Ask Between Visiting Hours

[Connor Vance]

Connor had been spending most of his time at the infirmary. He visited both Arak and Xo more often than not skipping classes to stick around. They’d become his family or the closest thing he had to it. He did his best to help out where he could and ended up rapidly burning through the last of his casino funds to help cover some of the medical expenses. However, at the end of each day he’d always be asked to leave as visiting hours came to a close.

Tonight was no different. But what was, was the fact Connor just didn’t want to be alone. His dreams took him back to watching Arak hit the water. Hearing his screams. The feelings of uselessness in the face of something truly monstrous. He tugged out his EZPhone and sent a message to someone he’d been avoiding talking to the past few days. The one person he wanted to see more than anything else but was also worried about where he stood with.

He texted Nash.

Dinner at the ship? I miss hanging out with you.

He was a little anxious when he hit the send button but he did it anyways. Connor wouldn’t wait for a response, he made his way through the Umbaran evening and back to his home away from home. He punched on some music to distract himself while he popped bagel bites in the oven. Connor poured himself a glass of whiskey and lit up a cigarra as he did a mixture of cleaning and dancing.

“I’m imperfect, you’re a goddess, no sarcasm at all.” Connor sang along with the deafening music. “You say your sorry but don’t know what you’re sorry for.” He belted out. “No point in keeping score.” He took a long drink from his glass and raised it above his head. “I like to drink and to smoke to take away my pain. And I don’t remember all of my mistakes.” He sang, his head tilting back as he took a drag off of his cigarra. “And every high got a low, no one to blame.” The smile that had crept onto his face slowly fell as he muttered the last words to that opening line.

“You’re not alright, no I’m not alright.”

Connor swallowed hard, he looked around himself at the ruin of his kitchen and ship. The song was right. He wasn’t alright, right now none of them were.

@Sreeya

 

[Nash]

Missed hanging out with her? Nash was pretty sure he was the one coming up with excuses not to. Or was she the one doing that? In truth, she was overwhelmed with guilt since they first returned from the assignment. Guilt over her inability to say anything in response to the confessions dumped on her, guilt at hitting both Connor and Arak, guilt at jumping into the water. What if she just stayed on that stupid boat? She endangered everyone’s lives and Arak was shattered. Nash always thought just for herself, but she began to realize that didn’t apply anymore.

She agreed and arrived at the designated time, hearing the music blasting. Nash switched off her own music because Connor’s blasted over her EZPods. She listened for a moment, curious about Connor’s preference of music. It wasn't exactly her vibe, but she could appreciate it. Nash was more into rap and oldies herself.

The song was mainly forgotten when Nash spotted Connor dancing around while cleaning. For a moment she simply watched with her arms crossed over her chest, leaning against a doorway. She didn’t see his self moping, just the light grooving. When he eventually turned and spotted her, she flashed him a smile. Nash was dressed in casual clothing, a shit eating grin on her face, “Those are some ace white human moves, Gears,” She teased from where she stood.

@Apollyon

 

[Connor Vance]

Connor ashed his cigarra and slowly turned around. His ears dipped in surprise when he saw Nash leaning against the frame to his kitchen. “Shit Thumps, almost gave me a heart attack there.” He replied, his ears steadily perking. “That’s not the usual jam.” He replied quickly. “Just a friend from Shadda’s sample.” He lied. “And uh, sorry about the mess…” he offered with a shrug. “…haven’t been home a lot lately.”

Connor’s mind didn’t turn back to Arak or Xo then. He thought about how he’d been avoiding seeing Nash in person. He’d wanted to see her. He already told her everything he had on his mind and how he felt. But something just made him hesitate, it was the unknown. Unlike in Mon Cala, Connor had no idea where he stood with Nash. It felt alien and strange, so he avoided dealing with it until now. When she was standing in front of him and he couldn’t ignore it.

