Vilxi Okaxer

[Alex!]

NAME: Vilxi Okaxer
FACTION: Ospion Guardians

RANK: Padawan
SPECIES: Clawdite, usually human or Nautolan
AGE: 25
GENDER: Male
HEIGHT: 6'3
WEIGHT: 211 lbs
EYES: Changeable
HAIR: Changeable
SKIN: Changeable
CREDITS:1,005
DISTINGUISHING MARKS: None
DOMINATE HAND: Right
FORCE SENSITIVE: Yes. He found out when a Jedi Knight named Scythe told him he may be a Jedi someday.

STRENGTH: Good (7 1/2 out of 12)

DEXTERITY: Vilxi is very speedy and agile.
CONSTITUTION: Formerly diagnosed with Ghyttive disease, he's currently healthy.
INTELLIGENCE: Usually can plan battle techniques.
WISDOM: Knows the history of the Jedi Knights.
CHARISMA:

FORCE POWERS:

SKILLS:

Climbing

LIGHTSABER/SWORD FORMS:



STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES:

Vilxi can steal objects. He can see good in everyone, which is his largest strength and largest weakness.

GEAR:

Jetpack, which he stole as a child. Black War pants and Black War shirt, which the Republic issued him upon signing up. Blaster pistol, grenades, and poison, which he stole from an officer.

SHIP: Always finds a ride



PETS: Two nunas, one male, one female. They are named Baxter and Glo.



PERSONALITY:

Vilxi is a great ally and a cruel enemy. He believes that "there is good and evil in everyone. It only depends on which you decide to use." Vilxi highly opposes the Alsakan Union, although he sometimes helps them out. He loves to attend meetings in the Senate Rotunda. He also believes that he must steal from anyone who opposes him or his allies. Vilxi's friend is his Master, Veloren Seele.

HISTORY:

Vilxi joined the Republic Military recently. He was abandoned by his father at 5 years old, along with his brothers and sister. They made a living as children by thieving. Vilxi was heartbroken at age nineteen when all his siblings besides his sister Rabita became evil rogue pirates. He was heartbroken once again when a man called "Woraeh" kidnapped his sister. Vilxi vowed not to let anything like this happen again. Now, he resigned from the Republic Military, hoping to find a better job. He is now an Ospion Padawan to Veloren Seele.
KILLS:



DUELING RING MATCHES:



GRAND TOURNAMENT MATCHES:


ROLE-PLAYS:

 

[Lavi]

You cannot use Force powers other than sensory ones without training. Your history is also too short: you need to explain pretty much everything as to where your character came from, why he joined the military, what he has done before, etc.

Especially if your character is Force sensitive and knows it, you need to explain how your character learned he is Force sensitive.

Your stats are a bit stacked, you have a lot of gear that you did not elaborate on how you got (jetpacks are not standard issue equipment for a Republic soldier).

The profile, overall, is largely incomplete and not ready for a sign up thread.

 

[Storm]

Please read and follow the rules here like you didn't on SWF...

 

[Brandon Rhea]

Please read and follow the rules here like you didn't on SWF...

...which includes not pretending to be an admin and not making dick comments, especially after a real admin politely explained what Vilxi needed to do.

 

[Storm]

...which includes not pretending to be an admin and not making dick comments, especially after a real admin politely explained what Vilxi needed to do.

I'm not pretending to be an Admin...

It's hardly a "dick comment"; I asked him to do something which is what you're supposed to do on the site. I'm merely offering encouragement and addition to what Lavi's said.

 

[Sovereign]

I'm not pretending to be an Admin...

It's hardly a "dick comment"; I asked him to do something which is what you're supposed to do on the site. I'm merely offering encouragement and addition to what Lavi's said.

No, it was a dick comment. Don't argue with the staff.

We are Gods.

 

[The Lionheart]

We are Gods.

*laughs*

You and your delusions of grandeur.

:CHappy:

Another suggestion: even though your character is a Clawdite, you may wish to establish his 'usual appearance' to make things a bit easier on yourself starting out. I've long written with a character who has the ability to change his form at will, and I found it easier to have a 'usual appearance' set, with the note that it can change.

Force Sensitive would be basically 'Yes' or 'No'. No character is inherently 'more' Force Sensitive than anyone else.

Don't forget to fill out your Skills. Where is the 'Jedi Symbol Tattoo' located on his body? Also, 'steals objects easily' seems a bit iffy. You haven't included any Weaknesses to accompany it.

For history, consider character traits. What was his life like up until now as he grew older? Where did he acquire his equipment, and skills? What events shaped his personality into what it is now?

Just a few suggestions. I noticed you got off to a rocky start, so maybe this can help out if you really want to get involved.

 

[Brandon Rhea]

I'm not pretending to be an Admin...

It's hardly a "dick comment"; I asked him to do something which is what you're supposed to do on the site. I'm merely offering encouragement and addition to what Lavi's said.

It's the manner in which you go about saying things and the way they come off to people. I've told you about this numerous times in the past. Start listening.

 

[Alex!]

.......

Storm, the others were right. Maybe you're living a horrible life right now, and that was an offensive comment. I'm simply a beginner on here.... started two nights ago. What did I do wrong on SWfanon? I haven't been on there in a while.

May God be with you,

Alex

 

[Random Hero]

Profile needs a bit of work, here are some suggestions.

- Elaborate on the attributes. Also, make sure they are balanced, can't be too powerful just yet.

- Add more to basically everything. You're off to a decent start with the small descriptions; but details are what make a decent start into a great character profile. IMO i'd say about two paragraphs on the personality and at least four or five for the history. (Just a suggestion.)

- Of course if you can find a picture that suits your character that is always a plus.

Those are my two cents, and welcome to the site.

 

[Storm]

Storm, the others were right. Maybe you're living a horrible life right now, and that was an offensive comment. I'm simply a beginner on here.... started two nights ago. What did I do wrong on SWfanon? I haven't been on there in a while.

It was hardly offensive. Minor issue. There's nothing wrong with my life. If you have a problem with me or the way I act, feel free to PM me. =)

 

[Alex!]

I don't have a problem with u. Let's just stop arguing.:CStern:

 

[Storm]

I don't have a problem with u. Let's just stop arguing.:CStern:

Well, then, perhaps you shouldn't accuse me of being offensive...

It's a good start you've made with the profile. And we also prefer it if you use full English, like "you" here. =)

Perhaps a few images and expanding it a tad would improve it.

 

[Brandon Rhea]

Well, then, perhaps you shouldn't accuse me of being offensive...

Enough with the pissing contest. Velix even said you two should stop arguing. I suggest you take his advice and stop now. ;)

 

[Storm]

Enough with the pissing contest. Velix even said you two should stop arguing. I suggest you take his advice and stop now. ;)

Which is what I said... That's not a provocation. That's a conclusion, hence the following on of constructive criticism.