Ask A Natalarmy Marches on its Stomach

[Natalie Hope]

Tatooine was such a beautiful planet. It was like a beach! If a beach was like, without water and was mostly just sand. The occasional Tusken Raider trying to kill you, the not so occasional Jawa trying to steal your shit, and of course, we can never forget the perfect place to be the wife of a hunter and mad at your husband. Natalie didn't have a husband, but she sure as shit had a Padawan now. He was only a few years younger than her, but apparently had spent some time on her home planet of Ord Mantell. That was always a plus. Look at her, having a Padawan and doing Crusader things; moving up in the world one snack at a time.

Speaking of snacks! Natalie wasn't taking her Padawan on a joy ride for his first mission. Where would be the fun and danger in that? No, they were on the most important mission of all for the Jedi Crusaders: to secure some cooks that could actually fucking cook. They had a credit card with a limited amount of Ezra's money for the task, and Natalie was determined to try every. single. sample. that came across her hazel eyes and nostrils. And if there was one thing both of those bodily objects were VERY good at, it was honing in on snacks and food.

The ship was already landed, and the teenager was still in his room. Probably doing something Natalie did not want to barge into, as teenagers do. She would know, she was a teenager once. There were a lot of those instances, especially when her boyfriend at the time puked in her hair and passed out after prom. Like who does that? On prom night!?

"HEY! ShinKicker! GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!" Natalie called, waiting by the ramp to push the button to make it go down. She wasn't about to let Tatooine know she was a Jedi Knight and ShinKicker over there was a Padawan. Oh no, if they were spending time together like this, he might actually earn a new nickname. We will keep him ShinKicker for as long as it lasts, Natalie. As long as it lasts.

@Javier esschoolbus

 

[M'Akio Beastmaster]

Akio was given a master finally. He would have been excited yet it was Pukehair that was assigned to him. She did have one redeeming quality going for her, she wasn’t overtly by the book. So hopefully he didn’t get lectures or seminars like the classes felt. Time would tell but he hoped it wouldn’t be a bore.

They were going to Tatooine. It was a desert planet which meant it was hot. Great. Luckily according to Pukehair there were good cooks here and that was the job. Which meant, FOOD, good food. So it couldn’t be sooo bad. Not yet at least.

He sat in his room meditating. He was an avid believer of practice makes perfect so he tried to use the stuff he learned from the temple regularly. He was disturbed by the yelling of Pukehair calling him to the ship. He walked out to see what she wanted, “What I was meditating.” He said annoyed as he walked out of the room.

@TheDudeMike

 

[Natalie Hope]

"The hell kind of teenager meditates?" Natalie asked, her face contorting in mock disgust as she turned toward the ramp. "We've been here for fifteen minutes already. The gizka salesmen outside the ramp is getting antsy." Natalie pressed the button to start lowering the ramp, stopping it right as the head of an ithorian popped into view as if he had been waiting at the ramp for ages. He tried calling out only for Natalie to turn back to the Padawan. "You have a blaster, vibroknife, the works? Did you pick up anything useful on Ord Mantell like some phrik knuckles or something?"

She turned the to ithorian outside. "WE DON'T WANT ANY GIZKA, BUDDY!" The ithorian jumped in surprise, but quickly nodded and scurried away with two cages of gizka in his large, ithoriany hands. Not that gizka weren't cute, they just were cuter smoking on a grill or getting tossed in a wok. Poor guy just wanted to sell some chicken-lizards. Imagine a world where gizka became the top predator. They'd grow so big, probably become a real tyrant among nature-kind. Of course an asteroid would have to wipe them out, it would be the only way.

Oh right, Padawan, food, mission. Natalie pressed the button again to continue lowering the ramp, turning back to M'Akio over her shoulder. "Ready?" she asked. The ramp lowered fully, and she stepped out into the Tatooine air. It was like an oven, but for people. An oven with TWO suns! Ah it was beautiful. To combat the heat they'd have to stay hydrated. For the suns themselves, Natalie wore a pair of tan military trousers from the Ord Mantell Defense Corps, a pair of boots from the same source, and a thin, tan poncho with black designs over it that covered her black tank top and hid the lightsaber hilt holstered at the small of her back.

