Tabloid Galaxies Spiciest Ships!

Rich Magnum

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Rhogar
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The camera would pull back, revealing the dastardly dashing Rich Magnum, clad in his usual wear, he sat behind his desk with a sly grin. "Rich Magnum, back again with a list that got requested so quickly, I couldn't even finish my drink. So what's this list you ask? Probably the least creative one I will ever do, so we're going to spice it up a bit!" He would say with a laugh and a nearly award winning grin."So, I am going to do what was asked and then do my own variant, so bear with me ladies and gents, this is going to get.. Spicy."

"So, some deplorable soul just wanted more from me today, and they were just like 'Rich, I cannot live without your constant input.' So to save a life at the expense of my own sanity, we are going to dive into the Spiciest Ships this galaxy has ever seen. Now first off, we're going to do the lame ass level to level from the last two lists but then, keep your water ready or just be by an extremely cold shower, cuz ol'Magnum is going to really turn up the heat!" He would smirk as he finished the small bit of his glass and refilled it.

"Starting off the list at number five, the boring way, Governor @Ti'varnus and Jedi Master @Vahn Berand. One is from Bakura, the other Taris, so I am not entirely sure what these two could ever have in common, but the people asked, so I gave it to them. Don't worry, my list will be eighty times better!" There was a light laugh as he took a decent pull from his glass. "At number four, and this is perfect folks and actually makes sense. So as we all know, President @Emryc Thorne was the victim of a domestic dispute. Now, he claimed it was some political rival, but we think he may like something a little more.. hands-on. Once again, we don't kink shame here and neither could we deny that we haven't partook in a little game of slap poker. So the fact that he aligns with @Lyra Durand is absolutely perfect. Here you got a smoking hot rage lady, now luckily for Thorne, it wasn't this hot firecracker because he would have had way more lumps then some bandaids! If I were the him in this scenario and it happened, hoo, I would be lucky!" There was another laugh from Rich as he flipped through screens of both. The whole pairing was so ludicrous!

"Alrighty folks, number three! Now if only our man @Newton Arden could score this big. Hell he probably could, you know what? Let's get this trending right now. Hashtag NewtonArdenPantyDropper. Jedi Master @Alexandria Voran may have some years on him, but damn, I know my little Blackwell nerd could do some damage. And if he couldn't? I bet he has a device that could!" An image of Newton would briefly flash on the screen, paired with Alex. "Now number two.. I gotta say, I really hate this one, but once again, it kinda makes sense. Galactic beauty @Dr Ilana Morata with the very cyborg she created, Bom Trady. It's like if Frankenstein was hot and had a thing for the monster! Thankfully, our sources say that's definitely not happening, but she was just one short of ending up with that nerdy stud Newton and I mean think of those egg head kids they would have had? I know I'm not. That's some world domination stuff and the galaxy is not ready for it." he leaned forward to drain his glass as he laughed at himself. "Oh boy, just gave myself the creeps. Now then, number one.. So I can finally move to the fun list! Sector Hunk @Corran Velt and the majestic dancer @Alisaah Tila . And as much as I would love for her to join the myriad of other women from the list that comprised Corran's harem, I gotta say, I want better for her! In fact, let's see if ol'Magnun can give her an even better ship!"

Leaning back in his seat, Rich would hit a button that just shuffled through all the images he had shared previously. "Alright, the Magnum number five. Now be ready, you're going to see some real diversity in this list. Number five! These two hot asset bearing Mandalorian women ( @Reiel Mal Crowholde @Minerva Wren )! I mean like I said before, the firepower is hot! "You couldn't even tell me with a straight face that armored warrior women who could hurt you, aren't hot. Look at this face, I could drool, but I won't cuz I have self control! Sliding in at number four, I'm actually going to keep with the whole consensual and very aggressive relationship between President Thorne and Lyra Durand. Who says true love can't have some violence in it. The only issue here, is she might be something short of a pesky war criminal. But.." he'd lean closer, his voice lowered. "Depending on the politician here, they'd say the same about Thorne! And though that pains me, because I would happily take her somewhere nice, even if I was strangled to death. Just make sure it's with an undergarment, am I right?" he would burst into laughter. "Number three! Heart throb Corran Velt, is going to have to take a hit on this one. Here we see in the image of him and former flame @Bast Emblai there is a third person in the picture. A guy. And now he has hands on Velt's shoulders and my eagle eyes picked that out. So Velt, enjoy that caramel hunk ya got! Number two, speaking of hot moments at the Huttball game, Alisaah was seen near or around the reclusive Onderonian @Kliedden Raxx , a man my sources say is close to the dancer. And you know what? I don't know how this guy didn't make the other list. Look at that ruggedness! Anyways, here he is at number two."

