- Joined
- Feb 17, 2018
- Messages
- 292
- Reaction score
- 127
People say that my actions have had effects on things I can’t see. That in the act of saving a single life I have shifted the face of the galaxy itself. Yet, when I look at it, all I see is just a bunch of murk stirred by a rough hand in a pond. Now instead of it just being dark below a clear crystal surface it’s just darkness and corruption through it all. Yes, Werner was able to reach the Senate, at the Republic, but perhaps it was just a naïve dream that his arrival there would solve the problems on Alderaan. The reality of politics instead came crashing down, and now at best there was just an investigation. One that could be manipulated by the criminal elements on the planet to their whims. In essence, there wasn’t any meaningful change for my actions. Well, besides that my friend is now dead and I’m being hunted by bounty hunters.
I thought doing the right thing, trying to fight against corruption and darkness, was supposed to be what I was able to use my intellect for. I would clear the darkness gripping this galaxy and allow the people wallowing in that miasma finally take a breath of air, to give them relief instead of being forced to toil and fester while a select few reap the rewards from the suffering of others. No, instead, once one small part started to be torn up to try to heal, more darkness just fell into its place. There was no chance for any respite. Just darkness upon darkness. Perhaps I was a fool to think there could be anything else. There are less and less people that want such a thing these days, anyway.
Why is it so wrong for people to care about each other? When someone is hurt, when someone is in pain or is sad, why is it the normal reaction for people to turn away, to leave behind only more pain and sorrow? I can’t do that. It hurts me just as much when I see someone like that, it makes me want to help them, so that when they feel better, I feel better. Has the galaxy just closed off their hearts to each other, focused only on their own problems and greed and desire that the plight of others is something to be ignored at all costs? I…I don’t know if I could live like that…
Everyone I’ve met has had their own agenda, if they were altruistic then it was only to further their own goals or desires. Perhaps I’m just the same. Perhaps my desire to help those who cannot help themselves is just as selfish as the rest of the galaxy. That would make me the biggest hypocrite, then. If I don’t have that desire, then what is left? What point is there for me to keep going forward? I don’t want money, I don’t want power, I don’t want prestige…These are the things that drive the galaxy, and I want no part of it. What, then, is the point of my struggles? Why do I keep fighting, keep running from these bounty hunters, when I’m ultimately no better than them or their masters? If I die, or are captured, there wouldn’t be a single person who would shed a tear. No one would know. I would just fade away to obscurity, unknown and forgotten.
In my attempts to save people, I’ve only brought them more suffering. As I tried to heal, I have only brought pain. I’m just as evil as the things I thought I was fighting. I wanted to be a better person, I wanted to try to be a light in this darkness. The darkness is too great, though. One person alone isn’t enough to dispel it. Alone…that’s what hurts the most. I’m all alone…I can’t do this on my own…There will only be more darkness, more pain, more corruption. There’s no end to it. I shouldn’t have tried. I’ve only made it all worse. I’m just as bad as what I thought was evil and dark. I suppose I should stop running, then. If my life is worth a few thousand credits to someone, then at least it’ll have some value until the transaction is done. Afterwords I’ll be worth what I always was, nothing.
I thought doing the right thing, trying to fight against corruption and darkness, was supposed to be what I was able to use my intellect for. I would clear the darkness gripping this galaxy and allow the people wallowing in that miasma finally take a breath of air, to give them relief instead of being forced to toil and fester while a select few reap the rewards from the suffering of others. No, instead, once one small part started to be torn up to try to heal, more darkness just fell into its place. There was no chance for any respite. Just darkness upon darkness. Perhaps I was a fool to think there could be anything else. There are less and less people that want such a thing these days, anyway.
Why is it so wrong for people to care about each other? When someone is hurt, when someone is in pain or is sad, why is it the normal reaction for people to turn away, to leave behind only more pain and sorrow? I can’t do that. It hurts me just as much when I see someone like that, it makes me want to help them, so that when they feel better, I feel better. Has the galaxy just closed off their hearts to each other, focused only on their own problems and greed and desire that the plight of others is something to be ignored at all costs? I…I don’t know if I could live like that…
Everyone I’ve met has had their own agenda, if they were altruistic then it was only to further their own goals or desires. Perhaps I’m just the same. Perhaps my desire to help those who cannot help themselves is just as selfish as the rest of the galaxy. That would make me the biggest hypocrite, then. If I don’t have that desire, then what is left? What point is there for me to keep going forward? I don’t want money, I don’t want power, I don’t want prestige…These are the things that drive the galaxy, and I want no part of it. What, then, is the point of my struggles? Why do I keep fighting, keep running from these bounty hunters, when I’m ultimately no better than them or their masters? If I die, or are captured, there wouldn’t be a single person who would shed a tear. No one would know. I would just fade away to obscurity, unknown and forgotten.
In my attempts to save people, I’ve only brought them more suffering. As I tried to heal, I have only brought pain. I’m just as evil as the things I thought I was fighting. I wanted to be a better person, I wanted to try to be a light in this darkness. The darkness is too great, though. One person alone isn’t enough to dispel it. Alone…that’s what hurts the most. I’m all alone…I can’t do this on my own…There will only be more darkness, more pain, more corruption. There’s no end to it. I shouldn’t have tried. I’ve only made it all worse. I’m just as bad as what I thought was evil and dark. I suppose I should stop running, then. If my life is worth a few thousand credits to someone, then at least it’ll have some value until the transaction is done. Afterwords I’ll be worth what I always was, nothing.