Maerek Credyth (WIP)

Mkirshnikov

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Please keep in mind, this is my first attempt at such a large character sheet :p

Face and Physique
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NAME: Maerek Credyth
FACTION: New Sith Imperium (Hopefully)
RANK: Crusader
SPECIES: Human
AGE: 23
GENDER: Male
HEIGHT: 6'5''
WEIGHT: 365 lbs
EYES: Hazel
HAIR: Dark Brown
SKIN: Caucasian/White
CREDITS: 1000
DISTINGUISHING MARKS: Born with a 1/2 inch of his thumbs missing.
FORCE SENSITIVE: Yes.

STRENGTH: 9/10 All his life he's trained to be strong by taking the heaviest things he could use well and swung them around like weapons, even occasionally doing this in actual fights.
DEXTERITY: 3/10 Not the most agile feller. He is quite clumsy, so if he moves too fast, he tends to trip. He doesn't usually most above a jogging pace for his own good.
CONSTITUTION: 7/10 He is quite healthy, he can take one or two mean hits before dropping out of the fight.
INTELLIGENCE: 3/10 He's about as sharp as a marble. He isn't a good leader or strategist. He just wants to get out and kill Jedi.
WISDOM: 3/10 Always driving for a fight, he never really thinks about much else.
CHARISMA: 5/10 He's not really special in this department, but he can annoy or urk someone by what he tends to speak about. Yes, you guessed it, killing and fighting Jedi.
PERSONALITY: He's cocky, like, really cocky. He's the kind of fighter who thinks he can take on a group of 5 lightsaber wielders just because they are Jedi. He has a firm hatred for the Jedi that developed over years and years of getting an Anti Jedi mindset pounded into him. In a fight, He never takes mercy upon a Jedi, no matter what. Now, don't mistake this man for a heartless dick. He's just a dick. He will not intentionally kill innocents for any reason other than aiding and abetting a Jedi. Also, sometimes prone to fits of rage, or excitement, however you choose to see it, and will either forcefully slam his opponents into the ground, ceiling or walls with the Force, or just start wailing at you with his lightsaber.

Now, onto him. He doesn't like talking much. He could speak a lot, sure, but only in short sentences. Because of this, he will never be, should never be and does not want to be, a leader. The most he wishes to be is a Darth, but even then, he doesn't want his own army. He mainly wants it for his ego, and whatever else it brings with it is secondary. He is also prideful. He prides himself A LOT on his strength, and only likes to use heavier weapons, say, heavy blasters or larger lightsabers. This man is also near impossible to intimidate. You will likely never see him back down unless he knows there is absolutely no way in any type of hell he'll win. If there is even the slightest chance that he'll win a saber duel, he'll risk it. Speaking of saber duels, despite loving his saber and using it, he will not use it on anyone without one themselves. He'll just use the Force. Also, speaking of the Force, he fuels his powers using only anger and hatred, so what he does with the Force... is quite violent, and cruel.

BIOGRAPHY:
As a child, Maerek was an angry and hateful person because of his slummy childhood. His parents were drunkards, gamblers, self proclaimed "Traders". They weren't traders, they were fences. Selling stolen goods. They beat Maerek for every mistake he made, and blamed him for their own mistakes. Eventually splitting up, both parents even blamed him for that. Because of this, he always had, and still has, a short temper and a "I'm not taking shit anymore." attitude that would lead him into fights very often, which eventually got him thinking that hurting and generally being mean to people was normal when they did something you didn't like, or you plain didn't like the person. Eventually, he just developed a disliking to anyone who did something he didn't like even once. He'd frequently hit people who irritated him by acting dumb or purposely messing with him, getting him in constant minor troubles with "authority" figures. He'd quickly found out about about his force powers after coming home angry one day and accidentally breaking the door hinge after slamming his door to his room, the door going much faster because of his telekinesis. Now intrigued by his new-found power, albeit a weak one at the time, he used it against the "dumb and irritating" people. Starting out by just, say, pushing their meals off the table as they ate, or pushing something in front of them to make them trip over and fall. After a while, he'd started doing meaner and more dangerous things. Hurting them by making things fall on them, you know, lifting up relatively large objects and dropping them on their feet, breaking toes or even the entire foot. He started doing this more and more often and knowing he'd get away with it if he could just hide his hands. Eventually, he was found out after someone watched him Force push something in front of a kid to push him down a small staircase, and he was immediately thrown into a juvenile jail after being associated with many, many injuries that seemed to come out of nowhere.

