Ommar Katar

DhehKappa

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NAME: Ommar Katar
FACTION: Jedi Order
RANK: Padawan
SPECIES: Kiffar
AGE: 15
GENDER: Male
HEIGHT: 4'6''(?)
WEIGHT: 90lbs(?)
EYES: Deep brown.
HAIR: Brown.
SKIN: Smooth tan.
CREDITS: 1000 Credits.
DISTINGUISHING MARKS: As a Kiffar, Ommar has facial tattoos passed on to him by his mother. This tattoo is two descending red stripes falling from the arc of his nose downwards to his jaws, and a smaller one on his chin.
FORCE SENSITIVE: Yes.

STRENGTH: Good; as much as one could expect.
DEXTERITY: Superb; not everyday you see someone backflipping on the spot they stand. He's has the speed, agilty and reflexes to keep up with a highly demanding obstacle course. He can also keep himself unseen and unheard due to a high sneaking capacity.
CONSTITUTION: Good; isn't usually seen ill, and when he is seen, he doesn't mind it too much.
INTELLIGENCE: Excellent; quick to grasp concepts in whatever he sets his mind into, he is a quick learner and can sometimes put to use things said or done by others.
WISDOM: Good; not someone easily fooled, but still a kid.
CHARISMA: Great; a wide smile, a warm laugh, a deep stare from his brown eyes and a natural way with words will do wonders for him.

FORCE POWERS:
He has been taught no powers yet. However, just as any Force-sensitive, Ommar benifits from the Force, allowing him to have greater reflexes and a better intuition, as well as knowing things seconds before they happen.

SKILLS:
Thief - Ommar can be sneaky, light on his feet and can remain undetected for fair periods of time. Not only that, he can bypass basic security systems in order to break in houses or warehouses, so long as the security systems aren't complex.
Physical - Ommar has a very flexible and agile body. He makes sure to keep it fit, because in case his charisma can't handle trouble, his body will surely do it, mostly because he's a fast runner and because he's quite mad upon running, using his environment around him to help him make an escape, be it walls, houses, or other urban obstacles.
Mechanic - From basic to moderate repairs, Ommar can handle a fusion cutter pretty well.
Lightsaber - He has only had a few classes to cover the basis, and as such his usage of lightsaber is very limited.
The Force - Again, only a few classes to cover basics, but he is quite curious and has learned alot through time alone in the library.

LIGHTSABER/SWORD FORMS:
Form 0.

STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES:
Ommar is quite sneaky; on the last years, he became the youngest thief for the local gang back at his homeworld Kiffu, and as such not being caught was something that he drove him into learning the art of blending into the shadows and silence. Not only that, he can think outside the box when it comes to find ways in or out of buildings, and that applies into his usual escape tactics as well. He's very fast and agile, and has quite the flexible body. He can bypass basic security locks, and if something needs a small repair, he can give it a hand.

Despite all this, he's not very strong physically, having been beated up several times when he chose direct confrontation. He also trusts and believes in people too much despite his gut feeling telling him otherwise sometimes, and he has been deceived already.

GEAR:
Ommar gave up any belongings he had prior to joining the Jedi Academy in Ossus, wanting to start fresh new. Now he has nothing but his Jedi robes and a utility belt.

SHIP:
N/A

PETS:
N/A

PERSONALITY:
Ommar is, for all purposes and effects, a good kid. He cares for his family, he makes friends easily, and he overall treats everyone the same, not bothering to look into the physical shell of a person such as his looks, clothing or searching for vain traits such as wealth and power. He likes to be useful, mostly because he likes the feeling of happiness upon aiding someone in whichever task his help is required. Though young, the feeling of helping someone has always been rewarding enough. Despite helpful, he isn't too proud to ask for help when he needs, and that sometimes can lead him into trouble, though more will be explained in history about it.

He doesn't like violent people, or people who see violence as the sole way to clear matters up. For him violence is something derived out of lack of ability to resolve matters in other ways, and an insult to sentient beings. For him violence is something not to resort to even when there are no other options, though he has learned that sometimes violence is innevitable.

HISTORY:
Ommar Katar, a young Kiffar who never quite printed his mark on his homeland of Kiffu despite his efforts. Born to two loving parents, he lived near a good city. However, despite the city's wealth and prosperity, the outskirts were not as pleasant, being overpopulated and filled with poverty. This was intensified in the years following the end and fall of the Alsakan Crisis, which filled the town's outskirts with new faces, some of them which had escaped the Alsakan Army and were using the outskirts as base for their newly founded organized crime gang. Jephego Varos was a coward; tough on the outside, but never faced his opponent with any sort of honor or valor on his actions, leading his men by fear and promises of credits and power. Despite the growing corruption in the outskirts, Ommar was raised very well, never falling for the lure of a crime life.

Ommar was a good kid, and he liked to help out on whichever he could. His father had a small repair shop, and he would help there, whether on repairing, fetching parts, cleaning up droids, picking up droids for repair or delivering repaired droids. But, as fate would have it, not all were roses. One day he got assaulted by an imposing Aqualish, who demanded the parts he was carrying. Ommar refused and he started to run away. It was that time, at his eight years old, that he first showed promise as he ran away from the Aqualish. He was quick on his feet, and didn't mind jumping vending tables or throwing himself on the ground to crawl bellow them. He lost the Aqualish, but he knew that it would not be the last time seeing him. He was part of Varos' gang, and Varos' gang never forgot those who opposed them, specially some kid who had just made a fool out of one of them. Upon returning to the shop, he spoke of this to his father as he cried in fear, and his father reassured him that everything would be alright.

