Ask First in Flight

[Corran Velt]

No reply came. Given the circumstances, that wasn't terribly odd. Bast was likely sleeping. But then... what was that noise? Tepid step after tepid step, Corran advanced out of the crew quarters section of the ship to the common area where his partner was supposed to be. Everything sounded so silent since the noises he heard initially. Maybe it was just debris bouncing off the shields or the creaks of the venerable YT-1300. The blond youth was nearly about to turn around and mark up everything as sleepy delirium until he heard her. Bast cried out.

That sound. It forced an instinctive response. No thoughts willed Corran into action. Only the need to always be there for his partner - no matter the odds. Heavy bootfalls echoed against the metal floor as the young man sprinted down the corridor. "Bast? Bast!?" He called out, alarmed and seeking information. When he made it to the semi-circular archway that led into the common area, the male ranger slid to a halt and stood with his arms out ready to act. Fidgeting in the trap caught his attention first. There a gizka was writhing to free itself. But where was -

Bast.

There in the corner of his eye, back to the wall, stood the woman who had gone through hell with him and for him. Low light glinted off the barrel of a blaster, held tightly in her hands. Corran swiveled carefully to face her and not make any sudden movements. His eyes scanned the Corellian carefully. While she physically was there, her eyes seemed to be seeing an entirely different universe. They were wide open. Staring lightyears away. They weren't even focusing on anything. She was in trouble and he had to do something.

One foot took a step closer; light as a feather. Corran would pause, waiting for a reaction. If none came, he would take another. Then another. As many soft steps as it took to get close to her. At any point the blaster became pointed as his person, the blond youth would freeze and raise his hands. He couldn't pull Bast back to reality if he was dead. The ultimate goal was to get within reach of grasping the barrel of the blaster and gently taking it from her hands. No risk was too great to help his partner. Corran would will himself forward. "Bast...." He said softly, nearly a whisper, "....Bast, I'm here. It's Corran. I'm here."

@Kestrel

 

[Bast Emblai]

The blaster felt heavy, safe. She had escaped. They couldn’t hurt her anymore. But Orn... she’d promised to watch his back. What had they done with his body? The dead, dull eyes of his severed head were burnt into her mind. She felt nauseous again. Too hot. She tugged at her shirt. The woman had never been squeamish, but even the thought of the man made her stomach churn.

Then... distant footsteps. They had found her. She was lost. It was a trap. She couldn’t surrender to the cold, clammy hands again. The pirates had worn her down. Sometimes all she could do was lie still and endure the sharp pain. Then they would leave and the pain would dull. But she was not broken, not yet. Perhaps her soul was only held together by a thread, but it was still whole. If she was caught, she knew she would break. The Corellian woman could not resist any longer.

“Bast? Bast!?”

The man was getting close. Didn’t he know her assigned number, she thought bitterly. It was a dead end. She would have to make a stand. Bast raised her blaster, hands shaking violently, and waited, her breath held. The hazel eyes were still staring blankly, unseeing. The woman must wait until the pirate got close enough she could make a blind shot and still hit. Why was her blindfold still on?

Tap. Tap.... Tap... Tap. The steps slowed. A lean finger shifted to the trigger. Suddenly, the blaster was lifted out of her hands. She pulled the trigger.

Nothing. It must have been jammed. She had missed her window. The man said something. It did not register. When was he going to grab her and take her in? Was the element of surprise supposed to increase her fear? There was no fear, just cold resignation. Yet, even as the woman tackled her perceived attacker, something felt familiar.

@TerranSteel

 

[Corran Velt]

Everything had done so well. As well as not getting blasted could go. With each inch closer, Corran neared his partner. When she raised the blaster, he froze immediately but did not speak. No fire followed. He scanned her face in the dim light. Her face seemed somewhere between panic and focused intensity. Bast's eyes looked empty. Glazed over. Was she even aiming? Training, experience, and instinct all yelled for the male ranger to dive on the armed woman. Get out of the line of fire. Defeat her. But... he couldn't do it. He could never hurt Bast. Another soft step forward. The blaster was in reach. He refused to hurt her. A steady hand rose and clasped the barrel of the gun. Corran bit his lip anxiously; his focus laser-targeted to the dangerous task. Slowly the weapon lifted from the tense Corellian's grasp. Just a little more. A little more. Click. She pulled the trigger.

