In Light of Doubt II -Archetype

[DeathToll]

Joeux Archetype; a typical Padawan, blending in with the paths of the purposeful and the driven. This young human was not one for attention, despite the occasional notice of his unfortunately placed birthmark or overtly enclosed demeanor. In fact, if it wasn't for his self scrutinizing and judging, he'd mostly enjoy being completely surrounded by all others in the Temple. What's worse was his recent debacles in the sparring chambers, which finally caught some attention as Jouex had shown his true burning passion in retaliatory and self-inflicted wounding of a fight that lead to his loss of control. There was indeed much more going on inside this young man than previously depicted.

After his last Master, Valena Karasu, was called away in servitude - Joss was left without guidance and found himself frequenting the sparring arena in order to explore this strange new feeling within. Val, as she made him call her, had indeed began to check Joeux in his inward behavior; though she had not even begun to scratch the surface.

Fearing another interrogation, Joeux was over-prepared to meet his next Master. Constantly threading his fingers through his tossed-forward locks, situating a slightly greasy cluster of hair over his birthmark and eyes, Joeux stepped with more pep than usual. Perhaps all was beginning to lay impact on his over-trained introverted habits. Though still he held that submissive shrug, those fidgety hands by the edges of his clothes, that tossing of hair tick, and still that inability to hold or even engage eye contact.

Here he was, creeping that peek around the corner of the doorway. Joeux wondered what sort of personality he'd have to face this time...

 

[Demiurge]

The mind is the center of the spirit; the spirit is the essence of the will; the will is the heart of the Force; the Force is the core of the Jedi.

Anastasia often recited one of a dozen Jedi meditation tenents while she centered herself in floating mediation. While Jedi often engaged in meditative arts, Anastasia moreso than others. She did it every day, as she woke from sleep, and in the evening before she retired. But ultimately, it was for a different purpose now. Having recently transferred from Tython to Coruscant, the shift in environment took some adapting to, even for a Jedi Master. Tython was unbridled, vibrant, teeming with life of all sorts, yet with a natural order that kept a balance. It was the ideal world of the Jedi, in her opinion, even more than Ossus.

In many ways, Coruscant was similar. Trillions of sapients resided upon the planet, and the very Jedi Temple was built over a Force Nexus. But it was also distinctly different. Coruscant was bustling, restless, echoing with the desperation of living, influx of emotions flooding the planet, the sheer unrest of its never-ending days. It was a true wonder that so many Jedi found it simple to meditate at all with such "noise" traveling through the Force. Strenuous, but by no means impossible; the task was simply took more effort and overall was less comfortable in the end.

As Anastasia meditated, the Force alerted her to a nearby presence. Opening her eyes, the Sage Master spoke out to the apparently timid Jedi, "I see you've arrived," Anastasia said, ending her meditating and standing upright. As she turned about, she continued, "It is a pleasure to meet you Padawan. I am Anastasia Celeste, and in Knight Cross' place, I will instruct you in the ways of the Jedi." In an effort to draw the obviously nervous Padawan out, Anastasia resumed, "Tell me, please, your name, Padawan."

 

[DeathToll]

A moment passed, specs of dust drifting in the striking casts of light.

Looking the woman down then up, Joeux tossed his hair aside and pried himself away from his tight cling to the corner wall. It was as if a five year old stood before her, yet screaming with flashes of the real Joeux trying to get out. His meager stance shuffled over and finally answered.

"Joss."

He was clearly content with saying nothing else, speaking only his first name with careful pronunciation. The room already seemed filled with a calming aura like a soothing mist of warmth, yet his thoughts jumbled on top of each other in a horrible wreck of chaos; and so his emotions were as clear as day to anyone who wished to see them. He couldn't help it. He wondered about his new Master's phrasing of speech. He thought about how he had never heard, or at least didn't remember, that Jedi tenet she was saying. He wished he didn't have to feel so uncomfortable in new situations like these. And most of all, he criticized himself for acting so strange in the company of his new Master; which of course led him to blame the birthmark across his face.

A clinking sound of the metal clasp of his training saber against its station along Joeux's belt seemed to filling rhythm to the otherwise blank moment. Shifting his weight back and forth, Joeux seemed respectful with a nod to Anastasia; but the imaginary weight he implemented onto himself, the doubt and feeling of displacement loomed over him like a swarm of crows.

 

[Demiurge]

It didn't take one with clairvoyance to perceive that the Padawan Joss was overly and unnaturally formal and was obviously putting on a show of confidence. For young Jedi, this was more common than most would think, but it also stunted a Padawan's growth, both as a person and in their relationship with the Force.