He would drain his glass, his grin broad. "Numero uno, folks... I personally choose to believe that hotties @Alexandria Voran and Dr. Morata are dancing around the burning bush. I mean just look at them. Radiant, brilliant, and with enough class between them to steal any show!" He went to refill his glass, only to laugh when he realized the bottle was empty. "Ooh.. here we go, the honorable mentions." An image of @Darth Asminys crawling to freedom would flash across the holo, paired with a set of robotic legs. "Need I say more?" He asked with a shit eating grin. The next images to flash would be of Secretary @Julia Hipori and JJ Johnson. "I don't think Secretary Julia could even withstand that debonair charm. Might take her disappearing his wife, but hey, accidents do happen. And finally one of the brightest lights in the sport of Huttball: rising superstar @Poffo Sauvage and his harem of Mandalorian consorts ( @Akalenedat @Laren Vano ), ya know, the ones he beat in the game. I hear Mandos fight for love, well, he beat them for it, so I guess we can start calling Mr. Macho the Mandaddy! Anyways, this is Rich Magnum, the P.I is out!"

The camera would zoom in on his wink before the feed cut.


@Sreeya @TerranSteel @Bex @Kestrel @Topher @Killa Ree @Isen @Scoobert @Kell Rook @The Good Doctor @The Steel Stag @Nor'baal @Valen Pelora @Minuteman75 @Forsythe Crowholde @Reyn @Arclight (hopefully thats everyone lol)
 
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Darth Tiamat

Raze Loyalist
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GABA
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After seeing she had made the tabloid list, Tiamat was thoroughly entertained, even with the less-than-flattering images they had of her during her capture on Blobbobs, she made it on some hot or not list. It reminded her of the nonsense that went on in high school, the group message that went around as peers decided if you were datable, marriage material, or should dump all together; sometimes things got spicy and the option of kriffing was added. It was always a badge of honor to even just get mentioned on such lists. However, the list she was on, well, she wished it were a bit more prestigious than if she is capable of choking someone for a boner.

As she continued to work on her proto-type in her lab, she listened to the latest junk holonet broadcasts, more for just the noise in the background, however, Spiciest Ships seemed to cause her pause in her work and watch as Rich made his appearance with his lists. Expecting a list of literal ships, the redhead became curious in humor to the type of ship they were referencing as they started out with the Jedi: Vahn.

The Sith woman let out an exaggerated laugh, "HA, good one, the only thing that loaf (@Vahn Berand) is best paired with is some jam..." she then chuckled to herself, internally high-fiving her creative description. Her gaze though glanced to the images of Emryc as they came on screen to the next pairing. Tiamat grinned seeing his flawless press images on the holo, feeling jealous of his natural knack for the holocam as she needed to at least take 300 holopics before finding the right one to post. Though, those feelings quickly vanished as the domestic dispute sounded and her name was slapped onto his ship.

"No...."

The Sith woman's face turned several shades lighter until she was ghostly pale and she didn't even realize she had dropped her tools as she saw her unflattering image superimposed on his picture. Her blue eyes wide as saucers as she stood frozen in her own silence, unable to even listen to the rest of ships. When she finally had feeling in her limbs, slowly Tiamat lowered the cover to the holo screen, switching it off.

She stood there contemplating...

Then she picked up a hammer...

Smashed the screen three times...

One more time for good measure...

And let out a long sigh...eyes closed in now a silent contemplation before smirking...

"I'm a smoking hot rage lady."

 

Laren Vano

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"Unbelievable"

Laren leaned back in his chair as he looked at the picture of Poffo on the screen. That game was by far his worst performance ever. It was embarassing and it was annoying enough to have his droid remind him of it every day, let alone it be all over the tabloids. The Mandalorian would be rubbing his eyes in hopes to unsee what he had seen but he just couldn't. It was there and now it won't ever go away.

