Carud Aaray.''

Carud Aaray · Aug 13, 2012

WANTED

NAME:Carud Aaray
FACTION: N/A
SPECIES: Human
Occupation:Assassin & Bounty Hunter
AGE: 27
GENDER: Male
HEIGHT: 6' 4''
WEIGHT: 289 lbs
EYES: Blue
HAIR: Black
SKIN: Caucasian
CREDITS: 1,000
DISTINGUISHING MARKS: Mandolarian back tattoo
FORCE SENSITIVE: Not sure.

STRENGTH: Carud was known as a strong warrior of his clan, his strength is good but he is not the strongest. He trains his body everyday to get stronger.
DEXTERITY: His body is not that flexible, he tends to do things on the more stiff side.
CONSTITUTION: Good condition, other then battle scar's and training scars.
INTELLIGENCE: Carud is pretty smart, he know's how to get himself out of tough situations with quick thinking. He can talk himself out of many situations
WISDOM: He is wise as his father taught him, he mostly know's thing's only about Mandalore.
CHARISMA: He is mostly silent, only focusing on building his body mentally and physically.

Weapons:
Sonic Grenade
2 Blaster Pistols
Thermal Grenades
Small Vibroblade
Heavy Blaster 23-Jk

Blaster pistols: 6/10
Heavy Blaster's: 7/10
Vibroblade: 7/10
Hand to Hand: 7/10

SKILLS:
Numerous languages
Hacking
Hand to Hand combat
Speaks fluent Mandolarion

STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES:
Mechanics
Marksman
Stealth
Knife throwing

Weakness:
Women

ARMOR/GEAR:
Heavy Mandalorian Beskar armor Aaray,
Black camo suit
Rocket Jet Boots
Armor Shield's
Rocket launcher's (Gauntlet's)

Wanted for:

Murder
Conspiracy to commit murder
Aggravated assault
Illegal Hunting

FITNESS:

Good Cardio
Flexible waist
Good Jumping ability
100 non stop push-ups/sit up's

Hand to Hand Training: His father trained him in many was of combat. His father invented his own style of combat that requires you to constantly move your body and staying light on your feet, the Aaray style. With Carud's size it was difficult at first but he trained his body to adapt to the style of combat making him a very dangerous foe.

Journal Entry:

Training with my father is tough but he teaches me many things. He taught me how to be the warrior I am today and for that I commend him. Today he's sending me off into the mountain's with no armor or any weapons to experience the wild life. I really wanted to go visit my ancestor's monument but you know how it is. To be a Mandalorian is to have honor and great skills, and for that I will train harder.

SHIP:
Large fighter he takes when traveling in space, equipped with turrets and shields.

PERSONALITY:
He never takes no for an answer, the only thing he cares about is getting his mission complete and his training. He never really talks as he fears that someone is always after him making him aware of his surroundings at all times. He lets his gun's do the talking other then talking himself.

The Aaray Clan

''In this moment we the Mandalorian's shall be victorious we shall live on to fight another day and remain the people we are. The Jedi are known as the peace keeper's of the galaxy but they have no strong tradition like we the Mandalorian's.

BIOGRAPHY: Carud was born on Mandolare, with his wealthy family the Aaray's. He grew up with his father Yai, his mother shi, his sister himun, and his little brother

yuri'd. His father was a great warrior who was a bodyguard for a non Mandalorian human who was visiting Mandalore to study it's beautiful structure's from the planet Naboo his name was Gunri.

.His father had meet Gunri before on his visit to naboo after he got word that his brother was seen who had been missing for years. He had protected Gunri only for credits. His father Yai was away for many years protecting Gunri leaving Carud back to watch after the family.
Gunri deep down inside was jealous of Yai, he was jealous that he did not have his skill and his powerful looking physique, as the jealously grew on Gunri causing a strong hatred for Yai Gunri eventually fired Yai.The next day Gunri hired an assassin since he did not have the skill to kill Yai himself to kill the Aaray's at there home as he was not satisfied just yet. Since Yai was still away on business Carud had to fight off the assassin, luckily killing him. Gunri grew even darker his assassin had failed what could he do? Gunri disappeared from Mandalore.The Aaray family was going to visit there ancestors graves to show respect near the mountain on Mandalore taking there ship.

