Ask Corellia High Hopes

[Willa Kanz]

Time had a way of changing priorities.

Nobody wanted to wait for Crix. And honestly, after the last message, she started to lose faith as well. There was a brief jaunt to Nar Shaddaa helping the cutie they met on Coru, but it ended poorly and she wanted more work. And with the Sith presence growing, Willa was more than a little paranoid. So she stuck to her promise to her childhood friend. She cut her hair short, changed her clothes. Even the music stopped being produced.

She got a job. It wasn't much, but it was something. There were days she caught herself looking out, hoping to see a familiar face and voice, but it had been months. So she just didn't anymore. The garage was run by a decent guy, he even let her sleep in the loft over the shop. It was early hours yet, and technically the shop wasn't open yet.

Dressed in dingy, greasy coveralls, she groggily waited for the crappy caf to drip into a cracked mug, some old mix playing in the background. Just another crappy day in a sea of many, but hey, at least there was some sunshine somewhere, right?

@Nefieslab

 

[Crix Aran]

Crix had taken a ship from the Jedi Temple just as soon as he had had any kind of training under his belt. The Order frowned on it but no one stepped forward to stop him - only his Master could do that and the only Jedi close to being considered his Master had been too busy to be asked his opinion so Crix shot off back to Corellia. It had been months and he had no right to expect his friends to still just be hanging around, still just waiting for him.

But it was the only place he could start looking so he set the course and soon he landed back in the familiar planet. It felt so... strange to be wandering the streets he had gotten to know as something barely above an urchin and now dressed in the armored robes of a Jedi. Sure, he didn't have a lightsaber yet but that didn't much matter to him now that he was starting his training - it would come later.

He started walking, trusting in the Force to guide him and it did not steer him wrong. Almost immediately the feeling in his gut grew and he followed it, wandering down streets at a leisurely pace. He wanted to see her again but he was... concerned about how he had left her. How he had left all of them alone to run off and deal with his own problem, a problem he had created even.

The Force directed him and he could feel it twisting as it recognized her, Willa, and he felt it.

He felt his hand ghosting against her's as they both reached for the mouse at the same time, her sat down at the desk and him stood behind her. The cool softness of the back of her hand, smaller than his, nestled within his own. Remembering how his breath had hitched ever so slightly as he stood, almost wrapped around her from behind, as they edited one of her music tracks. For a second he could even hear the beat of her song and one of his hearts matched the drumbeat...

He stood in front of the open garage door, staring into the gloom to see a woman standing by a caf machine that had clearly seen better days. Dressed in coveralls and a light sheen of grease from days of hard work. The memory-feeling he got from the Force confirmed it.

It was Willa.

She hadn't turned around yet - she hadn't noticed him yet. There was a chance for him to slip away, to leave her to the life she had built in his absence. Maybe she was happier this way? Better off if he never dragged her off to fight in a Galactic religious war? But he couldn't bring himself to just walk away again.

"Hello Wiz..."

@Killa Ree

 

[Willa Kanz]

The hair stood straight up on the back of her neck.

She sucked in a breath, but otherwise there seemed no other reaction. She had to have imagined it. It was like those first few weeks; she'd see a ghost of his smile, occasionally, or those stupid horns, or his voice in the back of her thoughts. The only thing that clued in otherwise was that feeling he dragged up. Before, it was just little flutters, notes of feelings. Stomach dropping, heart speeding a bit, before slipping into the old role of friends.

Now though?

It was so much worse. Her stomach felt hollow, heart thudding hard. A hand clenched on the bar top, and a couple seconds later the machine beeped creakily. Caf wended around her senses, and she forced herself to turn around, swallowing hard to brace for the inevitable disappointment again.

Her throat closed, and for a moment her words dried up entirely as she just stood, hip against the countertop, staring at him. Shock parted her lips, eyes widened, but then it smoothed away into a smile. Fake, all of it to hide the fact that her old bestie was standing there dressed in a friggin' dress, looking so... so...

Grown up.

"Well..." she cleared her throat awkwardly, forcing herself to smile, trying again through the sudden hoarseness. "Well hell, Tricks. Took you long enough." She tried to be jovial, propping a hand on her hip to stare at him. But just seeing him brought it all back. The hurt. The anger. The crushing disappointment, and the fear when he didn't answer anything and then, the giving up when she finally dumped her old comm. It wasn't that long ago, but it felt like it. She swallowed again, then crossed the distance.

No other words were needed, as she just wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her face into his chest.

Because if she looked at his face a moment later she felt like she might start crying. And that just wasn't cool.

@Nefieslab

 

[Crix Aran]

He wasn't adept with the Force enough to be able to tell the difference between what she was feeling and what he was feeling. When he reached out with the Force, he could feel emotions but without much practice they were often just a mirror of his own. The tenseness and the surprise? He thought they were her's but he couldn't be sure that they weren't his either; it was surprising to see her looking so different.

If she thought he had grown up, he felt the same.

Reaching up, Crix lowered the hood that came with the Jedi robes he was wearing. If there were any doubts that he was Crix Aran then they would be dispelled almost immediately. Same facial tattoos and other features he was certain she had memorized long ago.

Swallowing thickly, Crix couldn't think of anything to say to her comment. He could tell, not through the Force but from knowing her for years, that she was faking it. That she was putting on a smile because she didn't want him to really see what she was feeling in that moment. Rather than call her on it, his throat decided to choke him of breath before he could speak.

"Wizz I..."

She almost slammed into him as she wrapped him up in a hug that shook him where he was standing for a moment. It didn't last more than a handful of second before his own arms wrapped around her, tightly, and his face pressed into her hair. Probably was his imagination but he thought she smelled the same and it took him until now to realized he'd missed it as something that made him feel so much more at home.

His arms tightened ever so slightly.

"Sorry I'm late, Wizz." he answered her quietly, "I... things got out of hand. Badly."

Understatement... so much of an understatement but he didn't care in the moment. In the moment all he cared for was that his friend was back.

@Killa Ree

 

[Willa Kanz]

She let in a shuddering breath when his arms wrapped around her as well, and she felt his cheek pressing against the top of her head. She squeezed her eyes shut, just holding onto him. Her chest ached and she exhaled slowly, clenching her hands into the fabric at his back. Wanting this to be real.

"You asshole."

The words were whispered, muffled into his uniform. She could feel the hard prick of tears in the back of her throat, but she wouldn't cry. Not yet. She didn't want to have him see just how much he rattled her. Just like that, she felt even more tired, shaky. "I made you a promise, Crix. But you just went off without me. Hell, you're one of them now, just like you've wanted." There wasn't resentment in her voice, but rather a weary belligerence. She wanted to be angry, to yell or even throw things, but something in his eyes, in his voice cooled it immediately. Big things happened. Bad things.

Yeah, she knew those feelings all too well. Those changes.

She would have forced herself back a step, but his arms were still around her, and she wasn't sure she could let go just yet. Panic that if she did he'd just vanish again. So her arms tightened around him, feeling armor. What the hell happened to you that you needed armor? she wanted to ask, but instead she just held on.

"Why are you here?"

@Nefieslab

 

[Crix Aran]

He... yeah, he had kind of expected her to call him names. Honestly he had expected to get several punches to the kidneys so having her calling him names into his robes? Yeah he would take that because, as far as scoldings went, that was him getting off lightly and he knew it. Instead of responding with words he moved one of his hands to hold the back of her head, cradling her against him.

During their time apart he'd had a growth spurt... he could tell the difference in how she laid against him. The lump forming in his throat was hard to move past but he knew as she spoke that he had to, that he had to speak. She didn't break away so she was still speaking into his robes but he heard her.

He heard every word and even those left unsaid.

"You made a promise and so did I - I told you that I'd be back for you just as soon as I could be." he replied, whispering into her hair, "That once I found my mom... I'd be back for you and the others."

His fingers threaded through her hair as he held onto her tightly. Despite himself his mind went back to Sullust... the heat... the oppressive atmosphere... the raw hatred so strong he thought he might choke on it and die there, underground and forgotten. With his lack of training he wasn't able to stop the fact that his emotions were almost radiating off of him.

"I... I found her, Willa... I found my mom and she... she..."

He couldn't speak.

His right hand shook even as he clung to her and he tried hard not to let the tears fall. In his mind he was back there, back in the cell on Sullust, with his mom limp and all-but gone in his arms. Around Talak? Around the Jedi? He had to be strong, had to try and move on.

Around Willa? He didn't want to have to be strong, to have his emotionally defenses be unassailable.

@Killa Ree

 

[Willa Kanz]

She couldn't explain it, exactly, but she knew instinctively what he was feeling. Before, it was a feeling taken for granted. He was her best friend, of course she'd know him well enough, like her own reflection she knew him inside and out. But now he changed, and her heart was thumping hard enough she was sure he could feel it. Feel his emotions. And she wanted to soothe them. Wanted to ease the pain somehow. One of her hands rested over his lightly, giving it a light squeeze.

She forced herself to pull her head away from his chest, to look up at him. Taking him in, really, for the first time since what felt like forever. It felt like years since the last time they were here, digging for scrap heap junk, and here she was working for one of 'em. Time had a funny way of changing things like that. At his crumbling resolve, at seeing his features like he was going to tear up. Exhaling shakily, she gave his hand a light squeeze and a watery smile.