"Bwoo-bebopbop"

"Oh yea? And you could have done better? I don't think so!"

"Veewoo-zebop"

"Shut Up! It was a fluke win."

Laren got up and grabbed his helmet sitting on the console of his ship. he looked at his reflection in the visor and shook his head. He couldn't believe he lost to a guy in pink. The Mandalorian was on his way out of the room when he heard a playing from the tabloid of the video of Poffo knocking Laren out with a steel chair.

"OOOOOHHHH YEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!"

"Oh no.. there's a video?"

 

Newton

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The Good Doctor
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... picking up from where they left off, Newton was still in his office now trying to get some paperwork done. His companion astromech droid was still at his side, and L3 was at attention. Suddenly the secretary protocol droid spoke again. "By the way Sir, you are also have the third most spicy ship." Newton then looked at L3, stopping what he was doing. He was puzzled and his expression reflects. He's almost afraid to ask. "My ship is the third most spicy?" It's weird. Newton thought that she was talking about starships, in which Newton's yacht is a nifty vessel the Nobel, it has it's own artificial intelligence installed on it that can control most of the ships or tell jokes. But how is it spicy exactly? Actually, how could it be spicy? "Yes, your and Jedi Master Alexandria Vorans" he said and then he would attempt to continue his work.

Newton was not liking how this was sounding. "I don't have a ship with her. I have one ship The Nobel, and it's is mine only" Why would Newton own a ship with a Jedi master? Or why would he want to have anything to do with Jedi unless they are purchasing Blackwell products, which as far as he can tell they are not.

"Wait, you don't know what shipping is Sir?" L3 asked, audibly chuckling. Newton would take a drink of his newly refilled coffee "I feel obligated to make you aware that a a 'ship' is slang for a couple that fans want to be together. When they meant you two are the third most spiciest ship... they meant that they want to see you two makeout" With that Newton would turn his head and spit out his coffee in disgust. Ew. Newton thinks that is repugnant, he would raise his voice in irritation . "What kind of cretins are these? Why would I want to be a couple with a Jedi? They're religious weirdos. And I'm a man of reason and rationality" Not someone who 'does good' because a bunch of old books or texts tell them too and a bunch of other stuff that's hogwash most likely. Sure, the Force is real, but a lot of their beliefs are hooey as he understands them. Who ever 'shipped' them must not have a clue. Newton would then calm down and then try to dismiss the whole thing. He has better things to concentrate on.

Newton would then glare at his droid "Oh, clean up this mess"
 

Minerva Wren

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Inside her quarters Minerva sat on the bed, wearing a green sleeveless shirt and pants. Holding a datapad with both hands Minerva had been looking for leads on holonet when she discovered a photo of herself and Reiel in armor. Concerned, she checked out the two following videos. At the end of both she stayed completely still. Eyes glued to the screen the warrior’s jaw dropped in utter shock.

No this can’t be!

A minute later her body began to tremble violently. Not from fear but rising fury. Eyes narrowing Minerva’s mouth subsequently formed a bitter scowl. Then she began to hyperventilate. Her husband Armand, had been dead and cremated for more than a month and she been slowly picking off anyone connected to his murder. Now suddenly some Aruetii running some ridiculous show had exposed her to the galactic scene and worse his viewers paired her with someone else!

Minerva at this point was not interested in anyone else romantically and likely never again. There were no words to fully describe what she was feeling at the moment.

What the widow feared the most was her own children somehow learning about this sooner or later. With a raging cry Minerva threw the datapad to the opposite wall and it cracked upon impact before falling down. Bitter tears came down her cheeks. Springing forth from the bed the widow continued to scream, pulling at her own short hair. Without warning she punched the nearest wall with the left hand. It shook at the sheer vibration and her left knuckle began to feel warm.

Pulling the arm back Minerva examined it, noting the blood on her knuckles. Slowly releasing the fist the former founding shook her head. A part of her wanted to pay Magnum a visit but realized it wouldn’t solve anything.

Worse such a stunt could actually make my hunt more difficult. She concluded before letting out a frustrated sigh.

Wiping the tears away as much as possible with the other arm, Minerva scowls once more. Her contempt for aruetii society had grown more so than ever before.

If any of outsider brings this up to my face or I catch them talking about it there will be hell to pay.
 
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