Connor used the Force to try and push the pause button on the music. He’d hoped to look a little competent or cool. Instead, he accidentally shoved the disk player off where it sat. It crashed onto the floor and Connor’s ears turned slightly pink. He clenched his cigarra between his teeth and ran his fingers through his hair, shaking his head at his own misfortune. The silver streak that ran down the natural part in his hair hadn’t faded yet. He’d been told it was likely that it never would. It was his permanent mark from their encounter with the Leviathan. In the grand scheme of things he’d gotten away the lightest of the group, at least physically.

“I’ve got something in the oven for us. You want a drink? Smoke?” Connor offered, trying to play off his overuse of the Force.

Connor cleared his throat. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around. It’s just been…” His tired voice trailed off. “…a lot.” He muttered. “But I have missed yo-, hanging with you, Nash.” Connor caught and corrected himself.

@Sreeya

 

[Nash]

Nash kept her arms crossed over her chest as he fumbled through his words. She remained silent even as he accidentally sent the disc player crashing. The twi’lek wasn’t externally fazed, but she could tell he was having a tough time. It was strange seeing him like this because he was normally calm and collected. Nash still had her ankle brace on a slight hobble to her step, but completely minor in the grand scheme of things.

“I think the new hair is pretty sick actually,” Nash said as her gaze flicked to the streak that ran through his locks. She was being genuine, the silver looked cool. Nash sighed as he kept fumbling over his words, interjecting, “Gears, if your ears move anymore you’re gonna fly away like Bumbo.”

Nash crossed the room towards him and pulled him into a tight hug, “Sometimes you ramble more than I do,” She said as she buried her face into his shoulder, “Just shut up for a bit,” Nash said as she held him tight, “I thought I was gonna lose you out there…I thought Arak died and..I’m just glad we’re all alive,” Nash said as she fiercely hugged him which was perhaps painful since she had some serious guns on her.

After a long moment, she finally drew back, “Did you say something in the oven?” She asked with a grin, “You sure you can cook?” Nash teased, nudging him playfully.

“I brought some spice to smoke, honestly,” She admitted as she glanced at him, “I just wanna chill and vibe, Gears. Can we do that?”

@Apollyon

 

[Connor Vance]

Connor’s lips turned up slightly at Nash’s compliment. Some chick in third period had called him a Silver Fox. He decided to spare the poor Hapan girl an ass beating by not telling Nash about it. His ears flicked excitedly as they continued to perk.

And then she called him Mumbo and he smirked.

When she started toward him Connor put his glass down on the counter behind him. She pulled him into a tight hug and his heart melted. He crushed the cigarra in his cybernetic hand and simply wrapped her up in his arms. It felt as easy and as familiar as it did on Mon Cala. He just stood there with her, he listened to her as he lightly swayed. His ears dipped when she started talking about that day. He grunted slightly as her grip tightened even more but he didn’t release his hold on her either.

“When Xo told us it got you…” Connor muttered. “…it felt like ice ran through my veins. I thought I lost you.” He admitted. “I so was scared even when I jumped in. But I knew I had to find you Nash…we all did.” He kissed her on her forehead. “That thing would have killed both Arak and I but you saved us.” He chewed the inside of his cheek. “We’re alive because of you Nash.”

Connor would hold her for a little longer. Letting her bury her face in his shoulder or chest. Then as she pulled away he’d clear his throat. When she asked about the oven and his cooking ability Connor gave a quick eyebrow raise and nodded towards it.

“Yeah, I can.” He replied his ears flicked. “I’m a gourmet chef didn’t ya know?” He teased. “I can make five star bagel bites and pizza rolls.”

Connor smirked slightly at his own joke. Before nudging Nash back. When Nash said she had some spice and she wanted to smoke up and just vibe, Connor smiled.

“Yeah, I think that’s a great idea.” He replied. “Why don’t you spark us up and find us something to watch. I’ll get our five star meal ready.” He offered.

@Sreeya

 

[Nash]

Nash held on tightly as Connor detailed what happened that day. When he got to the part about her saving the day, she drew back slightly from the embrace, looking away, “I don’t know what I did,” She muttered quietly, “It just came out. I felt so powerful and it was so different than the way I’ve used the Force before,” Nash sighed, “I just hate that it took so much distress to bring it out. There’s gotta be a way to control it,” She mused. She would have to talk to Vossari about this probably after she slugged him for sending them on this ridiculous mission to begin with.

