Ask Yavin IV Called to the Office

[Brienna Lanaamer]

Bri walked swiftly along the corridors of the Jedi temple on Yavin. Her leather boots echoed softly off the stone, the sound of the footsteps signaling a quick pace. She looked down at her tunic as she walked, straightening a couple beige wrinkles, and brushing off a few non-existent pieces of fluff. A somewhat breathless and uneven sigh escaped her lips.

It was not every day that Jedi, well Brienna Lanaamer, were summoned to see the Grandmaster. Alone. The blonde Knight had attempted to come up with a few possible scenarios as to why Alexandria Voran wanted to see her. The Morellian master was wise beyond her years (which, to be fair, is hard to tell, cause she's like over a hundred years old), and Bri knew the specific purpose that always guided her actions. There was no 'just because.'

I really hope this isn't about that time I kicked that Naboo aristocrat in the head with @Atris Tharen . No, too superfluous. It was hard to not be intimidated by the Grandmaster. Her soothing green eyes had the rather unnerving knack of looking straight through you, pinpointing exactly where she wanted to. The stoic calm face nearly impossible to read emotions from.

Bri tried to talk herself out of the slight feeling of nervousness that had crept into her stomach. She's just trying to do what's best for you and the Jedi. Why are you nervous? The Knight had conversed with Alex a few times previously, but nothing in depth, and not since she had been become the latest Grandmaster of the Order. Congratulations are at least in order. That's a good ice-breaker, right?

The Knight slowed as she approached the closed door of the Master's office. Bri stopped and pulled out a datapad from her pocket, turning it into a reflective surface to make one last check of her appearance. Blonde hair in a high pony-tail, with a few loose braids hanging on the sides of her face. Bri tucked both behind her ears and took one last deep breath to center her composure. Wait, do I knock? Just walk in? Both? Does she know I'm already here? The blonde Knight decided on a combination, knocking twice, before opening the door and peeking her head inside.

"Master, you wanted to see me?"

@Valen Pelora

 

[Alexandria Voran]

Her eyes were scrunched, thumbs rubbing at her temples. Sighing, Alex opened her eyes to look at the stream of information flying across her datapad. Was she really going to do this? The Order had purposefully removed itself from galactic politics. The Senate convened and they stayed home. She was about to change that. They would no longer be silent players in galactic affairs. Oota had been wrong to keep them isolated. Oren managed to only compound that foolishness. Alex meant to break that cycle. Unfortunately, that meant a tremendous amount of boring reading. She was saved by the chime on her screen.

Ah, other duties awaited. Her life was one responsibility after the next. Alex took a deep breath to center herself. The Force washed away the exhaustion. She stood smoothly to move from behind her desk to plush chair near the small hearth. An equally comfy chair rested opposite. It was one of the few luxuries in the room. Otherwise, the Grandmaster lived a rather austere life. She settled into the chair to wait.

Alex sensed the bubbling anxiety of Brienna. The young knight was palpably nervous in the Force. Well, she could not exactly blame her. She had intentionally left the topic of the meeting rather vague. Then came the two knocks and blonde head of hair peaking into the room. Alex smiled warmly. “Come in…I could sense you fiddling around out there.” Her hand flicked to push the door open the remainder. She motioned at the seat opposite her. “Sit.” Assuming Brienna took the offered chair, Alex would lean forward slightly. “Remind me Brienna, how long has it been since your Trials of Knighthood?” She knew of course but she needed to hear it from the Jedi in front of her. Responsibility came for all of them eventually and it was past time Brienna accepted hers.

@ModernMarvel

 

[Brienna Lanaamer]

“Come in…I could sense you fiddling around out there.”

Bri nodded with a smile and slightly nervous sounding laugh, entering and closing the door behind her. She wasn't exactly surprised that Alex had felt her anxiety through the Force, though the Jedi chastised herself for not doing a better job at keeping her emotions in check.

“Sit.”

A plain, yet instructive command. The blonde Knight followed the instruction, taking the chair opposite the Grandmaster. It was surprisingly comfortable, placed in a simple yet pleasing placement next to the hearth. Bri crossed her legs, and took in Alex's question.

“Remind me Brienna, how long has it been since your Trials of Knighthood?”

Ah. Bri felt her stomach drop slightly as the inquiry was stated. She likewise didn't need a long amount of time to do any mental counting to provide an answer.

"Its, uh, its been about nine years,"

I think I know what she's about to ask me. It wasn't a subject that the Knight actively wanted to talk about, and when others had brought it up to her, she usually defaulted to some kind of humorous jest to deflect any attention and move on to a different topic. Part of Bri felt upset that Alex was having to follow up on her, like a student that had failed to do their homework. The Grandmaster likely had better, not least more important things to do, rather than pondering why one of her Knights had failed to pick up a Padawan learner.

