Ameri's Character Workshop

[amerininja]

This is the character I want to work on for the next timeline. He will be my first Star Wars character so any thoughts would be appreciated!
[beebox4=650px]

Tyzark Finn

NAME Tyzark Finn AGE 17 FACTION JEDI KNIGHTS - Padawan

​

Species- Gran
Gender- Male
Eye Color- Blue
Skin Color- Pale White/Gray
Hair- N/A
Height- 5'6"
Weight- 128 Lbs.
Distinguishing Features- None
Force Sensitive- Yes​

Stats:
Strength- 7/10
Dexterity- 8/10
Constitution- 5/10
Intelligence- 6/10
Wisdom- 5/10
Charisma- 4/10​

PERSONALITY

Tyzark Finn is generally a very active and cheerful teenager who seldom became depressed. Often times, on his home planet of Kinyen, he would sate his natural curiosity by exploring dark caves and wading through rivers. However, if he is asked about the Orange Crystal he wears on a chain around his neck, he will go almost silent and gloom. He is open to explaining his odd attachment to this adornment but will not outright tell people of its sentimental value. He is certainly the type to jump into battle without heeding orders.
Tyzark, when learning or training, will often joke about his lack of skill whether or not such an absence exists. His reasoning for such joking is so that whomever is around him will hopefully smile as they learn. Despite his joking when it comes to true battles he will attempt to remain serious but may let out the occasional joke towards his opponent even when said opponent wants him dead.​

BIOGRAPHY

Tyzark Finn was born in the city of Malthee to Hukarti and Shari Finn. At a young age he was noticed by his peers for having what seemed to be greater strength than them. What none knew at the time of his early childhood was that it was simply the force enhancing his strength slightly. For years his father and he would train using Vibro-Blades. During their sparring sessions he was unknowingly being taught Djem So, or Form V. At the age of 11 an elder of his people informed his parents of Tyzark's possible force sensitivity. The next morning Tyzark was informed. Curious, he asked around for answers before running into a cloaked Gran entering the city.

The man told him about a cave in which an old force user supposedly entered a few weeks prior. Tyzark, in his rush for knowledge, raced to the cave and entered it without caution. He saw a short tunnel lined with torches and fresh footprints. He walked down the tunnel to see a splatter of blood. His three eyes grew wide as he saw a human male with a large burn cut into his chest. In the man's hand was a crushed lightsaber. Tyzark knelt down at the man before hearing a gasping for air.

He turned towards the man's face just as a hand grabbed his wrist. "You…take the crystal…of my saber…" The man plead.

"But sir! Let me take you to the city's healers!" Tyzark begged as his eyes drifted to the burnt gash.

"No! Go…and don't forget the crys-" The man gave his final breath to the wind as he uttered out his final command.

Tyzark hesitantly poked the broken saber to reveal a glowing orange crystal. He picked it up only to watch it lift out of his hand and float above his palm. His three eyes blinked in amazement as he snatched it out of the air and pocketed it. He raced back to his home only to find his mother sobbing at the entrance. During his time away the Gran whom had told Tyzark to leave the city and enter the cave had killed many of the city-dwellers including his father. The cloaked man was a member of the Sith Order.

Years passed before Tyzark mustered up the courage to leave the planet, a Vibro-Blade in hand, in search of the Jedi Knights. Ever since that day he wore the crystal about his neck, hanging from a steel chain. He never knew who the force user was whom gave him the crystal, but he wasn't going to go anywhere without it.​

FORCE POWERS

He is capable of slightly enhancing his strength with the force and can utilize Force Lift on small objects like his crystal.

​

LIGHTSABER FORMS

Form V-Djem So

​

GEAR

He always has the orange crystal necklace.
A Vibro-Blade​

ᴘʀᴏғɪʟᴇ ᴄᴏᴅᴇ ʙʏ: ʙᴇᴇ​

[/beebox4]

 

[Mordred]

I would like a little more personality, please. Just another paragraph would be nice. I know, it's hard, but it'll make you a better writer.