When Connor talked about his chef skills, Nash started laughing, “That sounds like the perfect feast,” She said with a smile as she rolled up the spice and lit it. She took a hit and felt the effects right away, her anxieties relaxing and a general sense of mellow coming over her. She passed it to Connor to take a drag.

She was on the couch and cycling through movies to watch, briefly reminded of the last time they did this. She could still remember Connor’s cheesy arm around the shoulder move, a fond smile appearing on her face. Why did that day feel like centuries ago? What changed since then? Nash lined up Infectedland, a zombie movie with dry humor that made a parody of other zombie flicks.

Once he sat next to her, she didn’t hesitate to move a bit closer, though was once again shy about getting too cuddly. She didn’t know exactly what existed between them now and it confused her, “I ain’t afraid to say I missed you, Gears,” She said flatly, recalling his earlier hesitation, “Felt like you didn’t wanna hang…” Nash muttered quietly as the movie started up.

@Apollyon

 

[Connor Vance]

Connor listened to her in complete silence. A power that she didn’t understand and couldn’t control. It sounded like what happened to him when he first found out about his powers. He couldn’t even touch a data terminal without his mind slipping into it. It scared the fifteen year old Connor beyond words. But overtime he learned to control it and then even understand it.

If anyone could do the same it was Nash.

As Connor prepped paper plates and pulled cold beers from the fridge he smelled the spice being lit up. He heard Nash as she took the first drag and then handed it over to him. He didn’t hesitate in taking a drag as well. He trusted her in ways he likely didn’t with anyone else. The effects were immediate, he felt like time slowed down, his body and mind relaxed. It was beginning to mellow him out and that was wonderful.

When Connor finally sat down with their food, Nash scooted up alongside him. There wasn’t hesitation when he wrapped his arm around her. Instead, it felt like the natural thing to do. Then Nash told him that she’d missed him and that she wasn’t afraid of saying it. That she felt like he didn’t want to see her. His ears drooped, that wasn’t the case.

“Nash, I missed you too…” He muttered. “I just don’t wanna make you feel uncomfortable.” He told her. “I’m sorry that I didn’t ask you to do this sooner. I was just worried…” He paused. “…I didn’t know how you’d react after the beach and everything.” He said finally. “I was afraid you’d thought I was…crazy or something.” He admitted with a shrug.

There would be a long pause before Connor spoke again. He opted to change the subject entirely, it made him feel…uncomfortable. He didn’t like the feeling of emotional vulnerability and yet Nash effortlessly could pull it out of him.

“I actually bought the tickets to the Rolling Pebbles show instead of stealing them for our date.” He told her with a chuckle, forgetting entirely that he hadn’t told her about it yet. “Learned their set list too. I’m so ready to sing and dance with you again.” He told her his eyes pulling from Infectedland and to her.

He chewed the inside of his lip for a little before speaking one last time.

“I think about us dancing in the kitchen to Ruby Tuesday a lot…”

@Sreeya

 

[Nash]

Nash didn’t pull away when he wrapped an arm around her, leaning her head against his shoulder as she briefly glanced at the movie. She listened to him, her mind flashing back to that day, “I don’t think you’re crazy..” She whispered before she glanced up at him, “And…I’m sorry for beating you up after you..” Her face flushed and she gave him a sheepish grin. Count on Nash to kick a guy in the nuts after a feelings confession.

She froze up when he mentioned Rolling Pebbles tickets, pausing the movie and abruptly turning to face him, “What? You have Rolling Pebbles tickets? Are you kidding me?” Nash was in complete disbelief. Tickets were far too expensive since they were old now and hardly toured, but the performances were still legendary. She couldn’t believe he got tickets and learned the setlist, the gesture incredibly thoughtful, “Now I really feel like a jackass for kicking you..” She muttered quietly.