The blond youth immediately winced, expecting a flash of red followed by pain or the embrace of death. Nothing came. No burning pain. No stench of burnt flesh and cloth. Corran peaked out of one eye and realized he had lifted the blaster from her grip. The safety must have been still active. He silently thanked his partner for being so thorough in blaster safety protocols. With the immediate lethality of the situation removed, the male ranger let his guard down. No blaster, no one got hurt. That was his first mistake.

With his attention focused solely on the sidearm in hand, the young man never saw Bast's counter-attack coming. The full force of the tackle blunted against his torso and knocked the wind out of him. His back hit the floor with such force it knocked the blaster out of his hand. It skittered across the floor and slid to a halt near the doorway. Instead of focusing on his assailant, Corran just wanted to catch his breath. He pushed up on Bast, trying to give his lungs some space. After two desperate gulps, he managed to eke words out. "Bast! It's me! Corran! It's me!"

In any continuing wrestling match, the male ranger wouldn't strike his partner. Only try to pin her if necessary. He would make sure to block her blows and try to get space between them. So many others had hurt her. He wouldn't do the same.

@Kestrel

 

[Bast Emblai]

Bast was falling. Memory began to fade. Where was she? The heaviness of broken shackles rubbing painfully on her wrists was gone. She was not wearing shoes... Everything felt sluggish. It was as if she were stuck under a layer of ice, drowning, and could see the light, but not quite break through to reach it. She was so close, on the brink of self awareness.

Even with Corran’s body cushioning her fall, the impact jostled the woman. She coughed roughly and hissed when he tried to lift her off, his fingers digging uncomfortably unto her ribs. Hands clawed at her own face, trying to remove the blindfold, but there was nothing there. A new fear ran through her veins. Confusion. Panic. Slowly, she began to see. The dim lights. Her partner’s pale, strained face. Corran? What had happened? What had she done? Throwing herself off him, she stood, eyes wide and now seeing.

They were on the ship. Stranded, but safe. She was supposed to have taken watch. Shame crept red into the woman’s cheeks. Her heart still raced. Any recollection of her dream was gone, replaced with a sense of unjustifiable terror. But the feeling was not new, only the embarrassment. It was the first time someone other than a doctor had witnessed her strange behavior. She had hoped no one would ever see her like that, so vulnerable, volatile, unpredictable. If anyone knew, she would be eaten alive. But Corran knew. What had she done to him? What would he think of her now? The facade of control was broken. She couldn’t control herself. Discipline was a core tenant of her work, of her pride. She should be stronger than this. Smarter than this.

“Corran. I...” And with that she buried her face in her hands.

@TerranSteel

 

[Corran Velt]

What was happening? A nightmare? Cabin fever from being adrift in space? It was if some dark spirit had possessed his controlled and calm partner. Bast didn't lash out at his face or take swings at him, but instead reached for her own face and scraped at it. As if trying to remove something blocking her vision or trying to stop herself from seeing altogether. Corran had rarely seen this type of raw, animalistic panic before and never in his partner. Light returned to the Corellian woman's eyes. When she looked down at him, as if seeing him for the first time, the blond youth could only stare back; his chest rising and falling with deep breaths. He didn't dare move, worried that a sudden action could set her off again.

Instead, Bast leapt off him and stared at him in something between disbelief, terror, and embarrassment. The male ranger didn't rise from the floor. He only tracked her movement with his eyes. Curiosity and uncertainty mixed within his chest. Something was deeply effecting his partner. Not knowing what it was and unsure of what could force her to react, Corran remained perfectly still. Fear gave way to humanity. When she uttered his name and covered her face, he knew the woman he cared for so much was back. Aware. And she needed his help.

