The Stage is Set

[Levin Mumak]

Spoiler: Music IC

"GYAAAAAAHAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!"

On dark plastic inbound…
A Sith has come to town…
His is a bloody business…
This Sith and his frown…

No time to clown around.
Kids, please listen up now.
This isn’t your average Sith.
This is a very monstrous Sith.

If you don’t believe it.
Take a good look at him.
Got nothing against Chevin.
But that is one ugly karkin’—

“BEHOLD YOUR CONQUEROR!”
Cries a voice atop a platform of conquest.
“I AM LEVIN THE CHEVIN! YOU SHALL BURN!”
He raises his arms, body bound in black long dress.

Sith robes, including a hood and cloak, bought on sale.
Well, if you define that as stealing garments from mail.
Levin, he wasn’t paid much for what he did, not really.
The musician plays harmonica, but Levin’s still failing.

He doesn’t know why. Neither did that one other guy.
He didn’t like his boss, the two never quite got along.
Levin’s supervisor yelled at him sternly this one night.
The Chevin headbutted him and made his skull pop.

A coffin later and Levin the Chevin moved along.
“I AM THE GREATEST SITH WHO EVER LIVED!”
At his back, Coruscant’s skyline, so small to him.
“LONG MAY REIGN THE BREAKER OF PLATES!”

“Oh, who will save us from this terrible, ugly beast!?”
A girl standing on the roof beside him just then blinks.
She looks between the Chevin and the vast distance.
“NONE SHALL DENY THE POWER OF MY MIGHTY BITE!”

Flapping his arms up and down, Lord Levin charges.
Actually, he more like waddles, suffering a bad back.
Bit of a nasty Herglic attack, sunburnt at that, scarred.
“COME TO ME MY PRETTY!” Mad Chevin wags arms.

“I SHALL SAVE YOU!” Queue the Knight of Justice.
Has a golden hilt, lightsaber, ignites it, and glows.
He swings it, it is vibrant blue, into Levin’s left hip.
“KARK! MY SHENANIGANS!” Blade’s fake though.

“YOU SUCK!” Someone then throws a banana peel.
-PWUCK!- Momentum sends it into Levin’s head.
“BOOOO!” Someone throws a whole banana too.
-SPLUCK!- Inertia ensures connection to his chest.

“WAIT. I HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN TO THE END YET.”
“BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Someone threw a shoe.
This time Chevin Force-flicks it back at the caster.
Smacks her in the nose, breaks it. She’s a bleeder.

“SOMEONE CALL A POLICE OFFICER!”
“MAMA NEVER LET ME PLAY FROGGER!”
“IS THERE MUCH PAY IN BEING A LOGGER?”
“OFFERING 500 CREDITS TO BUY MY FATHER!”

Amid the insanity.
Levin is sneaking.
Making his great escape.
From his fruitcake of a play.

 

[Levin Mumak]

Spoiler: Music IC

Enraged on the stage, they called him a fruitcake.
NO. I CALL MYSELF A CUPCAKE. HEY HEY?
Levin the Chevin, ain’t named Evan, no mistake.
I AM THE DARK LORD OF THE SITH RAY.

Rey. Rey? Rey Skywalker. M’kay. She may say.
History. People are scared of naming names.
Darth Vader. Darth Raze. Both exist…right?
Like naming Clint Eastwood in life today!

Okay, that fourth wall, we kinda hate it.
It no longer stands tall. Yes. GO BREAK IT.
Levin, he isn’t a writer, sure ain’t no poet.
He just experiments, experience, know it.

GAAAAHHAHHJJHH IS THIS A WESTERN.
A question but is no mark on that question.
“MAY I HAVE EVERYONE’S ATTENTION”
Still no mark, must be why no one listens.

Levin the Chevin is flapping arms on stage, at her and him.
“My name is Tron Chronicle, I come from outer space, BLEH!”
Someone throws cabbage in his face and he fails to CATCH IT.
GREAT. “WHY MUST YOU ANNIHILATE MY THEATER, EHHHH!?”

They’re not listening, as always, just stuck in their gawking position, like birds.
Birds in a nest, whether fledglings or nestlings, stuck in time and space; yearn.
They swerve and turn in their seats, seeking thrills, discussing soap opera burn.
Meaningless, this Chevin’s words, even this Sith’s, Levin’s, whether words curve.

“OKAY NOW I COMMAND EVERYONE TO DANCE”
The audience looks left, looks right, eyes into eyes.
“JOIN ME IN THE TAPPY-TAPPY OH YES PLEEAASE”
With or without them, Levin dances, left then right.

