Emilgotha

[Elijah Brockway]

As to hiding her past - you might make note of the fact that the Jedi Council (and, by extension, Bau Zo's army's leadership) wouldn't be likely to accept a person her age without being made privy to information about her past, and that she'd be watched carefully, especially considering what has happened in her life and that she started out as a Sith. The Jedi Council and Army masters aren't blindly trusting enough to just go "sure, we don't know anything about you, but you can join us!" because that's how you end up with an assassin infestation and stuff like that.

I read through again and I feel like you missed this, then.

The Jedi Council especially (while not actually a PC group, they are still sorta-important-ish-background-wise-ish) wouldn't just accept her knowing nothing about her, given that she was an adult when they came to them, and given that they'd be generally the strongest and wisest masters of the order, I doubt lying to them in the backstory about her life pre-joining the Order would have gone over well.

The average Jedi doesn't have to know, just remember that the Council would. =P

 

[Diva]

'ello friend!

If you don't mind, I'ld like to give you a slightly different kind of advice here, that may hopefully empower you to take a little control over this approval process.

First, all these "may be mistakes", or "based on this so may need fixing please tell me what to fix" are useless, they are hurting you, get rid of them! Seriously buddy, you wrote a constant appology through your work. You don't need to do that to yourself, your way better than that. Instead, show us through every step what you want your current finished product looks like. Trust me, everyone will still red it and offer critique; but can you imagine turning in a written report to your boss, editor or teacher, and starting each new section with "Sorry I probably screwed it up, please fix it for me?" pretty silly right?

This leads to point number two: We are not your teachers, bosses, or personal editors. Most people here are happy to help, but we are also just a bunch of other nerds who like to write and have alot of other things to do in our lives. No one here has the time, or probably desire to take your profile and circle all the mistakes with notes in the margin about exactly how to fix them. I don't mean to sound nasty, but I do mean to be a little blunt. I bring it up because there are alot of repeat edit points being brought up over and over. Don't despair, here is the fun stuff to do instead:

• Captain Plaent this mother. For real muchacho, the power is yours! Instead of only looking for words to change, change sentences. These aren't just little notes, they are conceptual notes. Changings a fact or detail of her history, HER circumstances changes her life. All we are is circumstances, so find a way to make it all come together the way you want it, she is your baby!

• If you want more specific notes from us, ask more specific questions. Everyone here is starting on your team, but we won't, and shouldn't do this for you. Furthermore, before asking a question, take the time to explore the site a little. There is a good chance that it has already been answered alot in the informtation people have already put in a lot of work to provide here. Read the sith forum, read the Jedi forum , read the story, read other characters (stealing is an artists best friend ;)) THEN re-read your entire profile, and see if you can't spot something you wanna adjust yourself before throwing your beautiful charrie to the dogs.

Finally, I leave you with my favorite bit of writing advice.... Read your own work. Often, and more importanly OUT LOUD. It's cathartic and awesome.

Double finallly, this isn't a whip crack. It's just shared advice. There will always be some mistakes. I have reread both my characters many times, made many edits, and ALWAYS catch a confusing sentence, typo, or poor grammer. For the love of pete look at the formating disaster that is this message! The more you put in, the more you get out though. So make your perfect version of this lovely lady that fits into the time and place established here, throw her gloriousness in our face, and say:

"Come at me bros"

EDIT:
P.S. Unfortunately I can't give you an acceptance to the Master of One mission until approved. Thats why I try to help

 

[Reya Starlyght]

Since I'm bored, I decided to show you some of the grammar mistakes and such.

NAME: Emilgotha (Emil-Goth-A) often just goes by Emil, which is her first name anyway.
FACTION: Jedi Knights
RANK: Padawan
SPECIES: Human
AGE: 25
GENDER: Female
FORCE SENSITIVE: Yes, had some training as a Sith, through not much.

