Hubris Tests the Limits of Even the Most Doubtless Mind

Lex Solus

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Independent
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Citizen

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OOC
vamp
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Sep 13, 2021
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Mandalore, location unknown
1254 local time

An endless wasteland stretched out to the horizon, stifling his sight with nothing but sand and ash for as far as the eye could see. A light breeze sent particles shuffling amongst themselves, hovering low at his feet as the warrior walked, his steps sluggish and erratic, his mind racing, his heart beating hard beneath his iron chestplate. His hands at his sides, clenching into fists that grasped the empty air, unclenching only to tighten up once more, his brain so overwhelmed with thoughts that it sent his body into a frenzy. His breath came out in ragged pants, the interior of his helmet hot and stuffy.

Lexin Solus tore it off his head and threw it at the ground hard, rocks and pebbles colliding loudly with the metal. He screamed until he felt his vocal chords tearing, beat at his chest and kicked his knees as he felt the raw emotion course through his body like hot lightning. He screamed and screamed into the endless abyss, the home of his people that had been torn to shreds by outsiders. A fragmented people who had come together in the face of conflict, aided and influenced once again by outsiders.

He fell to his knees in tired resignation, and his body slumped down until he was laying on the sand staring up at the light blue sky, the sun bearing down and nearly blocking his sight. His heart continued to pound, but he was tired--so tired--and weary of this ongoing war within him. Doubt had crept into his doubtless mind, shredding the unfaltering confidence that had been instilled in him for as long as he could remember. He opened his mouth to speak but only a strained croak escaped his lips, and his fist pounded the ravaged earth beneath him.

"Kad-" he gasped the word out, drawing in short and erratic breaths. "Kad Ha'rangir. Culler of the Cowardly, Defender of Conflict--Warden of Progress. Give me the strength to carry on the battles I am fated to fight. Give me the resolve to carry on the torch in the darkness that consumes this life. Give- Give me the wisdom to take charge of my fate and not succumb to blind arrogance."

His face was hot, but the world around him was cold. He had made mistakes. He knew that. He acted on impulse, he disregarded all logic because it was what he had been taught was right, the fervent passion fueling the fire in his heart. And yet, where had that gotten him?

A stranger among his own people. A traitor, heckled on the streets and shrouded in dishonor with every step he made, the burden stifling and overwhelming. He'd challenged the Manda'lor because the thought of his people falling slave to the Sith Empire once more was unthinkable, but it seemed he was alone in his dissent. Perhaps he was wrong. Perhaps he did not belong among his brothers and sisters, perhaps he had forfeited his right to fight among his people the moment he turned against the common tide. Perhaps he should not even meet the Manda'lor in combat, perhaps he should simply go into self-imposed exile and never be heard from again. A few missteps had sent him teetering on the brink of madness, shredded his psyche and beat down his resolve. Why did he fight, if not side by side with his comrades? Why did he raise his fist in resistance to the outsiders, if his people accepted them?

The Mandalorian knew he was not fit to lead, not if taking power meant the disapproval of those around him. Not if it meant desertions, not if it meant fragmenting an already divided society who had just now begun to reconcile. There was much to lose and little to gain, because power was not what propelled him, and leading just for leading's sake would not fulfill him.

"Cast your fiery light into the abyss, Kad Ha'rangir, and clear this fog that threatens to engulf a misguided warrior's soul."

< - >​

"You did what you thought was right, Lexin, but I urge you to step back."

His father's words hung heavy in his mind as he prowled the wastelands aimlessly. The discussion they'd had earlier replayed in his head again and again, the disapproval of the one person in the universe that he would tear planets apart for clutching his heart in a vice grip.

"It is not your place to decide what is best for a self-determined people. If you truly believe our fate is ours, let your compatriots choose. Stand by and fight at their side, unless you would rather let your hubris turn you into nothing more than just another traitor standing in the way of progress."

"But the Sith-"

"I know about the Sith, my son! I know what they have done to us. I know what outsiders have done to us. But if it is the will of the people to ally with a damned Empire, let it be so! You are not Mandalore the Conqueror! You are not Leviticus! You are nothing more than an iron skin amongst millions, and your duty as a soldier is to hold the banner high."

It was with the end of the discussion that he stepped off the ship and began scouring the surface, no destination in mind, just a desire to be as close as possible to his homeland, a desperate hope that it would bring clarity and he would find answers inward. But all he found was more doubt. All he found was solitude.

< - >​
 
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