help?

[revan_the_dark_lord]

some people said i should come here for help with my character named kib lortuna

help?!?!?!?!?!

 

[Phil]

NAME: kib lortuna
FACTION: no faction
RANK: no rank
SPECIES: twilek
AGE: 19
GENDER: female
HEIGHT: 5'10
WEIGHT: 105 lbs
EYES: light purple
HAIR: no chair
SKIN: light purple
CREDITS: 1000
DISTINGUISHING MARKS: tatoo on her head
DOMINATE HAND: both
FORCE SENSITIVE: no

STRENGTH: physicly weak
DESTERITY: agile
CONSTITUTION: very good
INTELLIGENCE: shes not really a harvard grad
WISDOM: not very wise
CHARISMA: very high

FORCE POWERS:
she doent have any

SKILLS:
shes a prostitute. shes very good at it.

LIGHTSABER/SWORD FORMS:
shes not a jedi

STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES:
shes very strong willed. shes physicly weak.

GEAR:
taser, just in case things get bad. money. any other gear she needs.

SHIP:
a personnel shuttle

PETS:
no

PERSONALITY:
kib is very outgoing. she has to be to make money as a prostitute because she has to pretend that she actually likes being with fat politicians. but she is very passionate.

HISTORY:
kib lortuna was born on coruscant to two city police officers. her child hood wasnt that good. her dad wasa shot in the head and her mom because a prostitute. she trained kib as a prostitut apprentice and then kib became one too. she continues to be one to this day and really enjoys her work. she doesnt think its disrespectful to girls at all.

KILLS:
none

DUELING RING MATCHES:
no

GRAND TOURNAMENT MATCHES:
no

ROLE-PLAYS:
none yet

I Underlined the parts that i personaly think could use a bit more.

Skills: Surly she's skilled at other things then just her profession.
History: Think it could use a bit more details too.

Also, this site has a Spell checker built in. So if grammer is a bit hard, use that so some of the things arent so hard to read.

 

[revan_the_dark_lord]

thanks ill work on that! =)

 

[Phil]

No problem.

 

[Lavi]

Expanding on your history will give way to a more detailed personality. That would be the most important place to begin improvement.

Paraphrasing from Grim's guide to avoid making crappy characters, have a clear motive for your character. Why does your character pursue prostitution?

 

[Wing]

Maybe you should center everything too. But that is up to you.

 

[revan_the_dark_lord]

ty everybody!