...then I would stand a little stronger as I walk a little taller all the time.
Each piece is instrumental with the change that he is undergoing, though he thinks that the “change” is something more along the lines of returning to what he once have been – long before the wrong crowd, the bad decisions, the destructive addiction, and the hatred that suddenly appeared in Dad's eyes broke his spirit. The sixth piece of his heart is the one who has found him and accepted the brokenness in him, and his meeting with her has led to him creating the seventh and eighth pieces of his metaphorical heart. It is also the seventh and eighth who continue to inspire even greater changes from him, who continue to remind him that there is more to the fifth piece of his heart's message for him when she saved his life on Tatooine years ago.
Arctus, however, knows that for him to truly change, he needs to return to his roots. He has so many questions – well, just one to be precise – that he needs answers for, and as much as he wants to avoid the truth he knows that it will not only hurt himself in the long run, but also those he loves more than he can ever love himself. And for him to truly change, he also needs to tell them his truth – the wrong crowd, the bad decisions, the destructive addiction, and the lies.
Mum owes him the truth. In turn, Arctus owes Mum and the triplets his ugly truth. The mess he once was, and even the mess that persists and clings to him like the parasitic leech It is.
Though he knows that he is ready for the long overdue conversation, he also feels very hesitant and deathly afraid. How will he react if Mum confirms that he really isn't Dad's son? How will he react once she tells him how he came to existence? And how will the first four pieces of his heart react once he admits the whole truth he's kept hidden from them for years?
He will not find out if he keeps himself locked in his ship, he tells himself. He will not find out by pacing restlessly in his sleeping quarters, letting apprehension and fear grip him. He will not find out if he heeds the mocking voices that begin to whisper at him insidiously.
Always choose courage. Isn't that what's written on that note he received on the Life Day celebration at the Temple?
He swallows his apprehension, his fear, and puts on a brave face and a brave heart. He needs to do this. He needs to have this discussion. He needs the truth, and he needs to tell the truth in return. Otherwise he'll be stunting his own growth, pausing the changes that are hopefully turning him into a better man.
He needs to do this, or else he'll be denying himself the healing he needs. He will not be a good Jedi if he buckles now. He will not be a good son, a good brother – both to his blood and the ones he has found. He will not be a better person if he runs away.
Arctus takes a deep breath and steps out of his ship, duffel bag containing whatever necessities he's packed slung over one shoulder. He has left notes for Indy, Ruzaan, and Clove, telling them that he will be visiting his family and that he'll be staying for a few days – a week, at most – to catch up. He tells them not to worry, and that he'll be alright. Each note has been slipped into their hands in passing, Arctus's flowing but surprisingly neat handwriting a reassurance that he will soon return. He knows that leaving the Temple without explicit permission is something that is frowned upon, but he will just bear the consequences after. And besides, if the Padawans younger than him can do it, then why can't he? He may be in his thirties, but even the former smuggler can be as petty as the younger generation of Jedi.
This trip is also something that he needs to do and face alone, so there's that. It'll be terribly awkward if he brought Indy, Clove, or Ruzaan with him.
Mum's diner has undergone so many changes while also maintaining the same kind and welcoming atmosphere it possesses. The establishment has expanded, but the second and third floors – the Friers' living spaces – seemingly remain untouched. He can see that there are, predictably, a lot of customers presently – morning rushes are kind of a living hell, but with the diner's expansion comes the hiring of additional employees who greet Arctus as he enters the establishment. None of the new recruits know him, and the old ones are quick to catch Mum's attention and direct her to her firstborn son.
“Arctus Ramiel Friers!” Mum exclaims the moment her gaze alights upon him. “When was the last time you visited, young man–”
The years have been exceedingly kind to her, and though there are more lines upon her face than he's last seen her, she is still so very beautiful. Like an angel, his Gramps used to tell him. White stands out starkly against her brown hair, but the mix of color suits her rather surprisingly. She strides quickly towards him, arms rising for a hug he happily accepts. The Padawan picks her up and spins her once, uncaring of the patrons who become their reunion's impromptu audience.
Mum, however, is quick to flick him on the forehead the moment he sets her down, earning a pained yelp from the former smuggler. She doesn't apologize, and the smug smile she gives him sends him laughing fondly as he rubs the small welt on his forehead. Mum then loops one arm with his and take him to a side room that leads upstairs to their family's living space, and gives him another tight hug before gesturing for him to sit down on the couch.
