Ask Yavin IV Chick in the Nest

Laeonas Tannaras

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The Fourth Moon of Yavin
The Jedi Temple,
Medical Wing



"Shuigh fear ann a raibh a ainm fada, agus ar an lá seo, canaim a amhrán. Nuair a bhí a leithéid d’am ann nuair a rinneadh fop a mheaitseáil, bhí a fhulaingt go léir neamhghlan. Scriosadh a chaisleáin, thit a impireacht, níor fhág aon mhaoin é ach tobar. Lig dom an scéal seo a insint duit, lig do chluasa glaoch, O amhrán an rí fitheach."

"There sat a man whose name was long, and on this day, I sing his song. Where once was a being of that matched a fop, all his suffering proved for naught. His castles did crumble, his empire fell, no possessions left to him but a well. Let me tell you this tale, let your ears ring, o' this song of that raven king." -- Unknown


The sterile light within the medbay burned down on his eyes. Aquamarines looked up, and while bloodshot, there was no feral rage brimming just beneath the surface. Idly, the man scratched at the ever growing beard on his face; the results of 6 weeks without even a slight amount of grooming. Hair splayed out, teeth were stained yellow. The only reason that his nails weren't turning to talons was because he'd whittled them down by scratching at anything, or just gnawing on them. To those who entered the medbay, he might look more like a recovering spice junky, instead of a padawan hopeful.

The raggedy man spoke no words, paid no attention to the one or two other patients around him. The tray bolted above his bed held up an empty soup bowl, and a plate with the leftover crumbs of crackers. Rather than wearing hospital gowns, he wore a simple, beige robe. It was a size smaller than what one might expect on a man of his stature, but it fit with how skinny he'd become. Here was a man who looked tired and worn; physically, mentally, and spiritually.

Could any truly grasp the depths of what had happened to him? Would any in the galaxy ever understand what it had been like? To witness a world die, to hear it's people's last gasps before they were violently rejoined with the force? To experience the suffering of untold millions, their confusion, their fear, their sadness and their anger? Had any men, untrained and on the scene, survived such experiences? Had any of them gone through, and emerged without going mad?

He didn't know this, and he doubted that anyone else did. Even the masters, who'd delved into his shattered mind and put it back together as best they could, couldn't fully understand. They'd witnessed a mind that had been destroyed, not one that was being destroyed. They'd tried to save a man who no longer existed. All they'd brought back from madness was... someone else. Someone who called himself Laeonas Tannaras, someone who shared his body, someone who sounded and even acted like him.

Yet it was not.

That man who they had brought back now sat in their temple. He wore their robes, at their food, slept in their beds. None could understand in the fullest sense, but they tried. They tried, and they cared. In truth, he understood that it was a good thing that he would have none to relate to on such a subject. There were no other dead worlds. There were no other massacres. No other survivors of tragedies that still lived.

But there was one who was coming to meet such a person.


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Ephiny Daivand

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Ephiny was hurrying through the corridors of the Jedi Temple. If someone saw her right now, he would probably think she was going to the Archives, where she usually stays most of the time. However, this time she was going elsewhere. The Knight was going to the medical bay, where she intended to visit a particular patient.

Recently, Master Voran had ordered the relocation of Laeonas Tannaras to receive treatment in the Temple. Since Ephiny and Alex were the only other people that the dark haired man knew there, the Archivist had decided to make him a visit. As the Grandmaster had said, the help of friends could help the Brentaalan in his recovery. Although they only met in Jabiim and Laeo acted a bit of a jerk, the Knight still wanted to help him. She still could remember how he was afraid of becoming a monster.

From what he heard about his situation, the Brentaalan suffered a mental breakdown, apparently due to feeling the demise of the inhabitants of Firrerre when the Sith attacked the planet. The poor man wasn’t prepared for something like this and his mind was too open to the despair and suffering that came through the Force.

She arrived at the medical bay and greeted the Jedi Healers that were there. Then she walked toward the bed where the man was. Laeonas was very different from the last time that she saw him. His eyes were bloodshot, the hair was disheveled and now he had a beard. He also looked very thin. The Brentaalan was also dressed in typical beige Jedi robes. Ephiny thought that he was probably annoyed by it, given he showed his displeasure to this type of clothing in Jabiim.

Ephiny stopped in front of his bed "Good morning, Laeonas. Do you remember me?" she said to the man. Then the Knight sat in a chair that was near it "I came to see how are you today and to talk with you. It's important to your recovery."

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Laeonas hadn't paid much attention to the force over the past few days. He'd felt that it was different on arrival. The usual ebb and flow of life was still present, but there was also a calm in this place, a concentrated miasma of tranquility. It was calming, but for some reason, it didn't catch his attention. Such feelings almost felt alien to him, he who was born in conflict and had struggled most of his life. Not even the deepest of his meditations could reach such levels. Were it lack of experience, the man might have been interested.

But he had always had a feeling that it wasn't.

In any case, he paid no attention to the way the force moved around him. He paid no attention to how a person he'd known was running down the hallways. He didn't notice when the doors to the medbay slid open. It was only when he heard his own name that his eyes finally found focus on the woman who'd come to meet him. The man's gaze turned to her, and it was only now that Ephiny was truly able to see him.

When they'd first met, she'd seen a number of feelings within his eyes. Ambition, bravado. Those feelings had quickly given way to white hot rage when master Alex had brought him down. It had turned to sadness, than desperation, melancholy, changing with the wind. All in all, he’d been an absolute whirlwind of emotion when they’d last met. He was volatile, and overall, a little bit… off.


Yet that was not at all the person that sat before her. Here was a man who looked… empty. There was no expression on his face besides uncertainty. The recovering spice addict look really did fit him, at least in his current state. A disheveled mess of a man, whose expression told anyone around that he was completely out of it. But the Jedi knew that it wasn't withdrawal that the man was going through.

Her question hung in the air for what felt like an extended period of time. Laeonas' mouth opened a little, the yellow of his teeth visible. It took longer for his expression to even show hints of recognition. Even though the man had registered who the woman was, it took a while to actually see her. As he did so, his eyes widened slightly, and his mouth closed. Aquamarines blinked a few times, and the man would lean a bit closer.

"...Jedi?" He said aloud, voice trembling ever so slightly. "You... the rain on Jabiim..." He'd mutter, pulling back and sitting up as straight as he could manage. There was another pause as he sat there, and than he'd frown. "Yer... annoyin'. Laike... real karkin' annoyin'." He'd say, blinking a few times. "Laike... Ai wish Ai gagged ya."


