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[Darth Tiamat]

Corellia
Durand Cottage

Tia sat in silence with her holocron, methodically opening and closing the device, watching the the glass petals fan out around the center crystal. It wasn't yet complete, the design unique as it followed a parabolic spiral, one of her favorite patterned galactic geometry, and that of some of her favorite flowers in the galaxy. It was enough to keep her mind of being back...here, presently. She had found Ezra and returned him and his friends safely back to the rest of the galaxy, a relief for everyone to know he was okay and not at Ithor. She surprised even herself in such a moment, certainly she cared for the kids, but the level of self-sacrifice she was willing to commit to was not something she knew she was capable until then. It left her with many other questions for herself and the implications for such actions, as such now Ezra knew much about his parents, and even herself.

Regardless, Renfry was on her way; she had not really spoken to her since she and Emryc returned with the news of Raze. Perhaps an emote check-in, but nothing as elaborate as she usually sent. She played out conversations in her head as to how things would go, possible questions or inquiries that might be brought to attention. She was certain she played out every possible scenario, from the very reasonable to the really irrational ones too; a habit of her scientific mind to input all situations and see the outcomes of each with her social algorithm. The best case, of course, was not to really do or say anything to where she would feel something. However, she doubted that would possible.

When Renfry would arrive, she would find Tiamat sitting on the sandy hill beside her family home that overlooked the oceanside. She really didn't want to be anywhere else despite the fleeting feeling to disappear far beyond the stars. It wouldn't do no good as her own shadows would follow, so for now here is where she remained.

@Phoenix

 

[Renfry]

Renfry didn't get out now as often as she used to. She lived primarily on Dathomir, among her people, away from the Sith, and out of galactic politics. But at the end of the day, there were still some people that Renfry cared about who were not on Dathomir.

Renfry, Emryc, Jaikus, Tiamat, Arla, Ezra, and Jayna were one big, dysfunctional family, and dysfunctional or not, Renfry would fight for that family. But sometimes, it wasn't fighting that was necessary. Sometimes it was the simpler things that were the most important, and while Renfry had never really excelled at that, it was what was needed.

It wasn't royal garb, Nightsister robes, or even an extravagant off-world outfit that Renfry wore to visit the woman that was like her little sister. It was a pair of sweats and a hoodie. Quite reminiscent to previous such visits and such that no one would have guessed at who she was. Her face had been out of the spotlight for decades now, and she could almost pass as just another person on the street.

She pulled her shoes off and left the behind with the bottle of wine that she had brought as she made her way out over the sands, letting its soft grains sift between her toes. She had forgotten what that feeling was like, and despite the heaviness of the situation, it brought a smile to her face.

She made her way over to Tiamat, yet again feeling the negative emotions flowing off of her redheaded companion, but Renfry didn't pay it any mind... yet.

She walked up and plopped down next to her in the sand.

I've missed the beach, she said. While there were several large bodies of water on parts of Dathomir, the sand there was coarse and harsh.

 

[Darth Tiamat]

Tia remained where she was when Renfry sat down beside her and mentioned how she missed the beach. Despite her own visits to Dathomir, the redhead couldn't recall any notable beaches like here on Corellia, though unlike Corellia, she was certain Renfry's home could murder one if they decided to lounge on the beach as they did now. A breeze skimmed over the ocean, the waves rolling rhythmically along the coast, if there was anywhere else Tia was able to find peace, it was here.

"I don't think I come here enough." she said in response; she used to come every week with her parents and before she was able to get it back into her name, there was a longing as though she felt starved to be here. Sometimes she had wondered if it were some of her reasoning she looked to the stars. Space was just as vast and hypnotizing as the ocean.

Tia looked down at the holocron she had been working, "I'm nearly done. I couldn't recall ever seeing one open like this," the Force stirred and slowly the device opened, the red glass petals falling open in a spiraling motion until the center revealed a violet glowing crystal. She handed it to Refry so she could see it also, catching her gaze before quickly turning her attention to the ocean. There was a silence that settled before Tia spoke again, opening her mouth, but pausing, and then eventually mustering her words, "For all these years, I thought there was something wrong with me, Renfry." Tia finally said, "What I was feeling was incorrect, what I saw, what instinct told me...it took me years to repair these ideas I had believed." the woman scoffed, "And now this wound is wide open again to show there is possibly something wrong with me, because who falls in love with monsters?"

