Ask [Rattatak] Null and Void

[Null]

Rattatak, 150 ABY
Barterus, Celeste's Estate

Spoiler: Theme

A soft warm light cascaded down through one of the tall windows, enveloping the silent raven-haired boy that sat nearby at a small table and gazed blankly out into the distance. He'd barely been able to dress himself since Celeste had saved him from the clutches of a warlord and his gang, requiring assistance from her subordinates every day. A mostly untouched plate of food sat in front of the fallen Knight, who'd been dressed in a fine white button up shirt and black form-fitting pants for the day.

The recovery process had been going painfully slow. The broken and defeated Jedi was having issues recalling his past, which included his connection to the Order and even his own name. His friends, family. All of it was shattered and scattered to the distant corners of his foggy mind. His muscles had slowly begun to return, but it would take much more time and support for him to redevelop a healthy bulk. On top of that, his constant lack of appetite meant that it would take even longer if something wasn't done soon to get the former bounty hunter back into shape and on his feet.

For now he wasn't able to do much. He was usually unresponsive, but obedient nonetheless. He was often sluggish. Weak. Wasn't getting very good rest due to the constant traumatic nightmares that dominated his every attempt to sleep. Deep black bags had taken hold under his dim blues, and seemed to only be getting worse with each passing day. Despite all the people that surrounded him and cared for him, the boy always seemed so alone.

Null teetered between withering away and recovering. His heart didn't seem to be in anything, and he'd become a nobody. Celeste and her servants had done what they could to support him, but it was beginning to seem like he might be stuck in his debilitated and apathetic condition for the rest of his life...


@LadyRen

 

[Celeste Stythani]

Days and days had passed and days had turned into weeks and while Celeste had finally caught herself, Null wasn't making any progress at all. Celeste hadn't talked to anyone about what exactly had happened to them. She had informed her people that the mission had gone, that they had been captured and that they managed to escape while she herself had made sure that the warlord was dead and his men scattered and probably in a rather chaotic state as their leader was gone. However she had not mentioned any details and that was also why she had left everything concerning Null rather vague.

She was keeping him in her estate, nurturing him back to strength while she tried to provide him with everything necessary. She was allowing her servants to care for him, but she had instructed them not to speak to him at all. She was being very careful about how to approach him and since she was the only person he did remember at all, she was not letting others mess with him. She had grown very protective and while there were many pressing political issues at hand she was still investing a lot of time in his recovery, but after each and every day she became increasingly frustrated.

The bountyhunter was still week and barely even responded at all. He didn't seem particularly frightened of her anymore, but he was still heavily traumatized and the minimum of words he shared were not enough to engage him in actual conversations that might possible help with his recovery. She was not running out of patience but it seemed like she was running out of possibilities. She was still convinced to fix him, but it seemed like she wouldn't make any progress without professional help anymore.

After thorough research she had found a few trails of people who might be able to help him. She was aware that no one on Rattatak would be able to help, but that was why she had reached out to other planets and professionals all actoss the galaxy, trying to find the perfect person that would finally help her achieve a breakthrough.

The last candidate she had stumbled upon seemed extremely promising but she was always extremely careful with what information she would share and so she had agreed to meet him in person later to discuss the details. The contact was publicly known and rather renowned and there were rumors that he had developed some sort of miracle cure, but as always Celeste was naturally mistrusting and so she wanted to meet him first. She wasn't sure where she was getting herself into, but she was getting desperate and it seemed like this contact could be her last hope.

"You haven't touched your food yet" she remarked softly as she nodded to his plate, forcing another fork full of food down her own throat. She was always losing her appetite when she saw him like this, but she was hoping to convince him to eat when she did the same at least. "Would you want to go on another walk then?" she then asked him curiosly, not making it sound like a command but more like an opportunity even though she was convinced that she already knew how he would respond to that. She was hoping that a little walk would take his mind off things again, that the impressions of the outside world would distract him, but she also knew how difficult it was for him to leave the rather safe space of her house.

