HoloNet News The Jedi And Their Lies

JJ Johnson

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Bugle Chief Editor

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Rhogar
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The Galactic Bugle theme would blare over the all the holo channels, this time with a banner that said "BREAKING NEWS". As the tune played, so would flashes of the renewed riots on Coruscant as civilians march with signs that read "NO MORE SITH! NO MORE JEDI! #CANCELTHECHIEF!"

As the theme ended, the holo would pan to a very unhappy JJ, who would take a calming breath before taking a puff from his cigar. Perfect ring blown, he sighed. "I was just out here, awhile ago telling you all about the Jedi and their child abductions! And some Jedi, Hera Albion, had the gall to go to a Corellian newsroom to spout more of her Jedi propaganda and lies! Well, I got news for you, Miss Albion! The galaxy knows! Coruscant knows! Your outreach on Corellia is likely viewed as a counterbalance to all the evil you lot do! And unlike you, I have proof, real claims! And you Jedi are truly making me sick! So let's first see the lies in question!"

The holo would shift to a recording of Hera's interview.

"So Miss Albion, you are the woman we can clearly see in this recording, fighting what appear to be young men and women, what exactly is going on? Are you training a Child Army?"

Laughing, Hera responded, "A child army? What are we, some sort of dark brotherhood from a holodrama? No no, my apprentices and I were putting on a show for the locals! We even told them beforehand that we would be out at that time, in fact we gathered quite a crowd looking in from windows and storefronts. The Jedi are a monastic order, and as such we follow ancient customs that may not be easily understood by sensationalist, partisan newscasters. If you catch my meaning-"

The reporter, nodding along, began to smile as Hera, barely able to contain her own laughter, continued. "I mean, come now, Pyjama bandits? What- ha ha- what kind of nonsense is this? We don't steal babies, and we don't force children to fight a, what was it? Crusade? Goodness, how silly. We're humanitarians, not madmen. We're even in the process of setting up refugee camps on Coruscant for displaced beings. Let's not kid ourselves. There may be darkness in the galaxy, but it certainly isn't being 'rooted out,' by bugle blaring bums, banging on about bantha poodoo. This is a wonderful world, and we hope to be able to begin more humanitarian aid campaigns here as well."

After the clip, it would cut out and return to JJ "Ah yes, the smokescreen! We do good, therefore we can get away with bad! Well, the Jedi are not above the law! And here, Buglers, is the proof against them!"

The clip would play, clearly from someones personal device as a crazed man, possibly a spice addict, hit the floor from jumping at a height. Then they could hear clearly as a younger voice called out for help, that the man was trying to abduct him. Nearby, a woman could be heard making a comm to the CSF "Hello? We need help, we have a crazed human male trying to abduct a teen! He looks so crazy, he might even try to kill him!" Answering the call, several construction workers and other do-gooders would try to intervene before the crazed man flung him to the side without ever touching him, the impact was so hard, the man didn't move. Then the kidnapper would fling street signs at an escaping speeder before leaping after it. Landing, he would begin to try to break into the speeder before he reached for the weapon, a lightsaber. However, his throwing of the worker didn't go unnoticed as the crowd began to give chase. As the egg shaped speeder, cut a turn and the kidnapper seemingly slipped off.

The scene would shift to an almost sickened looking JJ. He took another puff from his cigar followed by a perfect ring. "The man injured in the video was construction worker Rayden Clancy! A father of five and currently fighting for his life in the hospital! Now the Bugle, a -NABOO- run press, will be paying for this -HERO'S- medical bills! This is absolutely despicable and that Jedi is a menace! Now I am sure you're wondering 'JJ, how do you know that's a Jedi?! Ill tell ya how! Look at the scraggly look! That is postmark for a Jedi in disgrace! And yet here he is trying to kidnap a teen! And to make it worst, he nearly killed a man to do it, destroyed city property, and caused riots! And, when the kidnapping failed, he tried to kill him! So Jedi, Rangers! If this is the kind of behavior that is acceptable for your kind, do nothing! But here you have one of your own doing some disgraceful things! Do your jobs! Protect the people! Root out the 'bad apples' in your respective groups!"

He would pause to take a sip of his glass of scotch. "Now look at the renewed riots on your worlds! The people want-nay they deserve action! They deserve to be heard! Either get those crazy Pajama wearing Bandits registered or outlaw them entirely! For too long, they have done more bad then good! And these Jedi are supposed to be the good guys! Sorry, Buglers, I need to get off, this whole ordeal has made me sick to my stomach! No more Jedi! No more Sith! Hashbrown Cancel the Chief! Keep up the true and noble fight, Buglers!"

As the holo faded, the exit theme would play.
 

Kel Rollan

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Processing

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Darkrei9n
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Kel Rollan sighed and rested his head in his hands as the pictures of his face were broadcast across the galaxy. This was bad. He was resting in the cabin of his ship, currently on course for Ajan Kloss. He had questions and he knew of only one group who might actually have answers. After this though, he would surely be testing even the Jedi's famed redemption.

As the exile shut the broadcast off he muttered to himself. "Mya i really kriffed it up this time. First the Jedi, and now the civilized galaxy..." The Jedi looked at the well stocked liquor cabinet and shook his head. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He snapped awake as he swore he could hear a voice. Just try to be better.
 
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