@Phoenix

 

[Renfry]

Renfry took the offered holocron, seeing the way that the device fell open and the way it was far different from any holocron she had seen before.

It's beautiful, she said, letting it flow open and closed in her hands. She wondered what the former-Sith had put on it.

But the real core issue was what Tiamat said. Renfry knew that Tia had struggled for many years with herself and with the men that had wandered in and out of her life, but perhaps no one had ever been more troubling than this one. Emryc and Raze.

I never thought I'd see the day that they became two different people, she said. There was a part of her in her younger, more foolish days who had been drawn to Raze, but as time had gone on, she understood that it wasn't Raze who she had fallen for. Tia, however, might have been a different story. Or perhaps she was just confused.

Tell me what you're thinking, she said. And feeling, she added because that was probably the more important part.

And what happened, she said. She hadn't really gotten the full story of how things had transpired, and Renfry wasn't going to just take Tia's word for it that she was in love with Raze out of the gate. She had no doubt that her friend felt something, but she suspected it was more complicated than that.

 

[Darth Tiamat]

Tia hadn't believed that Emryc and Raze could become two different people, or be separated as they were now. Though she guessed if it could be done with the spirits that resided in the Eternal mask, then it made sense to see what has happened now. Renfry welcomed her to explain further; the redheaded woman couldn't help with a sense of deja vu when she had finally revealed to her what had happened in the cave when the Entity was banished and she had accepted the mask.

"You know what happened, I released Raze to save Emryc." she sighed, "I was in his mind to do it, but as soon as I severed them apart..." the woman frowned, her gaze falling on the sand and tall grasses in front of her as she watched her own memories replay what had happened, "I watched Raze come into being, the memories just poured out. He wasn't always like this, he had humor, curiosity...humanity, but he couldn't keep it. Emryc shaped him to be who he was." Tia shut her eyes tightly trying to stop the memory from replaying.

"That meant he couldn't keep his love for me...he tore it out." Tia glanced at Renfry before looking back to the ocean, eventually scoffing to herself. "I remember all the times I reached out to feel that connection, only to hit walls. I blamed myself at the time...for a long time. I was confused...then I would be angry." Tia shook her head, remembering all the times she took that anger out on Emryc.

"But its crazy, I'm crazy Renfry, how would it even work? I was a stupid love-sick lothcat to someone-something that didn't necessarily exist physically, and I am still a stupid love-sick lothcat to ever think there was a hint of humanity left within him. A hope that I failed to snuff out because once upon a time, that love did exist."

Tia rubbed her face with her palms, feeling a rise of conflicting emotions she had been working to bury deeply, "I am a hopeless romantic and it irritates me to no end."

@Phoenix

 

[Renfry]

Renfry was silent as Tia spoke, letting her exorcise the troubles within her. Letting them get out of her body and out of her mind. Putting them to words often robbed them of their power or at least a portion therein.

For a long moment, Renfry didn't speak. In part because there was a great deal to digest there and in part because she wanted to say the right thing and giving advice and helping people had absolutely never been her strong point. The two of them had sat together and Renfry had completely failed to comfort Tia on more than one occasion. At this point, the redhead would know better than to expect any sort of helpful comfort from the Nightsister.

Raze never felt any of those things, she finally said. She had a darkness within herself that she touched from time to time, and although it paled in comparison to Raze, she knew it better than most. It was a primal creature with nothing but primal, animalistic emotions.

It may have felt a twisting that could appear like some of those emotions, but he never felt anything like that. And if he showed you that, it was a lie, she said.

But, she went on. If we say for a moment that he did. Whatever that being was is long ago dead. There is none of that in Raze now, she said.

What Renfry knew was that what Tia struggled with was something far deeper within herself. Something that Renfry neither knew how to name nor how to help her through. She needed some friends who weren't emotionally as messed up as she and Emryc.

You've been through a lot in your life, and there's still optimism in you, Renfry said. But Raze will never be the source of happiness or satisfaction for you, she said.