@AdventCore

 

[Null]

There was a long pause from Null as he continued to stare out the window. His expression was as depressed as ever. His distant gaze shifted down for a moment as he tried to focus on what it was his savior was saying to him. He could feel the emptiness inside, eating away at his core as he slowly trailed his sights over to the fine food before him that would be wasted once again.

He went to reach for the dish, but his arms didn't budge. Instead, he just sat and stared at the food, unable to find the will or strength to eat yet again. There was a hint of guilt across his youthful face, before he finally closed his restless lids, and then reopened them a few moments later in her direction. There was no eye contact from him as he gave her a very soft nod and kept his gaze low.

So far he hadn't been very successful with his attempts to do anything, but something deep within urged him to obey. He didn't know if he was willing to try this time for her, or for himself. It didn't really matter to him, much like everything else. If he had things his way he'd probably never leave the comfort and safety of Celeste's estate again, but at the same time he felt a faint obligation to the one that has rescued him from a fate worse than death.

"Yes... Milady..."


@LadyRen

 

[Celeste Stythani]

Throughout the years Celeste had learnt do be patient with many things, but the case of the traumatized bountyhunter was indeed overly challenging. She was not running out of patience with him. No, quite the contrary. She had promised to save him and to fix him and she wouldn't ever change her mind on that. But since nothing seemed to make it any better she was growing a little impatient and desperate to look for unconventional methods.

She softly breathed through while he avoided her gaze as always, but it bothered her strongly that he didn't eat again. "I'll have them store the food for later. Perhaps you'll eat the rest then" she softly offered as though he had started to take a few bites and they were just talking about leftovers while the truth was that he hadn't touched it at all. She knew it, he knew it and the servants that would put away the food for later knew it. It was often the same.

"We don't have to if you don't want to. I just thought some fresh air could help..." her voice trailed off a little as she was starting to spiral a little herself but she was still controlling her voice and her composure as best as she could. She would never lose hope, but she felt herself obliged to finally accept any help from outside.

She stood up and made her way over to him, offering him help as always since he was usually too weakened to walk on his own and once she had him back to his feet she would slowly and carefully held towards the door. "Once we're back, I'll leave you for a short time. I won't be gone for long but I have pressing matters to tend to..." she then explained softly, not wanting to shock him with her sudden disappearance. She knew that he wouldn't be prepared for her leave, but being honest about it was better than lying to him. She hoped that she'd be back soon. After all, she had told this contact that she was the one needing help with a deep trauma she wanted to overcome and she had prepared herself to act as though she wasbthe one needing help like Null did. The truth was, that she hadn't managed to completely fix her own self yet and she was far from having it all processed, but focusing on his problems distracted her from her own, which was a good thing for now she assumed.

@AdventCore

 

[Null]

"Hn..." Another soft nod came from Null as Celeste mentioned storing his food for now. Truth was he wasn't sure if he'd eat it later either, but at least she wasn't lashing him over it.

The pain flashed across his back. Null suddenly found himself on his hands and knees once again in the warlord's chamber. A loud crack and another sharp pain snapped across him. He tried not to cry out. Tried to take it as best he could while he weakly looked back to see Celeste standing there with the whip in her hand that she'd been forced to use on him.

And then he was back in her estate, with the same woman approaching him.
Null flinched and slightly pulled away. And then he froze.
He took a few deep breaths and tried to calm his nerves.
She'd explained to him why she'd done it, but it still hurt.

It took the trepid boy a few more moments to settle his nerves. To catch his breath and push the broken memory away. She was practically the only person left that he knew. He had to believe in her. Had to trust her if there was ever going to be any hope for recovery.

"O... Okay..." He faintly replied. It wasn't easy being left alone with a bunch of silent servants, but it was certainly easier than whatever it was he'd gone through with Celeste during the length of their enslavement.

After a few more moments he finally steadied himself enough to take her hand. He struggled to stand, using his other hand to push against the table so he could rise, though it wasn't by much. The starving sensation stabbed at his empty gut, loudly grumbling in protest. He couldn't stand up straight, and hunched against her shoulder for support.