APPEARANCE:

ATTRIBUTES:
Due years on the run, Emil is quiet the observant person, noticing almost every detail, to the point of almost becoming Padawan obvious. She also is skilled in dueling and general fighting, adopting a rather dirty style that involves biting, kicking the groin and so on. Her primary form, Djem So, is standard except for this love of dirty techniques. Although, if against a more experienced fighter, this can be negated or turned against her. She is also rather proficient with a blaster, keeping her father’s blaster pistol on her along with her lightsabers. It's not easy to gain Emil's trust, and she sometimes makes rash decisions, not thinking fully on the consequences or what can go wrong. Another skill learned from her father was that she knows, though not fluent, in various common languages, such as Huttese, Twi'leki and some Mando, which Sasko learned during his time as a Bounty Hunter to help him in business transactions. She also knows her away around Corellian culture, due to her father loving three things- Her mother, Emil, and Corellia.

PERSONALITY:
Most have come to refer to Emilgotha as a distant, sometimes abrasive bitch; though those that do are often members of the Underworld so their opinion should be taken with a grain of salt. This is due to Emil not trusting easy and in her own words: "Not being taught how to be a person". Her father taught her that anyone could be an enemy, a spy or worse and that she could only trust herself.


Also like her father, Emil has adopted a strange sense of morals, "I've learned to accept death", but still protecting those in need, she just won't be upset if they die and move on with her life. She also maintains a rather somber and stoic demeanor, which betrays her insecurity and regret, and if pressed about her past and such, she is prone to mentally shutting down.

BIOGRAPHY:

Emilgotha was born on Dromund Kaas to Vadgotha, a Sith Lord many thought would someday become a powerful and influential Sith Lord and Sasko, a Corellian bounty hunter turned slave after being captured by the Sith. Compared to most, Emil had a rather nice upbringing, full of parties, games, and riches. But Emil never cared for it, for she was a loner even at a young age, pestering her father to teach him his knowledge of poisons, choke holds and various ways of killing man or beast. In fact, Sasko often joked that Emil would become a famous bounty hunter one day. The only thing else she cared about was drawing, often escaping her mother's estate to find a spot to draw, and only her father or mother ever found her in these adventures.


At age 10, only days after her birthday, assassins broke into Vadgotha’s estate, the guards gone. Her mother and father fought off most the assassins, but one, named Dardas, an expert at his craft, defeated them and killed Vadgotha right in front of Emil’s eyes, using Sasko’s old sword. Dardas gave Emil to the Sith and took his pay. Her uncle, a Sith known as Harvilus became her master, though Emil remembers little of her time under his tutelage, except that it was harsh and that she was often taken into a room full of medical equipment, before being forced unconscious. This went on for six months, until one day Emil awoke to see Sasko beating Harvilus head against the floor, a pool of blood emerging from his head. Her father had escaped Sith custody, leaving a large trail of dead mooks and Sith in his wake as he searched for Emil, and somehow got into the Academy to get her. They got off Korriban with the help of an old trader, Iiader, but his old freighter could not get to Republic Space without being shot out of the sky.


So, for the rest of her teenage and young adult life, Emil learned how to live as a fugitive, and soon acquiring both a death mark and a large bounty to be taken dead or alive. Two years ago, that changed. Sasko had finally managed to convince a crime lord to let them into Republic Space, but the crime lord tipped off the Sith. As they waited for the Sith to stop their search, the two camped in an abandoned storehouse, Emil watching from a window as the Sith searched for them. Sasko suddenly pushed her out of the way, a high energy bolt from a sniper rifle hitting him square in the chest. He died in her arms, forcing an unprepared Emil to fend for herself.



But she met a group of smugglers, Viperis, Edwith and Zivamen, all former soldiers who agreed to help her escape, if she helped them. The smugglers became the first real family Emil had, and Edwith became like a brother to her, being the first person that treated her not a fugitive or daughter of a Sith, but as a person.


In fact, when Emil was captured by Palyus, a Sith who’s lover and master was killed by Sasko, Edwith was the one that convinced Zivamen and Viperis to get her out. It cost Viperis his life, but it taught Emil that these people did indeed care for her.