@Valen Pelora

 

[Alexandria Voran]

“Nine years…” Alex mused. “You should feel proud of what you’ve accomplished in that time.” She leaned back to interlace her fingers. Her chin resting on her knuckles. “You have an excellent reputation among your peers.” She had done her homework as she always did. “Kind, levelheaded, smart…many traits we seek to foster in our Order.” Alex would not allow the war to shift the goals of the Jedi. She would not raise a generation of killers. “I have to ask why you have not taken a student.” Alex could feel the apprehension in the Force, but her voice was soft. There was no accusation in her tone. “Please don’t think it a criticism.”

Her eyes never left Brienna. “I did not take my first student for decades and not all Jedi are suited to be teachers…but…” There was certainly a but in this conversation. “We need examples for the Padawans and you strike me as the type well rounded for such responsibilities.” The simple fact was the Order had too many Padawans and not enough Masters. Her responsibilities as Grandmaster made teaching almost impossible. Others need to step in her place. “So tell me, what has stopped you?” She leaned forward again, intent and understanding what held Brienna back.

@ModernMarvel

 

[Brienna Lanaamer]

"Nine years… You should feel proud of what you’ve accomplished in that time. You have an excellent reputation among your peers. Kind, levelheaded, smart…many traits we seek to foster in our Order.”

Perhaps unsurprisingly, Bri wasn't one to readily accept compliments. She'd rather let her work ethic, upbeat demeanor, and (what she hoped was) insightful wisdom speak for themselves. As Alex spoke, the Knight nodded her head once, with a slight sigh. Her lips curled into a slight smile in acknowledgement. Having the Grandmaster of the Order speak positively of her skills and aptitudes obviously was a positive.

“I have to ask why you have not taken a student.”

Ah, there it is. The reason why I'm here. In true Jedi-comforting fashion, Alex's tone was not accusatory, nor did it contain any kind of malice or consternation. Almost ensuring Bri didn't misunderstand anything, the Grandmaster had added:

“Please don’t think it a criticism.”

In all honesty, Bri didn't. I recognize that I'm not a perfect Jedi. I think most others would probably agree. But, what if that's the reason? The blonde Knight opened her mouth to speak, but the words struggled to form themselves. Likely sensing the apprehension, Alex continued:

"I did not take my first student for decades and not all Jedi are suited to be teachers…but…”

In what would be a shock to absolutely no one who knew her, Bri was oh-so-tempted to make a joke, noting that the Morellian had a much longer life span than the Chandrillan could even imagine. Nevertheless, the Knight deferred, wanting to ensure that Alex was aware she was meeting the situation with the same level of seriousness.

“We need examples for the Padawans and you strike me as the type well rounded for such responsibilities. So tell me, what has stopped you?”

Bri noticed that Alex had kept her emerald eyes trained on her for the entirety of the conversation. Bri looked away and sighed, formulating her reply. "I appreciate the kind words. I really do," she pivoted her attention back to the Grandmaster, referencing the opening compliment. "But I..." the last words caught themselves in Bri's throat. Her eyes scanned the office once more, fingers fiddling with a loose thread at the bottom of her tunic.

There was no use in trying to hide feelings or emotions from a Jedi, let alone the Grandmaster of the Order. It was time for her to face her fears, or at least verbalize them. "Like you said, not everyone is meant to be a teacher. What if that's me? What if I take on a student and fail them?"

The comment sat in silence as Bri's large blue eyes looked into Alex's green. She continued, "I'm not as concerned about failing myself, I understand that I still have much to learn, but when you're entirely responsible for someone else, and how they grow in the Force. Its....well.......It worries me."

Bri normally exuded an air of confidence and tranquility, but as she spoke, especially in her eyes, you could read anxiety, confusion, and in a small part, fear.

@Valen Pelora

 

[Alexandria Voran]

Alex listened carefully, watching Brienna not only with her eyes but in the Force. She was honest. Not all Jedi were meant to be teacher, but Alex was fairly certain Brienna was. Fear held her back and fear held no power here. “And what if you do?” She shrugged. “None of us are perfect but it has never been about perfection.” She searched for the right story…the right anecdote. “Master Tionson and I were very close before he passed. Before he died, we banished the curse on Ajan Kloss.” Alex slowly lowered her mental walls. “It took a toll on me I did not fully understand.” Brienna would need to understand that Alex had failed just as so many before her. “My student at the time, young Maiko, tried to comfort me as I tried to face those fears. What should I have done? I should have explained to Maiko why I struggled and how I sought a better path…what did I do?”

She smiled sadly. “I told him I was fine and brushed off his concerns.” She had been so closed off then. “Master Tionson died a few months later and I handle that very poorly because I had been closed off.” Alex sigh softly. Her life had been so much loss. “And you know what? Maiko was fine. Yes, we are responsible for them, but our failures can teach as much as our successes. Keep them safe...of course…shelter them…no.” Her eyes flicked to Brienne again.

