Lucifer

Commander529

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NAME: Lucifer (Gladiatorial name)
FACTION:Mandolorian
RANK:
SPECIES: Maelibus
AGE: unknown (ageless)
GENDER: Male
HEIGHT: 7’ 5”
WEIGHT: 375 pounds
EYES: white
MANE: white
SKIN: red metallic skin
CREDITS: 1,000
DISTINGUISHING MARKS: white skin not gold skin; he was the leader of the Maelibus
FORCE SENSITIVE: No

appearance:

Maelibus.jpg




STRENGTH: Super Strong, but he tries not to show it.
DEXTERITY: Super agile, but tries not to show it.
CONSTITUTION: In perfect shape.
INTELLIGENCE: He is very smart in the act of war.
WISDOM: He is very primal. He needs to learn discipline.
CHARISMA: He will kill you before he will talk to you.

FORCE POWERS: Knows the basic forms of the force taught on Lego.

SKILLS: melee and unarmed specialist.

LIGHTSABER/SWORD FORMS: None but basic lightsaber skills. He uses his claws more than anything else.

STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES: He is super strong in the body and in battle. He was a ground commander on Lego before he was taken away. But in the ways of social and other intellectual skills, he is still primal.

GEAR: old gladiator armor, old brown hooded cloak, Acidic Paragon vibro axe

SHIP: none

DROIDS: none

COMPANIONS: A captured, young Diathim.

PERSONALITY: He is a powerful warrior. He has a ferocious temper, and He was dark inside. He would be the embodiment of pure evil, if it wasn’t for Uriel. She kept him sane and made sure he did not turn dark.

BIOGRAPHY:
Born on Lego, The planet with a thousand moons, Lucifer ( Gladiatorial name; Real name is unknown) was the leader of the Maelibus. In human years, he had been living for 100,000 years. He had seen it all and done it all. He remembered his young scouting years and watching the horrors of the two men that called themselves Jedi, which he later learned were called Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi, steal precious plants from our planet.After he had become the leader of his people, he made sure that any outsider landed on the planet, they would never leave.
After about 49,000 years of leading his people, and after 99,000 years old, he went through the ritual of moral switching. The ritual switched one Maelibus and one Diathim between the two civilizations so that they could have everlasting peace. The Diathim Matriarch were allowed the strongest of the Maelibus’s warriors and likewise, the Maelibus commander were allowed the prettiest of the Diathim’s women. The one rule though was that the the leader and the slave were never to procreate. But on the night of his 100th thousand birthday and 50th thousand year of his reign, He and his Diathim fell in love and had a child (The fetus of a Diathim grows out of the womb in 5 hours). When both of the populations found out what they were, They exiled them from the planet on a captured alien ship and killed there baby.
They had floated in space for what seemed like years, and there love grew more and more. Even though the Diathim was not able to procreate again for 100 years, they still loved each other. And then, after about 50 years, a group of slavers captured them. They were the slaves of Gonda the Hutt for 25 years, where Lucifer fought in the gladiatorial pits and his Diathim, whose name was Uriel, was used as his slave.
After those 25 years, Lucifer broke his chains and killed the Hutt and his men. He saved Uriel and they escaped on a cargo ship. They soon made it to the planet of Mandalore, and Lucifer sought out the only group that he thought he would fit into.

Role plays:
 

The Gloaming

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You wrote that he's not Force sensitive, yet he knows the basic Force forms? I'm pretty sure all Maelibus are Force sensitive, though I might be wrong.

But I'm glad to see that someone finally made a Maelibus character. I was going to, but I already have a Sith, and that's what he would have been.
 

Horizon

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I really don't suggest you use this species. Hardly anything is known and they have the supposed life span of..infinite?
 

The Gloaming

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I really don't suggest you use this species. Hardly anything is known and they have the supposed life span of..infinite?

Yes but in a galaxy like this, no one can live forever. Especially if he's a mando.

But, Commander, you should probably reduce the age drastically. If he really was that old, he would be far wiser. Make him like, I don't know, 2,000 years, tops. Anything more and it gets a little ridiculous.
 

