Confessions

[Ralaa Talus]

The walk was longer than she remembered, or it might have been the idea of what might result from her meeting today that seemed to slow time almost to a halt- she wasn't sure she was ready to face this particular trial but had promised herself that she would not run. There was no respect to be found from running. Instead, Ralaa kept her eyes down, the click of her boots echoing down the long hall that led to the Council chambers. She listed to the thunder the rumbled outside, drowning out the violent drum of her heart, and to the calming pitter-patter of the rain as it washed over the roof. Tython was magnificent and defined natural beauty but right now it did not feel like home. Ralaa felt like an outsider allowed the roam the halls of the Jedi Temple, still unsure of her place within their ranks; unsure of how to salvage what she had thrown away.

Even after everything that had happened, she found nowhere else to place the blame but on her own shoulders. It had been her decision to leave Ossus and her own faults that had led her to develop a bond with the exile Silas, heedless of the consequences. This was her trial to face, a not-so-valiant effort to rebuild what had been broken- to try and find her place again.

Ralaa took a deep breath to calm her racing heart as she approached the wooden door. The no-longer Master held her breath, raising a hand to knock on its frame and to announce her presence to those waiting within. This had to be better than a public trial, but still, she was anxious to hear what had to be said. For all of the time she had spent away, Ralaa never questioned that what she had done was wrong but each confession seemed to bury her further until she was no longer standing level on the ground, but rather looking up from the deepest of holes. She was worn down, exhausted and questioned whether or not she was even worthy of a second chance. Even so, she tried to hold her head up to face what was in front of her, even if that happened to be a closed door.

@Zigara

 

[Bruce Guleya]

Bruce sat alone in the chambers on this gloomy day. He had been spending more time within the Chambers of First Knowledge; his new home. Between these chambers and the High Council Chambers - not to mention the academy - he had little opportunity to explore the galaxy at large like he use to. But there was a comfort here, a peace within the hallowed halls. He was meditating patiently, quietly to himself as he took in the sounds of the rain rapping softly on the floor to ceiling windows. These chambers were not as elaborate of prestigious as the High Council's Spire, but they were still impressive in their own right.

Rain pattering on the windows was almost therapeutic, and even the stray thunder was acceptable. Bruce often tried to get in touch with nature, it was why he often meditated in the gardens or by the fountains of the Jedi. The Caretaker had achieved a nice level of trance, and nothing could disrupt his meditation, or so he thought. His attention shifted to the door as the sounds of a knock echoed in the empty halls, as he sensed a familiar presence of a Jedi beyond the door. With his eyes shut and the Force wrapped around him and flowing through him, he projected his control to the wooden door and casually opened it to invite the Jedi before him.

As always, Bruce maintained an eternal calm, an empty heart and clear mind. He exuded a peaceful and calming presence in the room, a passive effect of his meditations and his connection with the Light side of the Force; Ralaa would feel this the moment she entered the room, like a warming embrace of the Light Side; how she would react would be determined. The Caretaker could sense the turmoil within the young lady - her emotions were a complete mismatch and scrambled. Her thoughts racing and unable to make a clear assessment. She was trying to put on a brave face, but unfortunately the Force doesn't lie.

In truth, he wasn't entirely expecting the young lady to come to his door, especially not on this day - at least not this soon. The bardottan had heard all about the events that had transpired resulting in the Master's title being strip from her, and the difficulties she had faced with her attachment to an Exile. He had all the reports and he had seen them, but that did not skewer him. His entire opinion on the woman would not be impacted, he would not judge her solely based on that.

Without breaking concentration he spoke up, his voice carried through the empty chamber. "Hello Ralaa, please come in. Join me?" It was as much as a question as it was a statement. Of course, Ralaa could decline the offer and Bruce wouldn't think less of her; she could just sit with him. If she decided not, that would be okay as he would end his meditation without repercussions and give her his undivided attention.

