What started as tossing and turning in the night turned into a constant war-drum of noise at every waking moment. From the moment Hesh was taken as a child from his parents and inducted into the Order and made to tap into his connection to the Force, his life had taken a strange and unfortunate turn. The boy at first lacked considerable control, being privy to his connection to everything around him, feeling their emotions, their sorrows and their anger. This only worsened as his training progressed, his connection to the Force became more powerful, attuned. Ashamed of what the Order believed he should stand for, he kept his condition and unstable sensitivity quiet from the Order. Slowly, he began to resent many of those in the Order who instructed him to shut out his instinctual feelings and empathy for those emotions that he could feel and perceive. All of this while trying to shut off every notion of emotion, feeling, and connection in his body in an attempt to serve the Order's "ideals".
It was in one of his teachers he put his faith in, Elias Canaan. From the beginning of his teachings, Hesh had sensed, forcibly, all the passion and darkness within Elias, and empathized with him. Why? What had given the Jedi the authority to repress individuality, the ability to be human? Why would his parents give him up so easily, and if they didn't, what gave the Jedi the right to rip a child away from a family and force this...curse upon them. How could they claim themselves the justiciars of the galaxy while causing so much pain and oppression? In what way was it acceptable for a mere child to be forced to shoulder the burdens and pains of those around them?
As Elias's protest to suppression grew more audible, so did Hesh's silent dissent. Fearing what would come of it if he had become a vocal supporter, he stood in silence as Elias's punishment was established. The emotionless brutality of it all was what pushed Hesh to commit to leaving behind the order.
At the crux of knighthood, soon after Elias's fall, Hesh had decided he had learned all he could from the Jedi without falling to their inhuman ways. At the breaking points of tension of the Order, Hesh made his mind to approach the Consular who took Elias's arms in their chambers. Unarmed, and surprised due to Hesh's suppression of intention and emotion, the Consular's life was ended in four unceremonious shots from a blaster pistol to the head and chest. An oppressive enforce, no, a thug...their life didn't merit the clean kill of a saber to Hesh. And in that moment, a quiet of sorts. A life being ripped from its mortal coil and back into the Force provided a moment of peace for Hesh. The Force ceased, if only for a short moment, its incessant screaming.
Escaping the Order and becoming a willing exile, Hesh now follows Elias Canaan. Hesh not only wishes to finally find a way to achieve a severance with the Force, but also believes in the future that Elias will create for the Galaxy.