My Memories Aren't Real

[EmilyHuene]

It would be almost a month after Anthoni and his lover escaped the Sith. They'd barely got out when the Imperium came and attacked their base. At the time, they'd been in league with Erica Ra'Kul who turned out to be a traitor to the Sith. At least that's what the reports and investigations came up with. Ra'Kul had been killed in action and the only authority around had been Sith Crusader Virrion Morrak. His ranking authority was the only word worth taking, so there was little else anyone could do about it.

Thanks to a dear friend, Mathias Black, both Anthoni and Keiyara Cole were able to leave the facility without being taken into custody. This allowed Anthoni to do as he pleased and join up with the Sith himself. Maybe Erica had something to do with that, maybe he finally realized the calling of the Dark side. Whatever his reasons, the Sith took him in with open arms. Keiyara however, would be a different story.

There was nowhere the girl could turn to. She was wanted by the Jedi for being a traitor, and now the same went for the Sith. She had been Erica's right hand man, so to speak, and was technically considered her own apprentice though Erica was never given permission to sought one out. The girl was a fugitive in all means of the expression. The only person who would take her now was Black, and he had his own plans for the girl.

Keiyara, while in custody of Erica, had undergone several mind reprogramming sessions to make her believe she was the daughter of Erica Ra'Kul. No one knows how long the brainwashing had gone on, but Mathias knew he was the final piece to the puzzle for he created the technology necessary for the procedure. He was there when Keiyara finally broke and they wiped her old memories from her life. It was something he was never comfortable with. He never said a word when he thought Keiyara had joined Erica of her own free will. But when he found out that the real Keiyara had been abducted and abused, forced to work for her, that's when the man grew a conscience. He promised himself the moment he could save her, he would.

As much as Black hated Anthoni, Mathias could tell that she had feelings for the other man. His own personal feelings would have to be set aside. He hated letting Keiyara go, but he knew she would be happy with Anthoni. The only problem was, she was still grieving. She was devastated at the death of her captor: her fake mother. Keiyara fully believed her mother actually was Erica Ra'Kul and that Virion and his apprentice Aubrey had murdered her. She wanted revenge. She didn't understand that she owed them her life. Black couldn't let her leave just yet.

Thankfully Anthoni had a plan. He couldn't bring Keiyara where he was going. He wished to head to Ziost. Anthoni was going to join the Sith and hopefully bring an end to the war. So they travelled to the cold wasteland of the Sith and Anthoni left Keiyara behind. It hurt her, but Mathias said it was for the best.

He took her back to his headquarters where he put his best men on helping her through. But her mind was so warped she refused to accept help and things got ugly. That was a month ago.

Once things settled down Anthoni would get a simple message from Black Industries offering their salaries and brochures and such things as that and if he'd like to schedule an appointment to come down to their main office. He'd know it was really about Keiyara and where her new home was.

When he arrived, he'd be greeted by a protocol droid who took his coat and led him up a tall elevator. The building would remind Anthoni of terrible things, back when he and Keiyara came to end Mr. Black, Mathias' father. That's also when he first met Erica and found out Keiyara had been working for her since the beginning. That's when everything went to Hell.

The droid would open the elevator doors which led to a single doorway that was locked. He stopped in front of it and turned around the Anthoni.

"I'm sure you're aware of Ms. Cole's condition. We've been working to restore her old memories to her and separate the lies that Mistress Ra'Kul placed in her head. She's stable for now, but she has had several episodes where we needed to sedate her. She is not well. Today has been one of her good days, and I'd like to see it stays that way.

"I'd like you to leave your saber and any other weapons you have here, for her sake. And try not to mention anything about the Sith or the Jedi, and nothing about her time with either of them."

Once Anthoni knew the rules, the droids would let him inside and close the door behind him. The large room would be a decorated living space with large windows showing the city of Corellia all around them. There were sculptures around the tables and several couches to sit on. If Anthoni didn't know better, he'd feel as if he walked into a senator's, no maybe a queen's home.

Anthoni would find Keiyara in the adjacent room where a large king size bed was centered in the room. She was standing by the window, holding something small in her hands. What it was he couldn't see.

She was dressed in a lovely silk gown that covered her shoulders, and then slung down like a cape to her wrists. Her chest was covered by a second later of cloth, but her back was open. She still had all the scars and burns she'd had back when they fought against the Sith intruders. The dress, from there, would connect at her waist and fall around her legs, but ending at her ankles.