His voice was calm, but yet inviting. He wasn't at all upset that she had come to him, this day.

@MatureContentWarningx

 

[Ralaa Talus]

There was a moments pause- Ralaa held her breath and tried her best to collect herself before the heavy wooden door slid open. Standing in the entrance, her eyes searched the unfamiliar room before resting on the windows that sat behind the Jedi Master, Bruce. Outside she watched the rain fall in silence, the trees that lined the forests leaning in the wet breeze. He sat just beyond her vision, but she would not look at him directly- not because she feared him, but rather because she wanted to be anywhere else but here, even if that meant standing out in the rain. She had confessed her transgressions more times than she could be bothered to remember and had lost her voice and her confidence in the process. Ralaa doubted that this time would be any different than before.

Her insides twisted and shoulders tensed when the bardottan Master broke the silence, inviting her in. His voice was calm and welcoming but still, she dreaded it as it echoed through the otherwise empty chambers, breaking the soothing pitter-patter of the rain that fell outside. Ralaa looked over at him out of respect when he had spoken and then let her eyes fall to the floor. She released the breath that she had held, hesitating in the doorway before taking a few uneven steps through the threshold of the room.

"Thank you, Master Guleya." She said rather simply, her voice almost a whisper.

Ralaa fixated on the same spot on the window behind him, clasping her hands behind her back as she searched for the courage to say more. Of course, she knew that he was aware of the events that had led her here- she also knew that her sheepish demeanor did little in the way of rebuilding her broken reputation, but she couldn't help it. For the first time since she had found herself within the Jedi Order, Ralaa felt undoubtedly lost and out of place. Her eyes almost always watched the ground, afraid to count the stares as she made her way through the once familiar halls and the once outspoken Jedi Master found herself at a lack for words.

"I appreciate you're willingness to see me on such short notice. I hope you understand that," She paused, taking a deep breath to calm her racing thoughts. "I do hope you understand my wanting to get this meeting out of the way."

@Zigara

 

[Bruce Guleya]

The apprehension was apparent on the young lady, it pained the Caretaker to see the former Jedi Master being so torn up. Bruce naturally was compassionate and caring for all he met until they had sought to wrong him - though they were vile, Bruce never truly hated the Sith individually - but as a whole. It could be seen as selfish, sure but to the Councillor it made sense; it was proof, he was here today and had managed himself all the way through.

"Of course, Ralaa." There he went again, he chose to call Knight Talus by her first name and be rid of the title. He knew what had been done, it was a painful memory and there was no need to return focus to how she had been stripped of Master - even if it was not intentional, he simply felt that to say "Knight" may come as razors. "I am happy to be available and I do understand the desire to go through his sooner than later. I respect you, and hold no judgement against you. I want you to understand that clearly, Ralaa Talus." As Bruce spoke he returned the volume in which Ralaa had set up between the two of them in this atmosphere. Bruce spoke true, there was no judgement in his heart or mind; he was on the same field as the sheepish woman before him. "When you are ready, join me, and speak what you want me to hear. I know the report, but a report lacks understanding and process. Master Zeerda cannot speak for you, he cannot tell me about you and what you're feeling. This meeting is not about me or the events, this meeting is your meeting and I am at your disposal, sister."

The rain outside pattered steadily and softly against the glass. The soft glow of lightning and rumbling of thunder could be seen and heard in the distance.

@MatureContentWarningx

 

[Ralaa Talus]

The leaves danced outside, pulled by the winds current as thunder rumbled in the distance. Rain slid down the windows and flashes of lightning lit up her eyes, her attention focused beyond the horizon where dark clouds loomed over Tythons forests. It was cold and dark, an appropriate day for this kind of meeting- at least, Ralaa thought so. The storm outside felt as heavy as the guilt that rested on her shoulders but, as all storms did, it would pass. Of course, what would be left behind after the storm was another story; they often watered the grass and made it greener but every so often they would wash away the ground and leave a chaotic river in its place. Ralaa didn't want this particular storm to destroy her.

