Any advice...

[OhNoesBunnies]

Hello!

Word of Warning before you continue: There's a lot of real-life issues bleeding into this post, and it isn't even the tip of the iceberg that's eventually going to kill me. I've left a lot out if only so people don't judge me too harshly, and I'm really just looking for advice on how to better deal with it.

Okay, so...

I know I've been sporadic in my attendance over the years here, with hardly a handful of actual RP posts to my name (except with my former Imperial Guard-turned Stormtrooper, she was fun!) but my life has been slowly spiraling down the drain. My father died, I've gotten sicker and sicker over the years, my mother is probably on the edge herself, my family broke up and no one talks to anyone else anymore. I can't land a job. I can't seem to grapple with the government even with a lawyer (in the US so that's probably not a surprise) and I'm slowly running out of options.

I've been seeing a wellness counselor for a little over a year, and I'm still in a queue to get an actual therapist (none of which have bothered to call me), but I'm starting to lose hope. Has anyone else been in this same place? What can I do besides distract myself? I've talked to counselors, I've got two wellness coaches, and I'm about to see a therapist but I've felt nothing but utter hopelessness lately. There's a voice, an actual voice (my own), that's begun popping up, telling me how worthless and pathetic I am. How I've made so many mistakes there's simply no way to turn back and asking me to kill myself to end it.

How do you deal with this?

 

[Dread]

Hey @OhNoesBunnies!

I highly suggest visiting forums and websites dedicated to helping people with depression. Some websites even have live chats. They are in no way replacements for a therapist but they help from my experience.

 

[OhNoesBunnies]

I've been doing that, and it does help a lot. I am wondering if my medication is starting to have adverse effects. My counselor gently pushed me to talk to people I "Know" (in this case, any communities I write with. She's also pushing me to focus on the writing here.) about it if I feel I need to, and today I did.

 

[GABA]

Hey!

Everything sounds like it is just very overwhelming, you are feeling lost and hopeless and that's understandable, but I'm glad you reached out here, to let someone know. Its an unfortunate reality that when those feelings occur, and occur so often with what sounds like a plethora of stressful events in your life (that no young person should endure), sometimes the idea to die crops up and I want you to know that even though this is an internet star wars writing community, we're a community that cares about its members, including you.

One, if you are still having these thoughts, please call the suicide lifeline.

1-800-273-8255

Second, I'm glad to hear you're seeing a therapist soon, but if its not soon enough, go to the emergency room, don't wait. If you have no transportation to get there, just call 911. There is no shame, as mental health is just as important as physical health. They may keep you in-patient for a couple days, but sometimes it can speed the process up with medication adjustments and just getting in and seeing a crisis counselor faster.

And lastly, if you want to talk more, I am willing to listen, you can shoot me a PM or we can chat on discord, whichever you're most comfortable with.

As I said before, I'm glad you reached out, its not easy and with everything going on in your life, feeling as you do is justifiable.

@OhNoesBunnies

 

[OhNoesBunnies]

Hi!

I'm really thankful for the both of you helping me out here. I wrote the number down in case my mind decides to have another one of these horrible episodes and tries to talk me into doing something I don't want to do. I didn't really ever think about visiting the emergency room or calling 911, but that makes sense if the emergency is life-threatening. I'll keep that in mind. I do have a card from MHC (Marana Health Center, where they're federally funded in both physical and mental aspects of medicine), and I've called them once before, they've been pretty awesome in just listening.

I do have a lot to be happy about, I hit my target weight (again, I let go a bit after some of the bad stuff happened) and I've been eating healthier. And I'm living on charity right now, but the person supporting me is... well, supportive, and it helps to know they're not the only one, and that I'm not alone in these feelings. I mean, I know I'm not alone, but sometimes there's an overwhelming sensation that I am and it's difficult to fight off your own voice telling you how it's gonna end.

Again, thank you! I might send you a PM, GABA, if I feel like talking could help. I have moments where I do. I was really messed up last night too, so I'm a little embarrassed about the post even though I guess I shouldn't be. I'm gonna try making another character and doing some workshop writing (just for random ideas) to see if that'll help distract and alleviate some of this stupid despair floating around me.

Thank you again! Again. For the third again. ♥

 

[GABA]

You're very welcome!

Never feel embarrassed though, I would rather see someone speak up here, instead of never saying a word and suffer in silence. Focus on the positives, as you said you have a lot to be happy about, and the funny thing about looking at things more optimistically, is that it takes practice. The bright side is, that the more you do that, the more your thinking change, and your brain changes too (SCIENCE!) for the better!

Shoot me a PM anytime though, I work in the mental health field, so I'm always happy to help!