Aside from the ithorian earlier, no one greeted the two Jedi as they made their way out of the hangar bay and into the streets of Mos Eisley. Natalie was met immediately by a wif of combined xeno-rank. Beings of all kind, sentient and not, filled the streets, and almost every single one was sweating. She fought not to make any sudden movements to plug her nose and pressed on. Last thing they needed was piss off some random passerby because that passerby smelled like piss and vinnegar. Natalie shuddered, but endured. "Tell me about your time on Ord Mantell."

@Javier esschoolbus

 

[M'Akio Beastmaster]

Akio blinked in surprise at her comment, “We’re both Jedi right?” He asked as he made his way into the main part of the ship. “Gizka?” He asked as the ramp started lowering while looking at Natalie. His gaze quickly shot forward as he saw the person in his peripheral. Natalie then turned around as the individual started calling out, “I got a blaster pistol and two vibroknives just in case. It uhhh looks like he wants you.” He said as he pointed past her to the active Ithorian.

He watched as she began shouting at this gizka dealer. He ran away with two cages full of lizard things. Well atleast now he knew what a gizka looked like. As he thought about if he ever seen them before he remembered eating something oddly reminiscent at a restaurant once before. Were they just food animals? Would they become regular Jedi cuisine? Those were questions for later.

Akio was now waiting for the ramp to go down. He was starting to slightly impatient as he’d expected to be heading to the first chef and dishes of food by now. So when Natalie looked back and asked if he was ready he gave her a thumbs up with a toothy smile. Akio followed behind her as they walked out into the heat wave that was Tatooine. He already felt he was melting as he looked up and noticed not one but TWO suns. Even with him wearing a simple t-shirt and jeans with a poncho over it to hide his weapons the heat was unbearable for the Fiani who grew up on a taiga world.

When they began getting into the streets the smell got to the Fiani’s sensitive nose and weak stomach. He projectile vomited all over Natalie’s back before he could look down and empty his insides into the sand. After he had emptied the contents of his body he looked up sheepishly as he saw his handiwork on the knight. “I was assigned to watch over the senator after Ord Mantell had allied with the Jedi.” He said not giving and specifics.

Nat 1 on stomach holding up

@TheDudeMike

 

[Natalie Hope]

Did this kid just ask what a gizka was? It was like hospital food. Wait, had he never been in a hospital? Never by admittance, probably. He was a hospital virgin. Of all the Padawans in the new Crusaders, she gets the one that's never had his ass kicked so bad he ended up in a hospital for a free three hot meals a day and bed rest. In Natalie's friend circle growing up, it was like a badge of honor and admittance fee. You wanna be in the circle? Get your ass kicked.

But now she was a battle nun. Little less nun now thanks to Vanya and her call to action, but still a Jedi. Plus, he said he had a blaster pistol and two vibroknives. That was okay, but how the hell was she supposed to teach him lightsaber techniques with vibroblades? Some of it translated, of course, but having a blade that had some reach was almost always better than no reach. Unless you were in the trenches. For trenches there was nothing better than a pair of phrik knuckles and a shovel. Maybe even a spork with a knife in it. Someone should invent that someday.

It was then, right outside the starport that she heard the upheaval of a stomach behind her, and even felt a splattering of contents unbeknownst to her across her back. Thankfully it was mostly on the poncho, but it was a really nice poncho. Memories of her now very ex-boyfriend puking in her hair on prom night came to her mind. This was different, of course, but not so much that her mind could differentiate between the two.

She froze in place for a moment. After a couple silent second she turned around slowly. It was clear she wasn't happy, and it was also clear she was fighting the gags that now plagued her worse than when Vanya starting playing with the killik pheromone goo. This time, however, she lost the battle. The great upheaval of Natalie's stomach began, and A'kio wouldn't be able to dodge it. While he had covered her back, she covered his front.

When she was done, she silently started back toward the ship, making sure to move fast enough that he most certainly would not be able to puke back at her. Puking on him was his punishment! After all, it wouldn't look good if Natalie decked him, though holy shit did she want to. Once back on the ship, she showered and got changed in a similar outfit, this time with green trousers and poncho since she only had the one pair of tan. Would it camouflage her on Tattooine? No, but neither would a Padawan that couldn't handle some rank.

She waited for him at the ramp again, this time it was already down and the gizka salesman was no where in sight. "Got it all out? Or should I get you a rebreather before taking you anywhere?" We will not hit a Padawan today. We will not hit a Padawan today. We will not hit a Padawan today.

@Javier esschoolbus