Ask Yavin IV Bad Times

[Alexandria Voran]

The Jedi Temple on Yavin IV returned to normal. The funeral had consumed the Order for a short time, but as with all things, that time passed. They could not afford to wallow in their grief. Each second wasted was another moment the Darkness crept forward. So it was that the pain that washed over the Temple faded. The Force nearly felt normal again as the Jedi hurried about their business. A simple truth overhung the rapid change. Max and Talak were irreplaceable pillars in the Order. Figures larger than life, but only a fraction of the Jedi truly knew them. It was that fraction that still mourned.

Jedi Master Alexandria Voran sat quietly in the Temple’s large mediation chamber. She had carefully closed her mind after the funeral. There was no need to continue to share her deepest fears with the Order. Her family had seen her pain and now she showed them strength. Her mind was a serene pool, her thoughts placid in the Force. The darkening pit beneath was hers alone. The Jedi would see only a Jedi Master confident in the eulogy she had spoken. Nights awake staring at the stone walls as she searched the Force for Max remained hidden.

Shouldn’t he be here? His soul returned to the Light? Why couldn’t she find him? Was it the monster who kept his body? Alex pushed that horrible memory away. The Sith sought only to cause them pain, to terrify, and frighten. They would not have the satisfaction. Not from her. If she could just talk to him one last time. If he could just tell her what to do. How could she guide the Order forward without his example to follow? How could she walk this path alone?

Alex sat and poured her mind, body, and soul into the Force. Every ounce of herself immersed in the Light. He just had to be there if she looked hard enough. She wanted desperately to feel whole again, to feel like herself. The Jedi Master was certain that one touch in the Force would set her right. The bond between them was unmistakable severed but she knew she could find him.

@Killa Ree

 

[Indy Sati]

There was little that the Light couldn't provide. Comfort, ease, a clarity of thoughts. But for the longest time in her life, Indyana was faced with the blurring of days, the multitude of moments that slipped past like water, surrounded by those that needed guidance.

With the loss of Talak and Max, she had been woken from her cloud of grief. The Holonews broadcast by Darth Stolas had awoken something within the Jedi Master; clarity of thought, and surprisingly... an element of peace within her soul. A single place of stillness.

She had to pass that stillness on to others.

She entered the meditation chamber, seeing the slender, familiar form of Master Voran there. They had only interacted a handful of times, but the Jedi held high respect for the fellow Master. For the strength to stand for the Order, and for the words she had spoken for them.

She could understand the woman, the quiet need that seeped through the Force as she waited, hoping for a sign of something. So she would wait, biding her time until the woman would return. There was a reason Indy had been drawn here; perhaps it was mutual grief, or a want to grieve. Perhaps it was a call from the Light, a subtle push, but she learned long ago not to question the Force.

So she settled down beside her, and closed her eyes. After all, if Max had taught her anything, it was the patience to wait for them to come around. She had all the time in the galaxy.

@Valen Pelora

 

[Alexandria Voran]

She found no answers. Alex nearly exhausted herself expanding her mind throughout the Force. Her soul beat in time with her heart. It was all futile. Slowly, she retreated into herself. Slowly, she became more aware of her surroundings. How long had she been here? The cold ache of pushing her boundaries settled in her chest. Foolish. She was not being careful. Alex shook her head to clear to her mind. Her thought moved slowly…the world seemingly dull. It was only then she noticed Indy.

Years of being a Jedi coupled with pure exhaustion were all that kept her from jumping. Some Jedi wise Jedi Master she was. As Alex continued to spool her mind back together, she offered Indy a weary smile. She did not know the other Jedi Master particularly well, outside that unfortunate business on Dathomir. Alex had been a different woman then. Isolated and far less trusting. The terrible feeling of being alone was becoming all too familiar. She stayed seated as she spoke, her voice low. “How long have you been waiting?” They were Jedi Masters, capable of feats in the Force many could only dream of. It was embarrassing to admit she had lost herself in the spiral of the Light.

“I thought I grounded myself…stayed present.” Alex could not stop the sigh, running a hand through her hair. “I’m chasing ghost stories.” Familiar guilt washed over her. What was she doing? She should have been present in the Order. She should have been taking her own messages to heart. Instead, she sat in the mediation chambers and searched for something she would never find to the point of exhaustion. She knew better. Alex wanted to be better, but she had lost her guidepost, and she could not seem to find the path again.