The blond youth pushed off his elbows and carefully got to one knee. He muttered her name, "Bast..." Patience was in his voice. If she didn't lash out or dart away, Corran would then slowly rise to his feet, hands held out in an offering of peace. A step close. Then another. Inch by inch he would approach. With any luck, and a lot of trust, Bast would at least stay where she was. "Bast, it's alright. I'm not hurt." He didn't even need to ask if she was alright. It was clear she wasn't. Given the opportunity, the young man would delicately wrap his arms around his partner. An embrace to comfort and support. To ground and empathize. "It's okay," Corran cooed, "It's okay."

@Kestrel

 

[Bast Emblai]

The haze of sleep that had previously blinded the woman was gone. Seeing her partner felt like the shock of being dunked in ice water. Despite the merciful fact she had no memory of the dream that had plagued her, Bast knew exactly what had happened. She could have hurt him. She could have... Stop. Make it stop. She could not think that she was not ready. Think of anything else. But she was losing the mental battle. Something... think... help... The woman’s eyes were squeezed tightly shut, trying to fight the image of the man she loved more than her own brothers lying in the hall of his own ship, skin taking on a greenish tinge and glazed eyes staring. A charred hole through his heart. He had trusted her. Her doing. Another one. He was dead by her hands. Her breathe was heaving, uneven, an occasional sob breaking through.

Walking briskly towards the blaster quickly, she kicked it as hard as she could down the hall. Far away. Far enough she could not reach it before Corran did. The strike hurt. Good. She deserved it. The pain would keep her from losing touch with reality. Bast returned and slid down to the cool tiled ground, her back and palms pressed against the wall.

Standing once more, the man opposite her approached slowly. Every part of his body language indicated he meant no threat. It was if she was a wild animal. He had to corner her without being struck. Without her discipline, she thought bitterly, his assessment was not far off. The woman might as well have been a nexu for all the self control she lacked. Get it together. Strong arms gently wrapped around her. Corran murmured reassurances- that it was alright. That he was not hurt.

After a few seconds, she could no longer stand the tender embrace. It was a cruel reminder of that evening. The evening she regretted. During her watch, she had turned the thought over and over again. The embarrassment would drown her. She could not love him that way. The hurt would ease. He was her brother. Her best friend. Her partner. Not a lover. She could never make that mistake again. It was unfair to them both. Shying away from his touch, she shook violently and held out a hand. That was okay.

“It doesn’t matter that you’re not hurt. I mean- no, it does, but I could have karking killed you.” The words spilled out like water from a dam. There was no time to think the words over. Raw emotion was something she rarely expressed, but there was no locking it away. He knew. He knew how weak she was. “Can you forgive me?”

@TerranSteel

 

[Corran Velt]

It's okay. Even as he said them, Corran wasn't entirely sure those words were just for her. Physically, he was okay. But was he okay? Bast, his closest and most trusted comrade in the universe, had kissed him and tried to shoot him in the same night. His own feelings about her couldn't be reconciled. They had to be sealed away behind the badge because... because... they just had to be. Those were the rules. He had to be okay. For Bast. She was grappling with something he didn't understand. He didn't need to. Just that he would be there with her.

The hold lingered for a few moments until the Corellian woman drifted away. Corran could only blink in uncertainty, a hand raised against him to not reinitiate. Words flowed like a river bursting forth from a dam. Powerful and unrestrained. Bast, to him, had always been stalwart. Serious. Maintained. Seeing her... no, feeling her like this was powerful. The gravity of the situation couldn't be denied. So he didn't move, staring at her, as the words crashed against him.

After the initial wave passed, the blond ranger slid his back against the wall just as she did. His eyes settled on the floor. "A lot of things could have killed me," he said quietly and monotoned. Pirates at Outpost Blue. Predators on Dxun. Those goons on Mon Gazza who broke his body as a teenager. "But they didn't. And I knew you wouldn't kill me either. Because you're... my partner." Corran lifted his gaze from the floor and turned his head slowly to stare into her emotion-filled eyes. "I'd forgive you for anything, Bast. I would right now too, if there were anything to forgive." A tender smirk slowly appeared on his face; a gesture of his faith and loyalty.