"Come on in, Tricks. The caf's shit, but the loft's alright."

Giving him privacy to vent, to share. She had the feeling the last thing he'd want was to be in public while he spilled. And truth be told... she didn't want him to slip away again. But many questions floated through her mind, many that ached to be spoken. Her throat ached with the sudden urge to cry, but she had to be the tough one right now.

The garage was simple, with a set of stairs leading to the loft above. And even it was a simple space; one room, kitchenette right next to the doorway, a closet remade into a washroom and water closet, and the bed. She'd tug his hand, grabbing her cup with the other.

Giving him time to breathe, as well, and her time for her heart to settle back into her chest. But truth be told... it hurt. Seeing him, seeing he was alive and real again, was both a huge relief and a smack of emotional pain she wasn't ready for. She thought she had a handle on things... she was dead wrong.

Nothing prepared her for what she could possibly hear from Crix... and she wanted to prepare for both of them, before they both started crying in the garage or somethin'. That would be so uncool.

@Nefieslab

 

[Crix Aran]

Crix knew he probably should have just continued, to keep going so that he could deal with his emotions over a longer period of time. So that he could allow himself to grieve and grow from the pain rather than just wallow in it. But he hadn't told his best friend and that had been something missing, something he didn't know he needed to do to move on with the weight of what had happened recently.

He knew she was just as fragile as he was right now, instinctively, so he just smiled at her and let himself be led by the hand into the garage, out from the street. It meant a lot that he actually felt as though he was with someone he could trust. The Jedi Order were cool and everything but they hadn't been with him through thick and thin like Willa had been.

"Shit caf ain't worth the water." he quipped back at her, an old joke back from Coruscant, "Hard pass I'm afraid Wiz."

Caf was good but he didn't need any help being jittery these days for kark's sake. He ran a hand over the horns atop his head, letting their points run along the skin of his hand as he thought for a moment upon arriving at her loft. It was... nice enough but even the Jedi, who weren't big on personal belongings, gave him more than this just for signing on.

"Nice place." he spoke quietly, not wanting to sit on the bed since he was sure Willa would be sitting on it and that gave 'impressions' he didn't want to give off right now, "Are you... how are you getting on here Willa? Tell me... honestly."

@Killa Ree

 

[Willa Kanz]

She didn't answer right away... but flopped onto the bed, noting how he glanced around the small space. It wasn't much bigger than the space she would've had on the ship... but it was somethin' at least. She sighed, setting the mug down on the floor next to the bed and running a hand over her face.

The mask cracked ever so subtly. Rings of fatigue hovered beneath her eyes, full lips pursed. She didn't want to be mad at him, especially since he went to rescue his mom and all. But she was. She was hurt, deep down, that she didn't matter enough to go with him, that she was left behind and now everything was changing. Perhaps she was naive enough to think he could solve all their problems... but she wasn't cut out to be group leader. That was Crix's thing.

So when she spoke up, her voice was flat, toneless.

"It's been hell." Sighing, she ran her fingers through her hair, wincing in remembrance that it was so much shorter now. But shearing it off all at once was a lot cheaper than any haircuts or special shampoos she could've gotten. "I..." her voice cracked, and she swallowed hard, trying to give him a smile but it was weak, thin.

"I missed you like crazy." Brutal honesty, fists balling up in her lap. "Everyone. Riyo. Enby. Penny. But bein' out here, doin' kark-all... I karked up, met some Sith." She shivered once, then her features hardened, staring up at him. "They're bastards. All of them. Killing, breaking... I was so scared when I didn't hear anythin' from you." She looked down then, at her hands, and forced herself to unclench, swallowing hard.

"It sucked."

@Nefieslab

 

[Crix Aran]

He might not have been looking to sit on the bed but he was still watching her and he could see it when the mask started to slip. What he had half convinced himself were actually his own feelings reflected back on him? No, they were Willa's. They were written plainly on her face when she wasn't trying to hide them and he knew they were real and they cut deep.

Rather than sitting on her bed he knelt down on the floor in front of her and reached out to take her hand in his. He didn't know if she would be able to accept the comfort he was offering though since he knew, not all that deep down, that she was suffering like this because of him.

There was a lot of that going around these days...

He tried not to let her raw emotion get to him because he was supposed to be learning how to be a Jedi. Supposed to be able to accept emotions and not dwell on them before letting them go or something like that. It was something he could try but he knew he wasn't doing a very good job of it at all because the guilt still sat heavy in his gut.

"I'm sorry I left you all." he whispered quietly, "I wish... I wish I could say I wouldn't do it again if I could re-do it but... but it was my mom. I'm sorry that I caused all... all this."

He squeezed her hand gently.

