Ask Chaos Is A Ladder

[Darth Arcanos]

To say that Azar was crushed was an understatement. He couldn’t process the fact that Karys was gone. That his Loth-kitten, his Kare-bear, the man he bound himself to in blood was gone. By his own hands. The Pureblood felt sick to his stomach and as if an entire part of him had been crudely carved out of him. The chamber was large to accommodate a man of his standing - new quarters set up on Umbara since his old office was destroyed.

He didn’t feel like Sith Lord Arcanos at that moment. Not while he clutched at some of those silly aprons Karys used to wear. Not while he had a mess of Karys’ recipe books strewn about around him. Not while he had dark circles under his eyes, the elegant kohl smearing and running. He looked unkempt, haggard and everything he aspired not to be. His voice was hoarse from crying and spiraling down into the depths of his despair. It was one of his own making.

Was he responsible for ruining Karys to begin with? Was he solely responsible for creating the hollow monster that he became? Azar had to forcefully push aside that familiar smile, the goofy way that acolyte once looked at him, the songs he hummed while he cooked, the way he dressed absurdly because nothing fit his massive frame. It was those small details that cut Azar like a million hot, searing knives. More than the monster he became, Azar could only see the tall Pureblood in his silly aprons and fuzzy house slippers. And it made Azar want to lie down right next to him and close his own eyes for good. It made him want to rush to join him in the realm of the Force -where the two could be together in eternity without the influence of the galaxy or a sense of greater purpose.

What if he had sent that letter? What if he simply walked away from all this? Could they not have simply existed far from the Sith Order? Deep in his heart he knew all roads would have led here. And still he felt the crushing weight of his own actions. Actions he would take again. And again.

He heard movement and he knew one - if not both - of his partners would have arrived. They would find him hunched on the ground, not the ostentatious queen they were used to, but a broken man teetering on the brink of a complete downward spiral.

“Do you think me weak?” Azar said, his hoarse voice calling out to whoever heard him, “Am I ultimately feeble and frail for allowing myself to love? Is my devotion worth nothing more than an avenue to exploit?” He called out, wiping his face. He gave a hollow laugh as he rose to stand, throwing his hands up theatrically, “Woe is the Sith Lord that dared to let his walls down. The utter fool that was blind to transgressions.”

He looked at them with his yellow eyes burning with agonized fury, “TELL ME!” Azar’s voice boomed, echoing loudly throughout the chambers, “Is that what I am to you?”

@Javier esschoolbus @Fine Dining Set

 

[Trael Osso-Drast]

Trael had heard a series of disturbing news in the last days. There was a bombing of the academy, Karys had failed on Ithor, and Azar had went to the planet, killing the Sith Master, his husband. Trael’s ship landed in the hangar bay, he left his weapons behind and came only in a robe. He couldn’t remotely begin to imagine what he would come across when he saw Azar. How would his man be changed? Would he find Azar or Arcanos?

He stepped through the halls of the academy, murmurs of the Lord locking himself in his new office. Some even mentioning loud wailing and screaming but none dared to interrupt the grief stricken Azar. That is none besides Trael and likely Vossari. His mind was racing through numerous scenarios that he could walk into as he neared the room. A man driven mad by the loss of his beloved at his own hands. Azar changed much darker and crueler than before. He could walk into the room and not recognize who stood before him, would he be able to handle that? Would he idly let the man he loved so dearly lose himself? There was only one way to truly know. When he got to the door, Voss arrived at roughly the same time.

Trael opened the door, allowing Voss in and closing it behind them, what he saw was something he should’ve expected above all else. Azar was deep in grief over the loss, so much so that Trael could feel it in the air. Azar started speaking openly, asking if he was thought weak. Trael didn’t speak up just sadly gazing at Azar as he continued speaking. Azar continued asking questions, regarding weakness and being exploited. Trael stood there letting him get his grief out. That was when he boomed out, demanding a response. Trael gazed at him before stepping close to Azar, he looked down his face solemn, he then tugged Azar into a hug.

“You are the polar opposite of weak.” He said, “You radiate a strength beyond that of any I’ve encountered before. Not just in the Force, but in the way you carry yourself.” He stated pulling him tighter in, “Don’t allow this pit to consume you. Climb out and bear your scars unafraid of attaining more. Like you told me all those years ago.” He whispered to Azar, remembering the conversation they had all those years ago when Trael was afraid of allowing himself to be attached.