“You didn't say that you're going home, love!” Mum says as she busies herself in the kitchen, preparing tea and biscuits for Arctus. “You should've sent a message so I could've sent one of your brothers to pick you up at the spaceport– my word, those three have been wondering when you'd show up again!”
“Aww, Mum,” the Padawan says with a smile as he abandons his seat in favor of helping her in the kitchen. “I missed you all, too.”
Dahlia Friers returns her firstborn’s smile, one hand gently cradling Arctus's cheek. She pulls her son down to her level and presses her forehead to his. The former smuggler basks in the warmth and love behind the gesture, and they share a fond laugh when she follows up with a tiny boop to his nose as they separate.
“Speakin' of them rascals, where's the AJ Trio?” he inquires as he carries the tray to the living room. Mum sits down beside him on the couch and pours him a cup of tea which he gratefully accepts. He still doesn't have the heart to tell her that he prefers coffee over tea, but he will not complain. She's a godsdamned magician when it comes to cooking and even something as meagre as preparing tea.
“Ansem and Alden's at work. Armin's on a date with his boyfriend.”
“He and Cillian still going strong, or is this a new boyfriend?”
“Oh, he's still with Cillian, the good lad. I'm not supposed to tell you this yet, but,” Mum's voice lowers into a conspiratorial whisper, a joyous smile tugging the corners of her lips upwards, “Cillian has already proposed. Ansem and Alden were itching to call you and tell you the news, but Armin wants to tell you in person, you know. He and Cillian insist on receiving your blessing.”
Arctus can't contain his joy at the news, and he won't be kidding if he tells her just how much the muscles on his face are hurting from how much he's smiling. They have absolutely no need for his blessing because he's already given it when he's seen how happy Armin is with Cillian. Asking for his blessing is only a formality, and besides he's the oldest male in the family – and it's as if his youngest brother can ask it of an absent father. Hells, all of them have no idea where Dad is or if he's still even alive for that matter. The brothers never heard word nor news from their old man the day he walked out of their lives, nor have they seen even a sliver of his shadow. So as much as Arctus wants to tell both Armin and Cillian that he's already given them his blessing without uttering the words, the former smuggler decides to simply do the honor.
It doesn't take Mum long to ask Arctus about his own love life, and it takes the Padawan an utterly short moment to respond that he has none. Talking about a woman who's already taken will only prompt more questions than answers. So Arctus redirects the conversation back to his brothers. If Mum notices him avoiding the topic, she is kind enough to not pursue it any longer.
He is glad that she isn't asking the reason for his visit. Mum seems content to simply have her eldest home, and the reminder that he'll only be here for a week doesn't wipe away her happiness. Mum's presence is warm and soft, kind and gentle, through the Force. She's sunshine after the rain, pastel pink roses in full bloom. It's the first time he looks at her through the Force and she matches what he sees, and he likes and loves every bit of it.
They spend the next hour talking about the diner, his brothers, the possible venues for Armin's wedding, and life in Corellia. He senses that Mum is toeing along the lines of the reasons for his sudden appearance, but when Arctus lets out a genuine yawn and she sees the exhaustion on his face, she tells him to rest.
“I'll wake you up before lunch,” she tells him kindly as she stands up and begins to put away the cups and saucers. Arctus moves to help but she gently pushes him back down on the couch. “Get some rest, Ramiel. I'll manage. You can go to your room, if you prefer.”
“Okay,” he replies sheepishly, but Mum only waves his slight embarrassment off before giving his cheek a kiss and making her way towards the kitchen. The former smuggler picks up his duffel bag and heads to his room, only stopping for a moment when Mum calls him by his first name.
“Arctus. You know you can ask me anything, right, sweetheart?”
Arctus stares at her, hazel grey eyes widening momentarily before a knowing expression crosses his face. He nods at her, solemn and perceptive. The last time he's tried to pay her and his brothers a visit is after that fateful encounter with Coven at the Snoozing Krayt. He's bewildered, angry, and afraid at the time, and as much as he wanted to go home and demand the truth he held off on the desire to confront Mum at the time. He knows that it wouldn't have ended well given his mental state at the time, but right now he's prepared to know the truth. And he's prepared to admit his lies and mistakes as well.
Everything just boils down to how much ready he is in the end, isn't it?
“I know, Mum,” Arctus replies, mustering a small but sincere smile for her. “I know.”