Yai had sent his son Carud out to the mountain's for training with no Armor or weapons. As his family boarded the ship the ship was blown up. As Carud returned a fellow Mandalore told him what happened.Carud was angry with himself that he was not there, he wish he died with him. Carud searched and searched for the people who set the bomb but still got no luck. He traveled to distant planet's such as Tatooine and Coruscant to search. After many years of searching he finally returned to his home Mandalore as he got no luck. A year later he left once again to work on his own before he can finally reach his goal.

Carud and the Gang Harlow's: Carud had left and out of anger joined a Gang called the Harlow's, it was a gang of five including him. The only thing different about this gang is that there was no leader, there was Huno the best knife specialist of the bunch, Gud the clusmy one but for some reason always got the job done, Carud himself, Yellowolf the hot chick of the bunch who used her seduction skills to get them out of tough situations, and Yuri the very quiet one who only followed orders.

The mostly spent there time down in the undercity of Courscant harassing people and taking what they needed. Due to Carud's Mandalorian nature he sometimes did not agree with there motto's as he was all about honor, but later down the line he lost his Mandalorian nature only keeping the language and the skill but not the code. For some reason he always felt that the gang did not want him in, they thought he was holding him back. Huno told the gang a lie saying that Carud was a traitor, the gang believed him.

One day while training by himself in his small room they all came in to kill him. They beat him until he could not stand evening shooting him twice in his right leg and right shoulder, luckily during the fight he managed to kill yellowwolf by snapping her neck but in the end he was outnumbered. The gang left him for dead each going there separate ways.

Carud was found on the street by a lone medic, he took Carud in and healed him. Carud trained every day to get stronger and find his killers.

KILLS:

DUELING RING MATCHES:

GRAND TOURNAMENT MATCHES:

ROLE-PLAYS

Vencu · Aug 15, 2012

It's "Mandalore" not "Mandolare." This profile is a good start, but adding and expanding his biography will give your character much needed depth. I noticed a few other details that you should definitely work out.

The first is the mention of Carud's father training him in secret to become one of the greatest warriors. Why is that a secret? I imagine every Mandalorian father and mother raises their children to be the absolute best. Why hide it?

The second is the attack on Clan Aaray. Is the Gunri family another Mandalorian clan? Why would they attack Clan Aaray for training its members to be the very best? If the Gunri family isn't Mandalorian, then what are they doing on the planet Mandalore?

The third is about Clan Aaray leaving after Carud's father successfully repelled the assault team. Why are they leaving their home? They're on Mandalore, not in feudal Japan. If a rival clan attacked Clan Aaray without provocation, other clans would definitely rise up to help you. Not to mention, very few Mandalorians would ever consider retreat an option.

The fourth is Carud's theft of a ship... so he just walked into a starport full of Mandalorians, took one of their starships, and got away without a scratch? He has little reason to leave to begin with, but why steal from his own people? Mandalorian fathers and mothers teach their children values like honor, courage, loyalty, and integrity long before they teach them how to fight. They also teach them the Resol'nare (Six Actions). Based on what I've read of your profile and your comments in the Sith Imperium sub-forum, I don't think you've done much research about the Mandalorian culture. If you want to role-play a Mandalorian successfully and have him accepted by his peers IC, I suggest you read the articles on Wookieepedia. They should give you a basic understanding. Everything else you can learn as you go.

Once you've worked that out, I'll add your character to the roster. If you have any questions or you need any help, feel free to PM myself, Mars, or Kiro.

Carud Aaray · Aug 15, 2012

Edited.

MoreThanSane · Aug 15, 2012

Why not just work on him a bit?

Carud Aaray · Aug 15, 2012

I edited him a little better.

Mars · Aug 15, 2012

300 non-stop Push ups? Is that even doable?

MoreThanSane · Aug 15, 2012

Mars said:
300 non-stop Push ups? Is that even doable?

If you're awesome.

Kiro · Aug 15, 2012

I'm sorry, I don't see it. You still haven't explained why this Gunri family/Clan would want to wipe out the Aaray, and why would the Gunri require the Aaray to guard them in the first place? These are Mandalorians. Every single Mandalorian is a highly skilled warrior in their own right. And again, every Mandalorian is raised to be the best warrior in the galaxy. Every Mandalorian has the potential to become Mand'alor.

And in the history bit, why could they not find Carud? Where was he when his family's ship blew up? Why did the ship blow up? And Mandalore the planet hasn't been under Mandalorian control for several years now, so you might want to edit that as well.

And then we come to his character stats.

STRENGTH: Carud was known as a strong warrior of the mandolarian's capable of being able to lift very heavy objects then most others in the clan.

How does he keep himself strong? How strong is he? Any examples? How many pounds/kilograms can he lift?