@Sreeya @Fine Dining Set

 

[Vossari Khaldun]

Vossari’s journey to Umbara was not a pleasant one. Again, he had urged Karys into a mistake. Like on Taris, during the duel against that slime Nevizkas. Again, Karys bore the brunt of Vossari’s prodding. Yet, deep down, he knew something larger was at stake. Karys had lost his way long ago.

After Karys healed from his duel, his scars never recovered. Vossari had never seen the kind said of Karys, but he knew it existed. Their first lesson was cooking together, after all. But whatever kindness and admiration Karys had once drawn from others, he bitterly cleaved away. The darkness are at him, slowly, until he became an irrevocably bitter and remarkably unguided Sith Master. The hole he had wormed into his own heart had never filled, and he lashed out at the galaxy

His mind pivoted to the man he was going to visit. Azar. Vossari knew only the vaguest details of the preceding days on Umbara, but he knew Azar had already been attacked once. He knew that he, himself, was targeted - or used as bait to lure out Azar.

Heavy was the head that wore the crown, as they said. Leadership was as much a curse as a blessing - and for Azar, who had such ambition balanced by gentleness, power balanced by care, and love balanced by cold logic, it was impossible to predict how Azar felt. Vossari knew that Azar had made a difficult decision, an impossible one, to slay Karys. Voss wondered how much of Azar remained beneath the mask of Arcanos.

Voss entered silently after Trael opened the door, and he gave Trael a side-eye in return. Azar’s words and dramitas gave him pause, but anguish and sadness and guilt were completely understandable.

Vossari’s followed Trael, flanking to the opposite side of the room as him. “Do I think you weak? Does the sailor think of moon, guiding the tide, as weak, simply for waxing and waning?” He clasped his hands together. “Does the carp scoff at winter, simply because spring will always come?”

“You are not weak, Azar. You are inevitability given from. All things in this life contain multitudes. Your heart and your strength are inseparable. You must allow yourself the time to grieve, the time to rest.” He nodded to Trael. “Trael is right. Do not let this moment consume you.”

“You are the warmth of spring and the chill of winter. The afternoon tide and the crashing wave. The undisputed Lord of all Korriban and…the keeper of both of our hearts.” He gestured again to himself and Trael, giving language to the complexities of their relationship. It was precisely the details of Azar’s generous love that consumed Karys. Now was not the time to be jealous, or territorial, for Vossari. “Yours is a life full of contradictions, yet it is those separate pieces of you that make you whole. Don’t forsake it. Don’t give up on yourself.”

@Sreeya @Javier esschoolbus [/abox3]

 

[Darth Arcanos]

There was a long moment of silence. He saw them both, he heard them both, Vossari’s version poetic and beautiful and Trael’s straight to the point. Both were implying the same thing, but did Azar agree?

Azar began to walk, slowly circling the room, gazing away from them, “Perhaps I want to be the moon that changes the tides to drown every sailor so they learn to respect it,” He said bitterly, “Perhaps I wish to be the eternal winter so the carp never has room to scoff again,” He looked at them both, “And why shouldn’t I? It is humanity that has weakened me,” He thrust a finger against his own chest, “It is love that has made me blind to the rot that slowly consumed Karys over time. How long before it happens to you? How long before I have to butcher you?” He said icily as he looked at them.

Azar shook his head, looking away, “I envisioned carefully, methodically, and slowly crafting an Empire. I put on that crown on Korriban to break the wheel, to end centuries of fear and disloyalty..and for what?” At the last word, his voice echoed forcefully enough to shatter the ornate glass window before him, the shards blasting out into the night sky. He whirled around to face them, glaring at them, “To find myself a slave to my emotions. To find myself in chains. NO DIFFERENT THAN THE PEOPLE I LIBERATED!”

He dropped to his knees, burying his face in his hands, “The things I fear…the things that consume me…thoughts of forgetting his voice, thoughts of forgetting his touch, thoughts of that life we will never live…they eclipse the grand design I have aspired to for as long as I could remember. Why should I allow this weakness to persist? Why should I wait for you to betray me?” Azar said as hot tears began to run down his face, inky black from the kohl. His elongated nails curled on the floor as he hunched over, “Why should I let you become kings of my heart to govern it?” He whispered the last question, more to himself than anyone else. He stood at a precipice and he could fall either way. The Force churned through him powerfully, a mixture of grief, rage, agony and a whirlwind of other emotions.