—·—
Arctus's definition of home is swiftly becoming much broader in the sense that he knows that home is where the pieces of his heart are, as cheesy and sappy as that sounds. He has a home in Corellia, with four out of (currently) eight pieces of his heart residing there. Then there is one who has found a home in Tinnel IV with the man she truly loves, but there is also Mandalore where her own pieces of her heart live. The remaining three currently reside in the Jedi Temple on Yavin IV, though he knows that they each have a home in Pantora, Shili, and Ralltiir.
Each piece is instrumental with the change that he is undergoing, though he thinks that the “change” is something more along the lines of returning to what he once have been – long before the wrong crowd, the bad decisions, the destructive addiction, and the hatred that suddenly appeared in Dad's eyes broke his spirit. The sixth piece of his heart is the one who has found him and accepted the brokenness in him, and his meeting with her has led to him creating the seventh and eighth pieces of his metaphorical heart. It is also the seventh and eighth who continue to inspire even greater changes from him, who continue to remind him that there is more to the fifth piece of his heart's message for him when she saved his life on Tatooine years ago.
Arctus, however, knows that for him to truly change, he needs to return to his roots. He has so many questions – well, just one to be precise – that he needs answers for, and as much as he wants to avoid the truth he knows that it will not only hurt himself in the long run, but also those he loves more than he can ever love himself. And for him to truly change, he also needs to tell them his truth – the wrong crowd, the bad decisions, the destructive addiction, and the lies.
Mum owes him the truth. In turn, Arctus owes Mum and the triplets his ugly truth. The mess he once was, and even the mess that persists and clings to him like the parasitic leech It is.
Though he knows that he is ready for the long overdue conversation, he also feels very hesitant and deathly afraid. How will he react if Mum confirms that he really isn't Dad's son? How will he react once she tells him how he came to existence? And how will the first four pieces of his heart react once he admits the whole truth he's kept hidden from them for years?
He will not find out if he keeps himself locked in his ship, he tells himself. He will not find out by pacing restlessly in his sleeping quarters, letting apprehension and fear grip him. He will not find out if he heeds the mocking voices that begin to whisper at him insidiously.
Always choose courage. Isn't that what's written on that note he received on the Life Day celebration at the Temple?
He swallows his apprehension, his fear, and puts on a brave face and a brave heart. He needs to do this. He needs to have this discussion. He needs the truth, and he needs to tell the truth in return. Otherwise he'll be stunting his own growth, pausing the changes that are hopefully turning him into a better man.
He needs to do this, or else he'll be denying himself the healing he needs. He will not be a good Jedi if he buckles now. He will not be a good son, a good brother – both to his blood and the ones he has found. He will not be a better person if he runs away.
Arctus takes a deep breath and steps out of his ship, duffel bag containing whatever necessities he's packed slung over one shoulder. He has left notes for Indy, Ruzaan, and Clove, telling them that he will be visiting his family and that he'll be staying for a few days – a week, at most – to catch up. He tells them not to worry, and that he'll be alright. Each note has been slipped into their hands in passing, Arctus's flowing but surprisingly neat handwriting a reassurance that he will soon return. He knows that leaving the Temple without explicit permission is something that is frowned upon, but he will just bear the consequences after. And besides, if the Padawans younger than him can do it, then why can't he? He may be in his thirties, but even the former smuggler can be as petty as the younger generation of Jedi.
This trip is also something that he needs to do and face alone, so there's that. It'll be terribly awkward if he brought Indy, Clove, or Ruzaan with him.
Mum's diner has undergone so many changes while also maintaining the same kind and welcoming atmosphere it possesses. The establishment has expanded, but the second and third floors – the Friers' living spaces – seemingly remain untouched. He can see that there are, predictably, a lot of customers presently – morning rushes are kind of a living hell, but with the diner's expansion comes the hiring of additional employees who greet Arctus as he enters the establishment. None of the new recruits know him, and the old ones are quick to catch Mum's attention and direct her to her firstborn son.
“Arctus Ramiel Friers!” Mum exclaims the moment her gaze alights upon him. “When was the last time you visited, young man–”
The years have been exceedingly kind to her, and though there are more lines upon her face than he's last seen her, she is still so very beautiful. Like an angel, his Gramps used to tell him. White stands out starkly against her brown hair, but the mix of color suits her rather surprisingly. She strides quickly towards him, arms rising for a hug he happily accepts. The Padawan picks her up and spins her once, uncaring of the patrons who become their reunion's impromptu audience.
Mum, however, is quick to flick him on the forehead the moment he sets her down, earning a pained yelp from the former smuggler. She doesn't apologize, and the smug smile she gives him sends him laughing fondly as he rubs the small welt on his forehead. Mum then loops one arm with his and take him to a side room that leads upstairs to their family's living space, and gives him another tight hug before gesturing for him to sit down on the couch.
