Build Walls

[Reuben Azari]

Spoiler

OOC: This is to kind of bridge the gap between threads where one of my padawans considers joining the Sith and to try and give it some more depth and add more reasoning behind it.

Jedi Temple, Jedha

The room burst into light, bright enough to stir Reuben in his sleep who rolled away from the light source and put the pillow over his head. "Wake up!" Avan whispered with a harshness to his voice. "Go away, it's the middle of the night." Reuben mumbled through the pillow which was subsequently pulled from his grasp, exposing him to the harsh light. "Hey-" he turned to face Avan, squinting to see his cousin through the light. "What- Where have you been?" Reuben asked as he looked Avan up and down, noticing he was fully dressed. "Nowhere." Avan replied. "Then where are you going to go?" Reuben followed up but after a few moments of silence, clearly an undesirable question, Reuben knew the answer wasn't in any words, it was obvious from everything he had observed, sensed and felt over the last few months, it was no secret. "Look, we need to talk-"

"You're leaving?" Reuben asked in disbelief, he had always known Avan had doubts but never this severe. "I've had a lot to think about and I just need to consider other options." Avan said very diplomatically. "Are you going to go home?" Reuben asked and was met with a shrug as a response, Avan avoiding eye contact as he spoke. "I don't know yet, there are... other options." Avan replied. "If you're going to say what I think you're going to say then I don't want to hear it."

Avan smiled and shook his head, this was the problem, only hearing what one wanted to hear, if they were better informed of all the unsavoury things in the world then maybe they would stand a better chance at determining right from wrong. "That's the problem, you have to listen, hear me out. We are on the losing side of the war, if we change sides then we could facilitate so much more change and make an impact on issues that matter most." Avan tried reasoning with Reuben who scoffed in response. "You can't choose which side of a war you're on just because you're losing. The Jedi are a force for good." He counter-argued.

"But that's just it, good is just a concept, you can still do good deeds and be a Sith and equally you can do bad deeds and be a Jedi. The war has polarised us but the Sith were once just Jedi with different ideas and the Jedi hunted them, how can an Order that calls for peace and justice just kill those with opposing views?" Avan spoke of his misguided attempt at rationalising his views on leaving the Order.

Reuben was astonished at what he was hearing, he never expected anything like this to ever come out of Avan's mouth. Yes the pair had unorthodox views but never this unorthodox. "Avan this doesn't make any sense, you can do good deeds as a Jedi, you don't need to leave the Order to do that." But it seemed that Avan was expecting this response as he quickly responded. "But the Jedi limit you, they stop you from achieving your full potential, they limit the good you do in the code, you can't kill anyone unarmed no matter what they've done."

"That was you?!" Reuben replied after putting two and two together. "I heard rumours about a padawan killing someone unarmed but I didn't know if it were true and I certainly didn't expect it to be you!" He expected Avan to chime in to defend his actions so he swiftly interrupted the other padawan before he could. "You need to stop right now, before it's too late, please." Avan scowled at Reuben, of course he wouldn't understand. "They can't hurt anyone any more, people are safe from them now."

"That is not for you to decide." Reuben said plainly "The code states-" Avan interrupted with annoyance. "I know what the code states, it's been indoctrinated in us for years, maybe if we were actually taught to think for ourselves then there wouldn't be so much conflict within the Order." Reuben looked at his cousin with confusion. "Are you even hearing yourself? I know what it's like to feel conflicted between different views and it's ok, I know it's scary but we can talk to someone about this." He spoke softly, trying to empathise with Avan who refused to accept it. "No, I can't stay here and die with the rest of the Order then my parents won't have lost everything in this war. I'm leaving one way or another." And with that, he turned to leave.

Reuben could understand where the fear was coming from, it was no secret that Jedi were frequently killed and he knew of Avan's fears of not even passing the trials to become a knight, all that combined with his parents never seeing them again, never even knowing whether they were dead or not was a lot for him to handle but that fear should not consume him. One way or another. "If you're thinking of joining the Sith Avan I promise you you will never see your parents again." The comment made Avan turn around, a frown on his face. "What do you mean by that?" He asked. "I'll tell them where you've gone and I'll tell them to move before you're to corrupted to even care about them." It sounded like a threat but Reuben was hoping to appeal to Avan that he could still go home now, leave the Order if he so wanted but not join the enemy by any means.

"This is what the Jedi have always done." Avan laughed humorlessly. "Threatened and killed anyone who disagrees." He shook his head. "No Avan, I want to protect your parents, if this is the path you're choosing then I don't know you any more. You are choosing to see the Jedi through different eyes. Leave the Order but go home, please, before it's too late." It looked like Avan was thinking for a moment but Reuben could still sense the conflict within him, it wouldn't just go away when he went home and the way he seemed to distance himself from the Jedi in the way he spoke was a cause for concern. "I want the power to be able to make change, Reuben, but I can't do it here, I don't belong here." He said finally before turning to leave again, only this time Reuben caught his wrist. "If this is really the path you're going to take then I can't let you leave." He said sadly. "What are you going to do?" Avan asked, narrowing his eyes. "Report you to the council." Avan pulled his wrist from Reuben's grasp but Reuben's hand immediately went to his hip where the lightsaber would've been had he not just rolled out of bed. Even thought the lightsaber wasn't there, Avan watched the other padawan reach for his lightsaber and looked at Reuben, horrified. "I-I'm sorry." Reuben said, equally as shocked. "You're just like the rest of them. You like to think you aren't but you are." Avan said bitterly before turning on his heels and leaving Reuben staring after him.