“You can’t let fear hold you back. You have the makings of a great Jedi, Brienna, but fear will poison your path if you let it. It took me so long to learn that lesson.” Her mind drifted for a moment. “We can never learn it soon enough.” She smiled again. Brienna needed to take a leap of faith.

@ModernMarvel

 

[Brienna Lanaamer]

“And what if you do? None of us are perfect but it has never been about perfection.” A shrug.

"I......, welll, I......." Bri wasn't sure how to reply. It was something that she hadn't really considered. Her priorities always defaulted to not failing. Above all not failing. But what the Grandmaster was saying, well, it was a concept that the Knight had yet to comprehend.

The blonde Jedi sat quietly as she listened to the Master's story, large blue eyes eagerly blinking in comprehension. She was on friendly terms with the late Master Tionson, and like many other Jedi, had felt his death quite deeply. Her face turned downward for a moment as she reflected.

“It took a toll on me I did not fully understand.”

Bri's eyebrow raised in intrigue at the comment. It was an interesting lesson of perspective. The Grandmaster herself was still learning on her journey through the Force. Even in her much longer lifespan than an ordinary human. The Knight offered a non-committal, quiet-sounding, "Really?"

“I told him I was fine and brushed off his concerns. Master Tionson died a few months later and I handled that very poorly because I had been closed off.”

Because she had been closed off..... The Knight continued her internal thinking. It was a lesson of both rights and wrongs. The Grandmaster had been trying to do the right thing, or at least what she thought was right, and it ended up going sideways. Bri sat quietly. The path that she had chosen for the past few years, not necessarily running away from her responsibilities, but what she thought was right, may have been far more harmful than she had previously imagined.

“You can’t let fear hold you back. You have the makings of a great Jedi, Brienna, but fear will poison your path if you let it. It took me so long to learn that lesson.”

The Jedi formed another sideways smile at the compliment, but nodded her head in understanding. "Trust me Master, I don't want it to," she spoke firmly, sliding her hand. "And I appreciate you sharing that with me. It helps, honestly." Bri paused momentarily. "How....how do we know when its the right moment? When we go from preparing to face our fears, versus actually deciding to do it?" she asked.

@Valen Pelora

 

[Alexandria Voran]

Alex smiled and laughed. A real genuine laugh. “Oh dear, you never know.” She shrugged. “I wish there was some sign or profound wisdom I could share but the truth is much simpler…” The Grandmaster had learned that lesson the hard way. “You have to have faith. Faith you have done all you can, faith to take the leap, and faith you will succeed.” She truly wished the Force told them when they were ready. It just did not work that way. The future was so terribly clouded there were no easy answers. “It can be terrifying…that’s why we have family.”

She gestured generally to the Temple around them. “We are never alone...so that we can have the strength to take that risk and know if we fail…those we trust will be there to lift us up.” Alex would continue to fail. It was part of life. No one ever perfectly succeeded at all they did. “Are you ready to jump?” It was never an easy question. Courage was more than rushing off into battle. Courage was pushing your limits know you might not win.

@ModernMarvel

 

[Brienna Lanaamer]

Alex's bright laugh broke some of the tension in the room, Bri couldn't help but do the same, smiling with a reciprocative chuckle.

“Oh dear, you never know. I wish there was some sign or profound wisdom I could share but the truth is much simpler…You have to have faith. Faith you have done all you can, faith to take the leap, and faith you will succeed.”

It was telling to the Knight that the Grandmaster leaned on her own faith in the Force, in the Order to find success. Oftentimes the most challenging questions had the most simple, yet confounding answers. Alex anticipated Bri's thoughts on the comment with her follow up.

“It can be terrifying…that’s why we have family.”

I think terrifying is an understatement. But, the Grandmaster was right. Have the fellowship of other Jedi was an immeasurable help to all parts of Bri's journey through the Force. Counsel, advice, confiding, there was always someone to talk to who either had been through something similar, or understood what the problems were.

“We are never alone...so that we can have the strength to take that risk and know if we fail…those we trust will be there to lift us up.”

Bri folded her fingers together and looked at the floor, nodding. I understand. It was an angle that Bri hadn't weighed as much importance as it should have. The Knight was frequently away from the Temple, working on her own, or with her astromech droid. It was easy to forget of the friendly colleagues who were always just a short hyperspace trip away, or a message on the Jedi holoboards.

“Are you ready to jump?”

The Knight puffed out her cheeks at the question. I want to be, I really do. She looked back up at the Grandmaster, her own face, calm and serene, no doubt having felt the same fears and trepidations that Bri had as well.

"I think I am," Bri said quieter, but corrected to emphasize her voice. "I will do my best, Master," with a determined smile.

@Valen Pelora