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Ephiny Daivand

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Laeonas lack of reaction in the first few seconds after she asked made Ephiny nervous. She wondered if he was still in shock. From what she was informed, the man was already responding to some things. His appearance was terrible, the Brentaalan looked like someone that was recovering from an addiction.

Then he finally started to speak. Ephiny smiled when she heard him say "Jedi","you" and "the rain on Jabiim". So he was really starting to recover, it was wonderful! However, the Knight's demeanor changed to annoyance when Laeonas said that she was annoying and wanted to gag her.

It would not be right for her to give a retort to a person who was in these conditions. "By the Force, it's going to be difficult." Ephiny muttered to herself. Then she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, in an attempt to muster all the patience that she had. She remembered how rude Laeonas was in Jabiim and how his accent was difficult to understand. "Very difficult, indeed."

After opening her eyes, Ephiny turned to the man. "Yes, Laeonas. I was in Jabiim. Together with Master Voran we helped to save some miners. She arranged for you to be transferred there. Do you remember where you are?" she made another question. From what she was informed, he was aware of his transference for the Jedi Temple of Yavin IV. However, the Archivist wondered if he would be able to remember it.


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The muttering from the Knight didn't prompt any reaction, mostly because Laeonas neither understood nor cared to understand what she'd said. Her closing of the eyes and taking a deep breathe finally caused the man to lose focus. Aquamarines wandered around the room, staring at lights, other people, furniture, surgical tools. Prior to the Jedi's arrival, Laeonas' mind had been at rest. Now that she was here however, his mind was awake-- and now that she wasn't engaging him, he was searching for any engagement at all.

Was this the behavior of a 27 year old man? No. Was it the behavior of a 6 year old with a low attention span? Yes. Did the man whose mind had been shattered and halfway put back together care about how this appeared? The answer could be found on his face, eyes wide, pointed in any direction but the person who'd been speaking to him. Though, even if Laeonas wasn't in such a state, the Jedi wouldn't have gotten any more respect.

It was only when the woman had been speaking for a few seconds that Laeonas finally started to pay attention again. The Jedi had addressed his answer and followed it up with another question. The mention of a Master "Voran" caused his gaze to refocus entirely on the redhead. He remembered who she spoke of; how could he even forget? Was there a person who'd done more for him, save his own mother? Had she and Vahn not been the ones to reach into his mind and save him?

The question the Jedi asked returned to his focus. They'd brought him here, brought him here after they'd healed him. Healed him after he'd... after...


"Firrerre..." He'd mutter, whispering the name of the desolated world aloud.

Throb.


"Nngh..." He let out a pained whine, gripping his temple with one hand. Trembling, heavy breathes escaped his throat as he sat there. He'd been brought here after... suffering. Suffering that the Sith had brought to Firrerre.

Throb.


"...healed me... tha Jedi... Jedi took me from... from tha..." He tried to reply, before letting out a groan. "Don't-- don't wanna talk about it. Ai..." He'd continue, aquamarines looking over to his left, as if he was reading something on his peripherals. The Jedi hadn't asked him about what had happened, hadn't wanted to talk about it at all. She'd asked where he was, not what had happened to him. Even he could realize that she had to know what had happened.

"...brought me to... an 'ospital..." He answered, before pausing. That wasn't right; they'd never spoken about another hospital. They'd wanted to take him to... a... "...temple?" He'd correct himself, chewing his lip to remember more. "...on a... on a moon. Fourth from a gasball..." He muttered, looking around the room. The name had slipped from his mind, and no matter how hard he grasped, he couldn't find it again. Instead of finding the answer to the Jedi's question, he'd found himself back at the question itself.

"...where tha kriff Am Ai?!"


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Ephiny Daivand

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After she finished her question, Ephiny watched Laeonas reaction. He still seemed to be lost, looking around like a small child. However, she noticed that the mention of Master Voran’s name made him focus on her. This made the Archivist relieved, so far she had thought that his mind was completely lost. Well, after their interaction in Jabiim she really wondered if he even had a mind to lose.

When Laeonas started to talk, a smile formed at the Archivist’s lips, but it soon disappeared when he mentioned Firrerre and started to feel pain. Ephiny was going to call the Healer that was responsible to take care of him, but stopped when the Brentaalan continued to talk. Now he was looking more lucid, but he was still confused about where he was.

Yes, you are in the medical bay of the Jedi Temple on Yavin IV. Master Alexandria Voran arranged for you to be transferred there, so the Jedi Order could take care of you.” she explained to the dark haired man. Given his reaction when he talked about Firrerre, Ephiny decided to avoid any mention of the planet.

“I came here to see how you are and to keep you company. Do you want to talk? I can tell you what happened in the Galaxy during the time that you were in the hospital. Of course, I can go away and let you rest more.” Ephiny smiled at Laeonas, while bracing herself for the type of answer that he was going to give. The Archivist hoped that she would have enough patience to be near the man without wanting to hit him.

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There were a number of feelings that stirred in Laeonas’ heart. On a good day, they’d usually been consistent with exasperation, discomfort from a hangover, or tranquility from extended meditation. On days like these, however, there could be hours where he’d feel nothing. The man he’d once been had died the day he’d felt Firrerre burn. The only thing that had persisted was an echo of who he had once been.

The Jedi’s words kept him engaged, focusing on her words and recounting of events. Her explanation of how he’d gotten here felt familiar enough. He hadn’t considered the possibility of her lying, but if he had, the memory impressions coming back to him would’ve proven that it was the truth. All of it made sense, apart from why they Jedi were doing this. It was something he’d have to ask, but he quickly forgot it as she’d move on.

Her offers of help and company would’ve ordinarily caused him to groan or flip her off. Instead, Laeonas merely cocked his head, confusion written on his face. “Why?” He’d ask, looking at her out of curiosity. “Ai… Ai don’t get it, Ai don’t understand. Everythin’ gets so foggy, or Ai… Ai remember things…” he’d trail off, the range ant completely lost and going nowhere. All things being said, while his mind was still far from fully recovered, the fact that he wasn’t trying to kill Ephiny and everyone in the room was progress.

“Ai… Ai need some food. Can ya get me some more food?” He’d request, ignoring what had already been brought earlier. Scratching at his beard, he’d quickly afterwards start to scratch at his growing beard. The man looked exhausted, hungry, and had sounded completely lost. His words hadn’t had a hint of coherence, making about as much sense as a fever dream. The woman was putting up with him; not that he cared either way.


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Laeonas’ reaction to her questions was far different from what Ephiny expected. Rather than throwing a tantrum or speaking profanities to show his frustration, like how he did in Jabiim, the dark haired man sounded confused. The Archivist gave him a sad smile. At the moment he was lucid, but it looked like he was going to need more time to fully recover.

When Laeonas said why, the Archivist thought that he could ask the reason for her wanting to talk with him. “After you've spent so much time in a catatonic state, it's important for your recovery that you start talking to someone. Since I’m one of the few people in the Temple that know you, I thought that I could spend some time talking with you.” she smiled at him.

During their meeting on Jabiim, Ephiny had concluded that the dark-haired man was someone difficult to deal with and also difficult to understand due to his heavy accent. Even now she was struggling to understand some of the things that he said. However, she also understood that he was a good man, who was afraid of being consumed by his internal demons. This made her sympathetic with him and willing to help.

Ephiny nodded at him when he asked for food. “Of course! I’ll ask someone to bring you food.” She quickly left her seat and went to find a Healer. It didn't take her long to find the Healer Asadra Seh and ask her if it was possible that Laeonas could have some food. The Healer agreed and went to pick it. The Archivist smiled and returned to where the Brentaalan’s bed was.

Food will arrive soon. Would you like to know about some of the things that happened while you were…” she stopped, don’t knowing how to say that. “ill?” yes, this seemed better than saying that he was living on the threshold of madness.


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Her explanation made sense, bearing a logical, reasoned explanation for why she'd arrived. But a man whose mind worked in the ways hers did right now wouldn't be a recovering mental patient. The overall problem within his mind in terms of trying to understand, was that it simply didn't. What did being catatonic have to do with needing to talk to someone? Why did her knowing him matter? Why did she want to talk to him?

A functioning mind would be able to make sense of her words. The phrases in question followed each other, ultimately reaching the conclusion of why she was there. To Laeonas however, he simply couldn't connect the phrases. While his focus had been turned to her, he'd understood her explanation about as well as a 7 year old trying to understand calculus. He'd heard it, but he hadn't even come close to understanding it.

He didn't take long to voice his opinion on the matter.


"Can ya talk slower?" He'd ask with an exasperated sigh. "It's... all yer sayin', it ain't makin' sense..." He'd confess, unable to pin a reason for it. Beforehand, he'd just never been interested in anything that came out of the woman's mouth-- or he actively ignored it. Now, he simply couldn't understand what was going on. She may as well have been speaking duros.

"It's just... Ai don't laike ya... and Ai don't think ya laike me." He'd stammer, trying to find some sense in what he was trying to say. "Ai just... Ai don't know
why yer 'elpin' me. Ya say all these things, explain it all, but Ai still don't know why ya bother. Ya don't gotta spend a second on me, yet yer 'ere." He'd explain, though it was more an incoherent ramble if anything. Anything that came from the man's lips longer than a sentence would sound like one.

The Jedi's offers of food, or explanations for what had happened... was this what they were? Why had the girl who bored him with trivia was offering food, companionship, and information? Why had the masters saved him from himself and brought him here? Why had the ginger given him fashion advice when her wardrobe consisted of drawl robes, credit-store jeans and hand me downs? Why had Vahn flushed alcohol from his system so rapidly that he'd nearly pissed himself?

Even in a mind as broken as his, he could think. He could ask himself questions, look for answers. Actually looking in the right places was the challenge. But he was more focused on what the Jedi was offering him materially, as he always was. Right now, it was his hunger that he was focused on. So, when Ephiny offered to give him info, he'd just nod, adding, "Ai'm 'ungry." Again, indicating what he was really focused on.

Ofcourse, nothing could stop the girl from doing what she did best; rattle off information he wasn't interested in hearing.


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Ephiny Daivand

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When Laeonas interrupted her, Ephiny looked at him with confusion. The Archivist couldn’t understand why it was so difficult for him to comprehend that she was there to help him. “This is not a matter of liking someone or not. It is a Jedi's duty to help someone in need.” she said to him, a smile on her lips. “Do you remember when I healed you in Jabiim? There you couldn’t speak to defend yourself from Master Voran’s accusations, then I healed you so you could do it. Now I’m here to help you again.

Your food will arrive soon.” she said when the dark haired man said that he was hungry. He was going to need some patience, the Archivist had just asked for the food. Not wanting to have an awkward silence between them, Ephiny decided to tell him some of the events that happened in the Galaxy while he was catatonic. However, this time she would talk slower like he requested.

When you were ill, President Emryc Thorne was kidnapped by some pirates. Thankfully he was rescued. But his kidnapping caused several other problems!” she paused, waiting for him to absorb this information. “The president of his fan club was attacked by a mandalorian and some other members went to protest at Madalore. They died there and a diplomatic crisis started.

Felucia decided to return to the Sith Empire.” she said that with some sadness. After all the effort of the Jedi Order to free the planet, the people decided to return to the Sith. “The aide of the Senator of Brentaal was also kidnapped and presumed dead, but he returned to the Brentioch family alive after the intervention of his uncle, Claudias Tannaras.

The Knight was going to tell more, but Healer Asadra Seh arrived with a bowl of soup and some bread. Ephiny helped her remove the empty one that was in front of Laeonas, so the Twi’lek Healer could put the food there. After that she left the two alone again. The Archivist returned to her seat, but remained silent while the dark haired man ate his food.


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Her answer was words. Words that tried to connect in his mind, but didn't. There was one that stuck out though; above all the others, duty seemed the central precept. It was a word he was used to hearing in old holo serials about the clone wars, not an actual application to anything in the present. As such, his understanding of what it meant was... juvenile, at best. "...so yer doin' it 'cause ya need ta?" He'd answer, before adding, "She thought Ai was a Sith cause Ai choked a bitch."

The mention of food didn't exactly make his hunger go away. In fact, it only made it worse. "D'ya know 'ow ta... laike, grow food?" He'd ask her, a question that came from nowhere. "Ai know ya need ta laike, put seeds in tha ground, and kill animals... but what else? Ow d'Ai get bread?" He'd question, perhaps phrasing the conclusion in the most awkward way possible.