Another deep breath later, another soft nod, and he was ready to try this again. Ready to take the long perilous journey to the door while leaning on his savior like a crutch. "...okay..."


@LadyRen

 

[Celeste Stythani]

She tried not to show any signs of her frustration but hiding it became difficult. There was a certain amount of uneasiness inside her again and she knew that it was hard to fight back, especially because she was still hurt herself, but she would never show any weakness to him. He needed to see that she was strong and that she had managed to overcome the trauma even though she hadn't fully managed to do that yet.

When she had carefully approached him his quick flinching as he pulled back didn't go unnoticed and it broke her heart. She knew that he was probably remembering what she had done to him...what they have made her do. She constantly had to remind herself of that in order not to fall apart even though this was neither an actual excuse or a justification...Well, if she hadn't done what they had commanded her to do, both of them been punished worse, but she still couldn't process that she had unintentionally hurt him and traumatized him even further with her doing.

Blinking back the tears again she helped him up before they started making their way towards the door. She could already feel his hesitation and aversion but she was believing that this would help him. If they would manage to go outside he would be distracted again and hopefully his mind would be taken of things for a moment, but as she dragged him with her so slowly she started to reconsider the choice she had made. Was it the right call to meet this so called professional? After all, she had no proof that whatever he was selling would be effective or that his unconventional methods worked because his whole PR could be fake, but what choice did she have? Contacting the Jedi was not an option because their situation was way too complicated and after all they would have no reason to trust her that she hadn't been the one bringing him into this stage...Additionally, she doubted that they would be even able to help...

@AdventCore

 

[Null]

Null was too distracted to notice the signs, the faint cracks forming in his savior's façade that hinted at her own plight. His vision was too narrow, tunneled in on the sandy tinted floor that swayed beneath him. He continued to do as best he could, focusing on taking each step without tripping either of them.

There were a few moments where he'd nearly collapsed, barely held up by tightening his grip around her far shoulder while he relied on her support. He'd hesitate, and then give her a brief nod before continuing on to the door, each step painstakingly difficult. What would once have been effortless for him was now nearly impossible.

And then they finally reached the door.
At first it seemed like everything was suddenly better.
A soft breeze blew in, gently waving their hair and clothes.
It kissed their skin. Null shivered and took in a deep breath.

And then he gave Celeste a light squeeze on her shoulder.
He tried to focus on the step, believing he could do it.
But then he just lingered there, inert and unmoving.
His mind raced, a thousand images hit him at once.

"I..." He trembled and pulled back, returning his foot inside.
"I'm sorry, milady..." The disappointment in himself hit hard.
He let out a weak sigh, shook his head, and then let it hang.
"I... I can't..." His eyes glistened with tears, and then shut.


@LadyRen

 

[Celeste Stythani]

Celeste woke up rather optimistically each and every day. She was always hoping that she would achieve the aspired breakthrough and she was also hopeful today. The little spark of hope pushed her forward and distracted her further from her own sorrow and the pain.

He was indeed a constant reminder of what had been but he was also like an unfinished task she was still working on and she would never give up on. Whenever she wasn't busy with work she was trying to come up with better ideas on how to improve his state and today she was really confident with the idea of talking him for a walk, but the closer they got, the more she could feel his hesitation slowing each and every step further.

You can do it...you can do it. She held on to these thoughts but she was not using telepathy because he would only be scared, but she wasn't even sure whether she was reminding herself about it or whether she was praying that he would manage to overcome his traumatizing experiences.

However then, when they've finally reached the threshold he suddenly stopped and even pulled back and all of a sudden her hope was lost. "It's okay...it's okay. I'll bring you back to your room..." she whispered softly, showing him full sympathy and compassion while she did a step back herself. "We'll try again another time" she reassured him while she turned him around. Her desperation grew. The contact was her last choice...