In jail, he'd met other kids that were just as angry and mean spirited as he was, and quickly befriended a few of them, but the rest of the kids were always pissed off because of Maerek's threats, or because he was just plain unafraid of THEIR threats, even the ones made by the largest and strongest kid in the whole building. Yes, a couple of the free periods consisted of Maerek's group and the other group fighting it out for the whole two hours, or until one of the entire sides were knocked unconscious. No forfeitting. If you were out there, you were fighting. Eventually, the other group just gave in and stopped fighting with Maerek's group. Maerek's pride in his strength and little knowledge of the Force prevented him from using telekinesis as he fought with the other group, but ended up teaching him some valuable fighting tactics without a weapon in hand. One other in the jail had force powers as well, and he was much more experienced in their use. This kid was a Twi-lek named Cetdecri. He was a smaller child, but he was just as strong and was faster than Maerek. Using these traits, the child had already killed another kid for stealing a large amount of credits from his family. Cetdecri decided quickly that he would make friends with Maerek to have an ally to escape the jail with. After a year of careful training at every free period from then on, and finding out about a new power, Maerek and Cetdecri had destroyed the wall keeping them enclosed in the jail by having Maerek first heat it up and weaken it over time with his Pyrokinesis, then, when the time was right, Maerek heated up the wall again, then they both started pulling at the wall as hard as they could with Telekinesis, eventually making a hole big enough to get through. Once out, the two part ways as to not leave a large trail and have not seen each other since.

Years of hiding in the shadows of his slummy trading world taught him the absolute basics of stealth. Even though he hated hiding, seeing wanted posters with pathetic representations of his face, and his name plastered on them reminded him he needed to stay low for the rest of his life. One day, a man wearing a long brown robe came upon him as he was heading out of his temporary shelter to steal some more food, as he hadn't eaten in days. Maerek stopped dead in his tracks as the man saw him, but the man did nothing but look at Maerek, in his tattered clothing he'd been using for a while. The man started talking to Maerek about getting him out of the slums, getting him off of the planet and away from his bounty, or even powerful enough to stave bounty hunters off themselves. Maerek obviously took up the offer and the two became Master and Apprentice.

The man revealed himself as a Sith very early on in the two's relationship. (Relationship? Is that what you could call it? IDK.) Maerek had quickly started to get pounded with the mindset of Jedi being evil, Republic being evil for helping the Jedi, The Jedi wanting to control the galaxy as a tyrannical force. He was shown the Jedi's code, and told how the Jedi weren't allowed to think for themselves, only follow by the rules as mindless robots, and force others into thinking and acting this way as well. Maerek quickly developed a disliking to the Jedi, and the constant pounding of the Anti-Jedi mindset reinforced his disliking into an anger towards, and hatred of, the Jedi. After years of training, Maerek was given his own Lightsaber and armor. After receiving these, he requested a Lightshield as well, which he eventually received as well. After training with these specific weapons and armor for a long time, he was ready to start his own personal mission. Hunt down and exterminate the Jedi pests that wish to rule the galaxy under a tyrannical iron fist.



FORCE POWERS:
(Novice - Capable - Adept - Expert - Master)
Pyrokinesis ***
Telekinesis ***
Force Weapon ***


SKILLS:
Obedience ****
Piloting ***
Mechanics **
Pain Tolerance ***
Stealth *
Unarmed combat **
Makeshift Weapon fighting ***



LIGHTSABER/SWORD FORMS:
One handed Strong style, with bits and bobs of his own tactics and Force employment, alongside use of his shield. ****

STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES:
Very strong, is used to taking a hard hit or two.
Follows orders to a T, but will sometimes talk back if the order is outrageous enough, like risking his life for a Jedi, even if the Jedi is leaving the Jedi Order.
Acts like a simple minded machine whenever he sees a Jedi, and just desires to kill them whenever they show their faces.

Able to sneak around, but not very well.

Sluggish but stable movements.

GEAR:
4.9 ft/1.5 meter diameter Crimson circular Lightshield, set inside his armor's bracer.. Able to deflect blaster shots and Lightsabers. Can also be used as an offensive weapon due to it using the same technology as a Lightsaber. Take note of the size and color specified above. This is only to show what it looks like.
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Long(er) handeled, single bladed Lightsaber. Emitter has two blades extending upwards. The blade itself would be a little thicker than most, and it's crystal would be a standard synthetic crystal, colored crimson.
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Blade length is 42"/3.5 ft/1 meter long

Heavy Sith Armor. Able to deflect blaster shots that are set to stun. When more powerful blaster shots impact the armor, the armor disperses the impact, either causing pain, or knocking him out, depending on the force of the impact. The sturdiness of the armor means that any lighter blasters will not be able to kill him except with a shot to the head. The armor can withstand 4 heavy blaster pistol shots, 3 heavy blaster rifle shots, or 1 blaster cannon shot before breaking through as if there was no armor at all. The armor is mildly effective at environmental control, with automatic cooling and heating systems. Whenever he's in these extreme climates, however, he needs to wear a helmet, that he does not have. Against Lightsabers, however, it is a mediocre defense. It can withstand 1 hard Lightsaber strike. If he is struck in the relatively same area twice with a saber, his armor will be cut through like butter.
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TWD26

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Alright so I'll be pointing out a few things to help you out since you're new. So let's get started!

Images
First order of business is to put a spoiler tag on those big images--it'll really make your profile easier and more appealing to read to a potential viewer. You can do this by copying your image tag and wrapping it into a spoiler tag (click the insert button--it's the one near the video clip icon--and it'll bring up a drop down box that'll show spoiler tag.)

Rank
RANK: Sith Juggernaut
Keep in mind that unlike the game SWTOR we don't go by the game's class system. There currently isn't a ranking system out for Sith yet, you'll have to stay tuned for that announcement to be made. So for now I'd put TBD.

Height
Nothing wrong with him being 6'9, but more or a personal opinion--I'd lower his height down a tad bit. Something more reasonable and tall would be 6'5 at the most I'd say. At the end of the day he can be that tall, but his weight and the image you linked would not be realistic for that height. For example, I referenced a 6'9 400 pound power lifter for the sake of showing you what they'd look like.
CR2D0uv.jpg
At 220 pounds your character would be all skin and bones XD!

Skills Section
Really well rounded with the score. The descriptions are nice and fit the character image I see you're trying to convey.

Personality Section
I'd space out that first personality paragraph. That way there is a space between the skills and the personality section--making it easier to read.
He's cocky, like, really cocky. He's the kind of fighter who thinks he can take on a group of 5 lightsaber wielders just because they are Jedi. He has a firm hatred for the Jedi, and never takes mercy upon one.
First order of business, at the end of the last sentence it should be revised to upon no one ^^. As I was reading through the personality section you mention that he has a firm hatred of jedi. Even though this is the personality section I would put something down to explain why he has a hatred for the Jedi. since it seems to be extremely crucial in what makes him tick. I really do like how he's extremely cocky, but keeps it to himself. He has a self inflated ego--that runs rampant in his head--which is unique and something to build off of. Another great thing I liked is how he won't kill innocent civilians, unless they help the jedi--which like I mentioned you should explain.

You mention that:
Speaking of saber duels, despite loving his saber and using it, he will not use it on anyone without one themselves. He'll just use the Force. Also, speaking of the Force, he fuels his powers using only anger and hatred, so what he does with the Force... is quite violent, and cruel.
He seems to be someone that carries a sense of anger and hatred inside of him. Yet, I'm not really getting a sense to why that really is. He is indeed a villain, but why does he have this hatred, other than the sole purpose of him being a villain? Now I'm not telling you to take this out, but instead expand upon it and come up with your own interpretation that gives him the foundation for his anger--which leads me into your Biography section.

Biography:
To start off, I see a great foundation and a few unique encounters mentioned in your biography that with a little tweaking can lead to being the basis of a really unique history. I think the biggest glaring thing that comes across from the biography is that there isn't really a clear motivation or reasoning for why Maerek is so full of this hatred and anger. While some children have the characteristics of being nasty, it's normally due to some sort of thing that happened in their past--and there isn't a mention of why Maerek has become this person full of anger. I'd build upon and talk about the events that led your character to having this extreme anger, especially towards the Jedi. What in his life caused this? Just things to consider.