That affirming smirk slowly slipped away as the young man's eyebrows dented and his own eyes grew concerned. A worry welled in them. "I know it's not my place to ask, and you don't have to tell me, but..." He hesitated, unsure if to proceed or not. Compassion forced his will. "What... was all that? Is there something I can do? To help."

@Kestrel

 

[Bast Emblai]

Her partner was kind about it. Too kind. She was responsible, to an extent, and no amount of reassurance could remove that responsibility. Perhaps one day he would understand, though the Corellian sincerely hoped he never would. Despite his intense gaze being fixed on the floor, Corran spoke clearly and gently, sure of himself. She felt a pang at his acknowledgement of the times his life had been in danger, and reached out to place a hand on his shoulder. Contemplating her next words, she tapped her fingers lightly.

”When someone comes close to breaking you, Corran, you are haunted. And not by some damned ghost you can throw salt at and send away. The ghost hides in every memory so that I cannot think of joy without foolishness or courage without death.“ She paused, inhaling shakily, her face set and determined. “I’m not talking about a peaceful passing with flowers and a funeral. It’s sudden and violent and cruel. Nowhere is safe. Every scream I hear is one on my men. Every accidental touch is a prod from the cold muzzle of a blaster.” The woman considered telling him about the guilt and shame. She had been helpless, deadweight. Her life was not worth those lost in the first wave or the rescue. She had not been strong enough to resist or brave enough to endure it all with dignity.

He did not need to know that she had spent her first night being sick and crying. No one did. So she left it out, the thin voice fading into silence.

Bast sat for a few moments in silence. It felt as if a weight had been lifted off her chest, but she was suddenly too light, light enough to float away. Giving Corran a rueful smirk she continued, more strongly. “It was a nightmare. There is not much you can do unless you are a shrink and have some sort of magical cure. But that’s alright. This... is enough.“


@TerranSteel

 

[Corran Velt]

It all made him so sad. Blue eyes searched her features as she detailed her experiences; struggling to convey what it was like for someone who couldn't truly comprehend. Describing how it felt seemed to wound her. What type of pain would it cause to talk about what she saw? The more she described, the more clear it became. Screams of her men. The muzzle of a blaster. Outpost Blue. Part of it had come with her. Or maybe she never truly left. Corran's eyes widened in realization. His mouth opened as if to say something but then slowly closed, nibbling on his lower lip with averted eyes. There was nothing he could say. Outpost Blue changed him too.

So they sat in silence together. Both saying so much and very little at the same time. The pair, as partners, had been through so much. They both carried their experiences in different ways. Out of the corner of his eye, he glimpsed a grin. Almost shocked by it, he tilted his head to see the Corellian woman actually smirking. The male ranger couldn't help but smirk back at her words. She was comforting him in her own way. That he had done enough. Corran huffed through his nostrils. "I'm not smart enough to be a shrink and I didn't find a magical cure on any of the trade lanes I travelled." Blue eyes rose to meet hazel and bore into them, as if he wanted her to see through those windows to his soul. "But I know that no matter what it is, if we're together, it will always turn out alright."

Light of incredible brightness flooded the entire hallway from the bridge. So bright that Corran shielded his face with his forearm. The comm at the engineering suite nearby cackled to life, "Derelict YT-1300. This is Corellian Security. Respond to this signal if you are in need of assistance, over." A CorSec patrol craft had found them adrift. Incredible luck didn't even begin to cover it. With only a second glance at Bast, the young man bounded to the engineering suite. "CorSec, this is Ranger Corran Velt of the Crimson Venture. We lost power attempting an in-system hyperspace jump. I think we also might have a... gizka problem." A few moments of silence passed. Likely some discussion on the other end on how to proceed. After what felt like an eternity, the comm-chatter returned. "Copy that Crimson Venture, we'll give you a tow. Over and out." A sigh of relief escaped Corran's lip. He turned to look over at his partner. Just as he said. Everything always turns out alright.

//END THREAD

@Kestrel