Anthoni would see her hair was not kept up in the slightest for she looked like she'd just woken up. Normally her hair was so straight, but now it was clotted and knotted together. She wouldn't look at him, but he'd see her reflection in the glass. Her eyes were dark. She looked like she hadn't slept in a long time.

 

[Mr.BossMan]

Anthoni had been very busy this past month or so. His plan had worked perfectly. Speaking to the Dark Lord of the Sith had been a breeze, telling the man his precious secrets and it ending with Anthoni being given a leadership position among the Sith. Fighting would come after that, then other things, political and talking to people in high places.

But this was something he was used to. Keiyara needed his help, or that's at least what Mathias thought, and so the young Sith was here. A part of him did not want to return, simply because he feared what he would find. Keiyara was not well, Anthoni witnessed first-hand what made her the way she is now and by no means did he like it.

But, love is a powerful emotion and Anthoni would not sit idly by as Keiyara suffered from her own mind. So in the end leaving the Sith came easy enough, all he had to do was promise his return. But now he was here, dressed sharply.

Anthoni's Brown hair was combed back, His face and hands cleaned. He wore a very expensive suit, casual and yet still elegant. And in Anthoni's right hand were some of the most beautiful flowers in the galaxy. Or that's what the vendor said at least. All in all, Anthoni was ready to see his lover again, he missed her. He wondered if she would be mad at him for leaving her like he did.

Letting out a sigh Anthoni nodded to the droid. The door opened and Anthoni walked inside.

Once inside he was greeted by an extravagant and stunning home. Priceless paintings hung on the walls, beautiful tapestries and furniture, just beautiful. Anthoni instantly felt out of place, even if he was wearing his own expensive suit.

He started to scan the room, and that's when he saw a cracked door. Pushing it open he walked inside the room and saw her, staring out at the city. The view was beautiful, but nothing could compare to Keiyara. Dressed simply and yet still she was a goddess. Her back was a mess of hideous scar tissue, but where that might turn others away from her, Anthoni loved her for that.

Underneath his suit Anthoni's flesh was raw and ugly, a mess of skin. The price you pay for being tortured and fighting in to many battles. Anthoni took a few steps forward, Keiyara still gazing out at the city. She was holding something, he couldn't tell what it was but he would wait and see later.

For now "I brought you flowers."

 

[EmilyHuene]

At first she did not respond to him. She stood there, still looking out at the skyline. Then she would turn her head and give him a look. Her eyes gazed at his new attire, and she would give him the most curious of smiles.

"You look ridiculous..."

Her voice was serious and controlled, so for a moment he'd think she actually thought that. But then she cracked a smile and her face lit up as she burst into laughter.

"Oh, Anthoni," she would say as she laughed.

She'd walk over to him now and wrap her arms around him, laying her head in his chest. She continued to laugh and giggle for another moment or so before pulling away and looking him over once more.

"I hope you didn't do all this just for me?". She would then reach for the flower, smell them, then give him another smile. "But it was sweet of you. Thank you."

 

[Mr.BossMan]

Anthoni looked at her with his eyebrow raised and a slight smirk on his face. Her smile brought out something in him that just stirred him to his core. Then when she spoke her voice was serious, which was a surprise.

"You look ridiculous..." she said to him, and with that Anthoni could only grin.

"What?" He said sarcastically "I thought I looked rather handsome in this suit." Then letting out a sigh, as he brushed out all the creases and wrinkles. "Well at least I brought the flowers," he said as he waved them around in the air with a smile.

"Oh, Anthoni," was her response, almost childish and worry free. Keiyara walked over to him and he opened his arms wide, the two would embrace in a warm hug as she buried her head on his chest. Anthoni couldn't help but smile, then suddenly Anthoni grabbed her tiny frame and lifted her into the air. With a spin him and Keiyara landed on the edge of the bed, side by side. The two lovers both bursted out in laughter.

"I hope you didn't do all this just for me?" She would say after the two were done messing around. "But it was sweet of you. Thank you."

Anthoni couldn't help but laugh, he reeled himself in close and planted a warm kiss on her lips.

"I've got my days woman," he said as he reeled himself back. Then he put his hand on her knee, gently and he spoke softly. "Now how have you been Keiyara. I've missed you."

 

[EmilyHuene]

Keiyara felt calm in his embrace, and then he suddenly lifted her in the air and spun her. She clung on tighter as she laughed louder until they both fell back against the bed. He would then lean over her and kiss her to which she'd let out a warm sigh.