You talk about him using his force powers to play tricks on the other children, I like this bit, I'd even see it as maybe something that started out as a harmless prank--something that let a young Maerek blow off steam. But, his parent's possibly with views that held resentment against force users would look down upon him, and scold him for his actions (just tossing ideas that came to mind)? I think that it would be reasonable that his offences lead him to being thrown into a juvie system--which I like. You talk about befriending other mean children in jail, which could work, but in all honesty most detention and jail centers are often divided into their own powerbases--and he'd certainly touch toes with other hotshot children their--since he's so cocky.

I like the part about the Twi-lek, I think it's something you can expand upon. What was there plan and how did they learn this new power move to break through a wall. They escaped and were said to never see each other again--which I think you can leave open to them meeting again (storyline ideas all over that concept). Your kid is now a wanted man, how did he survive day to day with Bounty Hunters surly on pursuit for him?

You mention that he had desires to kill jedi after he broke out--why? I'd say that after he broke out--he was struggling to survive day to day. When a mysterious man approached him one day on the streets. The sith during this time are in hiding and are not actively flaunting their power to the galaxy or the jedi. They're not actively fighting or killing Jedi yet, nor did they have an academy that dark sided users were flocking to. Instead, I would assume that many of the sith masters at this time would be hidden in plain sight, corrupting and seducing members into their powerbases--and that's what happened to your character.

Strengths and Weaknesses:
I'd flesh this out more. I'd clearly list out what physical and or character strengths he's good at and go with the same amount of negative physical strengths and or character strengths (such as cumbersome, sluggish, etc.)

Skills:
I'd flesh this out more--it's pretty vague.

Gear:
Really hard to gauge what your character has through the images. I would list the accessories and tools your character uses, and get rid of the images. That way people are able to tell what tools you have and if you need to remove anything--do to being over powered or whatever.

Overall
I have to say it's a really good start. I hope that you don't take this the wrong way, and that I didn't come across as too hard. I know you were asking for opinions and I was giving you my thoughts on the subject--after all it's constructive feedback that makes us better writers--and it's something I'd love to receive on my own profiles. I see a lot of great potential in making this character a unique villain--I think your main focus should be Why does my character hate the jedi, what was the events that caused this hatred--and why does my character harness this ability of anger and hatred in a way that's unique. Hope this helps!
 

TWD26

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Also, just noticed that this is under the character sheet for the current timeline. I'd advise that this character's code be copied over to the Dawn of the Republic Workshop--and thus change your faction to: Lords of the Sith.
 

Mkirshnikov

The one you happily follow if he asks you
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Alright so I'll be pointing out a few things to help you out since you're new. So let's get started!

Images
First order of business is to put a spoiler tag on those big images--it'll really make your profile easier and more appealing to read to a potential viewer. You can do this by copying your image tag and wrapping it into a spoiler tag (click the insert button--it's the one near the video clip icon--and it'll bring up a drop down box that'll show spoiler tag.)

Rank

Keep in mind that unlike the game SWTOR we don't go by the game's class system. There currently isn't a ranking system out for Sith yet, you'll have to stay tuned for that announcement to be made. So for now I'd put TBD.

Height
Nothing wrong with him being 6'9, but more or a personal opinion--I'd lower his height down a tad bit. Something more reasonable and tall would be 6'5 at the most I'd say. At the end of the day he can be that tall, but his weight and the image you linked would not be realistic for that height. For example, I referenced a 6'9 400 pound power lifter for the sake of showing you what they'd look like.
CR2D0uv.jpg
At 220 pounds your character would be all skin and bones XD!

Skills Section
Really well rounded with the score. The descriptions are nice and fit the character image I see you're trying to convey.

Personality Section
I'd space out that first personality paragraph. That way there is a space between the skills and the personality section--making it easier to read.

First order of business, at the end of the last sentence it should be revised to upon no one ^^. As I was reading through the personality section you mention that he has a firm hatred of jedi. Even though this is the personality section I would put something down to explain why he has a hatred for the Jedi. since it seems to be extremely crucial in what makes him tick. I really do like how he's extremely cocky, but keeps it to himself. He has a self inflated ego--that runs rampant in his head--which is unique and something to build off of. Another great thing I liked is how he won't kill innocent civilians, unless they help the jedi--which like I mentioned you should explain.

