Devoid of Motivation

[Kaane]

I apologize first and foremost. I had some threads getting written and I was raring and ready to go. But I have some serious problems...I don't want to go into them into full detail. What comes below might seem like full detail but there's even more to it that I can't discuss. Plus, I know a lot of you guys aren't like acutely interested in my life or anything. But I do need to vent a little bit. I've lost contact with pretty much all of my real life friends and I rarely even leave my house anymore. So I'm sorry if this is the wrong thing to do, but at the same time it's something I need to do. Hopefully this is out of the way enough that it doesn't bother too many people.

My dad's in the ICU for cancer throughout his torso, and it just seems to be getting worse, not better, and he's turning into a vegetable. My mom constantly goes to visit him and as a result I just sit here alone a lot of the time just brooding over a lot of things. I'd go visit him too...but I don't want to see what he's becoming. I'm just not strong enough. We've been taking care of him at home for a while before this and it just pains me to be in his presence...I'm not strong enough to watch him fall farther.

On top of this, I have no escape. I barely finished high school online just recently, I have no job or a driver's license, and my mom doesn't have the time to help me get either. Like...I know it's just a lot of excuses from me...but I've been sheltered all my life and I have pretty much zero motivation to get out of this rut I'm in.

So...sorry for making recent promises concerning threads like classes and apprenticeships and stuff like that...I have all the time in the world to do them but I'm just emotionally dead. I wouldn't call this an absence notice; my emotional state might turn on a dime somehow and I might be motivated to write again tomorrow. I mean, RPing is really the only thing I have at times to deal with all this bullcrap. But most likely, I'll be disappearing for a while. Once again, sorry for making commitments I couldn't keep. I hope to start RPing again at some point in the future...but until then, I wish everyone here all the best. I'll be here to respond to this thread if necessary, maybe screw around a bit in OOC, but otherwise I'll be stopping pretty much all RP activity until I get things sorted out.

 

[Blaxican]

spend my
days
up in a haze
tryna forget
you babe

 

[Rathenmedus]

I wish everyone here all the best. I'll be here to respond to this thread if necessary, maybe screw around a bit in OOC, but otherwise I'll be stopping pretty much all RP activity until I get things sorted out.

It's life unfortunately. I wish I were more active on my end too, but my own time is between work and personal things like Yugioh tournaments and trying to build relationships with people. I understand what it was like to be this way. I lost my mother to cancer when I was 11 and I absorbed myself into the internet to try and cope.

You are not alone my friend and you are not in your issues alone. You are being watched and cared for by a greater power and the events with your father are also being watched. It is hard to accept this, but try to believe that these events are coming about for reasons you may not immediately know. These acts are hard and painful and the Divine in their entirety are there to help you, strengthen you and nurture you through this pain. Do not feel hate or contempt as I did for my family's loss, on yourself or why this has happened to him. Loss of life is not an easy thing for anything to endure, but it is a necessary part of the cycle of energy in our reality.

This in mind, I pray for your father, that the Divine will watch over him in this ordeal and allow him to pass, if he must, peacefully and in such a way to provide the most karmic good to you and your family through this hardship and to you for strength of heart and to help accept what may happen. If he is to be strengthened and survive this ordeal, may the experience strengthen the bonds between him, you and the immediate family. In whatever outcome, I pray that those who watch over them do what Fate must dictate and bring the most good in what can be from this event.

If you ever need someone to talk too, I am here for you. I am available right now through Facebook, Text and Email, of which I will be sending you links to you privately.

May the Divine bless you and your family in these trials. Know that you will be watched and you are loved.

 

[TheSilentWind]

Don't worry bro, we will be waiting for you. Hope everything works out.

 

[Joy Carleec]

Best of luck to you, real life comes first.

 

[Logan]

I know the feels, man. I lost my mom a few years ago to an accident and for awhile the only thing I did was sit in my bedroom completely absorbed in games because they let me forget about how shitty I felt about my life during those times. My best advice is to ditch the internet altogether for a little while, try'n find a hobby that has interaction with people in the flesh. I started playing MTG shortly after all that happened and made some really good friends that helped me out of my rut and continue on living my life.

No one here is going to blame you for dipping out for awhile, you gotta do you. I hope the best for you and your family Kaane.

 

[Liam]

damn man, sorry to hear about everything. Best wishes to both you and your family.

 

[Cainhurst Crow]

Same as those above, I wish you the best and I hope you find something to help take your mind off of what's been going on.

I know I'll be looking forward to rping with ya, when you come back man. Take care.

 

[Cap'n Hobbes]

I know the feels... My brother almost copped it when I was a senior in high school.... (Fell off a two story building and landed on his face less than a foot from the concrete) The best thing you can do for your pops right now is be with him. Stay strong and as we say here: May the force be with you.

 

[Wolf]

((HUGS)) I'll keep you in my prayers, friend. I'm so sorry for these trials you are facing. :(