She stood silent for several minutes, glancing to the open door beside her. The darkened halls seemed inviting but turning away from her troubles was no real solution and Bruce had not given her any reason not to trust him; he was genuine in his invitation, Ralaa could tell by the tone of his voice. Even so, she had to search for the courage to finally look over at him, her expression heavy though she managed a soft smile. Ralaa bowed her head in respect, taking a deep breath as she found a seat across from him.

"I'm not sure I know where to begin," she folded her hands in her lap, trying to keep herself from focusing outside again. "I apologize, Master Guleya. I can't say that I've entirely prepared for our meeting today, only that I knew we needed to meet. If I'm ever to resolve this, I need to be honest with myself and address my faults." Ralaa took a deep breath in, leaning back in her chair as she struggled to make herself comfortable in such an uncomfortable position. Master Zeerda had made it clear that she was to address the Council upon her return but never had she imagined it would be this difficult to find her voice- Ralaa knew what she had done wrong but she hated reliving it all every time she spoke.

 

[Bruce Guleya]

"I understand, Ralaa. This isn't exactly something to be able to fully prepare for." Bruce was no longer in his meditation instead he was now here and now, present. Bruce had been making note of the hesitations presented by Ralaa, "Would you rather we close these shutters to tune out the storm?"

If Ralaa agreed to that, Bruce would press a button on his chair that would bring all the shutters down blocking out the gloomy exterior and allow for warm artificial lighting into the chambers, at a third of it's typical brightness. A stark contrast to the moments before. If she declined to suggestion, he would still bring up the lighting to make things a little more welcoming; it hadn't occurred to him that the room had been so dim.

No matter the choice, Bruce would change his posture to a more open posture. His eyes on the young lady while she was working through it. "I would like you to understand, despite the choices you made you were not wrong. We do no hate you - I do not hate you, nor do we fault you for your decisions. You, like the rest of us are social beings and require social interaction, you were only doing what was natural. An odd thing to say given the outcome, I know." Bruce offered a bit of a laugh to attempt to cut the room a little. He knew she was probably not in the joking mood, but sometimes he just had to laugh at the things he said - Bruce knew he talked a lot. He'd been told that time and time again, he was a classic Caretaker and Consular.

"We have never asked you to stop feeling, to stop encountering these things; for it's the feeling we have inside that continues to make us whom we are - they make us up and the moment we surrender all feeling is the day we have truly fallen and are truly gone. I want to tell you that, when we received some insight into what might have happened - I worried. This is not something we enjoy and when we were considering the outcomes, I thought about you and your situation on a regular basis - I was concerned for what we might have to do and how it'd impact you. I just thought you should know that." Bruce had no reason to lie, when the probability came up that the young Jedi Master had strayed due to attachment, Bruce did think about how it could prove to be a difficult path for the Jedi to follow. The lasting effects of being taken away and the guilt that would run through when a title was pulled, and so much more. What Bruce didn't tell her however is that they made that decision together because they thought the young girl was strong enough to be able to cope; they had an undeniable respect for her, and a great confidence in her.

The Caretaker tapped his chin thoughtfully for another moment, he was now thinking of something the girl had said, while she was not likely actually looking for him to provide an input he thought he should nonetheless, "I have two suggestions for you in terms of where to begin. Perhaps we can forget this for a moment and you can just tell me about yourself? Or you can start with when you first met the man who had taken your breath away." There was no sarcasm, he was being lighthearted with that latter comment, but in truth he actually wanted to hear about it, and not in the dark and gloom of what had happened but rather how she met him, the happy moments of meeting him - and how things grew. His former comment was a suggestion that he would hope would help her relax if she had chosen to start there.

"This is about you, my dear. Not the Order. Not me. Not the Masters. You." Another smile.

@MatureContentWarningx

 

[Ralaa Talus]

"I did not mean to seem distracted. I am sorry."