The mention of the President, however, made his mood sour. Unlike most everything else that had gone on in the wider galaxy, this was something Laeonas knew about. He'd seen it on the news in the hospital, and he hadn't reacted positively. How could a man as powerful as him be kidnapped with impunity? How could men burn worlds and live to see tomorrow?


Throb.

How could they not be punished for their actions? Why didn't someone snap their bones, let flesh tear, let them scream for what they'd done? "Nngh..." he'd grunt, grasping at his temple as pain began to shoot through his temple.

Throb.

But the topic... shifted. It hadn't changed; they were still technically talking about the same thing. She'd just gone from talking about something that had happened to what had happened afterwards. Yet the shift from "president... kidnapped... pirates" to "fan club... mandalore... protest" seemed entirely different to him.
"Fan... club?" He'd say, almost asking in a tone that was uncharacteristically devoid of energy.

“Laike… fer a Z-pop star? Thorne… ‘e’s easy on tha eyes but ‘e’s a politician…” The man mumbled, hand falling away from his temple. The comment about Felucia and the Sith empire didn’t mean much to him; he didn’t know what or where Felucia even was. That it had aligned itself with the Sith, however, cleared his view. It was an enemy, an ally of the people who’d hurt him, and killed a world.

“…kill em’ than.” He’d state, looking up at the Jedi nonchalantly. “Dunno where it is, but off ‘em. They’re Sith, workin’ with ‘em at least. Show everyone what ‘appens when ya traffic with scum.” He’d state, the icy tone to his words audible in every syllable. It had been the first, clear, sane sets of words he’d said… and he’d advocated a war of bloody conquest.

It was the mention of home that tempered his mind again, and part of his name being spoken piqued his interest.
“…ma never told me a’bout ‘im.” The man muttered, thinking about about where the ambassador must have been while his brother and Laeonas’ mother were off together. “Maybe ‘e laikes readin’…” he’d mutter, before looking over at Ephiny again. “Ai wanna read.”


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When Laeonas continued to ask why she had helped him, Ephiny looked at him as if he had grown a third arm. “As I said, I healed you because you needed it. Only this way you could talk and defend yourself from Master Voran’s accusations. Yes, you did Force choke a person and it was very bad.” she looked at him like a mother reprimanding
a child that did something wrong “However, you weren’t a Sith. If I didn’t do that, you wouldn’t have helped us and these miners could be dead.

What the Brentaalan said next made Ephiny wide her eyes. “Do you mean if I know how to cook? If it is what you are trying to ask, yes I know.” the Archivist was starting to become concerned. Were these questions a result of the time he was catatonic? “Well, to make bread you need a dough of flour and water, then you bake it in an oven. The type of dough will depend on the recipe that you are following, but most of them use yeast so it can grow.” the Archivist said. It was so strange to explain something so basic to a grown man.

Laeonas’ comment about Felucia made Ephiny frown in disapproval. “Yes, they decided to join the enemy, but killing them will make us like the Sith. Genocide isn’t the Jedi way, we seek to destroy the Sith, not the common people that believed in their lies.” she explained to him. If he wanted to be trained by a Jedi, he would need to understand that “Doing something like that would turn us into monsters.

Laeonas seemed more calm after hearing about Brentaal. Ephiny heard him mention “ma”, which she supposed means mother. However, she decided to ask about this at another moment. The Archivist smiled when Laeonas said that wanted to read. “Of course, we have a great Library there. What type of holobook do you want to read? I can pick it for you there.

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Because... he needed it?

What did that even mean? He needed a lot of things, he wanted more. Would the Jedi give him everything he needed? Would she build him a house? Would she get him his position in his family? To just do something for so simple a reason... it didn't make any sense to him. You did things for a person with the knowledge that they'd do something in return. You hurt people if they owed you things, or you'd hurt them if they hurt you. That was how the galaxy worked.


"D'ya want me ta owe ya?" He'd ask aloud, turning to the Jedi with skeptical eyes. "This is prolly gonna be reeeeaal expensive. Ai don't got insurance." He'd mutter, eyes wandering away. At the mention of the miners, he'd nod. "Yep. Totally dead. Dead and drowned and drowned and dead."

Her reaction to his lack of understanding to where food came from made him frown. "Ai know lots of things." He'd say aloud, voicing his own insecurities. "Learned lots when Ai was a kid. Taught maeself 'ow ta read! Nobody else in mae gang ever learned 'ow, but Ai could read all tha signs. Boss 'ad me do 'is money countin' fer awhile." He rambled, half listening to the explanation of how to make bread. Flour, water... and something called yeast. It seemed so easy, all things considered. "Ai think Ai'll make a big bread loaf and Ai'll eat it."

He’d drifted into lucidity once during their conversation. The woman's mention of the Sith had drawn out... something from him. Perhaps it was the only part of him that had truly survived the attack on Firrerre. Where as everything else was a vague impression of who he'd once been, an idea of Laeonas Tannaras, there was one, solid thing that remained. It was a singular drive, an understanding of the universe. A way for a young gangster to make sense of a random, arbitrary, and absolutely apathetic galaxy.

It was the closest thing he had to morals.

Her response to his comments on the Sith had caused all his speech to come to a halt. He'd simply sit in silence. Even as she spoke about the inevitable arrival of his food, or how she'd get him books. The healer, Asadra Seh, eventually returned with the patient's food.
"Here it is. A simple bowl of chicken, broth, and pasta, along with a glass of blue milk and a loaf of Rylothi bread." She'd say, flashing him a quick smile. Aquamarines would look up at her, empty besides the iciness that now dominated his mind.

Both women would feel an uneasy air fall over the room. Asadra would give a concerned glance at Ephiny, before she'd shuffle away. Laeonas' metal tray shook a little bit, not prompted by any movement from the man, who sat as still as a statue. He didn't touch his food, despite the obvious hunger and clear need based off his physique. None of it seemed to matter to the man.

Nothing, but what he was about to say.

"Ai ain't a monster." He'd state, his words barely over a whisper, yet carrying with them a heavy weight.
"Ai ain't laike tha Sith. Ai... Ai don't..." He'd begin, before that steely resolve of his cracked ever so slightly. He let out a moan, grasping at his temple again.

Throb.


"Tha Sith... they're wrong. Wrong, and wrong and wrong and wrong." He'd continue, the previously coherent structure of his words beginning to unravel. The pain in his head was getting worse, and it was only than that the whispered screams began to accost him again. "There ain't a reason fer...nnngghhh... fer what... nnNNNGghhh... what they did..." He'd mutter, speaking the words through increasingly audible whining.