@Killa Ree

 

[Indy Sati]

It had been some hours since her initial arrival and, though she had meditated for a time, an idea struck her. She had left to grab a cup of caf, and for a brief flash of a thought, she knew why. Not too long ago, during her own Master trials, Max had done much the same as her. Waiting until she came back to consciousness, though the fellow Master might not have known what Master Voran had been pursuing, it seemed to take a large toll on the woman.

Wordlessly, she smiled in return, offering up a mug of the brew. "I wasn't sure how you took your caf, so I just added a bit of sweetener. It hadn't been too long." A slight mistruth; but the woman needed time. Yellow eyes focused on hers, a sea of calm. "I felt called here; sometimes, we lose ourselves in the Light. It's easy to do, especially for those like us, to be lost in the tide."

At the word of ghost stories, she nodded once, and took a sip of her own caf. Even if she weren't attuned, she could see glimmers of emotion across the fellow Jedi's face; guilt, perhaps, a hint of self-annoyance. She allowed the woman time to process her own thoughts, before her voice came again, a warm, mellow gentleness.

"We all need our space to grieve."

From within the folds of her black robe, a cylinder rose, lightly buoyed by the Force. A simple blued-steel design that mimicked the hilt of a sword, with two white serpents entwined; the smile became bittersweet, before it sank into her open palm. "I also wanted space to grieve... to find answers. Though you mention ghost stories." She once more tucked the lightsaber hilt into her robes, fingers lacing together.

"I had a dream," she began simply, assessing Alex before continuing further. "A voice. They spoke of a way to speak to those within the Force... and how to become all the more powerful from the Living Force itself. Though we have much to do... we may need the wisdom of the past to help us. Would you want to walk this journey with me?"

@Valen Pelora

 

[Alexandria Voran]

She took the cup, holding it between her palms. “Thank you.” Her words were heartfelt. The thanks far more than just for the caf. Alex took a slow sip. Warmth spread throughout her body with her sit. Slowly, she felt more real again. Her mind became present in the Temple. The two Jedi Masters surrounded by the very heart of the Order. It felt right, despite all that had happened. Alex’s eyes followed the saber as it floated between them. Yes…they had all lost something. “Space to grieve.” Her smile faded. “We are to set examples for the rest of the Order.” She shook her head again. “How? When I barely feel myself?” The Morellian Jedi had been a Knight for decades. A Jedi for even longer. She had been a Master for a fraction of that time.

Her life had been solitary for years before her return to the Order. Alex had finally faced responsibility at Max’s urging. She had counted on him to help her navigate what that meant. Now he was gone, and she sat here wondering if she had made a mistake. Her eyes raised to look into Indy’s, the Pantoran Jedi offered a different path forward. She took another sip. “Dangerous.” Alex clicked her tongue. “But…no riskier than my foolishness.” The exhaustion still pulled at the edges of her mind. “I should not let my pain determine our path.” That was the wise Jedi Master. “I can not deny how desperately I want to hear his voice one last time.” The not so wise Jedi Master.”

“If we walk together, we would be all the safer.” She smiled again. Smaller this time. “Indy, I am afraid of losing anyone else…and I have no idea how to fight that fear.” Her eyes flicked down. “Terrifying.” The horrible truth of losing Max was that it had shaken her faith in all the other connections she made. If she was torn apart but losing him, what would happen when the next loss hammered her life? She could not stop the shudder that raced up her spine.

@Killa Ree

 

[Indy Sati]

She would give Alex time to sort herself out, to talk. Sometimes, someone just needed someone to listen, to understand. But sometimes... the answers that they wanted would be the ones they least wanted or expected to hear. Sometimes, all the kind words in the galaxy wouldn't assuage the emptiness that would threaten to drown you in loss. But she felt compelled to answer.

"What example would we give, if we hold ourselves in doubt?" However, she gave a gentle smile, though the shimmer of tears was still there. "If we didn't react with compassion, or grief, opened ourselves willingly to the Force to understand why?" Her smile took a wry turn, and she wiped at one eye, swiping away the moisture. "I don't mean to lecture; it... happens. Of course we can't just let those strong bonds go; it's not the Jedi way."

She took a slow breath, shoulders relaxing. "Our connection, our bonds are strong, even when they're gone. They're with us, always, even if we can't feel them. I believe in it, can feel it even..." she smiled again. "As one day, I will join them as well. But now isn't our time to reach them. And it is dangerous." She took another sip of her caf, grimacing slightly at the bitter taste. "Even after all these years, no machine can ever get the brew right..." she muttered to herself.