"I've got my days woman...Now how have you been Keiyara. I've missed you."

She would then lean back on the bed and spread her arms above her head. She stared up at the ceiling in silence. He'd give her time to think and when she was ready she would look at him with her eyes, not turning her head.

"I've been bad, Anthoni," she spoke truthfully. "I can't sleep. I can't eat. My days are all blurring together and all I hear in my head are other people's voices. It's my head, and I can't even keep track of my own thoughts"

Her voice seemed really sad and confused. Almost like she wasn't even sure of what was happening to her. It was kind of heartbreaking to listen to honestly.

She would then turn on her side and curl up so she could look at him easier. Her long hair draped over the left side of her face. Her eyes looked at him for answers, for sympathy. But how could anyone understand how she felt when everyone told her she was crazy?

 

[Mr.BossMan]

After the simple but sweet kiss Anthoni watched as Keiyara let out an exhale and sunk into the bed. She stared up at the ceiling, completely lost in her thoughts. He couldn't help but smile, he loved the way she bit her lip when she was thinking like this. She seemed so innocent and free, but that was quickly voided when she spoke.

The sound of her voice made Anthoni's smile fade into a sad one. Full of pity and guilt, here he was right next to her and he could not provide her with the answers she sought out. But he would try. Anthoni breathed in deeply and let it all out with a rumble, his chest rising and falling as he quickly thought of what to do next.

He fell back into the bed next to Keiyara, leaving a modest amount of space between them, but still close enough so that he could feel her breath hit his face as she exhaled. He stared into her brown eyes, covered by her red hair. She wanted answers simply because she was lost, lost in here head and nearly lost forever. With a blink Anthoni was back in a cold metal chair, watching as the Keiyara he knew and loved was stolen from him, then with another blink he was staring back into her warm brown eyes.

He knew he needed to tread carfully he didn't want to trigger her or set her off again. Not after being warned by the droid of her....darker days. Anthoni knew all to well about, the feeling she felt. She probably felt alone, scared, confused and a little crazy. A lot like how he felt while on Koribban. A part of him still was on Korribban, and probably will always stay in that pit. Some nights he couldn't sleep and on those few nights he did he dreamnt about the terrible things he saw and heard while chained in that darkness.

A fate he would wish on no one, a fate he did not want Keiyara to suffer.

So when he spoke it was gentle and caring, a softer side few ever got to see.

"Keiyara," he whispered "how much of Coruscant do you remember? Is there a time lapse in your memory, a foggy spot you cant quite recall?"

 

[EmilyHuene]

She would sigh and look up at the ceiling again. He could tell she was tying to remember, and he'd also see she was struggling to do so. She tried speaking right away, but no sound came out.

Finally her words would come to her, "I remember you. I remember you and me, laying in my bed. Then there was the Sith. That redhead and her master. And my mother....my mother.....my my mymymy mother."

Just then Keiyara started to stutter. She rolled on her side and curled up and began to rub at her temples like she was pushing out a migrane.

"Erica...my mother....mot-moth-mother. My....mother. Erica. Mother. Mother. Not my.....Erica. She's not.......She is.....Who. My mother. Mother. Mother mother mother. My mother."

She then got louder, screaming wildly as she started pulling at her hair, "She's my mother!! My mother!!! She's my mother!!! MOTHER!!! MOTHER!!!"

The doors to the apartment flew open from the other room followed by two pairs of footsteps. The droid from earlier, a human nurse, and a medical droid that floated along next to them.

"What have you done?" the droid asked in as rude of a manner as a robot could.

The nurse tried to push Anthoni out of the way while also restraining Keiyara, but the girl continued to curl up into a tight ball as she screamed at the top of her lungs. The droid waited by calmly.

"Keiyara calm down dear," the nurse tried to comfort the other girl.

"SHE'S MY MOTHER!!!" Keiyara would shout and swipe her arm outwards; the nurse was picked up by the Force and slammed into the window behind them.

"Hold her down!" the droid said to Anthoni.

 

[Mr.BossMan]

Anthoni watched silently as Keiyara fought to remember. It was odd, she seemed to win and loose all at once. She opened her mouth as if to speak then she closed it and stared off again almost like she was looking a million miles away. Anthoni could feel his heart beat faster hoping against hope that she would know just how far she has been lost. His answer came with the sound of her soft voice.