The trio entered Republic Space, and a year could pass before Emil decided to join the Jedi Order. Deciding to fake an Alderaanian accent so people don't question her about her past, but though she won’t say it, due to being used to keeping secrets and only talking when necessary, she hopes that the Jedi will...heal her, letting her live a normal life compared to her ‘old’ one. She wishes to stop feeling grief over her parent’s death, and to stop feeling so...confused on her future.


SKILLS:
Emil is a skilled swordsman, being taught by her father to use her surroundings to her advantage and to never fight a fair fight. Her preferred lightsaber form is Djem So, with some sprinkling of Ataru for good measure, which she uses when able. Emil has also adopted her mother’s "Force Empathy", which allows her to subconsciously look into a person past, often a tragic point. Besides that, she doesn't use the Force besides to enhance her swordsmanship or pushing stuffing out the way.

GEAR:
-One notebook, which contains her drawings and personal notes
-One old notebook, which contains the drawings from her childhood before her life was...turned upside down.
-One necklace with a locket containing a picture of Sasko and her at age nine.
-Her father's blaster pistol, a heavily modified heavy blaster often used by Sith forces, given to him to by a researcher named Maosu. Has higher stopping power, better accuracy and is heavy enough to use as a club if needed.
-Her fathers helmet, which is of Mando design.
-Her fathers vibrosword, which is sort of like Corvo's sword from dishonored.
-Two Lightsabers, one yellow main saber and one blue off-hand. She alternates between using only one or two, mostly keeping the second as a backup.

ROLE-PLAYS:
Post the links and the titles to all of your characters Role-Plays. To make things easier, post the link and name here as soon as you enter the Role-Play thread.


RELATIONSHIPS:
Edwith- One of the smugglers to bring her to Republic space, Edwith is a jolly fellow, one of the greatest mechanics in the Outer Rim, according to his friends, who would probably be a good Jedi if he was Force Sensitive. Edwith was one of the first people to treat Emil as a 'normal' person, not as a fugitive or runaway daughter of a Sith Lord, causing a brother-sister relationship to form between the two, through Zivamen often jokes that there is something more....which may or may not be true.

Zivamen- The other smuggler who brought Emil to the Republic, Zivamen is a former pilot who worked for the Sith. Zivamen is a womanizer, but isn't a asshole about it, loving two things- his ship and women good in both looks and personality. Zivamen ignored Emil in that aspect, choosing to "leave her for you, Edwith".



DROIDS:
Does your character have any droids? If so, what are they? Generic droids do not require write-ups.

PETS:
Does your character have any pets? If so, what are they?

KILLS:
Post the names of the PC characters (characters role-played by real people) that your character has killed. If possible, include a link to the thread in which your character killed him/her.

COMBAT:
Has your characters been in any matches in the Dueling Ring or participated in a PvP, be it a Main Faction battle, a duel, or a skirmish? If so, post the names of those he/she has fought and include a link to the fight. Also be sure to specify who won the match.

So there you go. A lot of your sentences are run on also, but I'll let you change that. I took out pretty much all of the paratheses and some excess detail. You might want to look this over again, however, I probably didn't catch everything.

 

[Gaiaverse]

No, you can't ask why. Because now you're approved.



I left some comments on your profile. Make sure to address those soon. Pending.



Approved!

I'm

'ello friend!

If you don't mind, I'ld like to give you a slightly different kind of advice here, that may hopefully empower you to take a little control over this approval process.

First, all these "may be mistakes", or "based on this so may need fixing please tell me what to fix" are useless, they are hurting you, get rid of them! Seriously buddy, you wrote a constant appology through your work. You don't need to do that to yourself, your way better than that. Instead, show us through every step what you want your current finished product looks like. Trust me, everyone will still red it and offer critique; but can you imagine turning in a written report to your boss, editor or teacher, and starting each new section with "Sorry I probably screwed it up, please fix it for me?" pretty silly right?