@AdventCore

 

[Null]

Null's void heart sank. He didn't respond with anything more than a few weak nods of the head. His grip loosened ever so slightly as he accepted defeat once again. It was something he'd quickly come to do time and time again since their escape. Everything that was even the slightest bit difficult for him would end in his submission and surrender. It was a miracle he'd made it this far.

Any pride he'd ever had was long gone, absent along with his motivation and determination. The fraction of energy he'd conjured up for the day was spent, even though it was still early. His faded orbs barely opened and listlessly lingered. He wavered as he went to take another step inside, to turn back to the rest of the room behind them, but all the effort was dead.

Null buckled. His ankle twisted and rolled, followed by a soft cry and the beginning of his collapse toward the corner of the entryway wall and floor. His fingers curled desperately to clutch to his savior for support, but they continued to slide down across the back of her shirt instead, trailing down along the fabric until it reached her arm closest to him, and then he finally managed to grasp her hand just in time for his shoulder to catch the wall.

"Nnh..." He tried to hide his pain, both physical and mental, but his distress was clear. His weary muscles shook. His head tilted to the wall, and the weight of his body gradually began to overtake his effort to remain standing. The only thing keeping him even halfway up was Celeste and his frail grasp on her hand.

"I'll just..." His heavy lids closed again.
"...wait here..." His body started to dip...
"...for you..." And his mind began to slip...


@LadyRen

 

[The Storyteller]

The Void, a substance provided by Celeste's client, would end up numbing Null's mind for weeks to months until all that was left was a blank and empty canvas of what used to be a person. He no longer spoke. No longer looked at anyone. His listless gaze just remained cold and distant every day. He had to be fed, but at least he'd begun to eat, having no will to resist being forced to eat and drink for his own survival, even though he completely lacked the will to live.

It would take several more months before the doses were finally stopped once the realization would eventually reach those that had tried to help him that the drug was only making things worse for the boy's mind.

But it was too late...
The Void had already erased everything that was left of Null's personality and motivation. The boy was left empty like a blank canvas...


It would take several more months for those that helped him to recover a decent amount of mass to his withered body. The rehabilitation helped his muscles to bulk back up, even moreso than when the bounty hunter had first arrived on the planet to help the senator. His natural and martial abilities quickly began to resurface as rehabilitation eventually allowed him to train once again, which was clearly where the young man excelled.

His combat prowess increased exponentially as muscle memory and reflexes bled through from his forgotten past. Though he couldn't recall ever having been trained, and still couldn't remember who it was that had raised him to fight, he still managed to perfectly execute the same techniques he'd mastered as a child.

Even his expertise with the Force eventually seemed to resurface, leading to a few accidents that left him feeling guilt and regret when he unwittingly went too far and unintentionally ended up hurting those who'd been trying to get him back on his feet. Though the folks he'd been staying with had continued to support him through his struggles, it would gradually become clear to the man that he could no longer stay...

 

[Null]

He'd decided he was too much of a burden to continue letting Celeste and her servants take care of him. One random day in 151 ABY the man finally had gotten everything in order to escape the estate while Celeste was offworld. He packed up the last of his things, along with a bit of extra food, and found a suit of armor that had been stashed under his speeder's trunk.

There was a slight familiarity with his old Knight Lurker Armor, though he didn't seem to recall ever having it before. He didn't even recall owning the airspeeder before, but apparently it was his based on the registration attached to the vehicle. Choosing to discard the garbs he'd been given by Celeste he donned the armor, along with a long black overcoat that had been stashed with it in order to hide the crimson markings that looked like something a Sith would wear.

As he left the planet on a ship he bartered passage on he wondered if he was doing the right thing. His heart was heavy. He didn't understand the pain cracking across it, so he ignored it and pushed on. Something in his chest was crying out for him to go to Nar Shaddaa, though he didn't even know if he even had any ties there. The decision was difficult, painful, but he felt he couldn't stay on Rattatak any longer if he ever wanted to figure out who he really was. If there was any hope for him to recover his past and memories then he felt he needed to follow his instincts to Nar Shaddaa...


/ End Thread /