"They... they 'urt people... and they torture... and they kill." He'd say, looking up at the woman with a face contorted into a snarl. "Because they enjoy it. Because they let th'at... th'at wrong in 'em twist 'em up." He'd state, flecks of amber sparkling across his irises like embers dancing off a flame. "What did... what did..."

Throb.

"What did Firrerre do ta them?!" He'd question, tray being tossed aside as the force rippled off of him. "What did AI do ta them?!" He'd shout, aquamarine irisis wrapped in a thin band of amber. "Ai 'urt, and Ai torture, and Ai kill, but it's when people DID somethin'! It's when they traffic with rival gangs, when they owe me and mae people money, when they KILL mae people! When credit's are owed they pay, and if they can't they pay in pain or blood!" He'd shout again.

The words were uniquely articulate. Laeonas' thick accent was still present, but never had he spoken in such concise language in front of the woman. In spite of how vulgar and how crass he usually sounded, the man gave of the qualities of a trained speaker-- who happened to sound like a coreward street thug. The wild eyes, the arm gestures; they were manic, but they emphasized the passion of his words, the anger brewing within him. There was also something subtler; a tugging on the force in the back of Ephiny's mind, pulling at her heart strings, her way of thinking. They wouldn't do anything, and she could notice... yet it would be all the more unsettling.


"Yer at war, d'ya even know what th'at means?" He'd spit at her, leaning forward just slightly. "Yer supposed ta kill yer enemies in a war. If someone chooses ta be yer enemy's ally, they're yer enemy all tha same. If yer gonna fight a war where yer enemies can kill as they please, but ya can't kill 'em back, than yer doomed." He continued, words dripping with venom. Even as the words were technically directed at Ephiny, the broader overtones were obvious. How long had these thoughts been careening in Laeonas' broken mind, only now just coalescing and forming at the surface? It had been luck more than anything else that it was Ephiny who was to witness what the rat on Jabiim had become.

"It ain't cruel ta defend yerself, and it ain't cruel ta kill those who'd see ya dead. It ain't even cruel ta make 'em suffer; show others what 'appens when ya make war against ya. All ya gotta do is take one or two, string 'em up, and than cut off the-"

The tray hit him like a tie fighter smashing into a stray asteroid. The man fell from his bed in a heap, the amber rings disappearing as the man's thoughts were cut off. It took less than a split second for him to fall back, head slamming against the durasteel floor.

Ephiny would be able to turn to see the Twi'lek woman, staring wide eyed at the man. Her entire body was trembling, though her hands shook in absolute terror. Tears had been welling up in her eyes, and as Laeonas hit the floor, she'd begin to stammer.
"I-I c-couldn't listen anymore," She began, pointing at him with a shaky finger. "H-he... he's a... what's wrong with him?" She'd ask, turning to Ephiny. "Why... why did you bring him here?!" She'd cry, before breaking down into sobs.

All the while, Laeonas had been clutching onto his own head, wailing in pain as he curled into the fetal position. Blood was running down his temple, and the pain in his head had skyrocketed. The man lay on the floor, breathing heavily, babbling incoherently.

What a wretch he was.


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Ephiny sighed, Laeonas still didn't understand why she had helped him on Jabiim."I don't want anything from you as payment. I did that because it was the right thing to do." she answered him. Others would probably be annoyed by the way that the man seemed to be incapable of understanding that when you do a good deed to someone, you never expect something in exchange.

His reaction to her talking about cooking was something that she would expect from a child. He seemed to be trying to show that he could do things, even when he probably had no idea of how to do it. Laeonas mentioning being part of a gang made Ephiny wide her eyes. It would explain where his bad manners and language came from.

She doubted that being self taught would be good in his case. The Archivist was also skeptical with the "lots of things" that he learned. "I can teach you how to cook after you are well enough to leave the medical bay. I knew several recipes for bread, cake and other foods." she said, smiling at him. Cooking could be a good therapy for Laeonas. It could keep his mind distracted.


Finally Asadra Seh returned with Laeonas' food. "Thank you." Ephiny said, smiling at her. The Healer was famous for having helped in the recovery of the Padawans that survived the massacre of Ajan Kloss. From what the Archivist heard, the Twi’lek was also an empath.


Then something happened, the Knight turned to Laeonas. She could feel his pain and rage. Ephiny would stare wide eyed while he seemed to lose control, screaming against the Sith. Due to his accent and with him talking too fast, the Archivist barely understood half what he was saying. He was so lost that with his fury he hit the food trail, making it fall on the floor.

Before the Archivist could do anything to calm him, Asadra used the Force to throw the trail at his head, making Laeonas fall from the bed. Ephiny stared at the healer, but she could understand her reaction. Being an empath, the dark haired man's flux of emotions probably were painful to the Twi’lek. "We brought him here because he needs help." she only said that, before walking carefully toward the man.

Seeing Laeonas crying on the floor, blood coming from his temple, reminded Ephiny from a child. She would slowly kneel near him and would touch his hair, like how a mother does when she wants to comfort her child. The Archivist would make compassion flow through the Force, so the man could feel it. " You aren't like the Sith. If you were, then you would not have suffered with what happened on the planet. But you need help, Laeonas. You need help to control all this rage, or you will end up making you and others suffer. Would you allow me to help you?" then she would close her eyes and start to focus the Force on where he was hurt. Soon the cut started to close.


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There had been a growing rage that had flared when Laeonas had spoke. It was a deep seated fire, imprinted on his soul and revived at the mention his now hated enemies. His sense of right and wrong had always been based on the principles of debt. If a right was done to him, he’d pay it back— literally— or he’d provide them with a favor. If a wrong was done against him, he’d pay it back with a proportionate amount of pain and suffering.

But… what kind of “justice” could be done after heat had happened to him? There hadn’t been a single man who’d wronged him; an entire fleet had appeared to lay waste to Firrerre. Cruelty on such a scale couldn’t be matched. Senseless barbarism for it’s own sake wasnt just, yet how else could he exist if he didn’t repay what had been done? This wasn’t something that could be forgiven, or forgotten. It was something that had to be reconciled, or preferably, revenged.

And that conflict had driven him as far into madness as the suffering itself had.

