My faction Idea if your intrested in close calls, adventure, and credits take a look

[Bastilo Marshall]

The Black Vipers​

What I Need From You and What You can get and other info​

I had an ide on make an indie faction and I need your help. If you want to join your character has to be one of these on the list I'm about show you.
A smuggler, bounty hunter, rogue Mandolorian, rogue Sith, rogue Jedi, criminal, champion, or a random person that isn't loyal to the Sith, republic, Mandolorians, and Jedi. You can also be a force user and wield your own light saber. If you want to join know that your boss is a Hutt (me) and your job is to retrieve exotic ships, armor, weapons, beast, and more also the more exotic it is the more credits you will receive. If you do join you will have access to your leaders armory, ships, beasts, and more meaning you'll have tons of weapons. This group is also a company that sells beast and weapons meaning you'll sometimes have to go to weapon deals. Your main enemies are anybody with a nice ship and interferences (Jedi in your way or bounty hunters trying to collect your bounty) . If you wish to join just comment.

The Meaning of the this Faction​

This group is meant to pose another rising threat (knowing that that the mandolorians are no longer an independent group) to be a criminal empire meant to crush the newly risen mandolorians and become our own law taking control of massive cities only owned by mandolorians if any Jedi or Sith get in the way you can do whatever you want to them. Any other factions that are on the rise must be crushed as well (knowing that we are a criminal empire). And high raking madolorians, Sith, or Jedi should be assassinated at any time you have a chance in convenience to cause confusion in there faction and panic (This doesn't mean go straight to hunting down the leader of any faction if you conveniently have a chance take it). The point of the company part of the faction is to sell slaves, and more for more credits and become rich. It also involves bounty hunting and stealing credits from the rich. And just so you know you cannot have any allies besides personal character relationships (If you need me to go into more detail just say the word.

A More Simple Version​

If this is still confusing this I'll explain it like this. If you want to join your job is to steal ships and capture exotic animals sell them. If any Sith or Jedi get in your way you can attack or retreat and if you ever have a convenient chance to attack a high rank in any faction take it. From time to time you will be sent to deal with people that your leader wants dead or take on a gang. You will have access to a collection of armors, weapons, and ships as well. Here's a list of specific things you'll have access to.

• Ships
• X-wings
• Tie fighters
• MIF (more in the future)
• Weapons
• MIF (More in the future)
• Armors
• MIF
• Droids
• MIF

Intent​

Out Intent is so rise a be the most powerful and largest criminal corporation and a company at the same time. We also must cripple the mandolorians for they stand in our way to freedom knowing that some of you may have a bounty on our head. Either way we must steal ships, sell beast and tech, attack mandolorian bases, and become rich in the process.

Assets​

- Main base is a palace on Tatooine with a arena behind it
-Secondary Base is on Vjin where there main company foundation is
-Tertiary base is another palace on Jakku
-Variety of weapons in the armory in there base on Tatooine
- Patrolling ships on the Outer Rim

 

[Black Noise]

I am interested with my doctor, we should do a thread meeting.

 

[Bastilo Marshall]

Cool thanks for telling me but we cant meet just yet we need 4 more people or more tell people who you think would be intrested

 

[Dmitri]

Not much detail here. I'd recommend expanding the premise and use the templates

 

[Undine]

Is this like your Hutt's private group of people, or is this more of a crime syndicate like the Hutt Cartel? I'd be down if I could RP as a crime boss under your Hutt. I'm more interested in building a criminal empire than being apart of the fetch quest gang.​

 

[Bastilo Marshall]

Its supposed to be both the faction is meant to rise to the top with all these amazing weapons and armor and massive amounts of money (credits) and the point is to crush any gang below them and become the greatest gang ever.

 

[Bastilo Marshall]

And @Undine knowing that your mature and fair (You RP well and take some things seriously) if this goes well I might consider making you a crime boss and being an AFL.

 

[Wit]

So I'll provide some frank feedback on this, something you can think on if you want. The thing with Indie factions is that they should have a hook, something that draws people in because they can't get it anywhere else. Right now it's not clear exactly what the purpose of this faction is because you're trying to do too many things. From what you have up right now I can that you want to do all of the following:

1. retrieve exotic ships, armor, weapons, beast - So thieves, maybe a heist faction
2. track down Jedi, Sith, and Mandolorians and kill them - Now this is more bounty hunters/assassins
3. sells beast and weapons meaning you'll sometimes have to go to weapon deals - Weapons dealers
4. Your main enemies are Jedi, Sith, Mandolorians - So you're targeting every main faction out there, but why?
5. and anybody with a nice ship - On its own this would make a ship thief crew type of faction, a cool independent idea that's drowned out in everything else
6. to be a criminal empire - Another idea that would work on it's own, if you didn't have the focus on eliminating all the other factions thrown in. A criminal faction would thrive in a war time setting and would want nothing more than the factions to exist as they are and continue fighting. Why does a criminal faction want to overthrow all governments? Give some motivation for this.
7. to sell slaves, and more for more credits and become rich - Another new aspect, slavers.
8. stealing credits from the rich - again, a heist faction would be a cool idea on its own without the rest

You have more than half a dozen different things mashed together, and that's not gonna provide long term sustainability. You're trying to do too much. My suggestion would be remove the bits about trying to remove all the other factions, about not having any other alliances, or anything to do with hunting other factions. That leaves you with stealing weapons, exotic animals and ships. That alone is a pretty good concept to build around, everything else just makes it too confusing.

Again, this was meant as constructive criticism and you can ignore this if you want.

 

[Bastilo Marshall]

Thanks Wit I changed it up a bit and eliminated 2 aspects on your list the ones involving hunting down the Jedi and our main enemies and when you said it was confusing I made it a bit more clear.

 

[Cheshire]

Where did you get that selfie of @Nor'baal

 

[Bastilo Marshall]

and also Wit if you still think its confusing just tell me.

 

[Vosrik]

Hey there, while you've certainly fleshed out your faction a bit more, I'd suggest you give it a name for people to call it! Also, I'd recommend taking a look at other approved Indie faction writeups (example 1, example 2, example 3) just to see what format Dmitri is looking for in a faction writeup. Basically added history, goals, structure and ranks, ooc intent, assets and whatnot.

 

[Bastilo Marshall]

thanks for the tip

 

[Bastilo Marshall]

I've looked at 2 of them so far and I've broken them down into 5 pieces
1.) The name, introduction, and back ground has to be 4 to 5 paragraphs long
2.) The code/symbol
3.) The intent of the faction
4.) The assets
5.) and the roster
Is that everything I will need?

 

[Vosrik]

I've looked at 2 of them so far and I've broken them down into 5 pieces
1.) The name, introduction, and back ground has to be 4 to 5 paragraphs long
2.) The code/symbol
3.) The intent of the faction
4.) The assets
5.) and the roster
Is that everything I will need?

Well, it doesn't need to be 4-5 paragraphs long per se, but enough to flesh out how they came to be would be good. Otherwise, everything else you have listed would be correct.

Also protip: it's generally kind of frowned upon to double-post. Try using the edit button instead when you can!

 

[Bastilo Marshall]

We got a name folks were gonna call "The Black Vipers"

 

[Bastilo Marshall]

So far we have me, soth, black noise, and undine.

 

[Black Noise]

We got a name folks were gonna call "The Black Vipers"

Edgy.

I like it

 

[Soth Nuevole]

I'm in to make my guy a rogue sith defector now in search of other sith. That could be something cool to rp

 

[Bastilo Marshall]

Black noise I need some help can you spread the word about this group?