"It is an age-old tenet of the Jedi Order in helping one gain perspective and understanding of the Meditative Arts," Anastasia said, sensing his curiosity at her earlier spoken words, "One of many, in fact."

"So,young Joss," Anastasia began, smiling in an attempt to put him at ease, "Is there also a surname, Padawan Joss?"

There were many civilizations in the galaxy that did not impart family names to their people. Indeed, Anastasia had been one of them, until some time after she'd joined the Jedi Order. But then, some Padawans didn't think to give their last name, usually a sign of nervousness, so Anastasia simply wished to inquire which it was.

 

[DeathToll]

It was almost too easy to access the answer to Anastasia's question in Joss' head due to the manner in which she asked. It was defusing, but for Joss' ignorance to all this reasoning. Instead, he simply answered as if he had no personal restriction or tendencies like before.

"I don't know. I mean, Archetype is my last name - but it's not really."

Now realizing how easily he had opened up to her, Joss frowned. It was as if she had asked about his past without specifically asking about it.

Loosening the tenseness around his lips shortly thereafter due to his self criticizing awareness, Joss still held his lowered eyebrows firm in discontent. Joss quite enjoyed Anastasia's 'way', however, and by no means meant to label his feelings on her in the face he now held. But one thing did itch at him, and he felt his previous statement required some justification.

"...I mean, I was born and birthed and everything - but I don't remember them. My parents, I mean."

 

[Demiurge]

"I see," Anastasia said, stifling light laughter at his ridig, unrelaxed demeanor, "Well, you have nothing you need to prove to me. I was only curious. There are many who enter the Jedi Order with only one name, or sometimes without any name. I myself didn't have a second name until after I was a Jedi Knight. You may be surprised how common this is, actually."

Anastasia then began toward the doorway, out of the meditation room. "So, Joss," she said, stopping to turn back, "Walk with me a bit. I'd like to get to know a bit more about you."

 

[DeathToll]

Her reaction to him, at first, gave him pause; but further into thought, Joss found himself more relaxed and comforted by her words. He was glad to hear of her similar trait and of those common to them. He hadn't really asked anyone about it, so this was the first time hearing of this similarity in Jedi.

Watching Anastasia step out of the room and turn to him, Joss then eyed the floor before looking back up to join her. He followed as they walked, nodding to her curiosity as well as struggling within himself to initiate his side of the conversation or await her further signaling for his input. After squirming a bit, Joss found himself easing into things.

"...Well, uhm, I was born above Antemeridias. I was... But I was raised on Ossus."

Joss words stumbled as if from a child, though the tone was lowered as a late teen through pubescence. His pauses were coupled with the tossing of his hair through the jerking of his head, just as his steps in walking were erratic.

 

[Demiurge]

Anastasia led her and her new Padawan down the corridor and into a wide hallway. All the while, she continued to carefully listen to the what the somewhat hesitant Joss spoke, and with keen interest. "Antermeridias?" she asked curiously, "I don't believe I've ever heard of that world. Is it in the Republic?"

 

[DeathToll]

"Outer-Rim"

Joss easily replied shaking his head, having no real ties to the planet that would cause any emotional reaction of an open wound. Also, Anastasia made it very easy to answer with quick and comfortable sentences that did not require much on Joss' part. She was asking questions that no one had really asked him before, though they were normal questions one would expect.

"just along the Perlimian"

He didn't have much to say about it, not having any memories to draw from other than what others had told him. He'd have to go there some day. He'd always wanted to, but not enough to make the effort. Stepping a little more easily, Joss then wondered what was normal for most Jedi.

"Do you travel a lot?"

 

[Demiurge]

The wide hallway had dozens of large windows, practically taking up all the space of the walls. Outside, one could see the bustling city-world from above. While Anastasia preferred worlods more in tune with nature and the natural world, even she had to admit that architectual designs were wonderous in their own way.

As she led her Padawan to the end of the hallway, she used the Force to access the panel to open the door as they approached, which led the two into a main courtyard, where many Jedi were attending to their own business.

What Joss said really came as no surprise. The Jedi were part of the expeditions of expansion into the sectors of space past the colonies and Mid Rim. Most areas of the Outer Rim were either under Hutt Control or were simply unknown to the Republic and Jedi.

