Tabloid Emryc Energy Releases Brand New Flavors in Support of Emryc Thorne

Elora Trevino

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Independent
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Citizen

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llamallove
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"Good evening, and welcome back!" Elora Trevino welcomed viewers, a smile plastered across her face. "Last week on Celebrity Catch, we disclosed the sordid details behind the Emryc Thorne kidnapping. Emryc enthusiasts and critics alike were quick to respond to this claim by renowned cosmetic surgeon, Doctor Derrière, and the outcry from both sides was considerable.

"The President's supporters claim that Emryc Thorne's Secret Silicon Valley is an absolute violation of the President's privacy, while detractors insist that the President lost the right to privacy on this matter when he 'betrayed his health nut following.' They hold that he is not the man he claims to be, some of them going so far as to urge ISC authorities to press charges against the President since his alleged kidnapping led to the deaths of several of his most ardent fans on Mandalore. No charges have been leveled against the President as of this report, and our sources within the ISC Rangers claim that they have no intention of charging the President with a crime.

"One voice, however, has been louder and more prominent than all the rest—Emryc Energy Drinks, a subsidiary of WampaWayInc. Little is known about WampaWayInc. or its shareholders, but its subsidiary has been extremely vocal in its support of the President. Following last week's breaking news story, the company promised fans in a Sweet that they would be releasing new flavors 'within the coming days.' True to their word, two new flavors were released for consumption last night at exactly midnight.


"Gluteus Guzzle—for the 'entrepreneur on the go,' and Fanny Fever—the 'official drink of summer.'" The Pantoran tilted her head, smile growing. "And despite the back-end flavors, Emryc Energy claims that Gluteus Guzzle and Fanny Fever are the fastest selling flavors they've released to date! Popular or not, I know how I would feel if my face was plastered across those cans..." She laughed, shrugging her shoulders. "I think I smell another lawsuit coming on."

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Cassian Graves

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llamallove
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