"Willa I'm just so glad that you're safe. I don't know what I would have done if the Sith had gotten you too. Any of you..." he swallowed thickly, "Please... come with me, Willa. I feel the Force inside of you and I want you to be safe with me, with the Jedi."

@Killa Ree

 

[Willa Kanz]

They were words she wanted to hear ages ago. He was her best friend, after all, and being left behind was the worst that he could've done to her. To them. She sighed at the light touch of his hand over her own. There were some thicker callouses there now, his hands were bigger than hers. She focused on that for a moment, letting that focus her for a moment while his words settled over her shoulders.

But he wanted her to leave. To go to the Jedi... like it was so simple to do. She closed her eyes briefly, inhaling slowly through her nose, before sighing heavily.

"It ain't that easy anymore," she murmured quietly, hunching her shoulders. "I don't want to drag you down in anythin'; I'm not as smart nor gifted like you are." Her lips twitched in a humorless smile, but brown eyes settled on his firmly, giving his own hand a squeeze back.

"Besides, I feel like ya came here for more than a recruitment poster. Tell me what's up; you know I'm here for ya. And then I'll choose."

He had always been her support when shit went sideways with her old man; the least she could do was be the same right now. She wanted to be the shoulder for him for once; it wasn't fair for him to heft everything alone.

@Nefieslab

 

[Crix Aran]

Again, he wasn't sure which emotions were hers and which he was just projecting. Because he could feel the urge to come with him, for her to be a Jedi with him, but he couldn't tell if those were her actual emotions because he wanted them to be true so badly that it was muddling his senses. He cursed that he had not developed them well enough to be able to fully pick them apart yet but he would be lying if he said it wasn't a good incentive to make him want to try harder.

The not knowing was maddening considering this was Wiz... he had already known where her head was at even without the Force but now? Well a lot had changed about them both.

"Wiz I'm not going to be flinging buildings around any time soon." he told her with a smile and a roll of his eyes, "You'll probably be better than me in a week. Two weeks tops."

He smiled a little bit thinner.

"Always able to see right through me..." he muttered half-heartedly before deciding to be entirely honest with her, "The Sith they... they took every secret from my mind. Even you guys and that you have the Force, all of you."

Crix swallowed thickly, putting words to a fear he had buried and tried not to acknowledge? It was harder than anything he'd ever done before.

"They found out my mom and they... they reached into her mind and broke her. B-broke her into a million pieces so th-that she's basically not even my... no even my mom anymore." he admitted through the lump in his throat, "And I'm worried that... there's nothing to stop them from doing that you any of you. And Wiz... Willa... I couldn't survive that. Not to you guys... not to you as well... I need... I need you to be able to defend yourselves."

That they would be with him was... was an undeniable benefit as well but he didn't believe he could defend them all the time even fully trained. He needed them to be able to defend themselves as well.

He needed it more than he needed to breathe.

@Killa Ree

 

[Willa Kanz]

She looked up, watched his face as he spoke. Could feel everything; with him especially, she could always sense what her friend was feeling, but now it was especially strong, especially vulnerable. Her throat closed when he started to spill, but she held onto his hand. She knew she was Sensitive, ever since Coru, but having it affirmed was still a muted surprise.

But it was his next words that brought a hard lump in her own throat, especially over his mom. She only met the woman a handful of times, but she knew Crix worshipped her. Seeing him so broken over it...

She slid down the narrow space between them to her knees, and hugged him again. A full, all-encompassing hug once again, not out of pity, or anythin' but the need to fix it. Fix the guilt he was feeling. But at first, she couldn't talk. When she did, her voice was thick in his ear, over his shoulder.

"Whatever happens or happened, it ain't your fault," she replied quietly. "I'm still standin'. No sassy assholes with red blades gonna cut me down anytime soon... but I'll come with ya." She squeezed her arms around him again, her voice soft. "I'd follow ya anywhere Crix, you know that. An' if it helps ya sleep at night... I'll go."

@Nefieslab

 

[Crix Aran]

Willa wasn't surprised that he knew she was Force Sensitive and he wasn't surprised she knew it either. He had known it about himself for so long without even really thinking about it and he had been bad at emotions for a long time. He'd never really been good at accepting his own thoughts and feelings but Willa always had been.

It made sense she knew.

Of course she knew.

He let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding when she held him and she agreed. She agreed that she would come with him, that she would become a Jedi alongside him. Reaching down, Crix took her hand in his own.

"I don't ever want to be weak again Willa; I want to be strong enough to defend the people I want to keep close." he smiled at her, a small and crooked thing, "But it's a lonely path without those same people so... thank you, Willa. Let's get moving and get ourselves and our friends back. Let's be Jedi, Wiz."

He squeezed her hand gently.

"Together."

@Killa Ree