DEXTERITY: Very flexible and stocky.

Dexterity is more than just being flexibility. It's also about speed, grace, and agility. And being stocky isn't exactly conductive towards dexterity, nor flexibility. A gamorrean is stocky, and not exactly the most dexterous of species.

CONSTITUTION: Always keep's his body in good condition.

Pretty much the same as with strenght, except that constitution also involves psychological health. How does he keep himself fit? How fit is he? Is he just fit, or does he work out ten hours a day? Can he cope with extreme environmental conditions?

INTELLIGENCE: Carud is very smart.

And again, the same. How smart is he? Examples, details, please. The more details you can work into a character is quite usually for the better.

WISDOM: Very wise, always knows everything about everything.

This is impossible. Nobody in the entire galaxy can possibly know everything about everything. And even then, that isn't wisdom. Wisdom is knowing that you CAN'T know everything about everything. Please, be reasonable and realistic.

CHARISMA: He is mostly cold and silent.

This is essentially fine, but please, give us more details and examples.

Solaris · Aug 15, 2012

Mars said:
300 non-stop Push ups? Is that even doable?

A single rep of three hundred? I hesitate to say it's impossible, but I don't know anyone capable of doing that. I know we used to do a couple thousand (diamonds, elevated, through the snow, and uphill both ways) in an hour for PT - but I'm not so sure about a single go of three hundred push-ups without some kind of enhancement or augmentation. Perhaps he's taken some kind of futuristic steroids and supplements which inhibit build-up of lactic acid and enhance bloodflow/energy storage.

Honestly, push-ups aren't even a good way of measuring anything beyond your ability to do push-ups. I'd be more impressed with an actual weight measurement of what he can lift, bench, and drag like Kiro said.

Mars · Aug 15, 2012

Solaris said:
A single rep of three hundred? I hesitate to say it's impossible, but I don't know anyone capable of doing that. I know we used to do a couple thousand (diamonds, elevated, through the snow, and uphill both ways) in an hour for PT - but I'm not so sure about a single go of three hundred push-ups without some kind of enhancement or augmentation. Perhaps he's taken some kind of futuristic steroids and supplements which inhibit build-up of lactic acid and enhance bloodflow/energy storage.

Honestly, push-ups aren't even a good way of measuring anything beyond your ability to do push-ups. I'd be more impressed with an actual weight measurement of what he can lift, bench, and drag like Kiro said.

I assumed it to be a single rep, since he said non-stop. Over an hour yeah, but straight through is insane.

Apollyon · Aug 15, 2012

Canderous Ordo's beskar'gam prevented a large array of dexterous movements...most beskar'gam does, it was designed to protect pretty much everything. With that in mind I would rethink a highly dexterous mando in that particular armor, perhaps in Supercommando armor which protected less of the body and allowed for freer movements in combat...but Crusader/Neo-crusader armor...just no.

Also, his stats seem a little too perfect to me, every character has a flaw...take A'den for example...he is VERY intelligent but lacks the physical strength of most mandos. Make your character balanced, and using Charisma as a dump stat isn't balanced :P

Other then that he seems alright to me just fix his backstory as everyone said and your set.

Carud Aaray · Aug 15, 2012

Whatever no character is perfect there are plenty other characters with problems.

Apollyon · Aug 15, 2012

Indeed there are, but said characters have a sense of balance. A character that excels in everything and fails at nothing is no fun to be in an rp with for others. Which by his current skill description he is basically doing just that, if you are wanting a brutish character have him relatively dumb, or at least balance his skills so he has faults, make him human. The point system many people use helps with building a character and allowing others to see just how strong a character is in a particular stat as opposed to leaving it up to self interpretation.

Skyway · Aug 15, 2012

300 push up, non-stop is do able but it not easy. I bet a mandalorian who train since birth can.

Solaris · Aug 15, 2012

Apparently the world record is something on the order of ten thousand in a single rep.

Carud Aaray · Aug 15, 2012

Ok I get it!dammit

Natise · Aug 16, 2012

Don't get upset, people are only trying to help you out so that you can have a fun and fair RP experience with the community.

Carud Aaray · Aug 16, 2012

I edited it the best to my ability I like it how it is.

Vencu · Aug 16, 2012

Kendale said:
Whatever no character is perfect there are plenty other characters with problems.

Kendale said:
Ok I get it!dammit

Kendale said:
I edited it the best to my ability I like it how it is.