Nash remembered their dance of course, the silly way she belted out the song and felt so liberated just being herself in the kitchen. She chewed nervously on her lip for a moment, “Look, I know I’m a moron sometimes...let's be real I'm always a moron..” She said, “I….look when you asked me that stuff I froze up. I think you’re asking me to be your girlfriend and that just…scares me. I mean I just barely started to embrace being a girl at all after pretending to be a scrawny ass dude all through my childhood,” Nash chuckled sheepishly, realizing how stupid it all sounded, “And that’s why I froze up. I really care about you, Connor, so that’s not it…”

@Apollyon

 

[Connor Vance]

Nash’s head against his shoulder felt, perfect. He looked down at her and his ears grew flush at her response. “It’s okay Nash. You thought it was something else…I get why you did that.” He reassured her.

When she turned in shock to him, Connor’s ears went back a little. He’d forgotten he hadn’t told her yet. Loth-cat was outta the bag now. He grinned as she looked amazed at him. He gave her a shrug, as if it were no big deal. “I know a guy, he hooked me up.” He replied, his ears perked back up.

Connor was in the middle of taking a drink from his beer when Nash started explaining herself further. Then he heard the word girlfriend and he had to suppress the coughing fit he almost went into.

“Woah, Nash.” He replied. “I like you and I care about you and I wanna spend time with you.” He continued. “But I didn’t mean that…not that it’s a bad thi-“ Connor caught himself before he went down a side road. “Look. After what happened I just want to enjoy whatever this is we’ve got going on and whatever time we can spend together...” He said with a steady voice. “We don’t have to call this is anything Nash, it’s just you and me. Being ourselves, when we’re together. Nothin else. No titles.” He told her. “If you’re okay with that?”

@Sreeya

 

[Nash]

When he acted like it was no big deal, Nash wasn’t deep enough to see through it. She took it at face value, “Damn you gotta give me his name,” She said, actually impressed, “I’ve been trying to score some tickets to a few concerts and the prices are just awful. I keep missing the window and coming across scalpers. By the way, isn’t it weird they’re called scalpers? Like why-” She realized she was about to spiral into that stupid term again. She made a point to look it up and do deep research.

When he explained himself, she visibly relaxed, “I..like hanging out with you too. I mean I know we hook up and shit, but really it’s all the other stuff I dig..” Nash said before she gasped, “I mean! Not that the sex isn’t incredible, I mean damn, you definitely know…what you’re doing..” She muttered while flustered, digging herself into a hole, “I just mean..I like just being around you. We could just vibe, watch a movie, do a heist, explore an island…and I’d have a great time.”

She wasn’t sure what to call that, and she was thankful he didn’t push to name it either. Nash paused for a moment, “Well.. why don’t we go to that concert then?”

@Apollyon

 

[Connor Vance]

Connor’s ears perked as Nash continued speaking. A small smile touched his lips as she started rambling about scalpers and ticket prices. “Nash, I’ll give you the hook up! It’s no big deal!” He finally told her as the spiral continued to pick up pace.

Her spiral was adorable. Connor couldn’t help but shake his head in disbelief. Until, Nash brought up them hanging out and hooking up Connor blushed, his ears turning scarlet red. He was really that good? He cleared his throat and shimmied just a little closer to her.

Connor would catch her mid-spiral with a kiss. One that he would let linger for a little bit. It had felt like ages since he’d last kissed her. And so he just did it.

“Nash, I get it.” He whispered. “I really like being with you too.” He told her. “And yeah the sex with you is…mind-blowingly amazing. Probably the best I’ve ever had.” Why did he just say that? “It’s not what I focus on either.” He admitted. “It’s just the time with you that really matters.” He said at last.

When Connor said all of this it was just a breath away from her lips. He took a deep breath to settle himself and then he pulled the rest of the way back. A small mischievous smirk settling on his lips. His ears twitched slightly. He knew she liked assertiveness and she knew that he could be a tease. But when she mentioned the concert, his ears perked excitedly.

“You really wanna go wi-“ His voice reflected the excitement in his ears and he caught himself before he got too wound up. “I mean…if you wanna go. Yeah we can do that.” Connor looked down at her. There was no place he’d rather be than taking her to the Rolling Pebbles.

“Lemme punch in the coordinates!” He told her as he hopped up. “I’ll be right back!”

@Sreeya

 

[Nash]

Nash closed her eyes and sank against him when he kissed her. Truthfully she missed it - missed the taste, missed the warmth, missed the way she fit against him. It gave her that familiar rush, memories of their last time together flooding back. It always began as craving, a fire he ignited in her, one she wanted to engulf her. However, this time she drew back before it went much further, gazing at him as he spoke.

Her face flushed as he described their intimate moments, a sheepish smile appearing on her face. However, before he could walk away to punch in the coordinates, Nash’s hand shot up to grasp his wrist. Her face was serious again and she said nothing for a moment.

“Connor..” Nash began quietly, tugging him back to sit down next to her. She chewed on her lip nervously, “Look I…I heard what you said loud and clear. And I do mean everything I said but..” Nash met his gaze, her heart pounding against her chest. She felt sick to her stomach. She didn’t want to say anything, but she cared about him tremendously, “I think I like Arak....I think I have since before I even met you...” Nash said with a bit of a struggle, chewing so hard on the inside of her lip that she tasted copper. She hadn’t even told the Pureblood and didn’t even know if or how she would, “I’m not sure if I wanna be anyone’s girlfriend or whatever but I don’t want you to feel like I’m fucking around with you. I do like what we have…but I don’t want you to expect something I may not be able to give you right now,” Nash was quiet after that, feeling as if she was going to throw up, “I..I can leave if you don’t want to hang out with me anymore,” She remembered how he behaved after Glee Anslem. This would likely make her lose him even as a friend, but she valued his feelings far too much to ever mislead him in any way.

@Apollyon

 

[Connor Vance]

Connor felt Nash pull him back, he turned to look at her and saw her expression. His ears drooped. He knew where this was about to go. He sat back down next to her and squeezed her hand to reassure her.

Connor listened to her without speaking. The sadness he felt showed on his ears and rippled through his eyes. But he didn’t walk away, he never looked away. He sat there perfectly still, he kept his eyes on Nash’s beautiful blue eyes, and listened. When she offered to leave he spoke.

“No.” He whispered, his voice tinged with hints of pain. “I already knew you liked him…way more than me.” He confessed. “I saw how you looked at him on Glee. It was different than how you’ve ever looked at me. I know you called for him in the fog. You were lookin for him when you found me.” Connor squeezed her hand. “And it’s okay. I’m not mad or upset.” He told her. “I just want to enjoy whatever time I have with you.” He explained. “After all, look at me.” He said gesturing to himself. “What kind of street rat like me ever gets the girl?” He teased, the ghost of a sad smile touched his lips.

Connor masked the pain as best he could. But that question was telling. It spoke to his own image and his expectations when it came to everything. He was just a handsome rat, he wasn’t meant to be taken to anyone’s home. Just admired from a distance.

“So no, Nash I don’t want you to leave.” He told her. “I just want to enjoy these moments I can with you.” He continued. “And if you aren’t comfortable with me touching, kissing, or…you know. Just tell me.” He told her. “You’ve always set the boundaries and speed. I’m just along for the ride.”

Connor pulled her into his chest and wrapped her up in his arms. She was beyond nervous and he wanted her to know, while it hurt, it was okay. He knew before he asked her to hang out. He decided even if she would pick Arak, he still wanted those last few moments of just them to remember whatever this was by.

@Sreeya

 

[Nash]

Nash looked crestfallen as Connor spoke, feeling as if a dagger had been plunged through her chest. He normally spoke in an even, tempered tone, but she could hear the tremble in his voice. She didn’t need the Force to know he was hurting and it killed her to be the cause of it. He described all the ways he had picked up on her feelings for Arak, all the ways she herself hadn’t realized. Nash looked away, thrown into a downward spiral of her own. However something he said abruptly caught her attention, her gaze narrowing before she looked at him.

“Gets the girl?” Nash repeated, “Connor, I’m not some prize to win. I’m a poor, fucked up street rat myself and I’m not the little reward at the end of a competition,” She said curtly, actually slightly irritated, “You’ve been treating this like a race to get the girl or win and..that’s not what I’m about,” Nash said, staring at him for a moment. Was that the difference between the two? She remembered when Arak was prepared to let her leave the Sith and perhaps never see her again. But he knew it was what she wanted, what may make her happy, even if it came at the cost of never getting the chance to say how he felt. Nash sighed as she looked away.