I like the biography. I can tell you're a beginning roleplayer, so I can't complain at all, and you look like you will be developing well.

You have to understand, though, I'm new here xD Not new to roleplaying, but I'm not very familiar with rules, and such.

He's very... weak :/ Give him a blaster, friend, otherwise he's SUUUPER vulnerable. Just one weapon is good, because he's pretty defenseless right now.

Also, pets are good. Give him a kitty. ^_^ (This is a personal preference, ignore this entire line :c)

 

[amerininja]

I would like a little more personality, please. Just another paragraph would be nice. I know, it's hard, but it'll make you a better writer.

I like the biography. I can tell you're a beginning roleplayer, so I can't complain at all, and you look like you will be developing well.

You have to understand, though, I'm new here xD Not new to roleplaying, but I'm not very familiar with rules, and such.

He's very... weak :/ Give him a blaster, friend, otherwise he's SUUUPER vulnerable. Just one weapon is good, because he's pretty defenseless right now.

Also, pets are good. Give him a kitty. ^_^ (This is a personal preference, ignore this entire line :c)

Alright I'll fix up another Personality paragraph.

Thanks! I hope to get better asap.

Fair enough.

Perhaps he could be given a blaster for his journey to the Jedi Knights, but eventually I hope for him to get a lightsaber.

A pet could be fun...I wonder what small alien species would hail from Kinyen (man I hope I spelled that right).

 

[Wit]

Trust me, this character being weak is in no way a bad thing, it actually provides you way more storytelling opportunities than if he had been overpowered. Stick with what you have in terms of weapons and combat abilities, don't worry about him being weak.

 

[amerininja]

Trust me, this character being weak is in no way a bad thing, it actually provides you way more storytelling opportunities than if he had been overpowered. Stick with what you have in terms of weapons and combat abilities, don't worry about him being weak.

Well then, was my adding of his Vibroblade learning too much?

 

[Wit]

Well then, was my adding of his Vibroblade learning too much?

No, no, that's perfectly fine. I just didn't want you to feel pressurized to change the character just because of that one feedback about him being too weak, which is is something I don't agree with at all. My point was that a character should be about the story, not how strong or weak he is. So make your decisions about what skills he has, and what kind of weaponry he has on the basis of how you want to tell his story. :)

 

[TWD26]

Great first character like Wit said, I think your character isn't weak, most people, unless you plan on PvPing don't tend to worry about your strengths. I think it's really cool that you started out with not as many skills, I think you'll find it more rewarding later on down the road when you look back at how your character's progressed. Writing after all is about dealing with conflict and how to overcome losses. Looking forward to more bud!

 

[amerininja]

Okay...I screwed up the formatting as I tried to edit it. Can anyone help me out here?

 

[TWD26]

Okay...I screwed up the formatting as I tried to edit it. Can anyone help me out here?

What are you trying to fix?

 

[amerininja]

What are you trying to fix?

I wanted all of the headings orange but now the whole centered portion got messed up. I was editing the template....

 

[TWD26]

I wanted all of the headings orange but now the whole centered portion got messed up. I was editing the template....

Let me see what I can do.

 

[amerininja]

Let me see what I can do.

Thank you kindly

 

[TWD26]

Thank you kindly

so you want the text centered to not be centered?

 

[amerininja]

so you want the text centered to not be centered?

I want the text above it to be centered. And only Headings to be Orange

 

[TWD26]

I want the text above it to be centered. And only Headings to be Orange

You want this centered?

Species- Gran

Gender- Male
Eye Color- Blue
Skin Color- Pale White/Gray
Hair- N/A
Height- 5'6"
Weight- 128 Lbs.
Distinguishing Features- None
Force Sensitive- Yes

 

[amerininja]

You want this centered?

Species- Gran

Gender- Male
Eye Color- Blue
Skin Color- Pale White/Gray
Hair- N/A
Height- 5'6"
Weight- 128 Lbs.
Distinguishing Features- None
Force Sensitive- Yes

Yes and the Species- Gran I want to be connected to the rest not far away. It wouldnt let me fix it....