@Javier esschoolbus @Fine Dining Set

 

[Trael Osso-Drast]

Trael watched as Azar began pacing the room. He took in Azar’s words, listening to him flip Vossari’s poetry and using it to suggest he may want to give up his humanity. Azar mentioned it as a weakness, that it blinded him to Karys falling into darkness. It was an inevitability for all Sith, to one day lose that last bit of light flickering within them. How long would it be till any of them lost themselves? Could he twist the knife in the same circumstances? “Our humanity is what stops us from rotting. Once we lose it, we quickly lose ourselves.” He said looking down, it was his greatest fear. To one day look in the mirror and not recognize the face staring back.

Azar turned away from them as he began laying out his dream, an Empire, crafted to his design. The glass window that was in front of him shattering at his questioning. He turned to face them, a glare in his eyes. He then spoke about being a slave to his emotions, chained and no better than the people he had liberated on his ascension. Trael’s gaze followed as Azar dropped to his knees, burying his face in his hands.

Trael listened, letting Azar’s words resonate within him. He was being overwhelmed by grief, by the idea of forgetting Karys and the many memories they had made. Azar’s words continued stating that this was a weakness. Something Trael once believed, something he believed for a long time. His belief that loving another was a weakness left him when he got to know Azar, when his love for the man made the fear and potential pain he could endure seem like a small price for the happiness that he gained. Trael’s perception on attachments changed the longer he spent with Azar, they weren’t something to be feared and avoided, but accepted.

He crouched down and gazed at Azar, “On the trip to Moraband, I ran out of fear of what getting attached to you would entail. The thought of allowing someone to so easily hold the key to breaking me was terrifying. You changed all of that. No matter how scared or apprehensive I was, I couldn’t ignore the fact that I wanted to risk shattering just to be able to get a taste of the love I held for you.” He said softly, “You have a hold on my heart that will never be released. You don’t simply govern my heart, you are what makes it beat. The very thing keeping me from going heartless is the one thing that could easily rip my heart from my chest and I wouldn’t have it any other way, because you are worth that risk.” He stated, his gaze staying on the Pureblood.

Trael stayed there squatting down, he wasn’t going to look down at Azar as he said these words. He wanted to be at eye level, even if Azar wouldn’t meet his gaze it would be there to meet. He wasn’t going to give in or give up even if Azar himself was willing too. “You keep asking why, and calling this a weakness. Everything that is worth doing or enduring is painful. Anything that causes you to grow whittles you down. Love is one of those things. It gives you the greatest feeling you’ve ever had but can also cut you the deepest. If you close your heart and shut out any feelings you have, then how will you be showing your people that there is a different way? You would just be repeating the cycle you have worked so tirelessly to break. Do you really want to make all your hard work be for nothing?” He asked of Azar, he knew that marriages amongst Pureblood’s were becoming less and less about love and more survival. If Azar continued down the path he was he would likely fall into the same pattern, the one that he wanted to break.

@Sreeya @Fine Dining Set

 

[Vossari Khaldun]

"Humanity? And what is a human?" A miserable pile of secrets. "We are not human, Azar. We never have been, nor will we be, nor was Karys." He sighed. Humanity was the generally understood concept of personhood, but the terms were not interchangeable. This is exactly the consequence of following such a logic of humanity. "Your personhood is contingent on your choices, and nothing else. Not just the actions you do - the choices you make. The beliefs you hold on to. The ideas you create." It was time for the hard truths.

"The crown, the empire, your feelings - these are all things you choose. You give power to these things. You are in control." Such was the truth. Sith were not at mercy to their feelings, even when they let them get out of control. It was an excuse they gave themselves to give into despair, into hopelessness, as Karys had. It was an excuse to wreak devastation on a scale far greater than the galaxy had known, as Raze had.

“If you follow through on these words, it is not 'the wheel' you will break, it is yourself.” Vossari sighed, as his words softened along with his face. Azar was in a difficult position. It was not enough to simply encourage him to love, Voss realized. Azar had loved his husband, and such love ended in terrible tragedy. Even more tragically, though, he was right; there was no guarantee that a similar fate might not befall himself, Trael, Vossari, anyone. Such was the life of the Sith. It was a life Azar was born into, yes, but it was one that was chosen. One could always make a different choice, if so they desired. Nothing was inevitable, except from the infinite perspective of the Force. Eyes rose to met the golden irises of Azar.