Nevermourn

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Lucifer.....hmmmmm did I see that name in the bible....OH YES! Is Lucifer going to be an evil charrie because evil fits the name perfectly! Especially if you know the origin of the name Lucifer. ;)
 

Horizon

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Yes but in a galaxy like this, no one can live forever. Especially if he's a mando.

But, Commander, you should probably reduce the age drastically. If he really was that old, he would be far wiser. Make him like, I don't know, 2,000 years, tops. Anything more and it gets a little ridiculous.

Put it this way, I'm not too thrilled on the idea of seeing something like this suddenly start waltzing around with everyone. It's something you wouldn't see, they're practically a myth.
 

The Gloaming

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Put it this way, I'm not too thrilled on the idea of seeing something like this suddenly start waltzing around with everyone. It's something you wouldn't see, they're practically a myth.

Hmm. You do have a point there. It would take a pretty intricate story and personality for this species to be present above ground.
 

Vencu

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This sudden, random connection to the Mandalorians doesn't really cut it, not for me anyway... for such an exotic and potentially powerful character, I think you could have at least been more detailed with the background. I would suggest rewriting it and including a bit more about what makes him think he would fit in with the Mandalorians in the first place. Overall, it wouldn't hurt to expand on the rest of his background, either. Despite his species and the fact that he has been alive for over one-hundred thousand years, it seems as though he just magically learned everything he needed to know from thin air and had everything he wanted handed to him. I'd like to see how he learned about the Force, about melee and unarmed combat, about his time as a ground commander, falling in love with Uriel (because it usually doesn't happen overnight), and perhaps more about his struggle with the Dark Side. Just take your time. There's no rush.
 
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Jaqen H'ghar

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Profiles like this are the reason we can't have nice things. It's OP'd naturally, and then you're going to also have him be ancient but his biography is only 3 paragraphs long. OH! And he'll kill you before speaking to you, cause I mean, that's great roleplay. "Hey how ya doing there lucifer?" /sings then pulls you underground to eat you alive/

Also, basic lightsaber skills? where the **** did that thing get a lightsaber?

Oh, and he's the leader of his people. So you took a gary stu minus the pretty boy face, gave it super epic natural abilities, and made him the leader of his people who's ageless and got caught by a hutt. I mean really? C'mon. This makes my head hurt.

Oh, and the dude who's been around for ****ing ever got booted off planet for having a baby with another species. ANOTHER SPECIES.
 

The Gloaming

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Mean Words.

There's probably a better way to put it to a guy who's got 26 posts under his belt. He is new to the site, and our rules, dude. There's a way to offer constructive criticism, then there's this. I've seen people post waaaaayy worse characters within their first few months here, and after some time, they're writing better characters then most on this site. So don't scare 'em off.
 

Vencu

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There's probably a better way to put it to a guy who's got 26 posts under his belt. He is new to the site, and our rules, dude. There's a way to offer constructive criticism, then there's this. I've seen people post waaaaayy worse characters within their first few months here, and after some time, they're writing better characters then most on this site. So don't scare 'em off.

I agree, The Gloaming. And that's why the right way to go about it is offering constructive criticism. If you go in with a, "this is all wrong, but I'm not going to bother helping you fix it" attitude, new members are going to lose the motivation to improve and they will be reluctant to ask for help for fear of receiving an overly negative response that merely drags them down. The only person a response like that helps is the person who is doing the pushing in order to elevate himself. The SWRP that I've come to know doesn't run that way. Not by a long shot. Let's take it down a few notches, shall we?
 
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Phil

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...why did you name him after The Devil?
 

Matt

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Some of you really need to wind your necks in more when offering constructive criticism.

This profile needs work but you don't need to be rude to new people to get your point across.

Thank you.
 

Dmitri

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Shame, someone else has made a satan. So much for my Lucifel.
 

Nevermourn

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...why did you name him after The Devil?

Thats what I was thinking! :CHappy Lucifer is a sexy name, but...still...besides, isnt the Maelibus just a myth? O.O
 
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Insanity

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I like the name. Oooooh, Weiss, can I call Lucifel Luci?
 

Jaqen H'ghar

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Sorry, I'm so used to profiles like this being written by other members of the site and then them just completely ignoring anything you put nicely that it's just kind of become my fall back at this point, but I should give the new guy the benefit of the doubt.

New guy, I wasn't trying to be mean to you, terribly sorry about that.
 
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