 

[TWD26]

[beebox4=650px]

Tyzark Finn

NAME Tyzark Finn AGE 17 FACTION JEDI KNIGHTS - Padawan

​

Species- Gran
Gender- Male
Eye Color- Blue
Skin Color- Pale White/Gray
Hair- N/A
Height- 5'6"
Weight- 128 Lbs.
Distinguishing Features- None
Force Sensitive- Yes​

Stats:
Strength- 7/10
Dexterity- 8/10
Constitution- 5/10
Intelligence- 6/10
Wisdom- 5/10
Charisma- 4/10​

PERSONALITY

Tyzark Finn is generally a very active and cheerful teenager who seldom became depressed. Often times, on his home planet of Kinyen, he would sate his natural curiosity by exploring dark caves and wading through rivers. However, if he is asked about the Orange Crystal he wears on a chain around his neck, he will go almost silent and gloom. He is open to explaining his odd attachment to this adornment but will not outright tell people of its sentimental value. He is certainly the type to jump into battle without heeding orders.
Tyzark, when learning or training, will often joke about his lack of skill whether or not such an absence exists. His reasoning for such joking is so that whomever is around him will hopefully smile as they learn. Despite his joking when it comes to true battles he will attempt to remain serious but may let out the occasional joke towards his opponent even when said opponent wants him dead.​

BIOGRAPHY

Tyzark Finn was born in the city of Malthee to Hukarti and Shari Finn. At a young age he was noticed by his peers for having what seemed to be greater strength than them. What none knew at the time of his early childhood was that it was simply the force enhancing his strength slightly. For years his father and he would train using Vibro-Blades. During their sparring sessions he was unknowingly being taught Ataru, or Form IV. At the age of 11 an elder of his people informed his parents of Tyzark's possible force sensitivity. The next morning Tyzark was informed. Curious, he asked around for answers before running into a cloaked Gran entering the city.

The man told him about a cave in which an old force user supposedly entered a few weeks prior. Tyzark, in his rush for knowledge, raced to the cave and entered it without caution. He saw a short tunnel lined with torches and fresh footprints. He walked down the tunnel to see a splatter of blood. His three eyes grew wide as he saw a human male with a large burn cut into his chest. In the man's hand was a crushed lightsaber. Tyzark knelt down at the man before hearing a gasping for air.

He turned towards the man's face just as a hand grabbed his wrist. "You…take the crystal…of my saber…" The man plead.

"But sir! Let me take you to the city's healers!" Tyzark begged as his eyes drifted to the burnt gash.

"No! Go…and don't forget the crys-" The man gave his final breath to the wind as he uttered out his final command.

Tyzark hesitantly poked the broken saber to reveal a glowing orange crystal. He picked it up only to watch it lift out of his hand and float above his palm. His three eyes blinked in amazement as he snatched it out of the air and pocketed it. He raced back to his home only to find his mother sobbing at the entrance. During his time away the Gran whom had told Tyzark to leave the city and enter the cave had killed many of the city-dwellers including his father. The cloaked man was a member of the Sith Order.

Years passed before Tyzark mustered up the courage to leave the planet, a Vibro-Blade in hand, in search of the Jedi Knights. Ever since that day he wore the crystal about his neck, hanging from a steel chain. He never knew who the force user was whom gave him the crystal, but he wasn't going to go anywhere without it.​

FORCE POWERS

He is capable of slightly enhancing his strength with the force and can utilize Force Lift on small objects like his crystal.

​

LIGHTSABER FORMS

Form IV-Ataru

​

GEAR

He always has the orange crystal necklace.
A Vibro-Blade​

ᴘʀᴏғɪʟᴇ ᴄᴏᴅᴇ ʙʏ: ʙᴇᴇ​

[/beebox4]

 

[TWD26]

Yes and the Species- Gran I want to be connected to the rest not far away. It wouldnt let me fix it....

fixed

 

[amerininja]

Thank you so much.

 

[TWD26]

Thank you so much.

no problem