"I remember you. I remember you and me, laying in my bed. Then there was the Sith. That redhead and her master," a smile crossed his lips as he began to lean in closer, his anticipation rising "And my mother....my mother.....my my mymymy mother." Then his smile began to fade and his brows arched.

"Keiyara?" He said as he began to see her break down. Her back and scars now turned to him as she pulled her legs up to her chest and started to rub her temples frantically.

"Erica...my mother....mot-moth-mother. My....mother. Erica. Mother. Mother. Not my.....Erica. She's not.......She is.....Who. My mother. Mother. Mother mother mother. My mother." Anthoni got off the bed and hurriedly walked to the other end, Keiyaras voice rising louder and louder. "She's my mother!! My mother!!! She's my mother!!! MOTHER!!! MOTHER!!!"

He slowly began to break down not knowing what to do. Keiyara started to lash around on the bed, screaming for her nonexistent mother. Anthoni then moved up to her and roughly put his hands on her side and waist, Keiyara was still tucked tightly

"Keiyara! Stop it!" He screamed at her trying to make his voice heard over hers.

An instant later he heard the door slam open, then the door to the room. A droid walked in demanding to know what he did, Anthoni was to focused on Keiyara however to respond. Suddenly a nurse pushed herself between him and Keiyara, trying to sooth her, but Keiyara wouo have none if it. With a thought the nurse was sent flying in the air and slammed hard into the glass. Anthoni heard the thud as her skull collided violently against the glass. Luckily she did not fly through and fall to her doom.

As soon as Anthoni saw that Keiyara had used the force, his instinct took over. Something took over him and in a flash he zipped behind Keiyara and held her tightly against him. His muscles flexing as she fought viciously to free herself. Her red hair brushed up against his face and arms and he had to blow it out of his mouth. The droid started to approach Keiyara while she was being restrained.

"Keiyara," he whispered into the back of her hair "its me, Anthoni. Its me, Anthoni. Its me, Anthoni." He'd say over and over again, as if he were hanging on to those words.

 

[EmilyHuene]

His efforts to hold her still were almost impossible under his own strength. The Force aided her muscles in ways she wasn't even aware of doing, and along with her trying to push him off, the Force continued to send waves of invisible energy toward anything that got close enough.

The droid attempted to move closer, depending on the impact of each out burst. It spoke in binary, and unless Anthoni spoke it he'd infer it said something along the lines of, "Hold her still."

She'd continue to scream and rebel against them until the droid finally got close enough to inject her with a sedative. At first nothing happened, but the tranquilizer had to fight off her body's defenses. When it finally started to take a toll on her the Force was the first to go. Her bursts of energy became subtle breezes and her screams turned into quiet objections.

Keiyara stopped fighting and rested into Anthoni as he held her tightly like a vice grip. She slowly stopped struggling altogether and the medical droid took this opportunity to check on the nurse she'd thrown. He helped the woman to her feet and made sure there was no blood.

The droid would then face Anthoni and say, "I think it best if you leave."

The droid wouldn't have much authority against Anthoni; he was a Sith after all. But either of them could fall security and then there'd be trouble. Keiyara would still be mumbling to herself, but only one word stood out from the rest.

"Anthoni..."

 

[Mr.BossMan]

Anthoni struggled to hold Keiyara down, his muscles fighting to keep her still. He could sense the force rippling through her body so Anthoni decided to fight fire with fire. Using the force he himself was able to match and ultimately exceed her, still a struggle but he held her down all the same. The droid saw this as an opportunity and rushed in towards them.

Anthoni saw a needle protrude from its metallic skin and quickly insert in her leg. For a few seconds Keiyara still fought for her freedom, but soon after, her body slowed and her movements halted. Her screams died down and there was nothing but silence and her quiet ramblings. Her body was now limp and she leaned into Anthoni. Now just holding her close to him, now he knew just how bad Keiyaras condition was.

His eyes burned and he had to swallow a lump in his throat. He pulled himself and Keiyara to the end of the bed, his back against the wall. Keiyara laid in between his legs the back of her head against his chest, and Anthoni just kept petting her hair, shushing her softly.

Keiyara kept on saying his name over and over again. Then the droid looked over at him and told him to leave. His neck muscles clenched as he raised his hand towards the droid. One more second and he would of sent the droid through the glass. But he didn't instead he spoke softly and looked down at Keiyara.

"I am not leaving her, not again, and if you think I will then you best think again." He then kissed the top of her head as he pulled her up closer.