But Alex's words. Hear his voice one last time. A look of knowing, an empathy, glinted in the Pantoran's yellow eyes as well. "Did you know... without Max, I would have never been Master?" She smiled, then offered her hand. "It's because of his influence, and others, that I know we will be strong. We will survive this darkness. We will walk together."

Strong, sure confidence. The historian felt it in her bones; she would never let Alex feel alone again. That isolation, that terror, was something she knew all too well, and had felt for herself too often. But she wouldn't surrender to self-doubt again; the worst had happened, and she had to let go. One day, she would meet them again. Max, Roland, Talak.

But that day wasn't today.

@Valen Pelora

 

[Alexandria Voran]

Alex listened carefully, taking Indy’s hand when the Jedi Master offered it. She squeezed her hand slightly. The Force hummed softly, another bond forming. Her spirits lifted ever so slightly. The Order had become vulnerable because they lost these simple interactions. They had forgotten their strength was in their connections. The Force bound them all together. Max had seen that…Alex needed to as well. She smiled softly again, eyes tilting towards the floor. “We’re supposed to be teachers…right?” Her smile grew broader. “Besides, I think I needed the lecture.” She took a small sip of the caf. “Sitting here swirling in my own loss does no good.” She took another long deep breath.

“Max was never that way…none of those we have lost would want this.” Alex shook her head slowly, setting her caf down to run her free hand through her hair. “I just don’t know what to do next.” She placed her hand on top of Indy’s. “I used to be so sure of my path, my steps forward clear.” That clarity had escaped her the moment she had felt her galaxy shift. “I was unshakable because Max never wavered. I don’t know how to get that back.” The sadness never left her aura. The pain would always be there, but the shift was her desire to face it head on. “We must stand together but I don’t know what the next steps on that path look like.” Alex rarely felt such self-doubt. She banished that feeling after purging the curse on Ajan-KIoss. She was overcome with it now.

“I don’t know what do to.” It was almost comical. The wise Jedi Master, eighty some years old, unable to decide what to do next. “They touched our lives so completely, and now I find myself unable to find the right path forward.” That fear of making the wrong choice ate at her. She was in uncharted waters. The Order looked to the Masters to lead. Where were they supposed to lead to?

@Killa Ree

 

[Indy Sati]

The right path forward... there was a time she thought she knew that path as well. But truth be told, she didn't. She doubted she ever would again. She had faith in the Force, in the Order. But she had little faith in herself now. She opened her mouth for a moment, then closed it, letting out a slow breath.

"The first time I met that old coot. You know what happened?" Her lips twitched on a grin, golden eyes crinkling. "I got shot. Right in the shoulder. He took his sweet time to lecture me. I was a mere Knight at the time. My hobbies are in history, and he took the time to heal me and lecture me. He was... special."

She took another deep breath in, bracing herself to break the news gently.

"I'll be... leaving the Order for a little while, going on a pilgrimage for these visions. Maybe I'll find answers... maybe not. But Alex," she addressed the woman informally, giving her a tired, warm smile, "anytime you'll need me, I'll be there right away. And when I return.. I would like your wisdom again. I have faith in you to take the right step forward. You are..." she lifted her hand, and the smile grew, "a blessing to me. I hope to be your friend."

@Valen Pelora

 

[Alexandria Voran]

Alex certainly did not feel like a blessing…not in that moment but in time she would understand Indy’s words. In time, she would grow to become the Master that Max saw in her. The Master that Indy saw in that moment. “Yes, truly special.” There would never be another Master Tionson. Not for the Order or in her heart. “I would ask you to stay but I know it would not matter.” She shrugged. “We all have our journey ahead of us. The Order is changing, and we must decide who we want to be.”

Her gaze met Indy again. Her voice was soft and low. The Force vibrated between them. “I will be there when you return. No matter the path, I will always be there.” She would honor Max’s memory. She would become the Jedi the Order needed. “We are a blessing to each other in these troubled times.” A small wisdom that might grow larger in time. “And we are friends.” Alex stood, squeezing Indy’s shoulder as she rose. “Max found me broken and alone, wandering from planet to planet, wondering what my part in the Order was. He told me we are never alone. We always have each other. For the longest time, I did not believe him.” Her mental walls came down. The depth of her sadness reveled again, but with it a truth. “You are not alone. We are not alone. Ever. Simply ask, I will be there. No matter the cost, no matter the journey.” Alex smiled. “Thank you, Indy. I will see you soon.”

She began to walk back towards her rooms. She had her own journey to begin. A journey without Max but one that would honor all for which he stood. She would see Indy again when the time was right. She knew it.

OOC: Exit Thread

@Killa Ree