Uprooting Doubt

Varyn Atrix

Character
Empire
Rank
Lord Commander

Character Profile
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OOC
Phoenix
Joined
Oct 16, 2021
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732
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Retrieved on an expedition to Jedha along with several more senior members of the Order, Varyn had finally managed to find his crystal for his lightsaber. He was glad to be rid of the training saber, though after much tinkering with his new blade, it, too, contained a low power setting. He was still honing his saber skills, and that meant he'd do a great deal more training. That meant needing a training setting.

He looked down to the crystal sitting in his palm, shocked that this small thing - pulsing with life in the Force despite looking like a rock - was what powered not only the lightsabers of his fellow Jedi but the terror that was the Death Star: the weapon that had destroyed the very world he had gone to to recover his crystal. It was like the Force had a sense of irony to it. Or perhaps that was the "balance" that the Jedi always referred to. The circle of life and death.

Or maybe he was wrong, philosophy had always been interesting to him but wasn't really his strong suit. He wanted to be a great warrior, defender of the weak and downtrodden, shield against the Sith! This would be the next step to becoming a great Jedi Battlemaster! No, that wasn't really what he was supposed to be thinking, he reminded himself. "A Jedi doesn't seek conflict" he could hear the masters saying in his mind and he sighed.

Okay, let's get on with it, he thought to himself, thinking that he needed to start with the meditation rather than putting it off any longer.

He closed his eyes and the crystal began to float before his face, focusing within him the Force and letting it flow back and forth between the two. It resonated in its own way, a song that was almost in sync between the two. It knew what he wanted, and he could almost sense what it longed for as well. It may not have been sentient, but it was almost like it had a will of its own.

Time rolled back as he revisited the places of his childhood, and he pushed against the intrusive thoughts of what had happened at Ajan Kloss. Fear threatened to grip him, but he held firm for the moment. His family and the death of his mother flashed before him, and doubt came with it. Could he really be a Jedi? Was he just an imposter? Faking it while everyone else had their crap in line?

And then he felt the soothing touch of the crystal. The way it spoke to him and encouraged him, gave him confidence to be and do what needed to be.

He let out a sigh and let the crystal fall back into the handle, checking one final time to ensure all was in order before pressing the activator. A blade of blue leapt out and the hum seemed to almost sing the same tune as the crystal. A boyish smile crossed his face and a warmth perfused him. He was a Jedi. He would succeed if not for himself, then for everyone else.
 
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