But all of that was forgotten as the whaling man lay there. The healer’s still trembling hands would slowly fall to her sides, though the twi’lek was still wide eyed and staring.
“Help? You want to HELP him?!” She’d cry, gesturing wildly at the man. “He’s… he’s fallen to the dark side! You heard what he said; couldn’t you feel what he felt? There was so much pain, and anguish, and hatred…” she went on, clutching at her own temple. “That… that throbbing… it was like a drum, beating as he went on and on…” she muttered, turning away in despair.

The empath had to hear and feel the emotions of a constant stream of people. They were often injured, physically, psychologically, or both. Asadra had had a wealth of experience, seen and felt the pain of countless patients. Yet Laeonas’, whose surface level thoughts had essentially been an empty, confused void, had given her no trouble. The whiplash between a confused, homeless looking man, and an unhinged, ranting madman had been terrifying, and that wasn’t even bringing up how overwhelmingly hostile he was. Never in her career had she seen a man so… broken.


The wailing man, grasping at his head and curling in the fetal position, didn’t respond to any of the twi’lek’s words. Tears streamed down his face, at first from the overwhelming pain in his skull, but it became increasingly clear that the source of his anguish had shifted. His protracted wailing had turned blubbery, and his tears had intensified from streaks brought on by pain, to a constant stream of sorrow.

The absence of rage, of all he’d put his energy into, had left him exhausted, as well as in agony. He was left emotionally hollow, but only for a moment. Everything else he’d felt; sorrow, turmoil, guilt, and utter confusion— filled the vacuum as soon as he hit the floor. As the seconds wore on and the pain became less immediate, those feelings had become more pronounced. By the time Ephiny began to speak, he was crying like a tragedy had happened over a thousand times, on repeat, without stopping.

Yet the treatment he experienced at her literal hand left him with something to focus on. The warmth of empathy blanketing over him smothered his feelings of desperation and isolation. The brushing of his hair took him back to tender memories of any source; be it his mother tucking him to bed, or a dinner he’d had with Senin, acceptance and care were feelings that slowed the falling of his tears. He certainly didn’t dry up; even as she spoke, he cried all the way through.

But, he’d heard. Heard a reminder as to how he wasn’t like his enemy; and a truth that the suffering he’d experienced could never be returned. He could never put a dark lord of the Sith through what he felt; the lords of the Sith couldn’t care if they watched innocent world’s die, surely. Ant revenge he wanted would be a fantasy. He doubted even torture or humiliation would’ve ever left him satisfied.

It was a difficult pill to swallow, and it hurt more going down his throat than any blow to the head could hope to match. The end's his mind had been driven to in the pursuit of the only laws he believed in was madness. Even as the Jedi began to heal his wounds, and her words did their damndest to sooth his heart, sorrow burned. The offer to help, it was an extension, a lifeline for a man who didn't know if he deserved it. In truth, he wasn't sure if anyone deserved anything anymore.


"...Ai'm sick of bein' laike this." He'd whisper, teeth clenching as he spoke after several minutes of verbal silence. "Sick of all this..." He muttered, turning away from the Jedi in disgrace. "Ai don't wanna be me anymore." He'd confess, lips closing as the tears finally stopped. "Ai never 'ave, and Ai never wanna be laike this again." He'd continue, closing his eyes shut.

"...'elp me...Ai need ta stop, Ai can't... can't do it without anyone else." He finished, as close to repentance as the Jedi could hope for with the man.


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While she was kneeling beside him, Ephiny could feel the rage that was coming from. Asadra was right, there were many negative feelings coming from Laeonas and he would have tapped into the Dark side if the Healer didn't hit him with the trail.

"I'm going to help him exactly because of that." she said to the Twi’lek. Ephiny remembers very well what happened in Jabiim, how the man acted not so different from now. The Archivist also remembers how he said that he didn't want to be a monster. He was so afraid, like a child. Master Voran had promised to help him and the Knight was going to do the same.

When she was healing him, Ephiny felt his rage disappear, being displaced by sorrow. The sound of Laeonas' cry and sobs made the Archivist intensify the emotions that she was showing to him through the Force.

He continued crying even after she finished healing him. Ephiny would sit on the floor and move Laeonas' head until it laid on her lap. It was exactly what her mother and grandmother used to do when she was sad. The Archivist would then share with him compassion and hope, while muttering a song that her mother used to sing to her. She remained silent, not interrupting him as he cried. She understood that now he needed to cry, to put all of it out. If anyone saw this scene, they would think that they were mother and son.

When he started to whisper to her, asking for her help, Ephiny would give him a weak smile. "I swear that I'll help you. I'll do everything that I can to help you to not act with such rage anymore." she said, looking at him with a smile on her lips "I'll also teach you how to use the Force in a way that you can help the others."

"Come, let me help you get back to the bed." she would say, offering to take him from the floor back to the bed. "Please, Asadra. Can you bring more food while I clean this mess?" she said to the Healer. If the Twi’lek refused, Ephiny would go there by herself.


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As the knight had moved to help the madman, Asadra had begun to move across the room. Laeonas’ emotions came off of him in waves, pulling at her mind and prompting feelings that wouldnt otherwise be there. As an empath, detecting emotions was like a sixth sense. Where most people’s feelings might be as subtle as the hum of a fading lightbulb or the scent of stale air, Laeonas’ was more like that of a siren wailing while strobe lights shown in her eyes. it didn’t help that the emotions in question were overwhelmingly negative.

It took every once of her willpower to not leave, to not scream as she was bombarded with the confused slurry of emotion that escaped him. Few things could be more unpleasant and painful for an empath than this. Hell, anyone with even a hint of a connection to the force could feel the man's suffering. Asadra thought back to the Jedi, turning her head only slightly to get a look at Ephiny. Through the haze that radiated off of the curled up man on the floor, there was another set of feelings, contrasting heavily against Laeonas'.

Both carried a heat to them, filled with passionate emotion. But both had very distinct natures from one another, contrasting like incompatible colors. Laeonas' emotions burned like an inferno, scalding hot and out of control, painful to remain in the presence of. Beside it was a warmth that more closely matched a crackling fire at a hearth, and from it came the comfort of home. While Laeonas’ feelings were that of unbridled pain, those that Ephiny projected provided feelings of safety, of the inviting warmth of home, and the embrace of family.

For a man who’d lost his mind, cut off from all support and was left to ruminate, it was only that kind of warmth that could bring him any sense of peace. It had been like the projection created by Alex and Vahn of this world that had pulled him from absolute madness. The calm, welcoming atmosphere they’d brought to the chaos, the open hands of friendship and offers of help— that had been what had pierced through the fog of pain that had gripped his mind.

