particularly to depression-related causes here).
 
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