"You could cast us aside. You could rule atop your hoard, completely alone. Or, you could embrace what has taken you this far - your life, your relationships, your desire to change the galaxy." Vossari gestured towards the window, into Umbara's endless night. "You could take a third option. You could leave this Order behind. Neither of us can make that choice for you - it all comes down to you. What do you want, Azar?"

@Sreeya @Javier esschoolbus

 

[Darth Arcanos]

The more Trael spoke, the easier the tears fell. He gazed at the ground, spotting his reflection on the glassy surface, hearing his nails raking across it. It was true - nothing worth having ever came easy for him. He had to reclaim his name, he had to bring Kressh back on the throne, he cemented his legacy as a royal to rule Korriban. He was the first Pureblood King in centuries to govern all of Korriban.

When Vossari spoke, Azar reflected on those words - it was true that he wasn’t human. Was operating within the boundaries of humanity and personhood restricting? Azar looked at them, both men he loved in different ways and for different reasons. He looked at Trael, the man that grounded him and stopped him from falling into a dark spiral and becoming another Raze.

He looked at Vossari, the being that matched him on a deep, intellectual level that challenged him to be greater than himself. They both remained with Azar through his ascensions, through his clawed path to the top, through all the titles he wore, through all the obstacles he crossed. But the Pureblood was tired of asking. He was tired of allowing opportunities for insolence to even arise.

Azar slowly rose to his feet, Vossari’s last question echoing within his head. He wiped the tears away, an almost cold gaze in his eyes. It was borderline maniacal, “What do I want?” He asked, repeating Vossari’s question, “I want everything,” He responded, a dangerous glint in his eye.

“I give you a chance to walk away from me,” Azar said to them both, “But if you don’t, know you belong to me and only me. You will not take other lovers. You will not love another. Because I will burn them and then I will kill you,” He hissed, the Force surging through him, “So walk away from me now and don’t look back or stay and be mine. Only mine.”

He was changing the rules. He was taking for himself. He had paid the price for allowing his lovers their own agencies, their own drama. He wouldn’t tolerate anyone’s mess but his own. Never again. His partners would have their choice to make - the grand double doors right behind them to step out and exit.

Azar turned to face the large windows again, looking over Umbara. Just as he once gazed over the city of Ur before it became his domain, “I will move on Ziost to finish my campaign to take the Stygian Caldera,” He said with a deadly calm, “I will forge my own Empire,” He said, “And then I will bring this Sith Order to heel. I will place down a legacy that lasts for millenia, I will become a name to fear, I will be a force that shakes the foundations of the entire galaxy so the reverberations can be felt long after my bloodline has faded.”

He slowly turned around to look at them, standing tall, proud and terrifying, “And I will do this with or without you.”

@Javier esschoolbus @Fine Dining Set

 

[Vossari Khaldun]

Vossari watched as Azar - no, Arcanos, came into form before his eyes.

There remained a truth, then. One long unacknowledged by Vossari. Though his love was intense and possessive, he recognized that Trael gave Azar something he could not. He rooted Azar. From this very conversation, he could see their differences unfold. Trael, down to earth and caring. Vossari, theoretical and analytical. Trael built the foundation, Vossari gazed into the stars. Azar was both these things - he needed both of these things.

Vossari's mind drifted to their day on the beach. Azar had stated confidently, then, that he was from a line of conquerors. Was this what it meant to conquer? Was this choice as binary as it seemed? If anyone could break through Azar's shell, it was Vossari and Trael.

His proposal landed on heavy ears. Vossari ran a finger through his locks as he considered it. There was no chance he would leave Azar's side, but...this new side of him was frightening. Perhaps it was inevitable that the Sith be consumed by their hatred, their malice, their spite. Vossari had seen something different. In the reaches of the Cave of Evil, he had confronted his fear of losing Azar, of failing, of losing himself. He knew how much his freedom had cost him. But he wanted to live with Azar. Not in fear, but in love, in tenderness, in care. Was it worth it to cast aside these things he had come to adore, just for power?

Azar's dream was seductive, but the cost was massive. To live this way, Vossari would have to shunt off his heart, his freedom, his willingness to love others. In truth, there had never been another like Azar, so he had never tried. Where would this possessiveness lead him?

With a wave of his fingers, Vossari pulled Azar's tears until they coiled around his fingers. Collapsing the tears into themselves, he condensed into a frozen, crystalized teardrop. A reminder of the great suffering this life took, and would continue to take. As he blew it back to Azar, the candlelight caught it. The light scattered, creating a brilliant array of the colors of the rainbows.