She exhaled, leaning forward in her chair and placing her hands in her lap. Ralaa looked away from the windows, reminding herself not to fidget restlessly and focusing her attention back on the Jedi Master. "Please, leave them open. I am rather fond of the storms. They are disorderly and unpredictable, but I find comfort in their sounds." She offered him the faintest of smiles in contrast to the frown she had worn before.

"I did not accuse anyone of hatred." Ralaa paused, frowning again. "I understand that my decisions came from a natural desire for social interaction, but that does not mean I was not wrong. There are reasons the Jedi forbid attachment- sentiments and the fear of loss leads us down darker paths. I was warned against it and even witnessed it when the Order was divided after the trial of Alais Drast. It was not something I was blind to and so I must disagree with your previous statement- I was wrong."

Ralaa pushed a curled strand of hair from her face and tried not to slouch in her chair. These words had been rehearsed but that did not make them untrue; she knew her sentiments towards Silas had not been in her best interest, but that did not mean that she did not love him. He was an honest man who saw her for more than she was worth and had provided her a purpose when she had believed she was lost. There was a lot to be learned here, even if the lessons weighed heavy on her heart.

"I told Master Zeerda that I would be honest about what happened and I did not lie. I'll tell you about it all, but I would prefer if we did not mention Silas as someone who had stolen my breath. Not because he hadn't but because remembering him in such a way makes it harder for me to stay. I don't mean to say that the Jedi Order is not my home, only that I still have emotions to process and lessons to be learned- if I were unwilling to learn, I would not be sat here."

Her attention moved back to the window, only for a moment to collect her thoughts. It was probably for the best that she had come here to tell her side of the events, but it was hard to know where to start. There were problems from her past that made her desire for an emotional connection more difficult to push aside, but it could not be entirely blamed on her childhood as Ralaa had known the consequences and still decided to pursue him.

"If you have the time, I suppose we could start with my reasons for leaving Ossus."

 

[Bruce Guleya]

“Yes, of course. Please accept my sincere apologies, I didn't mean to offend.” Bruce was socially awkward at times, it was proven more than once. He had no ill will toward Silas, truth is he knew very little of the man except for what was presented to him. Though Exiled, Bruce didn't care, Silas was a man who'd done nothing inherently wrong - or so he told himself, he couldn't judge someone he never actually met.


He could understand the request given to him. It wouldn't do her any good if he continued to address the man as he did, but he also knew it to be very wrong if he addressed him falsely - such as saying he wasn't a good person. Bruce also knew that he'd likely stumbled over his words yet again, but what was said was said and there wasn't really a way to go back and correct himself. He knew she was willing to work through this, to address the lessons yet learned and the emotions yet processed. He could acknowledge the great courage she was presenting by coming here and calling to him. This was no simple task.


With his attention on the Jedi he nodded, “I do have the time. In this moment, this day, this meeting, you're the most important thing on my schedule. The Order will be here tomorrow, along with all the duties I have accepted. But you, Ralaa, are here right now displaying admirable courage and strength. This is something that cannot wait - it is important to you, therefore it is important to me.” This was Bruce's attempt of at least trying to boost her decision as being correct. His attempt at a comfort even. He also didn't want her to think she had to rush through it either; what he said was true, he was invested in the Order and given his previous life as a healer and his current life as the Caretaker, he had no reason to mean anything else.

“Ossus.” the Caretaker finally said as a confirmation. If Ralaa thought that was the most important place to begin, Bruce agreed. He would listen closely with his undivided attention, and if it took all night, it took all night.