Yet this warmth went beyond even the elaborate construction of the masters. It radiated in a way that Laeonas had only rarely felt from another before. The lullaby he heard played like the songs his mother sang him to sleep with. The high level of attentiveness to which she held him soothed him enough that she wouldn’t even need to both shushing his cries. He’d grow quieter and quieter, the sobs dampening in volume as the seconds passed by.

The words that came next didn’t prompt a verbal reaction from the man, Laeonas only giving a sniffle as he rubbed his eyes. They’d look up wide at the Jedi, and while they were still pink and frothy, the look of pained exhaustion had given way to emotional drainage. The breakdown he’d just experienced was something most people could go their entire lives dreading. Even if it wasn’t even half as bad as what Firrerre itself had done to him, it was painful and exhausting. But there’d been another key difference between what happened now, and what had happened on Firrerre.

And that was when he faced a planet’s death, it had been on his own. He’d had nobody to turn to when turbolasers began to rain down like hellfire. He hadn’t had any help when his mind fell into madness. On the day in his life where the help or company of others would’ve been needed most, he’d been isolated. That there was someone in the galaxy who cared enough to be here for him… it was a surprise, one he’d pleasantly accepted.

Asadra had felt and seen the man’s shift as he’d cried, going from a whirlwind of pain to a more reserved sorrow. His pain hadn't disappeared, and in truth, she doubted it ever would. The Twi'lek had a feeling that, even as broken as he still was, the man could recognize that much in his heart of hearts. Yet it was clear physically as well as emotionally that the man had reacted especially positively to Ephiny's words. The offers of help , of a person who'd remain by his side, and above all, a teacher, all of it had a profound effect on him. Even if he hadn't reacted with words, the open expression he wore of wide eyes and a slightly opened mouth told Ephiny all she'd need to know.

When the knight finally chose to address the healer again, she'd give a slow nod. "I... will retrieve another meal, knight Daivand." She'd answer, turning around before suddenly coming to a stop. Slowly, the woman would turn, pursing her lips a bit. "I'm... sorry that I threw that at you." She'd mutter, unable to make eye contact with the raven haired human. He didn't react very much, casting a glanced at her before replying with a slow nod of his own. With that, Asadra would exit the room.

--------

Laeonas would sit in silence for the next few minutes, having taken the Jedi up on her offer to help him back to his bed. The silence was interrupted by Asadra's return to the medbay, carrying a fresh tray of food. "I had made extras, so I simply rehea-" She'd begin, before silencing herself. Now wasn't the time for such banal conversation, at least in her mind.
"Here you go." She'd mutter, delivering the food to the patient. This time, Laeonas would mutter out a "thank ya." In as quiet a tone as he could muster. The Twi'lek would stand beside them both for a few seconds, before finally turning to Ephiny.

"Knight Daivand... my actions were rash, and I genuinely apologize for them. Still, this whole experience has left me... remarkably uncomfortable. If you and the patient wouldn't mind, I would like to take a brief reprieve." She explained, keeping up as professional a tone as possible. Laeonas had already begin slurping up his soup, but at the twi'lek's words, he would stop, gently setting his bowl down. "...ya can go." He'd mutter, glancing up at her again. "...Ai would've done worse if Ai were ya." He'd add, leaving the obviously grateful implications for the twi'lek to find on her onw.

Laeonas would go back to eating for a few minutes, though the ravenous hunger that had previously been present in the man was now quite reserved. He paced himself, careful spooning up soup, ripping off and than eating chunks of bread, all gradually whittling away at his meal. He wore a neutral expression the entire time, the silence practically deafening. That was, until he broke it with a single question;
"Am Ai yer student now?"


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Ephiny's muttered song and Laeonas' sobs and cry were the only sounds that could be heard in the room. She wondered how difficult the Brentaalan’s life must have been for him to reach this point. How lonely the man must have felt during his life. "You don’t need to be alone anymore. I'll be there to help you."

She would continue holding, watching how he started to calm himself. When Laeonas looked at her, Ephiny smiled. He seemed to be so fragile and sorrowful, very different from the man that she had met on Jabiim.

"Thank you!" she would say to Asadra, after the Twi’lek agreed to go retrieve another meal for Laeonas. While the healer walked out of the room, the Archivist would help the dark-haired man return to his bed. Once again acting like a mother, she would tuck him there, straightening the pillow so he was comfortable.

"Don't be mad with Asadra. She is an empath that is used to help the Padawans that went through trauma, but your outburst of emotions was too much for her. Even I felt that." she said to Laeonas, while covering him with a sheet. "She will be back soon with your food. You can rest, I'll be there with you." Ephiny smiled while returning to her seat beside the bed. As the Archivist promised, she would not leave him alone.

--------------​

They remained in silence until Asadra returned with the food. Ephiny would smile and nod to the Twi’lek, she understood how the other felt uncomfortable with this entire situation. The Healer never had to deal with a case like the one of Laeonas. The Archivist doubted if someone even had to deal with such a case before.

"I understand." Ephiny said to the Twi’lek, smiling at her. After she left the room, the Archivist remained in silence while Laeonas ate his food. Poor man, he probably was starving. Deciding to not disturb him,she picked her Datapad and started to read some articles on it.

However, she turned her attention back to the dark haired man when Laeonas asked if he was now her student. "Yes, you are my Padawan now." Ephiny smiled at him. The Archivist knew that it was going to be a long and arduous journey, but she promised that would help him. "I'll teach you everything that you need to be a good Jedi." the Knight would also teach him good manners, but she wasn’t going to say that for now.

"However, before starting your training, you need to be discharged by the Healers. So rest to get well soon. You have much to learn, my Padawan." she said playfully. It was the beginning of their journey.

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People who were lucky enough to be born into families with parents who had the time, resources, and disposition to properly raise their children were a surprisingly lucky cohort. From the inside out, that would be hard for any to understand. Individuals are inclined to believe that their experiences growing up are somewhat of a default. Privilege is natural, even if their experiences don't represent a majority of people.

So how than, could any who'd known that love understand the significance of what Ephiny had done for the man?

He'd known love-- genuine love. Even he was luckier than untold billions in that regard. Yet it was a hard love; a necessity in the slums in which he'd been born. There were lullabies-- but only when there was bread. There were nights spent watching the holo-- only when the electric bill was paid. There were lessons on counting-- only when the lessons on pickpocketing were finished.