Alright, before you get ahead of yourself, drop the attitude. Everyone who has posted here is trying to help you. No one has insulted you personally. If you can't take constructive criticism, then you definitely need to rethink joining a community of writers on the internet.

Overall, the profile looks much better than it did before, but there are still a few things that need to be worked out or explained in more detail. Be patient and don't take any of this personal. As I said before, we are trying to help you improve. Having someone review your work is very important. That's why most professional writers hire skilled editors. Here on SWRP, you have many friendly and helpful members. Some of them have given you their time and consideration by posting here because they care. If they didn't care about you or your writing, they wouldn't bother. That's how everyone gets better. That's how I got better.

Kendale said:
One day Carud's client found out that his son went missing on a trip out into the moutain's of Mandalore, he accused Carud's father for not watching him and fired him as his bodygaurd.The next day Gunri hired an assassin to kill Carud his son to the Aaray's home as he was not satisfied

It is very common for Mandalorian parents to challenge their children through training. To outsiders, it may very well appear to be torture or neglect, but that's why Mandalorians are some of the greatest warriors the galaxy has ever known. They train hard and fight harder. If Carud was genuinely lost and not just left in the mountains as a test, then that abandonment and neglect might very well cause others, specifically this Gunri you mention, to think badly of Carud's father.

However, that hardly seems cause to hire an assassin to kill the man... besides, is it not Gunri's own fault that Carud's father wasn't watching his son in the first place? The life of a bodyguard isn't full of 9:00 to 5:00 workdays. They work long hours ensuring the safety of their clients. Sometimes they must travel with their clients to far away destinations or stay overnight.

That's just bodyguards, though. Mandalorians in general tend to travel quite a lot and they are often away for months or years fighting foreign wars or wars of their own. That's part of life for Mandalorians and while their parents are away fighting, the children are usually looked after by friends or family. Most commonly, it's the elderly, the wounded, or those that are pregnant that stay back and run the farms and take care of the children.

Kendale said:
his father using his years of training easily killed the assassin along with his son Carud's help

So Carud was lost in the mountains, then suddenly came back just in time to help his father kill the assassin? You never told us where Carud really was, how he managed to find his way back home, or how long it took him to get back. When he did get back, was he angry with his father for leaving him in the mountains or did he accept it as a test of his knowledge, skill, and endurance?

Kendale said:
before they could go look for him the ship was blown to pieces by a bomb killing his family inside including his father no one knows who set the bomb. Sometimes Carud would go an travel to different planet's collecting money by doing hit man work, mostly Carud stayed on mandolare continuing to train by himself until one day his clan name could be everywhere

So Carud mysteriously disappears again and this time just before an important event. This is obviously a common occurrence. Does this behavior cause problems? Does Carud's father punish him for running off all the time? Maybe that could be the real reason that Gunri tries to kill Carud's father... perhaps Carud's father beats his son and Gunri found out? Regardless, if Gunri is a Mandalorian, he wouldn't have sent an assassin earlier and he wouldn't have resorted to using a bomb. He'd confront Carud's father in person... unless Gunri is part of the Death Watch, which is a radical Mandalorian splinter faction that isn't bound by traditional Mandalorian values and is known for being savage and brutally violent. However, if that were the case, I doubt this Death Watch version of Gunri would care if Carud was beaten or abandoned in the mountains. He'd probably laugh about it.

After the bomb kills his family, you mention Carud's routine traveling. What about his family? They just died. Did Carud try to find out who placed the bomb? Did he confront Gunri and find out it was him? Did he take revenge and kill Gunri? Did he ever return to the Aaray homestead and recover his things?

What planets did he visit afterward? Were they near Mandalore, or more distant? If his ultimate goal is to see his clan restored, then why is he focusing on mercenary work? Why not recruit others to his cause and start rebuilding his clan?

Carud Aaray · Aug 17, 2012

Thanks for the help I edited it so can you take a look please?

Carud Aaray.''

Carud Aaray

Class 5.''

Vencu

The Last Mandalore

Carud Aaray

Class 5.''

MoreThanSane

MoreThanSex

Carud Aaray

Class 5.''

Mars

Martial Arts Mastah

MoreThanSane

MoreThanSex

Kiro

Mech Fan

Solaris

Mars

Martial Arts Mastah

Apollyon

Carud Aaray

Class 5.''

Apollyon

Skyway

I was here.

Solaris

Carud Aaray

Class 5.''

Natise

Dragonborn

Carud Aaray

Class 5.''

Vencu

The Last Mandalore

Carud Aaray

Class 5.''