Masada

210yeti

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View attachment 4439
Name-Masada
Faction - None (Former Gladiator)
Rank-None
Species-Tusken Raider
Age-35
Gender-Male
Force Sensitive - Yes but Untrained

Appearance - At 6' 10" and 264lbs Masada is a very imposing figure, with his battle scars and his skeletal implants(shoulder length metal dreadlocks basically). His skin is mostly cracked and dried and his eyes are permanently bloodshot and yellowed just add to the whole image of a grizzled killer.

Personality
Not the most friendly appearance or the most social individual he interacts enough with people to get paid as a freelance merc or as a fighter in some illegal fight clubs. He tries to avoid most interaction due to not trusting people in general but he tries to work things out peacefully but if angered the unbridled fury he unleashes has left trails of corpses in his wake. The rage comes from his past which he rarely speaks of. He sees the the force as a weakness not something to dominate or coexist with, like he despises sith because they use the force to give them in advantage which in his mind means they couldn't win in a fair fight and he sees the jedi as foolish for trying to find out the secrets of the Force which he sees as a waste of time. Out of both of them he hates the sith more for personal reasons other than their exaggerated egos their useless existence.

Biography
Masada was kidnapped by slavers at a very young age( 2 months to be exact) he bounced around several Sith held some sith held planets such as Raxus, Stenos, Gand, and Klatooine before being dumped on the hutt held planet of Nar Kaaga. The Hutts ruled the planet and kept most of the population as slaves mining the few resources the planet had. For the few slaves that tried to rebel against the hutts and failed had to fight, to the death in gladiator pits, has punishment. This had been going on for a few years to were the fights grew from a punishment to entertainment for the population who revelled in the violence. The Hutts noticed this and made a planet wide hit. Masada still remembers the adverts that still replay in his head "FIGHT IN THE ARENA, SPILL BLOOD, OBTAIN RICHES, AND EARN FREEDOM!" Hundreds of men, women, and children tried to test their luck but all of them were either killed by their friends or died by diseases in the pit and when production slowed everyone suffered, kidnapping children to fight in the arena, nonstop work shifts, and public beatings became a common place on this hell hole of a world.

One day in Masada decided to sign up as a gladiator. Seeing no downside he joined as soon as he could. After a dozen fights he discovered his prowess for violence and combat which led to him gaining the attention of the Hutts. The Hutts, seeing the potential Masada had, offered him a deal of a lifetime, to become one of their personal bodygaurds and have every desire and man could wish for or stay a slave and fight in the pits for the rest of his short life. Masada "respectively" declined the offer offer saying becoming one of them was a fate he'd deemed worst then death. The Hutts enraged by the refusal decided he needed ro be assisted into joining him so they decided to put him through the procedure called The Nails, where they would restrain him in a chair then plant external implants that would drill through the skull and attach various parts of the brain. These implants would then connect to a machine which they would then use to subject Masada to various drugs and stimuli to put him through unimaginable pain. In between that and the pit fights Masada began to wonder if this was all he was good for a test body for carious drugs and an object to place wagers on. He wondered about that he heard people talk about this force and how it flowed through everyone and guided them, but how could this be this be his fate. He began to think upon the force during what little down time he had, and the more he thought on it, the more grew to hate it; the stories he heard about the Sith and the Jedi and theyre cause and ideals, the more grew to dispise them.

This lasted for 15 years and at start of 16th year, a Relief Force came to liberate the planet but they were met with stiff resistance. At first the Hutts and their mercs were to repel the force but they were losing ground. Masada was able to detach from the machine and sneak into the palace, while it was being assaulted, once inside he broke into the armory where he discovered an ancient set of vibro war axes inscribed with the names GoreFather and GoreChild; he had heard these names before as whisperings amoungst the other gladiators. They had said these axes were wielded by the greatest warrior who first discovered this force forsaken planet. Paying no mind to these stories he quickly suiting up in a set of armor and armed with his newly obtained axes he started to search for the main room where the slugs were hiding. The Hutts were unfortunately found by Masada first, they all were butchered till the whole room was painted with various parts of them. The Relief Force never knew who killed the Hutts, they never knew Masada existed till they found the tapes of his torture and by then he was already of planet.

Skills
He is proficient in dual weapons and is an expert at melee combat. He is not a marksman; he'd rather get into close combat. He can shamble together a weapon pretty quick and he is capable of operating simple machines but for ships he can not manually fly he must use the the pre-recorded flight map.
He is force Sensitive but refuses to use to any extant seeing it as a weakness.

GEAR
He still wears his gladiator armor, which is nothing special, over his normal clothes and the only weapons he carries are his vibro axes(there just normal vibro axes.)
View attachment 4440
View attachment 4441 View attachment 4442 View attachment 4443
(The Gladiator Armor can only take 2 hits to the chest and 1 to the arms/legs)
 
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xGhoulz

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Hi, it may not be my place to say this, but i just wanted to say something about your biography. Like what happened in my character, why would the slavers take him at such a young age, when he can't do anything. And what planet is this, you might want to check out the faction territories to see which planets are under Sith rule, you might just add these things and change some stuff. You don't have to change this, but you really never made a timeline, you only stated that he was taken at 2 months. Anyways, it looks good to me, you don't have to change anything but it may help or it may not.