It was decided, for Vossari, that this balance was necessary. The two wings of the Dragon. The two ties Azar had to the earthly realm. The two people who could, and desperately needed to, talk Azar off of this cliff. Voss needed to hear Trael's confirmation, though, that he wouldn't abandon Azar at this moment. This highest of highs and lowest of lows, this pivotal moment.

In the midst of Azar's raging torrent of power, he would feel the tattoo on his back shudder and tremble with energy. Vossari poured himself into Azar, literally demonstrating that he was not alone. "The truth is, I've been yours for a long time. I won't leave your side. Our king, my princess."

@Sreeya @Javier esschoolbus

 

[Trael Osso-Drast]

Trael remained crouched as Voss began to speak. He knew that both of them loved Azar, that’s why they had came. So he would give Vossari the respect he deserved and didn’t interrupt him as he spoke, even if he didn’t agree with his words. Vossari was urging Azar onwards, telling him he was the one giving power, that he was in control. He was walking a fine line between pushing Azar over the edge and pulling him back. He did agree with Vossari’s last statement, no matter what Trael or Voss said to and urged Azar, it was his choice.

Trael finally rose back to standing as Azar was repeating Voss’s question of what he wanted. Azar then proclaimed he wanted everything, a glint in his eye that didn’t feel like it boded well to Trael. The statements that followed were ones Trael was completely okay with, there wasn’t anyone else for him besides Azar. The issue was it wasn’t Azar laying out these new rules, it was Arcanos, and in a way it was as if Trael was watching the man he loved more than anything slowly getting buried or consumed. The words Azar spoke fading. Was Azar gone? Did he finally get consumed by Arcanos? Was he just buried under Arcanos who seized control?

Trael watched Azar, his demeanor and face oddly devoid of emotion for being around the pureblood. He was a whirlwind of emotions, he hated that feeling that Azar was taken from him by Arcanos. He was enraged at himself for failing to keep Azar from falling, failing to prevent him from realizing his fear of losing himself. He was distraught, suffering, at the idea of possibly never enjoying another peaceful moment with Azar, curled up together in a random place, the worries of the galaxy non existent. He was falling apart internally, but he kept it all tucked inside, the only proof was his eyes flickering to a burning gold momentarily, before returning to their blue.

Leaving Azar wasn’t an option, no matter how far he fell, no matter how much he cleaved off of himself for his goals. Trael would stand by his side, there to pick him back up, and collect the pieces. If Azar struggled with keeping himself together Trael would work to be the tape and glue used to hold him together. He wasn’t going to abandon Azar, even if it meant he might lose himself, if it brought back Azar or kept Azar from losing himself Trael would gladly embrace and take all his darkness into himself. His gaze met Azar with a determined look, “I’ve already told you I’m here for the rest of the chapters in your story, no matter where they lead.”

@Sreeya @Fine Dining Set

 

[Darth Arcanos]

Azar knew both men well enough to know they despised this. There was hesitation. Was it doubt that Azar - no Arcanos - smelled? The Pureblood slowly turned to face them after they professed their commitment to sticking by his side through everything. He felt the sting of the tattoo on his back from Vossari pouring his energy into it. But when he looked at the Wrean, it was - as always - right through him. There was the faintest tug of a smile at his lips, a cruel smile, one that would tell Vossari Azar could see. He could see visions of the Wrean closing the distance, could see Vossari piercing a blade right into his princess' heart if the situation ever called for it. Vossari could mask it under as many layers as he wished, but Azar always knew.

He looked to Trael - who he could tell was broken over seeing Azar like this. Arcanos kept a calm resolve, but Azar was equally in tatters. The tender side of him wanted nothing more than to collapse in Trael's arms and turn back time. However, he knew he couldn't waver now. He would take his time to mourn and grieve, but he would need to keep moving. He would need to keep conquering.

“We will make preparations for Ziost,” He declared firmly, deciding to pick up the campaign his husband had failed on for years. There was a moment of pause as he considered what he would say next, something that came to the forefront of his mind now.

“Seek out and bring me Karys’ child,” Azar said firmly, “Kill the mother and everyone else around the child if you must.”

There were no emotions in his voice as he stated the words, no hints as to what Azar intended to do with the child. He trusted no one else with such a task other than people most important to him. The implications were clear - the boy was to be brought back alive. Today marked the beginning of a new chapter for everyone in this room whether they liked it or not.

@Javier esschoolbus @Fine Dining Set

/End Thread