@MatureContentWarningx

 

[Ralaa Talus]

"Yes, Ossus." Ralaa confirmed with a heavy breath and a short frown. "It was after the trial of Alais Drast and the Order was divided. I was younger then, still learning my place as a Jedi Knight and fearful that I wouldn't find one. I wasn't confident that my past wouldn't come back to hurt me but also found that I wouldn't seek guidance- no one seemed to realize the broken state the Jedi were in, where we would be willing to divide our numbers. I wondered if I sought guidance where I would find it and who I could trust to be honest. The conclave only served to solidify these destructive beliefs. I took it upon myself to figure it out on my own and so it shouldn't have been a surprise that, when faced with a difficult decision, I made the wrong choice." She sighed, realizing how long she'd been lost. It was hard to piece it together, to realize she had never really been who she had aspired to be, even as a Jedi Master.

"I encountered a Shistavanen Exile in the forests of Ossus who I later learned to be seeking Force-Sensitive children to train. He had stolen off with a Jedi Learner and instead of seeking help from the Jedi Council, I decided I could track him on my own. My leaving Ossus to find him is what led me to Silas on Coruscant- he helped me to find the missing student and return him to the Jedi Order, but I had managed to find myself in some trouble that required I return to Coruscant."

The rain continued to fall outside, pattering against the glass windows that towered floor to ceiling. Ralaa's attention was drawn there again as she fell silent, giving the Jedi Master some time to process her words. It was by no means a short story, but each part was essential to why she was sat here today and what she needed to do if she had any hope of recovering what had been lost to her. Ralaa wanted to be a decent Jedi- she had always wanted that, but so many obstacles had made the path unclear and her own decisions had gotten her lost.

"The information I needed to track down the Shistavanen led me to the leader of a criminal organization, the Dead Suns. This man, Mako as he was named, forced my hand for information and I found myself forcibly indebted to him. My careless decisions had put the lives of Silas' children at risk and I couldn't in good conscious leave them there." She frowned again, leaning back in her chair and drawing her attention back to Bruce.

 

[Bruce Guleya]

Bruce didn't shifted his attention at all, when he said she had his attention he maintained that stance. He listened to the openings of a tale once past, a tale of confusion and being lost - a question of place. This was something all to common with the people of the Jedi Order, at least during the earlier days; today they were a little more united then they were just 5 years ago - heck just 2 years ago. Ralaa's story was something of a personal matter to the bardottan, for as the Caretaker of First Knowledge he couldn't help but but to view each failing as one of his own failings. But as Master Shai had told him, his position was not a position of pleasure or leisure, it is a position of great burden.

So far in the story, his input was not required and he was happy to be a listener, waiting for his turn or if she gave him a cue in which he should speak up. For now, he maintained his calming heart and mind, as he fell deeper into the Force. A steady heart, a steady mind, a peace of eternal bliss. He did this often, return to a passive meditative state, he found that it not only helped him but those around him; but the intentions were clear, he found himself able to absorb information piece by piece with great ease. This was an ability he had been honing for years.

As her words flowed like a river, his ears and mind absorbed each word as he paid attention. His state of calm was an everlasting state easily felt, and it was not impossible to tell he had a slight meditation happening though his eyes and ears were focused and locked on Ralaa.

@MatureContentWarningx

 

[Ralaa Talus]

Ralaa sighed, leaning back in her chair. Her eyes searched his expression for any hint of understanding but found nothing. Bruce hadn't shifted his attention- he remained focused out of respect, but his unwavering stance provided little solace. He was a Jedi Master and member of the Jedi Council, it was his position to offer judgement based on the actions of others but there was a part of him that was no less mortal that she was- no one was without fault in some aspect of the word. Ralaa hoped he could understand her side of the events or at least push her in the right direction to overcoming the overwhelming consequences.

"Looking back now, I was in no way the Jedi I had hoped to be. I should have been wise enough to seek help when the odds were stacked against me- I wan't so desperately to believe that I could handle this on my own, that I didn't stop to consider the consequences. I confronted Mako and his men, but when I became overwhelmed I reacted in a panic and killed him. He bombed Silas' establishment and made threats of murdering children- when he was dead, I killed the men who had acted on his command." Ralaa looked away from Bruce, focusing her attention back on the rain that peppered the windows. She could still visualize the unconscious guard, but could not recall any strong emotion she felt at having silenced him. In her mind, it made sense that any man who threatened the lives of children deserved a fate worse than death and she had tried to be subtle in her actions.