Have a good day!
 

Kaane

Least Best GALAF AFL
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Hey there. Personally I would agree with xGhoulz, and I'd definitely say that you should give your char's backstory another readthrough. Mainly the one thing I'm having a hard time believing is that slaves could assault a heavily fortified Sith position without getting completely routed. Especially if there were actual Sith there, which seems to be implied; unless the Jedi themselves or some other external resistance group were involved, I'd find it a difficult sell. But I think I may have given you an answer to this little problem already just now = P.

Also, ik you said Masada ended up on a backwater planet, but a name would be nice. I'd take a look at the current faction territory map and perhaps look for a planet on the outskirts of the Sith territory, to help ground your narrative in the site universe.

Can you explain the skeletal implants a bit more as well? Just because they seem pretty obscure as to what they are and how they work. Also I'm pretty sure no one could remain constantly awake without falling unconscious after about 3-4 days worth of no sleep? I'm not sure what the number is but sleep is basically necessary.

I don't mean to tear apart your profile or anything, I love liberation stories. If anything everyone here just wants you to be able to get integrated into the site faster. These are things that will get pointed out sooner or later; if you fix em up and maybe deepen your char's psyche and backstory a bit, you'll basically be good to go with anything you want. Heck I'll do a thread with you if you'd like ^^.

Cheers!
 

Dark child

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Gorechild you say?
I like it already.

So I will leave it up to @Malon and @Intratec to tell you what needs to be changed as far as the Sith background. The main problem I see with it is that even if the slaves took the compound, Imperial reinforcements would arrive within a few hours or days and the planet would revert back to Sith control. So maybe just change it from saying they freed the planet to they overthrew the lords of the city or something like that...

I'm not sure if you edited it after Kaane read through it but it really doesn't say that Masada stays awake for 3-4 days at a time, rather it states that he fought in 3-4 arena matches per day.
However the real problem here is, if the implants are so excruciatingly painful, then why hasn't he tried to remove them? I suppose the answer would be because that would cause some serious head trauma but if it were me personally I would stop at nothing to get those things off my head. Maybe that's a situation you can RP out with some kind of doctor character.

On his armor you could probably just submit something under Generic Tech and state that it has the same armor coverage as a Medium class armor.

I'm definitely really satisfied with the character. I can tell quite a lot of thought went in to making him.​
 

210yeti

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I'll try to redo the issues when i get the time. Im currently in the process of moving and it's just not working out.
 

210yeti

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Finally got some time to redo somethings hopefully everything is good. If not let me know. @Dark child
 
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Dark child

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Tis' looking good. Doesn't necessarily need Sith approval since you removed their ties to Masada's background except for the mention of the planets in the beginning of the bio. You did not have to change it all of it. I personally felt the Sith background gave his story more depth. If you prefer the hutt idea maybe just change the first bit to say that he spent his early years on several hutt planets? This isn't so much a review of things you need to change just my own opinion. I liked the added detail which you had before.

One other small thing is, where did the axes get their names? Perhaps add:
"where he found two axes inscribed with the titles GoreFather and GoreChild."
Or
"where he found two axes, which he would later name GoreFather and GoreChild."

The only technical thing which you need to do is a write up for the armor specifying how many hits it can take.

In general I'd just like to see you have a little fun flushing out his backstory but you do not need to.
He views having the force as a weakness but it is never really explained as to why he feels this way.

I am currently falling asleep on my keyboard but maybe @Zenya our Character Mod has something else to add. If not then happy RPs!
 

210yeti

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Tis' looking good. Doesn't necessarily need Sith approval since you removed their ties to Masada's background except for the mention of the planets in the beginning of the bio. You did not have to change it all of it. I personally felt the Sith background gave his story more depth. If you prefer the hutt idea maybe just change the first bit to say that he spent his early years on several hutt planets? This isn't so much a review of things you need to change just my own opinion. I liked the added detail which you had before.

One other small thing is, where did the axes get their names? Perhaps add:
"where he found two axes inscribed with the titles GoreFather and GoreChild."
Or
"where he found two axes, which he would later name GoreFather and GoreChild."

The only technical thing which you need to do is a write up for the armor specifying how many hits it can take.

In general I'd just like to see you have a little fun flushing out his backstory but you do not need to.
He views having the force as a weakness but it is never really explained as to why he feels this way.

I am currently falling asleep on my keyboard but maybe @Zenya our Character Mod has something else to add. If not then happy RPs!
Thanks for the tips im mostly doing these redoos at night since im remodeling our new house during the day. ilk try to do the touch ups tonight
 

210yeti

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Logan

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Might be a good idea to break up your bio into paragraphs for easier reading, but outside of some spelling errors and easy to fix things of that nature I think it looks good! I'm curious to see if he tries to get the implants removed. I bet they hurt like a mother. o_o

Have fun RP'ing! @210yeti
 

210yeti

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Might be a good idea to break up your bio into paragraphs for easier reading, but outside of some spelling errors and easy to fix things of that nature I think it looks good! I'm curious to see if he tries to get the implants removed. I bet they hurt like a mother. o_o

Have fun RP'ing! @210yeti
I'll get to that tonight and thanks
 

Topher Ridge

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A force hating force sensitive eh?

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Welcome to the Syndicate @210yeti
 
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