He’s not alone. That brave knight? Suddenly comes back, hopping off the throne.
But this isn’t Game of Thrones, neither is it Star Wars, it’s just madness on the pads.
He’s bouncing, Levin the Chevin, casting Force Lightning, scorching all these lads.
Their dummies, at least, mannequins, literally or figuratively, and so goes their bone.

SCORCHED EARTH POLICY. Italicized anomaly. What’s a Chronicle if not one’s folly?
“THE STAGE IS SET. MYEHHHHHHHH.” Cries the Chev! Chevin! Levin! Sith fragrance!
Sprays it from spray bottles, holstered at either hip, like a gunslinger, like no one’s business.
Guitar Hero? This here is a banjo, feller! Chever the Lever is on the surface! GOOD GOLLY MOLLY.

 

[Levin Mumak]

Spoiler: Music IC

A clap of thunder. Under the cracks. Like lightning in the hands. Biting, gnashing, mind gone mad.
It crackles across the ceiling, rippling, ripping, wrenching hearts apart, riddling the carpet black.
Charred, like a corpse, is what becomes of that hall in a chorus of screams as so many run and fall.
Toppling over each other, running, making an escape, while on the stage is Levin, cackling at them all.

“YOU SHALL NOT PASS”
One manages to run past.
Dodging beneath his fingertips.
The lightning cast by the Chevin.

“I have the high ground!”
It’s the Knight of Justice!
Standing so high and proud!
“You shall pay, you ugly Sith!”

He draws his blade.
It’s a blue lightsaber.
YA KARKIN’ TODDLER.
Levin then takes aim.

“I WILL FRY YOU ALIVE”
“NEVER. YOU WILL DIE”
Lightning bites the sword.
Dancing across the floor.

“AHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAAA”
The Sith’s power is too much a match!
Blasting both hands, knocking Jedi back!
The Knight hits a wall as Chevin just laughs!

“UNLIMITED POWAAAAAAAHHH”
The Jedi dies just as he hits a lever.
Suddenly Levin is dropped under.
Trap floor in the stage. WHAT THE.

Then…the noise gives way...to silence…
All is dark…he cannot see…no violence…
No lightsaber…no lightning…it’s so quiet…
A voice just then…like the dark side’s hiss…

“...Long have I waited…”
A flicker of light baits him.
Draws Levin toward a throne.
“...For my Chevin to come home…”

No! It cannot be so! You should be dust and bones!
There was no denying it. There sat that old cold Sith.
Hooded and robed, and within blue light was he now lit.
Many know his name, yet of his face few today would know.

Is this…just a play..? An act..? A game..? Did I wash my face today?
Levin couldn’t remember. Long have I waited in space to one day bathe.
“...You…want this…don’t you…” The voice states, stroking an object.
It’s his armrest. “The fear of losing power is a weakness of Jedi and Sith.”

Levin tilts his head, or tries to, given that his head is half his body and he isn't that elastic.
Damn! What is this new devilry? Who is he? Does he take me for some conjurer of cheap tricks!?
“Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design.” His voice isn’t loud.
But deep as a dark side nexus. “I can feel your anger! Take your weapon! Strike me down!”

Levin didn’t need to be told twice.
He certainly was not all of the Jedi.
But for definite I am all of the Chevin.
He will kill this fool and would end him.

A red blade ignites from Levin’s hilt, flicks a wrist, tilts it.
The figure on the throne cackles, doesn’t move, just sits.
“I am all the Sith, boy. Strike me down with all your hatred!”
That laugh. Like a duck’s quack. Bubbles... he was so…sacred…

“STRIKE ME DOWN. Then your journey to the dark side will be complete!”
Levin the Chevin stands and can feel his fists tighten as he grits his teeth.
“Fulfill your destiny and take your place at my side! We shall…bake pie...”
-Burp- “DEW IT. Strrrike me down from right to left, not from left to right!”

Should I…?
Levin wonders.
Could I..?
Music thunders.

 

[Levin Mumak]

Spoiler: Music OOC (ReCuRrInG)

So. It is known. It is known. Yet who can know? What does one Chevin know of such things?
I am but a young girl and know little in the ways of war. He blinked. Suddenly remembering.
His adversary, the Emperor, the Dark Lord of the Sith, or whatever he is, yes, this illusion…
Staring Levin the Chevin down, as if he was just some cow, to be toppled and to be broken.