"Silas was wounded in the attack and while he recovered, I remained behind to see that his children were taken care of. For a moment, I became a part of this disorganized family and I found that I cared for these children and for their uncertain futures. Seeing what Silas had provided them made me realize that he wasn't this dark individual as he had been labeled. I admired him for the love he gave his children and somewhere I began to love him too."

She frowned, suddenly missing Silas more than she had a moment ago- remembering the stuffed bear she had left for him, his gift to her hung from its neck.

"The longer I stayed, the more I forgot who I was supposed to be."

 

[Bruce Guleya]

Bruce had nodded slowly and along with her story. He was listening to her, he wasn't ignoring it and just putting on a show. The confession was quite the thing and he was happy to hear it, he was happy for Ralaa as well, he could see that she had a few struggles but she had started contributing to a greater good, children were very much a critical thing for the entire galaxy. The fact that people like Ralaa and Silas were around to give a chance and give a renewed hope to many lost souls was very admirable and this pleased him, he even allowed himself a smile when she spoke of the children and the note of her forgetting what she was supposed to be. She wasn't in the wrong though, that's what she should have been - a source of hope and inspiration, he couldn't fault her for that.

"Very good Ralaa, thank you for doing that. Children are very important, please continue."

Bruce made note of her mentioning that she had began to fall in love. Contrary to much of the old Jedi ways, Bruce didn't think 'loving' someone was a bad thing. Bruce knew that love could be a source of great power, great hope, and a great future. The problem didn't come from loving, it came from the consumption and forsaken. For when someone loved and put that feeling and everything associated with it above all else, that's when the path had grown dark.

Bruce was a strong believer in love. Perhaps it was his own downfall? Bruce constantly believed in others and held them in great regard, until someone decided to prove to him that his trust and opinion were misplaced. While it was a big pro for him, he had kept it in check. Sure, he couldn't say that he had fallen deeply and madly in love with someone himself, but as a healer he learned to share experiences and feelings for each and every Jedi he treated. He gained that experience & those feelings through storytelling and whenever he had to heal on a more intimate level - like treating the mind and soul - he had said it time and time again, The Jedi Troubles are his own troubles, he shared them always.

@MatureContentWarningx

 

[Ralaa Talus]

Ralaa looked back to Bruce, taking a deep breath. Her demeanor had shifted, but there was still sadness in her expression. It hard to piece it all together- though kind, the Jedi had made her somewhat of a spectacle, but she wasn't the worst of them.

"I don't know how to harbor these feelings, Master. I care deeply for Silas and his children, but I have never held them over the needs of others. Had the Jedi called upon me, I would have answered- I would have gone to war, despite everything I held on Andara. I know that these feelings are dangerous, but I fail to see what I've done to warrant being stripped of my title. Surely, there are Jedi far worse than I."

Her eyes searched his expression, but wasn't sure of the answers she sought. It was difficult to imagine the position that she had found herself in, stuck somewhere between wanting to be a Jedi and questioning if it was her place. There was guilt on both sides- for having left Silas without a word and for having spend so much time away from the Order, despite having remained available to them. Perhaps she wasn't as great as Jedi as she had hoped to be, perhaps she never would be.

There was a ridiculous urge to reach out to Silas, at least to explain to him her reasons for returning to the Jedi. He didn't deserve to the left in the dark, but she understood the Council and Master Zeerda's position on her keeping her distance from him. Silas wasn't inherently bad, but he had chosen to turn away from the Jedi when they forbid him from following his heart. It hadn't been an easy decision, but in the end Ralaa believed he was destined to be the caretaker of Sanctuary. The children he protected were lucky to have him to guide them and to love them.

"I hope it's not too bold, but I would like to argue the terms of my returning to the Order. Master Zeerda had previously mentioned that I was to keep my distance from Andara, but I would like the ask the opportunity to speak with Silas- to allow him to understand my reasons for returning to the Jedi Order." Ralaa gave Bruce a small but hopeful smile, leaning forward in her chair. "I won't argue against the Councils decision to remove me from the rank of Master as it's not my place, but I do ask for guidance in understanding your decisions. I put my trust in the Jedi Council that you are doing what is appropriate given my actions, but Silas doesn't deserve to be left in the dark. The burden of my absence will put a strain on his ability to care for his children- let us at least give him the option of a fresh start, without questions."

 

[Bruce Guleya]

"I do understand what you say, Ralaa. This is not an easy thing to harbor and don. It is my own personal belief that love does in fact play an extremely powerful role in what shapes us and gives us strength - know this." The Caretaker began, "It is when that love takes priority over other things other than yourself does it become problematic." Bruce knew he was sounding a little contradictory, if he felt so strongly about this emotion, why would he agree with the Council? Why would he even suggest the results?

"But Ralaa, you are mistaken in what you have stated. You say the love never put itself above the needs of others. You say that if called upon you would have heeded the Jedi. Sadly, I would disagree with this I'm afraid. The Jedi Order had called upon you more than once - for your presence and your judgement was required for our Council of Mastery to judge new masters; your attendance, unless I'm mistaken was severely lacking. For every Master, even thous appointed through our traditions must and did serve on one council." He needed to make the points, normally he would have eased himself into this statement - but the young girl had been so hopeful. "Were you available when Spintir came under attack? Jedha?" Bruce stated pointedly.

"I admit - I cannot speak too much about The Dawn Temple's incident, nor can I fault you as it was a dark day for us all. But, while other Knights and Masters were carrying out their own forms of missions across the galaxy, and checking in with us, but you, Ralaa had gone silent. We had not seen you or heard from you, and when a Master as esteemed as yourself falls off the radar, we grow concerned." He paused a moment to let his words sink in. He watched the woman and her reactions to what he was saying, after he had held for a moment, "But Ralaa, I want to reiterate. I do really appreciate the work you were doing at the orphanage, it is critical." He knew she probably didn't want it, but Bruce gave a smile.

Ralaa now had a request for him, it was a heavy request and it was an important request. He knew it was a matter of time before something like this came up, the council had decided to forbid her from interacting with Silas in fear that the feelings and emotions would take hold, it had been proven with her lack of attendance that she was starting to stray. Though a harmless request to some, Bruce could see the problems that could arise but he was troubled, he was in a state of contestation. On one side he had to understand and respect the decisions that had been made, it was an important decision and safety But perhaps the Jedi and the decision was not the proper one, there was some doubt - but Bruce had complete faith in the decision. But he had a personal dilemma; he wasn't against love and he saw the merits in embracing that, but the problem that people faced off is trying to find a way to balance it - to deny the consumption. "Your request... it's understandable but it is troublesome" Bruce sighed heavily "Silas doesn't like us, he doesn't like the Jedi. He feels we are the bad guys in everything. This was no more true the day he explained to Loa that he thought we, the Jedi, were villains. That we do not accept other beliefs and people who think different. He had painted us in a bad light unfortunately, and though he cares deeply for you - I do not think he could change his perspective; and as a Jedi, though not intentionally he might grow to resent that chosen way of life. But do not mistaken me, I am not saying it would happen - it is just a possibility."

"As painful as it may be, the question of would you be able to overcome your feelings if you still had communication and interaction? That is a challenge for anyone. Being separated helps mend those feelings, it allows you a moment to reevaluate and understand yourself. It is a challenge." Bruce had to take even more of a moment to think, this was a bit of a challenge for him to proceed with. "I do not think he will truly understand, nor ever trust you... No matter your connection. As a member of the Jedi Council, I would deny your request at this time for your own safety and your own protection; I'm sorry." The Caretaker paused as he looked at Ralaa, he knew that wasn't the answer she wanted and he knew it was likely a painful statement to hear - regardless of if it were true or not. "As your brother, I cannot stand in your way. The Jedi DO NOT control the lives of our membership - no one is a slave within and they are free to make decisions."