“You didn't say that you're going home, love!” Mum says as she busies herself in the kitchen, preparing tea and biscuits for Arctus. “You should've sent a message so I could've sent one of your brothers to pick you up at the spaceport– my word, those three have been wondering when you'd show up again!”
“Aww, Mum,” the Padawan says with a smile as he abandons his seat in favor of helping her in the kitchen. “I missed you all, too.”
Dahlia Friers returns her firstborn’s smile, one hand gently cradling Arctus's cheek. She pulls her son down to her level and presses her forehead to his. The former smuggler basks in the warmth and love behind the gesture, and they share a fond laugh when she follows up with a tiny boop to his nose as they separate.
“Speakin' of them rascals, where's the AJ Trio?” he inquires as he carries the tray to the living room. Mum sits down beside him on the couch and pours him a cup of tea which he gratefully accepts. He still doesn't have the heart to tell her that he prefers coffee over tea, but he will not complain. She's a godsdamned magician when it comes to cooking and even something as meagre as preparing tea.
“Ansem and Alden's at work. Armin's on a date with his boyfriend.”
“He and Cillian still going strong, or is this a new boyfriend?”
“Oh, he's still with Cillian, the good lad. I'm not supposed to tell you this yet, but,” Mum's voice lowers into a conspiratorial whisper, a joyous smile tugging the corners of her lips upwards, “Cillian has already proposed. Ansem and Alden were itching to call you and tell you the news, but Armin wants to tell you in person, you know. He and Cillian insist on receiving your blessing.”
Arctus can't contain his joy at the news, and he won't be kidding if he tells her just how much the muscles on his face are hurting from how much he's smiling. They have absolutely no need for his blessing because he's already given it when he's seen how happy Armin is with Cillian. Asking for his blessing is only a formality, and besides he's the oldest male in the family – and it's as if his youngest brother can ask it of an absent father. Hells, all of them have no idea where Dad is or if he's still even alive for that matter. The brothers never heard word nor news from their old man the day he walked out of their lives, nor have they seen even a sliver of his shadow. So as much as Arctus wants to tell both Armin and Cillian that he's already given them his blessing without uttering the words, the former smuggler decides to simply do the honor.
It doesn't take Mum long to ask Arctus about his own love life, and it takes the Padawan an utterly short moment to respond that he has none. Talking about a woman who's already taken will only prompt more questions than answers. So Arctus redirects the conversation back to his brothers. If Mum notices him avoiding the topic, she is kind enough to not pursue it any longer.
He is glad that she isn't asking the reason for his visit. Mum seems content to simply have her eldest home, and the reminder that he'll only be here for a week doesn't wipe away her happiness. Mum's presence is warm and soft, kind and gentle, through the Force. She's sunshine after the rain, pastel pink roses in full bloom. It's the first time he looks at her through the Force and she matches what he sees, and he likes and loves every bit of it.
They spend the next hour talking about the diner, his brothers, the possible venues for Armin's wedding, and life in Corellia. He senses that Mum is toeing along the lines of the reasons for his sudden appearance, but when Arctus lets out a genuine yawn and she sees the exhaustion on his face, she tells him to rest.
“I'll wake you up before lunch,” she tells him kindly as she stands up and begins to put away the cups and saucers. Arctus moves to help but she gently pushes him back down on the couch. “Get some rest, Ramiel. I'll manage. You can go to your room, if you prefer.”
“Okay,” he replies sheepishly, but Mum only waves his slight embarrassment off before giving his cheek a kiss and making her way towards the kitchen. The former smuggler picks up his duffel bag and heads to his room, only stopping for a moment when Mum calls him by his first name.
“Arctus. You know you can ask me anything, right, sweetheart?”
Arctus stares at her, hazel grey eyes widening momentarily before a knowing expression crosses his face. He nods at her, solemn and perceptive. The last time he's tried to pay her and his brothers a visit is after that fateful encounter with Coven at the Snoozing Krayt. He's bewildered, angry, and afraid at the time, and as much as he wanted to go home and demand the truth he held off on the desire to confront Mum at the time. He knows that it wouldn't have ended well given his mental state at the time, but right now he's prepared to know the truth. And he's prepared to admit his lies and mistakes as well.
Everything just boils down to how much ready he is in the end, isn't it?
“I know, Mum,” Arctus replies, mustering a small but sincere smile for her. “I know.”
—·—
Last edited: