Broken Boy Soldier

[Castor Chumeda Volante]

"I don't know if I can do this."

He had taken his lightsabers to pieces and set the two crystals against each other. Their reds matched, the two crystals being infected with the Dark Side in the same way at the same time. They were, after all, twins and they had needed to be corrupted simultaneously for either of them to accept the change.

The taint.

He took them, dominated them and perverted them with the Dark Side of the Force so many years ago now. They had been corrupted for years.

Sitting in front of them in the plain robes of a Jedi Padawan, he couldn't help but feel rather exposed before them. The Dark Side, his temptation, rolled off of them in waves and he had to fight both the urge to move further away and the urge to draw on the Dark Side instead. He looked up at his Master for a moment before he managed to calm himself with the Light.

"I don't want to disappoint you." he admitted before allowing, "... which I would by rejecting this trial."

Castore took a breath and steeled himself.

"Guide me, my Master, and I will succeed."

There would be no trying - there would only be success.

@Deviant

 

[Leah Reach]

“No, Castor. Let the Force guide you, and you will succeed.”

She stood above the young man. Wrapped in her flowing robes, hair cascading down one shoulder, a reassuring smile stretched from one rosy cheek to the other. The Jedi Master was dressed for the occasion. Her most recent student was a former Sith Acolyte plucked out of Onderon. He was hurting, conflicted and full of uncertainty. Leah had managed to guide him through the labyrinth of the Dark Side and into the Light. She told him everything he needed to know. Showed him he was not alone. That he was welcome among the others on the sanctuary of Al’doleem. And he truly was.

The next step was purifying his lightsabers. Leah had taken every effort to quell their corruption and the taint of the Dark Side. The Force nexus of the planet likewise did well to smother the malevolence each hilt possessed, enough to maintain a clear path into the Light for her Padawan. However, she could not shatter the crystals or purge them herself. Only Castor could. There was nothing to stop the Jedi Master from destroying them then and there, or finding new crystals in the Deep Stone Crypt, but she knew if Castor wanted to shed away his dark past, he needed to do it without her guiding hand. He needed to embark on this trial alone.

Knowing he needed a slight push, a comforting thought, she decided to settle opposite of him. Crossing her legs and resting against the ground, just beyond the stump of the tree Asha had slashed through several weeks ago, Leah motioned between him and the lightsaber parts at his feet. “Close your eyes. Trust in the Force.” She repeated the same words she had when her other students first built their own sabers. “Reach into the bond with your kyber crystals. Meditate. Show them who you truly are, and they will follow in your footsteps into the Light.” She nodded at him to continue on his own, before she warned. “But be wary. This is no easy feat. The Dark Side will tempt you again.”

She managed one last smile, full of hope and pride for her student. “Stay strong.”

@Nefieslab

 

[Castor Chumeda Volante]

Let the Force guide him?

He'd spent the last five years learning how to dominate and force the Force to do as he willed it to - the idea of letting it guide him wasn't foreign but it was hardly natural to him at this stage. Still, he knew that it would be difficult but he just had to adjust. Taking a deep breath, he nodded.

The option was there to destroy the crystals.

To find new ones and start afresh.

It felt like cowardice to him - as if he was going to get away with changing his life without actually doing the hard work in severing his connection to the Dark Side. This was a physical representation of the hold the Dark Side had had over him, uncontested, for so long.

And he needed to be the one to end it.

He looked his Master in the eyes over his crystals for a moment before breathing in deeply and closing his eyes. Reaching out with the Force, he lifted the crystals almost without meaning to. They hung in the air as his right hand came up, reaching out to almost touch them, as he began to reach into the Force.

Embracing the Light as he was, the corruption within the crystals themselves began to react violently. Sparks of Dark Side energy began to run along the smooth edges of the crystals, leaping the distance between his outstretched fingers and the crystals, shocking him slightly. As he grimaced in pain, the shows around the two Jedi began to stretch and the vile poison he had thrown into the crystals made itself known.

An urgent whisper of his own voice upon a non-existent wind that the two would hear through the Force.

"Your heart is known."

Castor's brow creased as he began to find touching the Light harder to do as the tendrils of the Dark beckoned him closer.

"You filled them with your heart... your hatred, your pain and your bitterness. Your heart is known."

Swallowing thickly, Castor pushed back with the Light. He clung to it like a lifeline... before extending his other hand. He didn't mean to. He just held out his other hand but it wasn't towards the crystals - he held out his other hand to Leah, instinctively looking for some physical contact and reassurance as he began to pull the shadows, the taint, from the crystals away into the ground.

@Deviant

 

[Leah Reach]

As Castor closed his eyes and embarked on his journey, Leah chose to do the same. She slipped deep into meditation and trusted her student could purify his lightsabers and conclude his trials into becoming a true Jedi. But even for all the strength she possessed and the nexus of the Light Side deep below the Al’doleem sanctuary, she could feel the taint of the Dark Side, beating and alive. She could taste the bitter air, smell its rank stench, feel its corruption sink into their surroundings. The crystals were far more potent than she anticipated. Her faith and confidence in Castor began to falter, and that was her first mistake. The Dark Side within his pieced apart blades pounced on her weakness and taunted her.

“Your heart is known.” It whispered. A chill slithered up her back, she careened her neck as if it breathed coldly behind her. The Jedi Master twitched. Stretching forward with an inkling of her power, the strange presence behind her immediately evaporated. Relief followed as she believed it was over. She was wrong. Rather than taunt her with words, it replaced the darkness in her closed eyes with a flash of kaleidoscopic images. Her daughter, her son, her husband. His grave. Her grieving. Withering flowers. The grave again. A quarter of her lips dipped into a frown, visibly upset by the crystals attacks against her. She was among the best of the Jedi. How could she be so susceptible to such illusions? She wasn’t sure.

A part of Leah wondered if it was using the untainted atmosphere of the sanctuary to spread like a virus, knowing it had never known the Dark Side for centuries. The Jedi Master had grossly underestimated the strength of the crystals, and quickly scrambled to entrap and smother it out. She could not bring herself to do it, however, knowing that was up to Castor and him alone. The best she could do was act as his support, a shoulder to lean on. A hand to hold. The young man was fighting hard against the Darkness but he needed help. Hesitant but concerned, Leah accepted the offer. She weaved her fingers with his to prove that she was still there.

“Stay strong.” She repeated, a whisper in the Force. “For your sister.” Leah hoped that alone might encourage him to push on, to fight against the onslaught of the Dark Side, and see the purification process through. She understood the trial would be no walk in the park, but there was no way the Jedi would see Castor fall again into the darkness. Not after having just escaped it. Not after seeing what he could do and what he could accomplish.

She had to admit, Jedi Knight Volante rolled off the tongue well.

@Nefieslab

 

[Castor Chumeda Volante]

Taking Leah's hand, he squeezed it tightly with his own and finished reaching out with his other hand. He ignored, endured, the sparks from his crystals to close his fist around both of the damned things. Closing his hand around the crystals, the Dark Side lurched, trying to latch onto him.

"Your heart was hatred, pain and bitterness when you did this."

The voice was back and it was worse - because it was speaking nothing but truth.

"It was."

Dark Side energies began to rush into his body, pausing as he pushed back with the Light Side of the Force. The advance of the Dark Side halted and the voice spoke again, in an attempt to cause his conviction to waiver more.

"Your heart was hatred and pain and bitterness and it will always be the same!"

Castor let out a slow breath.

"What was... what is... will no longer affect what will be. I will be better."

Speaking aloud with conviction, Castor began to push harder and harder against the Dark Side. He began to expel it from his body and the seductive whisper less and less sway as it whispered urgently at him to reconsider. It pushed him to accept it back, it pushed and whispered, begged and pleaded that he didn't know what he was doing.

That he needed it to know acceptance. Self-love. Self-worth.

That he was nothing without it's power.

That the pain it had caused him was his own fault.

That he'd deserved to be unhappy because he hadn't done enough.

He didn't know if he would ever be rid of the doubts - if he had to bet he would say that he would never be rid of them. Castor knew, even as he leaned on his Master and the Light side of the Force for support, that he would never be rid of the marks. The scars of the Dark Side would always be there, inside his mind, and they would allow the Dark Side to whisper to him. To tempt him until his dying day.

And that was okay.

Castor knew that what he was doing wasn't easy, but he knew that it was Good. Before, when he had been given the chance to decide between what was right and what was easy, he had chosen the easy path. But no longer. Castor wasn't going to be taking the easy way any longer.

"For my sister, for you, my Master, and for myself." he confirmed quietly, "I reject the Dark Side and I mend that which I broke."

The Dark Side was hardened around the crystals now, defensive in nature since he had pushed it back. Now, with Force Light blooming in his hand, Castor threw his will and the Light against the defences of the corrupted crystals. A sound like a scream of pain and hatred tore from the crystals themselves, as the Dark Side reacted as though in pain. Castor gritted his teeth and accepted it all back - the hatred, the pain and the bitterness - into himself and began to release the emotions back into the Force.

He didn't ignore them.

He acknowledge that they existed, that they were part of him and natural... and then he let them go, pushing them away from his heart and soul. Castor pushed and pushed, accepting the horrible emotions as his own but not letting them nest, not letting them linger within him.

And suddenly there was no more inside the crystals and nothing left within Castor save for a weary sense of acceptance and a vague stirring of accomplishment. Slowly he opened his fist, wincing slightly in pain when it became apparent that he had cut his palm open on the edges of the crystals. The crystals were lightly covered in his blood... but that was the only trace of crimson remaining.

Both crystals were beautifully clear and white.

... and Castor had no idea if that was a good thing or not.

"Did... did I mess it up?" he asked, confused, "I thought they were supposed to turn blue or something..."

@Deviant

 

[Leah Reach]

“Leah? It’s me. It’s your husband.” His voice cut into her thoughts, or spread throughout them. A tumor festering in her head. Leah recognized it was the Dark Side, desperate to fend off the attacks against it. To break the siege she and Castor held on the corrupted crystals. Still, her heart sank into her stomach at hearing her husband again. “Please, stop. You’re hurting me.” The voice begged. She winced. Her lips trembled. The Jedi Master struggled to maintain support, barely withstood the barrier to prevent the crystals from infesting the courtyard. She squeezed her student’s hand tight, knuckles almost purple. “Leah! Don’t do this!” He cried again. No— it cried. Leah knew who was speaking, and it was not her husband. She could not be tempted.

Her mind shot back, her heartache shifting into disgust by the Dark Side’s sickening attacks. She was a full-fledged Jedi Master, and she would not be threatened or pushed around by two translucent shards of kyber. Powerful and receptive as they were, she was too. With the Force gathered around her and the threads of her strength woven together into a net, she ensnared the Darkness. The woman could hear it writhing, screaming and crying beneath her iron grip. She didn’t listen. Neither did Castor as he overcame the worst of the Dark Side. With power she had not seen when they first met, her Padawan burst with Light and purged the malevolent remnants of his kyber crystals. The deed was done. His trial was over.

Leah looked down to the open palm of his hand. Blood trickled out of a deep cut, each drop soaking the ground. Immediately concerned, the Jedi Master reached out one hand and examined his wounds. The task of purifying not one, but two crystals, had been a difficult feat for him. Even with her assistance. He must have been exhausted or weary after the endeavor, or breathing free, like a weight had been pulled from his shoulders. Either way, she was glad to know he was still fine and still bathed in Light. As for the crystals, she was surprised. They no longer possessed the malice of the Dark Side but it had changed to a color not so well-known to her. A crystalline, clear white.

She understood most kyber crystals were naturally white and translucent, but Castor’s was something else. It was a pallor of light, cloudless and without the blemishes of time or wear, save for the speckles of blood. “No, you didn’t mess up. You did good. More than good. But… I will admit, that is strange.” She said, understanding that even to experienced Masters, the Force worked in mysterious ways. Trying her best to explain, she added, “While most crystals are pale and translucent, yours seem to have more distinct qualities. And, of course, its lost is red touch. Maybe a more definite color will break through once you refashion your lightsabers?” The woman gestured to the parts scattered between and around them. Perhaps.

Trying to move on from the subject, still uncertain on the state of his crystals, she walked him through the motions. “I am sure you still remember how to build your lightsaber from your time with the Sith, but here, you do not pull together your hate, pain and fear to create a dangerous weapon. Rather, you find peace and purpose, and create a tool.” With the flick of her hand, her own lightsaber hovered into the air. One nail twitched and polished hilt split apart into a dozen pieces. “You must understand that a lightsaber is not a sword but a shield. We do not use it to kill, but to defend.” Each finger clicked and snapped. Her lightsaber pieced itself together. “Understand that your lightsaber reflects who you are, Castor— and you are a Jedi.”

Her reconstructed hilt fall back into her lap. Then, Leah looked at him, smiled and waited.

@Nefieslab

 

[Castor Chumeda Volante]

A lightsaber crystal that held no colour was normal - it was the naturally occurring state of said crystals after all - but a lightsaber crystal that was like this? White? Well, Castor had never even heard of a crystal going white. It was odd to think that it was anything but a good omen however.

What better colour for someone forsaking the Darkness in favour of the Light?

He had mostly ignored the cut in his palm but his Master immediately noticed it and started to fret over it, mother over it. Castor would be a liar if he said that watching her fuss over him didn't make his chest puff up and suddenly feel warmer. The fact that she mothered him probably should embarrass a man of his age but, well, this was the first time anyone had ever mothered him. His own mother had had so little time for him and had hated him when she did. So unlike other men his age? He wasn't embarrassed on any level - he enjoyed every second of it.

As she looked over his hand he just smiled, suddenly beginning to feel tired. It was as though he had been running on some form of adrenaline before and now that it was gone, everything felt more sluggish than it had done before. Like his limbs were heavy and leaden.

"Well just so long as it isn't the Dark Side anymore I don't really care what colour it is." he admitted, reaching out physically to move the disassembled parts of his lightsabers in front of him, "... it's supposed to be a reflection on me, isn't it? I don't know - maybe it's representative? A sign that I'm not perfectly in the Light - yet."

Jedi, to his mind, were perfect beacons of the Light and he, most assuredly, was not that. Not yet at any rate.

"Alright." he took a deep breath and held out both hands, palm up, as he closed his eyes, "Let's do this."

As he began to pull his lightsabers together with the Force, he remembered the scene from his past he had used to build his lightsabers in the past. The line up where the Moff had executed his family members. In the past he had appeared in the vision with his lightsaber to viciously cut down not only the Moff and his Sith but his family as well, all in a haze of anger and hatred. But now it was different. He appeared in the memory again but this time there was no fear, no anger and no hatred. This time he used his lightsaber to block the blaster bolts - to protect his family. It didn't matter that only his sister loved him, it didn't matter than no one would thank him for it. He just did it, using his lightsaber to defend those who did not deserve their fate.

Reaching into the Force, Castor was momentarily surprised by just how easy it was to touch the Light now. It was as though the last anchors to the Dark Side were gone and he was finally free to let himself become immersed in the Light, as a Jedi should. The feeling was one of peace and acceptance and he adored it, craved it. It felt like a mother's touch, a sister's adoration and a Master's respect and it welcomed him with open arms.

It was with tears in his eyes that Castor finished the reconstruction, his crossguard lightsaber in his right hand and his shoto in his left. Swallowing thickly, he opened his eyes and stood up. His legs were a little bit shaky but he held out a hand to keep Leah from assisting him as he climbed to his feet.

He didn't need to turn on his shoto - he knew it was identical to his main lightsaber - so he clipped it to his belt and held his crossguard lightsaber in both hands.

He ignited it.

A blade of solid white light sprung forth, the two points of the crossguard appearing not a second later, and as he held it up in front of his face, Castor could feel the crystal within the lightsaber, humming with the Force. There was no screaming like there had been from his saber before - there was only peace and a balance of purpose. He extinguished his lightsaber blade and clipped it to his belt opposite his shoto. Castor smiled at Leah, his Master.

"I am a Jedi."

And for the first time, he felt like he wasn't telling himself; he was simply stating the truth.

He was a Jedi.

@Deviant

 

[Leah Reach]

He was a Jedi indeed.

Watching him construct his lightsaber was beyond fascinating. While the Jedi Master witnessed the construction of lightsabers on several occasions, for instance only weeks ago in the same Al’doleem courtyard with her other students, Castor was different. He was not only welcoming the Light but he was letting go of what little remained of the Dark Side. Like plucking the final threads of darkness out of his spirit. Surely, he was not perfect. Certainly, he could not forget the past. But he could overcome it, and he had. His mind swirled with new thoughts, ideals and hopes. She could sense it, not only in every twitch of his closed eyes but in the Force all around them. Rippling like the sea, like an ocean of light she could swim through forever. Castor became more.

Once he finished his cross guard lightsaber, the young man rose to his full height, beckoning Leah to follow suit. She stepped back, as if offering him the limelight, and watched with anticipation. He looked up and down to the polished hilt, then with a deep sigh, ignited it. A burst of white followed. Not at all what the Jedi Master expected. Never before had she seen a white lightsaber. Had the Force willed it to be so? Was it because Castor had not reached the fullness of the Light Side but still embraced it? Questions hummed in her mind. A moment later, she dispelled them. It was not the time to challenge or doubt in her new apprentice. She was only glad and proud. In high spirits at knowing her training and their discussions had not been for nothing.

She imagined what would have happened if she never visited the ruins of the Onderon temple, or met Castor. She wondered if the Jedi Master had instead ignored his conflicted soul or cut him down as the Sith Acolyte he was. Leah hated the Empire. She despised everything they represented and had done. Her husband was gone because of them, and she blamed them for it. When she met Castor, she blamed him too. But after everything? She realized now her loathing and resentment for the Sith blinded her from seeing the truth: it was not so black and white. Not so good and evil. Castor proved that to her, and Leah learned. His white lightsabers demonstrated that much. The Force was not merely a scale between light and dark, but balance. Maybe Castor had found that balance.

Observing the lightsaber, sharing in his smile, she nodded. “Your trials are finished then. Welcome to the Jedi Order, Castor.” Pride filled her voice. The rest of the Council may not have been present, but Master Reach had every right. They had already met him, they already cleared for his residence at the sanctuary. She knew they would be likewise pleased with a new Jedi among them. Of course, Leah was not done with him just yet. He was successful in his endeavors but she was curious. Holding her own lightsaber, she flourished the polished hilt into the air and caught it with rigid fingers. “Of course, that doesn’t mean your training is over.” Both hands on the blade, she ignited it to reveal its blue glow. Grin still in place, she added, “En garde?”

@Nefieslab

 

[Castor Chumeda Volante]

Ha.

Seemed that he had done it after all.

It felt like an age since he had started on this road, back on Onderon. It wasn't even more than a few months and yet it felt like so long since he had been the Sith Acolyte who had gone about his business and fought against the enemies of the Empire simply because he was told to. Because he had seen no possible other way for him to proceed with his life.

And yet he had met this woman.

This mad old woman who seemed to think that there was another way, a way that he could be a Jedi.

It had seemed like madness at the time but no longer was it possible madness or a dream that may yet not ever come to pass. Now it was reality and reality was far better than it had been in the past. Castor felt far better now, as a Jedi, than he ever had done in the past.

When his Master welcomed him to the Order he felt like giving her a hug... and then she cheekily pulled out her own lightsaber and challenged him.

His grin was wider than he ever remembered it being in the past.

He pulled his crossguard lightsaber up, pointing towards his Master, and slowly rotated it.

"En garde, my Master."

Today would mark the first day he engaged in lightsaber combat with a smile on his face from start to finish.

/End Thread
@Deviant