He didn't know how to phrase it, he truly believed it would be paramount to her safety and understanding if she stayed away - at least for a period of time. Months to a years, allow her the opportunity to reintegrate into the Order and regain her Mastery. But, Bruce was to caring and he understood the power, the safety, the security, the strength - used for good - that love could bring. Love could spark so much pride and joy, so much reason and drive to do better and to fight. Loving someone could grant purpose, to fill a void beings needed to be healthy - but the thought of losing another to the Dark Side - to the lust and passion of strength and power, it had happened far too much. Too many had given in, but Ralaa did say she understood the dangers... but how true was that? Before he could be comfortable in letting this request happen he wanted to experience proof of her understanding of the dangers.

But, as a healer, one dedicated to the good, to the soothing of the mind, soul, and body. The bardottan couldn't deny the important. Which made it all that much more difficult for him to stick to his decision. Perhaps she could understand this? Some would say that was the Order's great failings, the inability to teach the strength and dangers of love and emotion. The burden of a Jedi is to remove yourself from attachments as it clouds your judgement, but when the topic came up... the experience... were knights prepared to face those challenges? Was the Order destroying itself from the inside because of this lack of understanding and teaching point? All of this was a challenge and all of this played into Bruce's mind as he allowed this trouble to cross his features.

He wasn't a monster, but sometimes his decisions felt like he was. The knowledge of all that had happened, he took personal the failings - though he strove to make things better.

@MatureContentWarningx

 

[Ralaa Talus]

Her expression fell, the fires of hope that had burned in her eyes now extinguished by his words. The once expectant smile that had pulled at her lips had retreated and Ralaa sank back into her chair, silent and defeated. For all of the good that she had done, it did not outweigh the impact of her absence- she hadn't been present for the Trials of Master and had been absent when Ossus, Spintir and Jeddah had fallen under attack. For all purposes, it wasn't even fair to consider her a Jedi at all.

It was pointless to argue that what she had done was not enough to warrant her the rank of Master; Ralaa had not deserved it from the start. Even as a new Jedi Knight she had never gone above or beyond the call of duty, surely nothing that would have made her stand out against the others. Ralaa had, by all means, abandoned the commitments that she had made to the Jedi Order so many years ago and now wondered if she even deserved this chance to explain herself- there were no excuses to be made. It did not matter that the Council appreciated the work she had done on Andara- they were merely empty words to keep from entirely dismantling what little amount of self-esteem had not already been taken from her. It hadn't worked.

"The pleasantries are unnecessary, Master. I am not broken enough to believe that my accomplishments on Andara are viewed in any high regard, or I wouldn't be sat here." There was still a hint of fire in her tone, but the former Master had retreated back into her shell. There was truth in his words and it hurt to hear it. "I was absent for the Trials, for Ossus, Spintir and Jeddah. I have contributed absolutely nothing to this Order. I held my work on Andara and my relationship to Silas over the commitments that I had made. I do not believe I deserve to be sat here."

Her attention retreated to the storm outside, finding comfort in the pattering of rain against the windows. It was hard to look at Bruce- Ralaa felt herself retreating, her heart ached and her emotions made it hard to process any coherent thought. It was difficult to contain the storm that brewed inside of her, but she took a deep breath and calmed it for the moment. His denial of her request for contact with Silas hurt like a sword to the side, but Ralaa tried to hide it from her expressions.

"I will keep my distance from Silas and Andara if that is your decision." She took another deep breath, looking away from the windows and down to her lap. "I have nothing left to confess and no energy to argue the Councils decisions. I am finished. Unless you have questions for me, I would ask to be dismissed." Ralaa spoke without looking up at him.