Then with a whisper "I'm not leaving you again Keiyara, never again, I promise...."

 

[EmilyHuene]

The droid would not comprehend that decision so it looked to the nurse for direction. She'd shake her head and let it be, for now; she'd later have a long and heated argument with Black about what had transpired. They would each get up and head toward the door. They wanted to check on her vitals and everything, but neither of them would cross a dark warrior of the Sith. So with red faces they left the apartment and were out of his hair.

Keiyara rested easily in his arms until the drugs took effect and finally brought her to sleep. From then it was even quieter because she made little to no sound at all. The only thing Anthoni would hear from her was the exhale of breath from her nose that correlated to the rise and fall of her chest. She was so at peace when she slept. All her worries and pains were gone from her. There was no sadness, no fear. There was a even a small smile on her lips.

It would be hours later that Black himself made an appearance, and he silently asked Anthoni to walk with him outside. Of course the stubborn Sith would not leave his love, but Mathias assured him they weren't going far. He was true to his word because they didn't even leave the hall outside the room. Black wanted to make sure that Keiyara rested easily enough and their conversation would not wake her. Even if Anthoni did not trust him, Mathias only had his best interests for Keiyara.

The sad truth of the situation was that Black Industries did not have the means to keep supporting Keiyara. Not like this. Mathias thought she'd been doing better and that Anthoni's appearance would finally help her get past whatever was going on with her. But that proved today to be the opposite. Keiyara's freak out could have been a lot worse. Her power was unstable. And if she wasn't even in control of it, then she was a security threat. Anthoni would have to agree that she was a dangerous to everyone around her...and herself as well. Worse off, Anthoni could not babysit her the rest of his life. They needed to come up with a better plan.

What they'd come up with would be a special facility designed for treating patients who were mentally ill. Paid in full, of course, by Mathias. They could medicate her. And keep watch over her. She'd be comfortable there, whether she realized it or not. It would only be for a few months....

Eventually they agreed to do what was best for her so a few days later they were traveling across the hyperspace lanes heading to her new home. The two of them barely had to lift a finger with all the droids and hired help assisting them. They'd get her settled in her room and Keiyara sat silently on the bed. Keiyara did not complain about the decision, in fact she seemed to believe it was needed. Yet, she still seemed sad. But whenever someone asked her what was the matter she just shook her head and pretended to smile. Something was going on with her and she would not share it.

The treatments worked nicely. She still had episodes from time to time, but they were nowhere near as bad as they could have been considering the alternative. But things would take a turn for the worst one day when one of her more serious episodes turned deadly and she began to break out into seizures. It took several men to restrain her that day and two people ended up in critical care. She was restrained for almost a week until they deemed her fit to go back out. She never resisted.

A brain scan revealed her brain was beginning to die, at least the parts of it that pertained to memory. She began to have trouble pulling up old memories, not only from her old past life but also new ones as well. The only thing that ever stayed constant was the confusion about Erica and her connection to Anthoni. Her days of a warrior and a fighter were over. Keiyara was put on new medicines and her timeline switched again. It would only be a few more months....

Little by little Keiyara began to slowly lose her memory. Her old life was a faded memory that no longer seemed like her own. Her life became a habitual routine. Get up. Eat. Walk around the grounds. Eat again. Sleep. Anthoni would visit as often as he could, and she never failed to produce a smile when in his presence. Her mind was foggy, but she was always happy to see him. There were times she couldn't quite remember why she knew Anthoni, but she never said anything to him about it.

She was happy in her new life. She was comfortable. Her days were quiet and life was peaceful. She took pictures and video files of them together and she'd look over them every day. No one bothered her and her episodes came less and less frequent. Her condition seemed to be stable, which was good progress, but the painful thing of the situation was that she couldn't remember her old life. She was nowhere near capable of returning to that old life. She couldn't leave without the medicine and pulling her out of that facility would only make things worse all over again. Keiyara would live here for the rest of her life.

They married three years later. With no last name to carry over, Keiyara offered him to take hers. Anthoni Cole as he'd be named. She'd tease him about it, having a girl's name. It was an inside kind of joke. And he'd always make her giggle when she saw him with that golden ring around his finger. Again Anthoni made her life so much better. He brought a light to her life that reminded her that life was worth living for. And then, nine months later she returned the favor to him. Keiyara blessed Anthoni with a beautiful baby daughter. There was only one name that could fit such an angel.