"Hmm, do I travel?" Anastasia repeated to herself, aloud but quiet enough for anyone to tell she wasn't directing the question to anyone but herself, "Well, much of my early life was on my homeworld. Butby the time I was your age, I guess I did travel quite a bit. That's the benefit of being a young Jedi, I suppose. Seeing strange new worlds in the galaxy." Anastasia said, reflecting back on her early adulthood. Indeed, although she still retained her physical prime and appeared as a fairly young female Human, she was well past sixty years of age, due to her species exceptionally long lifespan. "For the last... almost three decades now, I've been pretty stationary, only leaving when the Jedi Council summons me to act. In fact, less than five years ago, I was still living on Tython."

Anastasia smiled a bit, thinking about the good times she's had back then. All the things she learned, returning to her roots. It was like she experienced enlightenment every day of her life. "What about you, Joss? How was life coming up on Ossus?"

 

[DeathToll]

The arc of shade passed over their heads as they stepped outside, and Joss noticed the others but gave them little attention. The rays of light were nice but his eyes were unused to its impact. Joss was no underground mole, but still spent more time inside the Temple than out.

The sights were truly amazing, though Joss had spent most of his life on Coruscant. Ossus had not impacted him as one's home planet might. His thoughts as a youth were strung on his lack of love and parent-less beginnings. Joss' translucent thoughts hovered on depression and missed opportunity.

"It was... fine."

Joss indeed had nothing major to complain about on the subject of Ossus or even Coruscant. Each world had suited him in their own ways in terms of a safe and suitable world for one human child to grow up in, having been looked after by the Jedi.

"I don't remember much about it. The Jedi found me when I was pretty young."

He may not have vocalized it, but probably telegraphed each withheld sentence in his mind over to any listening for it. He remembered each time that he'd attempted to be normal, either before meeting the Jedi or after. Times he'd been bullied for the birthmark upon his face and times he'd lost control, as those uncertain of their hidden potential sometimes do; Joss had experienced extremes most of his life, which is why he preferred the lesser of those extremes and hid from experiencing life.

Many come to the wrong conclusion about Joss, however. He is a fighter, booming with excellence. That's precisely the reason why he runs from life; not to avoid those who would make his life more difficult, but to avoid himself and his advanced reactions to those who would trigger it in him.

 

[Demiurge]

Anastasia's eyes rigorous blinked and sharpened in disaccord as she began to sense the strong emotions suddenly emanating from Joss. More than anything else, the sudden manifestation of negative emotions came as a surprise. His reluctant speech manner could have told anyone that all wasn't as it seemed, but what she sensed from Joss were feelings of pain, anxious fear and strong apprehension.

"I see", Anastasia said, not wishing to press the issue, "I actually remember quite a bit from where I was raised. In fact, to this day, I still can't forget it. Many situations we face in our lives will cause us pain, and there will be things that will happen... that we wish could have been otherwise, could have been changed."

Anastasia dwelled on her own past for a brief moment, remembering the horrific circumstances underwhich she came into contact with the Jedi Order. "Often times this is passed off as fate and can cause us to fall into dispair, to retreat into helplessness. But a wise Jedi once told me, that fate is for those who choose not to decide their destiny. Each one of us is the architect of our fate, capable of deciding our own way. We must simply choose our own path, lest someone or something choose it for us."

Anastasia paused in her speech after that, smiling to herself, "I guess I'm not making much sense to you, am I?" Anastasia reached the end of the courtyard, accessing a panel which led the two into a decorative hall with honorary Jedi statues and ancient Jedi runes embedded on hung stone tablets. Walking in, Anastasia glanced back at Joss, "Please, come in, take a seat." she said, as she telekinetically pulled two stools to the center of the room, taking a seat on one of them.

 

[DeathToll]

Joss tried listening, but instead gave off a lost look as his mind was caught some steps back along their walk. He heard Anastasia's words, but only managed to attribute them to his stirring emotions and certain point of view on the subject of his past. Joss never presumed to have the worst of origins, but always thought that he'd take one filled with more despair as long as he could have some sort of beginning that gave him purpose and a sense of direction.

There, deep within, the small yet agitated cracks of lightning and swarming of density brewed like that in his dream. So small was it now, but there; even he did not notice it. He only tried to lift his face from the dropped somber that depressed his young skin.

Joss tried a smile, then watched her hand access the panel. Soon thereafter, Joss had lost himself in the power of the statues' towering presence. Wandering those eyes back and forth, Joss felt so small. He enjoyed this section very much, and would frequent it should he be allowed.

Joss watched the stool skid over as Anastasia sat in her own. He sat, jerking right at the sound of his training saber clinking against the stool. After settling in, he looked around with a slight nervous intensity all bottled up inside.