You mention that:

He seems to be someone that carries a sense of anger and hatred inside of him. Yet, I'm not really getting a sense to why that really is. He is indeed a villain, but why does he have this hatred, other than the sole purpose of him being a villain? Now I'm not telling you to take this out, but instead expand upon it and come up with your own interpretation that gives him the foundation for his anger--which leads me into your Biography section.

Biography:
To start off, I see a great foundation and a few unique encounters mentioned in your biography that with a little tweaking can lead to being the basis of a really unique history. I think the biggest glaring thing that comes across from the biography is that there isn't really a clear motivation or reasoning for why Maerek is so full of this hatred and anger. While some children have the characteristics of being nasty, it's normally due to some sort of thing that happened in their past--and there isn't a mention of why Maerek has become this person full of anger. I'd build upon and talk about the events that led your character to having this extreme anger, especially towards the Jedi. What in his life caused this? Just things to consider.

You talk about him using his force powers to play tricks on the other children, I like this bit, I'd even see it as maybe something that started out as a harmless prank--something that let a young Maerek blow off steam. But, his parent's possibly with views that held resentment against force users would look down upon him, and scold him for his actions (just tossing ideas that came to mind)? I think that it would be reasonable that his offences lead him to being thrown into a juvie system--which I like. You talk about befriending other mean children in jail, which could work, but in all honesty most detention and jail centers are often divided into their own powerbases--and he'd certainly touch toes with other hotshot children their--since he's so cocky.

I like the part about the Twi-lek, I think it's something you can expand upon. What was there plan and how did they learn this new power move to break through a wall. They escaped and were said to never see each other again--which I think you can leave open to them meeting again (storyline ideas all over that concept). Your kid is now a wanted man, how did he survive day to day with Bounty Hunters surly on pursuit for him?

You mention that he had desires to kill jedi after he broke out--why? I'd say that after he broke out--he was struggling to survive day to day. When a mysterious man approached him one day on the streets. The sith during this time are in hiding and are not actively flaunting their power to the galaxy or the jedi. They're not actively fighting or killing Jedi yet, nor did they have an academy that dark sided users were flocking to. Instead, I would assume that many of the sith masters at this time would be hidden in plain sight, corrupting and seducing members into their powerbases--and that's what happened to your character.

Strengths and Weaknesses:
I'd flesh this out more. I'd clearly list out what physical and or character strengths he's good at and go with the same amount of negative physical strengths and or character strengths (such as cumbersome, sluggish, etc.)

Skills:
I'd flesh this out more--it's pretty vague.

Gear:
Really hard to gauge what your character has through the images. I would list the accessories and tools your character uses, and get rid of the images. That way people are able to tell what tools you have and if you need to remove anything--do to being over powered or whatever.

Overall
I have to say it's a really good start. I hope that you don't take this the wrong way, and that I didn't come across as too hard. I know you were asking for opinions and I was giving you my thoughts on the subject--after all it's constructive feedback that makes us better writers--and it's something I'd love to receive on my own profiles. I see a lot of great potential in making this character a unique villain--I think your main focus should be Why does my character hate the jedi, what was the events that caused this hatred--and why does my character harness this ability of anger and hatred in a way that's unique. Hope this helps!
I'll definitely be working on this in a bit. Thanks, mate :D
 

Mkirshnikov

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at the end of the last sentence it should be revised to upon no one
I just re-read it, and no, I wrote it correctly. He never takes mercy upon a Jedi. Every fight he gets in with one will be to the death.
 

Mkirshnikov

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Put the Face and Physique photos in a spoiler tag, changed his height and weight to 6'5'' and 365 lbs, removed his rank, changed his faction to Lords of the Sith. will be copy-pasting this into the next timeline.
 
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Mkirshnikov

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Adjusted Gear, Skills, and Force Abilities.
 

Mkirshnikov

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Gave tiers to everything that needed them, and redid the skills again.
 

Mkirshnikov

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Edited his skills, Biography and Personality.
 
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Lynxist

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I don't really have any critisism; I just wanted to say that I love this character, and I'd also love to do a roleplay with you after the new timeline gets started. :p
 
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