“Strike you down?” Breathed deep. Out. “Do you take me for some conjurer of cheap tricks!?”
His challenger cackled. “I take you…for a servant…of the darkness…or have I misinterpreted it?”
He patted his armrest. “Fulfill your destiny.” Stroked it. “Do what must be done! It is the way.”
“Ah,” Levin glared back. “So…you are a Mandalorian…” Dark Hood blinked. “This is the way?”

“So the Mandalorians say.”
“I said ‘It is the way’, idiot.”
“Ah…so you do admit it..?”
“...I…What…Uh…Anyway.”

The man on the throne, whether a man or an illusion, dreamlike, nightmare, cleared his throat.
“What do you seek, my very young Chevin?” Deep voice. “Do tell me.” Hint of a grin in his tone.
Levin thought about it. What do I seek? A question worthy of an answer. Perhaps it's world peace?
“There is no civility, only politics.” As if reading a mind. Oh my! “You’re mistaken in many things.”

“And what if I do not know what I want, Lord of Darkness?”
“Lord of Darkness?” He snickered. “Where do you get this?”
“I read it in a comic,” Levin admitted. “What is your purpose?”
The Chevin beckoned. “Wipe them out! Strike me down! Idiot!"

Fed up, having lost his patience, the emperor-figure cast hand.
Lightning crackled as he cackled, bursting forth in blue currents.
Levin the Chevin found himself flying backward, hit with the blast.
ACH MEIN LAMEN! Hopefully he won’t be turned to black currant.

 

[Levin Mumak]

Spoiler: MuZiC

Blasted backward by this blasted backwards broken buffoon bent ‘n’ blinded by bitterness bigger than a bantha.
Bitten by blazing bolts that bite like bricks, beaten and bamboozled beyond betterment, bit of a bent banana.
But better believe big boy about being better and bolder, braver and boosted by a broom of his brilliance.
Nobody belittles him, no buddies but no bubbly baby, badder than blackened burnt bacon bringin’ balance.

TL;DR AKA Levin the Chevin landed on his ass but evidently he didn’t get turned into black currant.
Isn’t much of a warrior in comparison to some death-dealing dark emperor but whatever. Curse him!
O GET UP, YA IJJIT. ‘Idiot’ that is and its definition is ‘a stupid person’ or ‘a person of low intelligence.
Is that what this Chevin is? Is Levin as dumb as a drunk thug drunk on bloodlust who drank on blood?

Maybe. Maybe not. Truthfully he is as crazy as an insane version of Darth Bane, madder than Darth Vader.
If in this instance the definition is given as ‘very angry’ instead of ‘mentally ill’. Darth Revan with no memory.
A bit wacky, our little Chevin, even if ‘little’ is an anomaly because he’s really eight feet tall. No Darth Malgus.
Yet no badass assassin like Darth Maladi but Levin Mumak slaps a melody if physically ill like Darth Plagueis.

Tho his opponent is Darth Sidious. Or some version of him anyway. A twisted hallucination?
Uncertain. Thoughts race through Levin Mumak’s brain like a Mumakil suddenly mentally ill.
“KYAHAHAHA!!” Not!?Darth Sidious laughs like that harlot Scarlet from some final fantasy.
“GYAHAHAHA!!” Heidegger howling harder than the Hound/Gravedigger or Highlander.

“Palpatine to production team, please!” Voice over intercom.
“Meeeeeeeeeee?” He’s really pretty busy already producing.
“Production needs Palpatine to please take a call on Line 3.”
“Oh. Okay. Fine. Hold on, Fugly.” On comlink. Begins to talk.

“WHAT? Oh. Where are you going? Yeah that’s fine. Vader’s there? Heh. Bet he smells like old moldy sausage after getting rid of that burnt bacon smell. Not ordering? Why isn’t he ordering? Oh. Hell. I don’t know. Burger? Hot dog? Taco? What order? I don’t know! Pass the phone to the idiot taking orders!”

Palpatine: Hey, idiot!
Burrito Queen: Yes?
Palpatine: EXECUTE ORDER 6.
Burrito Queen: Okay. What drink?
Palpatine: Blue milk.
Burrito Queen: We’re out of blue milk.
Palpatine: Your arrogance blinds you…
Burrito Queen: …
Palpatine: Uhhhh blueberry milkshake!
Burrito Queen: Anything else?
Palpatine: Yes. Pass the phone to Lord Vader. He’s the other idiot in black leather.
Anakin: Master?
Palpatine: Why aren’t your ordering food, dude?
Anakin: …
Palpatine: Hellooooooooo?
Anakin: *Crying*
Palpatine: Oh for crying out loud WHAT. DO. YOU. WANT?
Anakin: PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Levin: …