 

[Demiurge]

Anastasia observed Joss as he took his seat, and smiled amusedly, "There's no need to be nervous, I'm just going to evaluate you a bit to gauge how your training should proceed."

The cloaking shades in the room receeded, allowing the room to fill with light provided by the suns of Coruscant, as opposed to the internal lighting. Anastasia preferred it that way, in fact. Natural light was, by all accounts, more beneficial and warming than artificial lights. "I realized I've been asking you many questions since we've met, but I now I must ask some of a more... personal nature. As of now, you may not have all the answers, and that's okay. Just answer to the best of your ability."

Anastasia's warm smile was then replaced by insightful, curious demeanor, "Joss, tell me, please, why do you wish to be a Jedi?"

 

[DeathToll]

"I..."

It was difficult for Joss to come up with an answer he'd think his new Master would be satisfied with, no matter how embracing she actually was; he was incredibly self scrutinizing. Thinking back to the last time he was asked this question, Joss thought how stupid he felt saying that he only wanted to be a Jedi simply because it was all he knew. Sure, he wanted to eventually find his parents if he could ever figure out how to start ...or even if they were still alive. And sure, he wanted to eventually go find all those interesting items he'd cataloged in his computer on all those interesting worlds, if he could ever build up the courage to leave his room. And of course, he even had a general well-wishing outlook on the generic mass of people that populated the galaxy. But Joss seriously lacked the willingness to be seen as one truly capable of all that. He is more than capable, but he has yet to expound upon that - to validate his gifts that are indeed more than there.

"I..."

It was in his thoughts that someday his fears would become a reality, and truly - he wished to do away with them. If that was a reason, though he had yet to look at it that way, then he definitely wanted to train against those feelings and become one above fear and doubt. But in his mind, Joss wanted a selfless sounding reason as a Jedi should sound.

He squeezed his eyes shut and reopened them, then brushing his long bangs aside. He would spit something out, or scream trying.

"...the Jedi that took me in. They were so kind. I don't remember the day they found me. I don't remember the bad things that got me there. But those Jedi that practically raised me... they never asked for anything. I saw them do so many good things for others, for me. It was so effortless. They never even considered the bad. They always chose good. And if there was no good? ...they were its substitute. For me, I have nothing to give them back. Even now, here, you are all so good..."

Joss took a moment, having started looking almost directly at Anastasia and trailed off in his own words. He'd never spoke this out-loud, or even in his own head for that matter. Talking things out seemed to help him come to new growth, that had otherwise been delayed due to such an introverted lifestyle. He even seemed to grow in maturity from the beginning of his thought to the end, adding on his revelation here at the end.

"...Someone. Someone has to protect that."

He looked up, most uniquely and directly, so contradictory to his previous behavior at Anastasia. He had found, even if only the beginning of it, his purpose. Maybe it all wasn't too thought through, but he wished for those who upheld the Jedi way to continue to do so. Others needed what he received, and he was indeed grateful; though unable to change what was still lacking in his life, his demeanor soon slouched back down in critical thought as to how foolish he must have sounded.

 

[Demiurge]

Anastasia listened intently as Joss at first hesitantly spoke, then became emboldened in his words. It was nothing short of a surprising display of determination. She could empathically feel his resolve, even if he did not himself realize it, "Yes, someone does, and I can sense the desire there within you... like a fire shut up in your bones. It's what's was driving you then, and it's what's driving you now."

It was rare for anyone of such a young age to speak with any kind of firm conviction. True resolve often took years for one to achieve, and those who were reclusive or shy often took even longer. "And that is what it means for some to be a Jedi, to seek out the good in others, in everything. Even the darkest, most abysmal places have some spark of light within. Sometimes, even we Jedi cannot see it, and even if we can, there may be times where we cannot reach out and bring it to light."

"Joss, you have told me why you want to be a Jedi, but tell me... what does being a Jedi mean to you? Is it solely protecting others? Or perhaps to seek out the wrong in the galaxy and bring justice and light to it?" Whether he realized it or not, Joss had a maturity about him. Anastasia was positive in this regard, he was already a true Jedi, at least in part.

 

[DeathToll]

Listening to Anastasia's explanation, Joss folded his hands together between his knees. It was uplifting to hear and speak of the Jedi in this way, but it was also a bit heavy. It was, however, how Joss felt. And he wanted to be that, do that, and add to those who serve others.

"I suppose"

Joss first answered agreeably to Anastasia's examples. His demeanor still held onto that moment of revelation, though trailing off and back to his usual self. The natural light spilling into the room gave a certain mystical feeling to this moment, as Joss explored his views and definitions with Anastasia. It was helpful to Joss' introverted self-inflicted condition.