“I’m not validation for you to earn to feel better about yourself, so don’t give me that,” She said, half pondering on just leaving. Rage bubbled beneath the surface. She had posed as a guy long enough to be among dudes that chatted nonstop about scoring or winning the girl. The sentence triggered her far more than he would have expected.

@Apollyon

 

[Connor Vance]

Connor’s head pulled back at how sharply Nash reacted. He didn’t mean it like that. And yet somehow he failed to communicate right. “Nash it’s not like that! I’m not racing or competing for you. Your not a prize to me.” He stammered out. “I didn’t mean it that way. I’m just not used to this.” He admitted. “I’m not used to caring about someone or worrying about them.” His mind was racing as he tried to explain. “I’m not used to feeling this way and it’s fucking scary alright.” He said finally.

“You live in my head Nash and I can’t get you off my mind.” He tried to explain. “From how quick on your feet you are to how you’re never afraid to be yourself. To your ramblings and how adorable they are. To how you smile when you sing.” He continued. “You’ve never been a prize to me and it’s never been a competition to get your heart or something like that…” He muttered. “…I’m sorry.” He said. “You’re just the best thing that’s ever happened to me and that scares me.” He admitted.

@Sreeya

 

[Nash]

Nash knew what she said was harsh, but that particular sentence bothered her. When he started talking again, she stared at him in surprise. Her face began to grow immensely hot, skin turning a deep shade of purple. As he described everything, her eyes grew wider. She felt her heartbeat quicken. She felt emotions threatening to pour over. By the time he was done, she sat in stunned silence.

After a moment, she couldn’t hold it back anymore. Nash sniffled at first and then her eyes brimmed with tears. She may have been stupid when it came to her own mind, but she could hear him and see him clear as day. Nash looked away as hot tears began to run down her face, “Connor..you…fucking..idiot..” She said between shuddered breaths, “You fool..” Nash buried her face in her hands, “I’m j-just a fucking street urchin….I’m not supposed to make you feel all those things,” She didn’t even know why she was crying. He didn’t hurt her, but hearing those words and having some sort of inkling of what they meant shot right through her heart.

Nash finally leaned towards him to tightly embrace him, sniffling softly against his shoulder as she squeezed her eyes shut, “I-I’m sorry Connor..” She whispered, “I’m so…sorry..” Nash said as she cried, holding him fiercely, “I-I never meant to cause you pain..”

@Apollyon

 

[Connor Vance]

Connor’s breathing was erratic, there was a tremor in his hand that he couldn’t control. His knee bounced on its own. Spots began to appear in his vision. Was he having a panic attack?

When Nash started to cry, Connor blinked back to the present. His hands gently went to touch her shoulders, there was a small hesitation and then he wrapped her in his arms. He’d just let her cry and silently he cried too.

“You’re not just some street urchin Nash.” He whispered. “Not to me.” He confessed. “You’re the girl on the boardwalk with a tentacle stuck to her lip.” He told her. “You’re the chick I lay around and talk about dreams with.” He continued. “You’re the girl I dance and laugh with.” He explained. “And you’re the first girl I’ve ever wanted to kiss, just to kiss.” He admitted. “You’re not a street urchin…you’re amazing.”

He sniffled and wiped at his eyes. Fuck he hated crying. He tried to take a settling breath when Nash apologized and clung to him. He almost fell back into tears again.

“You didn’t do anything wrong Nash.” He whispered. “We can’t help how we feel. So it’s okay.” He told her. “I really really like you…I was gonna tell you after the mission.” He explained. “I was going to surprise you with the tickets and ask you on a date.” He chuckled as he sniffled. “But that’s not what happened, I wish it did.” He told her. “I’ve missed you ever since Mon Cala and that scared me…I’ve never missed anyone before.”