The love he'd felt was, as it was than, unconditional. Yet only under specific conditions could it be genuinely expressed. Always there would be something the mother and son would need to worry about, a distraction that took them away from living as a family together. Never had there been a time in his life where those concerns weren't in his mind on some level. Never was there a time in his life that what he felt now came unfiltered, not carrying the baggage of years of mutual suffering behind it.

Not until today.

Ephiny had not known him for very long. She didn't love him as his mother had. Yet out of the compassion she felt for every living thing-- for him, she did her best to make him feel safe. She did her best to push his fear and pain from his mind. She offered everything; training, emotional support, and she asked for nothing. That was something that the raven haired man had never experienced before.

How could anyone who hadn't lived similarly understand that?

Asadra had played her part, and with a thanks and a nod, she was dismissed.
"Good luck, knight Daivand. May the force be with... the both of you." She'd say, delivering a final bow and turning on her heels. It wouldn't be the last they'd see of her.

"...Ai ain't mad 'at 'er, y'know." Laeonas muttered, glancing over at his master as he laid on the bed. "She was scared. Ai was actin' nuts. She threw a tray at me. Not tha worst she could've done." He explained in brief, almost muted phrases. "Laike Ai did with those guards." He went on, before frowning a little. "...ai know it wasn't good. Ya tell me th'at; ya aren't a liar." He commented, clarifying what he knew. "But... it don't feel wrong. Ai don't feel bad about it." He finished, clarifying his ultimate feelings on the matter.

The title she gave him brought a frown to his lips.
"Padd-ow-wan." He'd try to repeat, shaking his head. "...please don't call me th'at." He'd mutter, looking away. Even in this state, some of the man's pride still remained. At the mention of teaching, however, he'd perk up a little. "Yer gonna teach me 'ow ta control this? ...keep calm?" He'd meekly add,

The words that came next brought a frown to his lips. He considered that she might be planning to leave, but when there was no immediate move to do so, he calmed.
“Ai’ll try and get some rest.” He’d answer, nodding his head. “…thank ya.”

————

The next three weeks were a mixture of long stretches of nothing, and hours going by in the blink of an eye. As time passed for longer, time took longer to pass as well. The healers were feeding him more to compensate for how skinny he’d become, and their work— subtle and non intrusive with the force— helped to tie things up again in his mind. Asadra had overseen much of his recovery, at first supervising the healing procedures and eventually becoming more involved with them. By the end of his tenure, she’d been the one to finish up his final evaluation.


“…weight…still lower than your previous records… mental health… long term instability expected, general improvement over time expected… verbal communication skills…” she’d say, pursing her lips. “…unchanged.” She’d mutter, placing down her datapad. The man with the raven hair had been allowed to shave for the first time in weeks, though the twi’lek had still been the one to wield the blade. His hair was still well past shoulder length, but by now, he no longer looked like a mad vagrant.

“Well… Mr. Tannaras, I’ll admit that your condition isnt perfect. Though, to be Frank, you wouldn’t be in here if it ever was.” She’d joke, giving him a meek smile to indicate the comedy in her words. “I believe, however, that a long term recovery is very much possible. However, this facility isn’t designed for any such long term treatments.” She’d explain, setting her datapad down. “That’s why I’ve officially discharged you.”

“Many padawans bunk together in groups or barracks. You, however, are to be given your own personal quarters. You’ll also find several new garments, and other living necessities. Your master will decide if youll Be allowed to take items from your shi-“


“Master?”

The woman blinked at the interruption. “…Knight Daivand?” She repeated. Laeonas simply started at her, looking dumbfounded. “…Ephiny?” She’d repeat. “Oh.” Laeonas replied, the trance he was in breaking on contact. “Ah. Okay. Cool.” He went on, sitting up from his bed. “Can ai go now?”

The Jedi healer took in one long, deep breathe. “…yes, Laeonas.” She’d reply, trying her best not to groan or roll her eyes. “Thanks.” He’s reply, casually sitting up. As he made his way over to the door however, Asadra gave him a confused look. “What are you doing? Change into your robes! You can’t go out in a hospital gown!” She snapped at him, suddenly holding her breathe. “Forgive me, I lost my temper.” She’d immediately follow up with.

“…why’re ya sorry?” He’d ask, looking at her with a puzzled expression.

The woman finally let out a long, frustrated groan, taking her head into her hands.
“…by the force.”


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"Thank you, Asadra. May the Force be with you too." she smiled at the Twi’lek. The Healer was probably still uncomfortable with Laeonas' reaction. His outburst of rage was really strong, Ephiny couldn't even imagine how the empath felt it.

Then Laeonas started to talk, making Ephiny turn to him. His comments about what he did with the guards on Jabiim made the Archivist think that it was one of the many challenges of his journey. If he wanted to be trained as a Jedi, the Brentaalan would need to understand that this was wrong. Actions like that could make him hurt innocents and cause his fall.

She remembered something that Alexandria had said to her that maybe could help him understand it. "Everyone feels anger, including the Jedi. However, we learn that we can't let these emotions control us. You will need to understand the importance of letting go of such thoughts and never allowing them to become action."

The Brentaalan effort in trying to say the word Padawan made Ephiny laugh. "Well, it’s how the Jedi call their apprentices. So I'll still call you this way." she said, smiling at him. "As I promised, I'll help you control your anger. There are meditation techniques that can help with it. We will start with it." Laeonas needed to have these feelings under control, before she could start to properly teach him.

Ephiny smiled at him when he said that was going to rest. "Good, you will need it to recover. I can't wait to start training you, we have much to do!" she said to him. "I'll go now. I need to prepare what we will need for your future training sessions." she rose from her seat and walked to the door. Before exiting it, she turned to Laeonas "I'm happy for you being there. I'll be your friend, if you want." she smiled and walked away.

----------------​

Ephiny was walking toward the medical bay. Asadra had contacted her to announce that Laeonas was being discharged today. She wanted to meet with him there and guide him to the room where he was going to stay. The Archivist also wanted to show the Temple to him, after all it was going to be his home now.

Smiling, Ephiny entered the room "Good morning, Padawan Tannaras! Are you prepared for the beginning of your…" the Archivist stopped talking when she noticed Asadra's face and that Laeonas was still in a hospital gown. "What happened?"


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