- Joined
- Oct 19, 2011
- Messages
- 676
- Reaction score
- 128
Hareth saw Bria move past her, and she wondered how much the woman had heard. However, she was content to wallow in her misery. Her own mother didn't love her? How was one supposed to cope with that? How was she supposed to live with the idea that her mother had never even loved her, even when she was born? Was it something wrong with Hareth? She wasn't full Arkanian. Would her mother had been able to love her if she had pure blood? Or was it really just something wrong with Narina Maruhi, like the defect in the brain she mentioned?
Then, she heard two blaster shots. Hareth didn't need to guess what had happened, but she didn't want to believe it. A rising nausea started to well up from her core. She rose shakily, and hurried into the building once more. She didn't really feel anything. She just sort of felt numb. She looked down at the smoking corpse of her mother, and then to Bria. She could swear that she saw Doctor yelling at her, but all she really heard was her heart thudding in her ears. This was wrong. This couldn't be real.
She knelt down next to her mother, moving to brush her hair out of her face. She had always hated having hair in her face. She tried to ignore the fact that there was now a hole there. She tried to ignore the fact that she was so very still now. Her hand wandered to her wrist, and she felt for a pulse. She knew she wouldn't find one, but some sick compulsion made her check anyway. Maybe to just torture herself a little more. Her thumb brushed her mother's hand. It was callused and had pits from all the chemical scars. Just like Hareth remembered. She wanted to ask Doctor to fix this. He couldn't fix this. No one in the whole Galaxy could fix this.
There were powers within the Force that could bring her back. That could make her love Hareth. But she didn't have them, and by the time she learned them, they'd be useless. She was still so very weak. Why had Bria done this? Why had the Galaxy done this to her? It was sick. It was so incredibly sick. Her hand tightened around her mother's, and she didn't realize it but she hadn't blinked since she saw the woman's corpse. She hadn't even made a noise. She brought the woman's hand up to her cheek, putting it on hers. She could feel the warmth retreating out of Narina Maruhi's lifeless body.
Well, looks like you're alone again, Hareth, she thought. She laughed at that thought. Or did she cry? It was hard to tell.
Hareth let the hand go. It fell from her face. She sucked in a breath through her nose. Why did she care? Her mother had told her she never loved her.
Because I thought I could still make her love me, a voice chided in her head. Because I'm stupid. No one's ever going to love me. No one ever has. Not even the person who was supposed to.
She wanted to cry, but she couldn't. She couldn't summon the will to do it. She simply wanted to no longer exist. Even dying wasn't good enough. She wanted to be unmade. Perhaps then things could have gone differently. Things could have been better if she wasn't born, for everybody. Her mother, her master... Hell, maybe even Bria's life was somehow ruined by her presence. Destiny knew she was going to interact with the woman and screwed her over pre-emptively. Why not? It seemed about cruel enough to match up with everything else that had happened in her life.
"This wasn't how it was supposed to go," she said finally, looking up at her two companions. There was something missing in the way she spoke and in her stare, as if someone had reached inside her and snuffed her internal fire. "You were supposed to like her. She was supposed to love me. Why don't things go right?"
Then, she heard two blaster shots. Hareth didn't need to guess what had happened, but she didn't want to believe it. A rising nausea started to well up from her core. She rose shakily, and hurried into the building once more. She didn't really feel anything. She just sort of felt numb. She looked down at the smoking corpse of her mother, and then to Bria. She could swear that she saw Doctor yelling at her, but all she really heard was her heart thudding in her ears. This was wrong. This couldn't be real.
She knelt down next to her mother, moving to brush her hair out of her face. She had always hated having hair in her face. She tried to ignore the fact that there was now a hole there. She tried to ignore the fact that she was so very still now. Her hand wandered to her wrist, and she felt for a pulse. She knew she wouldn't find one, but some sick compulsion made her check anyway. Maybe to just torture herself a little more. Her thumb brushed her mother's hand. It was callused and had pits from all the chemical scars. Just like Hareth remembered. She wanted to ask Doctor to fix this. He couldn't fix this. No one in the whole Galaxy could fix this.
There were powers within the Force that could bring her back. That could make her love Hareth. But she didn't have them, and by the time she learned them, they'd be useless. She was still so very weak. Why had Bria done this? Why had the Galaxy done this to her? It was sick. It was so incredibly sick. Her hand tightened around her mother's, and she didn't realize it but she hadn't blinked since she saw the woman's corpse. She hadn't even made a noise. She brought the woman's hand up to her cheek, putting it on hers. She could feel the warmth retreating out of Narina Maruhi's lifeless body.
Well, looks like you're alone again, Hareth, she thought. She laughed at that thought. Or did she cry? It was hard to tell.
Hareth let the hand go. It fell from her face. She sucked in a breath through her nose. Why did she care? Her mother had told her she never loved her.
Because I thought I could still make her love me, a voice chided in her head. Because I'm stupid. No one's ever going to love me. No one ever has. Not even the person who was supposed to.
She wanted to cry, but she couldn't. She couldn't summon the will to do it. She simply wanted to no longer exist. Even dying wasn't good enough. She wanted to be unmade. Perhaps then things could have gone differently. Things could have been better if she wasn't born, for everybody. Her mother, her master... Hell, maybe even Bria's life was somehow ruined by her presence. Destiny knew she was going to interact with the woman and screwed her over pre-emptively. Why not? It seemed about cruel enough to match up with everything else that had happened in her life.
"This wasn't how it was supposed to go," she said finally, looking up at her two companions. There was something missing in the way she spoke and in her stare, as if someone had reached inside her and snuffed her internal fire. "You were supposed to like her. She was supposed to love me. Why don't things go right?"