"It's protecting others so that justice and light can also be brought to them."

Pretty much repeating what Anastasia said, Joss was in agreement that the Jedi way was a diligent one and one that called for much exploration of servitude; a freeing, giving without thought of return. As well, there is much in the line of facing wrong and darkness and bringing it into the light.

Joss breathed in a deep breath through his nose and sighed out a satisfied and somewhat relaxed feeling in this moment.

 

[Demiurge]

"I see", Anastasia said, carefully taking in what Joss said, and his manner of saying it.

"Ineed, Jedi must be servants and guardians, protectors for those that cannot defend themselves. But at what cost?"

Many Jedi, especially Padawans, often held dogmatic interpretations for battling the Dark Side of the Force. It was neither foolishardy upbringing nor corrupt thinking that guided this belief, but far more often pure intentions. Simply a lack of wisdom and knowledge that would come with age and dedication, but as innocent as its root was, the danger was still present, and Anastasia had to assess if the danger was rooted in Joss as well.

"How far must a Jedi go to protect others? How far must a Jedi go to stop those who seek to harm? How far must a Jedi go to preserve life, inevitably at its very expense."

For many, this often seemed contradictory, taking a life to preserve another, and this often confused inexperienced Jedi in the field. While Joss did have an unexpected wisdom, Anastasia was still curious how he would answer.

 

[DeathToll]

Joss nodded to her clarification. Stopping to access his thoughts, Joss' eyes rolled up in search of his answers. He swallowed, indeed seeing this all as a mystical ideal held by its pillars of glorious and righteous battles in which light fends off the dark and the light is preserved atop its tiered structure.

But indeed, he had his own more serious worries which grounded him. For the future held in store what Joss wished to turn away from. And then Anastasia's almost coincidental finger pointing, as if she had seen the very thought in Joss' head squirming to escape the light and pinned it beneath her pressured aim.

But Joss at first misunderstood her last question, hoping her intent was to test his resolve or see what called for a Jedi to give his life for another. But Joss thought it easier to give his own life than to fight to save another's. And so, he twitched - knowing he wasn't quite touching on what she was looking for.

"Uhm."

Now he thought it was a trick question. Though, Joss was always hesitant to ask for help.

"A Jedi must give his life, if he must, in order to save another's..."

Now it clicked. Joss first questioned, internally, if indeed she was referring to killing another being rather than sacrificing oneself for another.

"You mean... to kill someone ...in order to save someone?"

Joss paused, more to force himself to consider it rather than to receive confirmation of his concern. He knew, in the literal sense, what was right and what was wrong; he figured that Jedi had killed those beyond saving, that Jedi had killed those who would do worse if left unchecked but... couldn't it just be simpler? Joss wished at this moment to step back as he usually did, like in class when he did not want to participate and disappear into the back or when a group of people was clustered before him and he'd go a different way. But he couldn't. He fidgeted, broadcasting his feelings of discomfort.

"I-I... yes ...I mean, if it comes to that... I.. yes."

Trying his hardest to avoid saying 'I guess', Joss kept replacing 'yes' into his words. It was hard saying it, but even harder to admit it honestly to himself that one day he might have to take a life. Joss seemed such a fragile thing. His person could be figuratively placed on top of a beam, balanced only by the tip of a sword at it's center; and Joss would have to frantically rush back and forth to keep it all from toppling over.

Joss tried to hide it, but it seemed in this moment to himself that if he ever had to face that edge ...he would pop.

 

[Demiurge]

Anastasia acknowledged Joss' hesitance and reluctance in the question. It was an uncomfortable concept to say the least - frankly, she'd be disturbed if he wasn't disconcerted.

"This answer to this question is not an easy one to be enlightened to."

Anastasia had been, in her way of perceiving his response, satisfied for the time being. He had barely begun to delve deeply in what it meant to be a Jedi, so it was obvious he wouldn't have all the answers.

"But never forget these words. A Jedi values all life, even that of their enemy. And a Jedi uses the Force for only the seeking of knowledge and the strength to protect themselves and others. Never to attack, never to kill. The combative philosophy for the Jedi is self-defense. Only when all other possibilities have been exhausted, and when a very real threat endangers the innocent, is the taking of life done to save another."

Anastasia let a brief pause follow what she said to let her words sink in.

"Remember this, never forget."

At that, Anastasia's evaluation was complete, and so now would begin the first stages of the training.

"Now, Joss, it's time we begin the learning method more... directly. But to start, I need to make sure you understand the basic foundations. Joss, can you tell me what the Force is?"