This leads to point number two: We are not your teachers, bosses, or personal editors. Most people here are happy to help, but we are also just a bunch of other nerds who like to write and have alot of other things to do in our lives. No one here has the time, or probably desire to take your profile and circle all the mistakes with notes in the margin about exactly how to fix them. I don't mean to sound nasty, but I do mean to be a little blunt. I bring it up because there are alot of repeat edit points being brought up over and over. Don't despair, here is the fun stuff to do instead:

• Captain Plaent this mother. For real muchacho, the power is yours! Instead of only looking for words to change, change sentences. These aren't just little notes, they are conceptual notes. Changings a fact or detail of her history, HER circumstances changes her life. All we are is circumstances, so find a way to make it all come together the way you want it, she is your baby!

• If you want more specific notes from us, ask more specific questions. Everyone here is starting on your team, but we won't, and shouldn't do this for you. Furthermore, before asking a question, take the time to explore the site a little. There is a good chance that it has already been answered alot in the informtation people have already put in a lot of work to provide here. Read the sith forum, read the Jedi forum , read the story, read other characters (stealing is an artists best friend ;)) THEN re-read your entire profile, and see if you can't spot something you wanna adjust yourself before throwing your beautiful charrie to the dogs.

Finally, I leave you with my favorite bit of writing advice.... Read your own work. Often, and more importanly OUT LOUD. It's cathartic and awesome.

Double finallly, this isn't a whip crack. It's just shared advice. There will always be some mistakes. I have reread both my characters many times, made many edits, and ALWAYS catch a confusing sentence, typo, or poor grammer. For the love of pete look at the formating disaster that is this message! The more you put in, the more you get out though. So make your perfect version of this lovely lady that fits into the time and place established here, throw her gloriousness in our face, and say:

"Come at me bros"

EDIT:
P.S. Unfortunately I can't give you an acceptance to the Master of One mission until approved. Thats why I try to help

I'm actually been approved,

 

[Reya Starlyght]

Hey @Gaiaverse just making sure you saw my above post.

 

[Kuran]

Congratulations on the approval.

However, what Reya and Vit'al said still ring true.

Your profile is also something of an introduction for people who are looking for others to RP with. If your profile is full of spelling errors, reads in a non-coherent manner, and appears generally as if the bare minimum to pass was done, then you're going to have a very tough time finding people to thread with. So it's definitely to your advantage to take some time to refine and make better your profile.

Or, in short, a better profile leads to better roleplaying for you.

I'd be happy to provide you some pointers, if you so desire, PM me and we can go through it together.

 

[Gaiaverse]

Reya-Yes. On a phone.

I've been looking to clean up the APP. Just haven't had time.

 

[Prudence]

This is totally my headcannon for Emil

 

[Gaiaverse]

Kristen Stewart?

 

[Prudence]

Kristen Stewart?

Is that Kristen Stewart? I didn't see the resemblance until now.

 

[Gaiaverse]

She just looks like Kristen Stewart to me, not an exact match but similar facial structure.

 

[Prudence]

She just looks like Kristen Stewart to me, not an exact match but similar facial structure.

THIS

 

[Gaiaverse]

.....What, don't like Kristen Stewart?

 

[Tristyn]

I tracked your image down and saw you got it commissioned! That's pretty cool!

 

[Prudence]

I super approve of the new image.

 

[Gaiaverse]

Added RP's and the fact that Emil is left handed and trained herself to use her right.

 

[Gaiaverse]

Fancy template and gif's added.

 

[Logan]

She's gonna look pretty in Sith colors : )

 

[Marf]

Holy fuck Audrey Hepburn fuck yes.

She has to meet Vereshin, they can have wine and cigarettes together.

@Gaiaverse

 

[Gaiaverse]

Holy **** Audrey Hepburn **** yes.

She has to meet Vereshin, they can have wine and cigarettes together.

@Gaiaverse

Emil is a Jedi through.