@Sreeya

 

[Nash]

Nash had no idea what to do. She felt wholly unprepared for such a scenario, especially as she had posed as a guy for so long. She didn’t have all the answers, she felt like a kid still. The reality was they were both barely adults and had no idea what the hell they were doing. On top of that, they were supposed to be Sith and acting a certain way. Nash was simply left completely confused amidst it all.

She tugged Connor down with her so they both laid on the couch. Nash rested her head against his chest, feeling his heart thundering. Hers was doing the same. She could picture Connor never wanting to speak to her again, picture him walking away from her life for good, picturing him telling her he couldn’t be friends or see her anymore. Nash exhaled softly, feeling barb after barb through her chest as he articulated all the things he wanted to do but didn’t happen.

“I know..” Nash whispered softly when he said he really liked her, gazing at him. He would see the faint streaks of yellow in her tear brimmed eyes. She brought up a thumb to brush away his tears, his face so close to hers, “I..I….I don’t know what to do..” Nash said, despising how helpless she felt. She gazed into his eyes, and saw the pain in them. She felt pain of her own and the self loathing for ever causing him any kind of hurt, “I just..” Nash should have been wiser. She should have been smarter. But she was still a dumb teenager, she was still irrational, she was still confused and lost. And so she did something without thinking - she leaned in to kiss him. She tasted the salty tears, and she didn’t stop, tenderly kissing him through their shared sorrows for different reasons. She was clueless to the fact that she was likely making things far worse, but she leaned into that familiarity. She leaned into what she knew. And she knew Connor and she knew the taste of his lips.

@Apollyon

 

[Connor Vance]

Connor followed Nash’s lead, laying back on the couch and letting her listen to his heart. How many times has they done this? How many nights did he miss this? While she laid there, he simply ran his fingers up and down her back as he’d always done.

When she met his gaze he saw the streaks in her eyes. The pain between them was almost palpable. He could almost taste it in the air. When she moved to wipe his tears with her hand, Connor mirrored her with his cybernetic. He swallowed hard, why was she so beautiful even now?

And then she kissed him.

Connor’s world melted away as their lips intertwined. He kissed her back with ferocity that was unlike him. The wellspring of unspoken emotion broke through his carefully constructed dam. A thousand memories, a thousand emotions rushed through him and to her.

When she tried on the dresses for him and how beautiful he thought she was. The first time they’d been together and how nervous he was. When she helped him fix his tie and how badly he wanted to kiss her. Those and countless other tiny moments up until this one flicked one by one. They’d finish painting a picture left half completed. They’d paint out the words left unspoken.

He’d fallen for her. He wasn’t sure when really or how but he had. And now? She was into his best friend. His roommate. What was he gonna do?

I just want to enjoy us being us, together. The words floated through the kiss. That’s all he wanted. Just them. Together for a little while longer.

@Sreeya

 

[Nash]

As they kissed, she was transported back to the last time they kissed like this. Back to simpler times, back before anyone confessed anything, before she had to deal with her own feelings head on, before any of it. It was times back to when she and Connor simply smoked or did spice and just vibed. Back when she could just curl up in his arms and not have to think far beyond that because it felt so natural and easy. But it wasn’t that simple now, not anymore, perhaps not ever again. But she couldn’t run from it so easily.

Nash kissed him deeply, melting against his lips and sinking against him. She heard his words echoing within her mind and for now she wanted to surrender to it, to give in. She belonged to no one, there was no rule she was breaking and she wanted this right now. Right at this moment. She had no name to give it, but she craved that familiarity, that sense of falling back into what she knew.

“We…probably..shouldn’t..” Nash whispered between kissing him, not entirely believing what she was saying. Her fingers were already idly fiddling with his clothing, “Terrible..idea..” She gasped softly against his lips, a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions spiraling within her mind. She was awful at this, she didn’t know what to do. She didn’t want to let him feel used, she didn’t want to feel used, she didn’t want him to think she felt the exact same way, she didn’t want to convey that she didn’t desire him. Before she knew it, she slipped his shirt off one of his shoulders. Before she knew it, her lips found his once more. Before she knew it, she felt the heat between their bodies.

@Apollyon