 

[Darth Tiamat]

Renfry remained quiet, but there was comfort in that silence she held for her. To be able to voice out loud so someone else knew and she needed not to carry it alone. Though when Renfry emphasized he could never feel such things, Tia was ready to argue, opening her mouth, but paused when the nightsister continued.

"I know, I know he would not; you, Emryc, and Jai are all right about that. He is no longer capable, he just consumes and destroys." She let out a long sigh; he would know her as much as Emryc knew her and certainly saw it as a logical move to flood her with visions to seed doubt, to leave her distracted to think it over relentlessly. It worked, but she also had a choice she could make: continue to be attached that she and the others knew was not possible, or break free from her chains.

"I just need to stop falling in love, that would fix all of this." she said, waving her hand as though she were physically brushing it away. At times she wished she could be as ice cold as Emryc, but she quickly found she was just the opposite and had the tendency to feel everything instead. Tia turned to look at Renfry, "Don't you have some magick that could help with that?" she asked, half serious, half kidding, "An anti-love potion spell? I would like that."

@Phoenix

 

[Renfry]

Renfry snickered slightly at Tia's statements. Well, yes, it would, she said with another laugh. Might be a little bit of the extreme answer, though, she said.

Unfortunately, no. Short of a total mental and physical transformation, which is... she shook her head. No, she wasn't going to put a friend through that. Emryc had once - many, many years ago - inquired about such a procedure from her, but she had talked him out of it.

It's all... animalistic and primal instinct after the transformation, she said with a shake of her head. They had subjected some of the Nightbrothers to it before, but only on rare occasions. It was not a favorite of hers, and it would rob the patient of much of their mental faculties. Ultimately, it was just a digression.

So, no, she said. You're too hard on yourself. You need to change what you're telling yourself and your actual emotions will follow, she said. Or just give it lots of time. That was the thing that had done it for Renfry.

@GABA

 

[Darth Tiamat]

Tia was already thinking of the pros and cons while Renfry explained there was a way to do something about never loving again. However, she seemed to catch herself, not going further, but elaborated on the consequences, the transformation and that certainly did not become a logical output in her equation. "Like the Eternal..." she whispered instinctually, remembering the power the mask had to invade her mind, and torment her in order to deter her from showing love or the care she had for those closest to herself. Her fingers rubbed against the center of chest, her eyes glazing over for a moment until she caught the being too hard on herself talk.

It was easy to be hard on herself, the scars on her back was a testament to her drive to push out emotions that distracted her from her path. Though now she was certain it was just to keep herself from thinking about...

Tiamat shook her head, "Yes...yes..." she sighed, sounding defeated as she was being told what she already knew, uncertain why she couldn't fully embrace it. Perhaps it was the pain of all of it and how she wasn't immune to it by now, she was uncertain. "I am just exhausted from having my hopes squashed and my dream to have what my parents had seems to just drift further away." Tia frowned, "They loved one another so much, I always thought I could have that too one day." the woman shrugged and leaned forward, tracing shapes into the sand with her finger.

"Sometimes too, I think I should just skip it all," she glanced at Renfry, feeling suddenly uncomfortably awkward for speaking the next thoughts she had out loud, her cheeks turning red before she even finished, "I had thought about how much joy Jayna and Ezra brought me as their Aunt and questioned myself on just making my own little family."

@Phoenix

 

[Renfry]

In typical fashion, Renfry was, in fact, terrible at these conversations. She was good at drinking wine and sitting around in sweats and being talked at, but when it came to actually giving advice. Well, her views on almost everything in the galaxy deviated harshly from the thoughts of most people. Even the thoughts of another ex-Sith.

You could always adopt someone, she said. She thought back to the two children that Arla had found on her early excursions with the Sith and brought back to one of the orphanages that Renfry had funded when she was Empress. Either of them would have been more than happy to have Tia as a mother.

I'm the last person to tell you what to do about your love life, she said. Indeed, Renfry's own love life had been... nearly nonexistent. She'd come to terms with that a long time ago, however, and Tia... still needed to. Or she needed to find the right person. Renfry didn't really know.