Little did he know, his father was to be visited a couple days after. He had to pay protection money, and if he didn't, his shop wouldn't be... "safe". But he refused to pay until he got the identity of the Aqualish who had dared try to touch his son, but the gangsters didn't sell each other out, at least to someone who wasn't stronger than them. So one day, weeks after his father stopped paying the protection money, the shop was destroyed and his father disappeared. Since no body was ever found, they never assumed he was dead, though another truth would just be trying to fool oneself.

Now with twelve years, life wasn't too good, and this last year in Kiffu would prove to be quite thrilling. Him and his mother tried to reconstruct the store, trying to keep business up, but none of them knew as much as father Katar and as such business was running low. Not only that, with the gangs' activity growing, break-ins became much more frequent and soon it began to be an hinderance to keep the store open. During this time his mom fell ill, and in a rash attempt to help her out, he actually went to Varos to get the medicine he needed. His guards wouldn't let a child just walk in and get what he wanted, so he had to sneak by and outrun some of them until he got to Varos. When he found him, Varos nearly killed him, but Ommar's pleas were heard and he agreed to help if Ommar helped back. For a kid, he had the skill he wanted, to be able to sneak and outrun his guards. The kid almost seemed blessed! And so he began to steal for him, small things at first, but then he'd sneak into warehouses with merchandise so he could open the doors from within to let his goons steal the shipments. Despite all his effort to save his mom, eventually she ceased to live, not wanting to be kept alive by the corruption of her only son.

Now an orphan, he still had to live, and as such he continued to work for Varos, telling himself that this was just a way to survive. It was the only way he could sleep at night. A couple months after his mom's death, a Jedi who was just visiting his origins picked Ommar from the street as Ommar tried to pickpocket him, sensing that the boy was better then this. Ommar didn't actually resist, comming along with the Jedi into the temple of Ossus were he was to be trained. There, ah, there life was better. It wasn't a hard life, like when he was in Kiffu, and he was always learning new things. He discovered the true reason why he had been brought, and why he had become a Jedi Hopeful. He spent lots of time at the library; despite the usual meeting and classes, this whole new world had built a huge need for information, which he just couldn't satisfy by classes alone.

KILLS:
N/A

DUELING RING MATCHES:
N/A

GRAND TOURNAMENT MATCHES:
N/A

ROLE-PLAYS:
N/A
 
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Jake

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Sorry for the wait, Enekappa.

Well, as you've asked me to critique your profile, so I shall. Allow me to start with the name - it's a good name, you know, so I commend you for it, because so many cliché things are floating around the Internet nowadays that it saddens me. Now, his age - you might want to boot it up a little so that he's around 18 or so, which is probably a somewhat acceptable age for a Jedi Knight. I know, he's not one at the moment, but you can explain that the training is retroactive and it could have happened in the past... and also, your height/weight are majorly ****ed up. A healthy and tall fifteen-year-old could be in the six foot region, but your character is incredibly small. According to this, which in my opinion is pretty inaccurate, the average fifteen-year-old boy would be about 5'3"-5'6" (I'm pretty sure that a lot, especially a [and I'm going into assumption territory now] healthy, tall Jedi Padawan, are taller). If you decide to up it to eighteen, that site says that 5'8"-5'10" is a good height, but I still think that a lot of even relatively tall people are taller than that. Weight... well, Google is your friend.

Moving on! Your grammar is pretty standard. I don't see many errors -- though, you might want to use hyphens instead of semi-colons in that stat section. It's a matter of preference, really, but I thought I'd mention it. :P Also, they seem relatively stacked; throw in a "below average" attribute somewhere. Don't make it charisma, though. Everyone seems to abuse lessening their charisma in exchange for other, higher stats... including myself. In your Force powers section you misspelled 'benefits,' but I'm nitpicking. Also, don't abuse your 'ability to know things seconds before they happen' in roleplay. If you avoid too many potential conflicts/damage with that, it's no fun to roleplay anymore.

It’s cool that you threw ‘Form Zero’ in there. I don’t think anyone’s done that before, so kudos to you for some originality. Your skills seem fine, and I can see where they’d come in handy, too. Your strengths and weaknesses are alright, but the last paragraph contradicts your stats. If he’s somewhat physically underwhelming, you should make his dexterity and strength stats somewhat diminished. Also, a small typo in your ‘gear’ section:

Ommar gave up any belongings he had prior to joining the Jedi Academy in Ossus, wanting to start fresh new.

Classic pacifist Jedi mindset = meh, but whatever floats your boat. I won’t go through and critique your whole history, but I will say that it seems kind of forced. There’s no original material in it whatsoever – kid was good, lived good life, parents died (due to a mafia hit and depression? o: ), lived in isolation, all that jazz. I’ll admit, it was pulled off better than 70% of its clones, but you could still do better. Throw in some cool twists of zeh plot and whatnot. There wasn’t as much material here as there was on Ceres Starweaver’s profile (which isn’t surprising, as her profile was relatively long), but I hope this helps. In short: your grammar is good; you had a very light dusting of misspellings, but for the most part it was really clean. Your content could use a little work, but overall, it’s a good profile. I’d give it a 6 or 7/10.

Shameless advertising: ask Nevermore for a profile critique. He's awesome[r than you].
 
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