Ask Confessions

[Ezra Thorne]

Prior to this thread
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Ezra was pacing back and forth, and it was very unlike him. He was often like Pops where he didn’t outwardly express anxiety very often, compartmentalizing it. It was especially true regarding this topic - coming to terms with the fact that he was Force sensitive. His sister was the only person that knew, and that was only because she had witnessed his accidents.

Zathria’s words to him at the race track stuck with him, and he knew he couldn’t keep running from this. Dad had always been in his corner since day one for everything, and Ezra had to trust it would be the same this time.

He sat down in the living room and impatiently waited for his dad to get home, his foot pulsing rapidly to betray his nerves. He had told his dad he had something important to discuss, but he hadn’t said much outside of that.

@Altaris

 

[Jaikus Thorne]

Jaikus had been in the middle of attending a charity luncheon for the Consortium when Ezra called - announcing that he had something important to talk about. Since his children could talk, the Axxilan swore to never allow his work to take precedence over his family - and always made a point to take the calls anytime his children made them. There was a simple promise to be home soon, and the Axxilan promptly cut his follow-up engagements short for the day, taking the short speeder ride back to their family home on Thyferra.

In truth, the Axxilan couldn’t help but worry ever-so-slightly about whatever was troubling Ezra. While his son didn’t give many details, there was a clear edge and curtness to his voice that betrayed the nerves - and it left Jaikus puzzling together whatever it was. Was Ezra in some kind of trouble or did he get mixed up with the wrong people? Did he get hurt? Did he get a girl pregnant? Was it something to do with Jayna? Did he fail out of the academy?

The thoughts continued to swirl and spiral within Jaikus’ mind the entire ride home, and all he could do was lean back into the seat - allowing a deep breath to flow out from his nostrils. Along the way, Jaikus made a point to stop at an Axxilan restaurant - one of the few that existed on Thyferra, and one that he and Ezra had gone to since the quarter-Sephi was only a boy. With both Emryc and Jayna following a strict vegan diet, the entire Thorne household tended to eat along those lines during most meals together. But the authentic Axxilan cuisine - filled with spices and meats and all the things Emryc and Jayna couldn’t stand - had been a treat for just Jaikus and his son.

Whatever was causing Ezra distress, Jaikus knew that coming home with a hot meal to talk it through certainly couldn’t hurt.

It didn’t take long for Jaikus to step through the door of their family home - dressed in his usual suit-vest and dress pants, dark hair styled neatly into place. The droid security detail took their place outside and at the very perimeter of the house, while Jaikus carried in the box of hot food. “Ezra?” He called out, glancing around the living room before spotting his son.

“I got you something to eat,” He said, setting the box down on the coffee table just in front of the quarter-Sephi. The Axxilan stared down at his son for a moment, clearly noting the nervous way he tapped his foot - showing far more anxiety than was usual. He said nothing about it verbally, instead opting to take a seat just beside Ezra - emerald eyes regarding his son softly.

“What do you need to talk to me about?”

@Sreeya

 

[Ezra Thorne]

Ezra smelled the food before he even spotted his dad, and he couldn’t help the way his lips began to curl towards a smile. This had been their thing for as long as he could remember because his twin insisted on following Pops’ disgusting diet. He even caught her heating up MREs before just because she tried to emulate him so much. Thankfully, even she drew the line there and that was a bizarre Pops habit that remained just him. He gleefully still had stockpiles of MREs back from when he and dad had some fateful ‘work trip’ together on Telos. They were both dodgy about the details (dodgy from dad, blank stare with no answer from Pops), but Ezra was sure he didn’t wanna know anyway.

“Hey dad,” He said, his mood lightening at the sight of the food, “Been a bit since we last had this,” He said as he reached over to start opening the packet. Ezra was quiet for a long moment, chewing on the inside of his lip.

“Dad I think there’s something….wrong with me,” He said quietly, stopping what he was doing. He was deeply uncomfortable, and this was proving to be much tougher than he thought.

“It’s something that’s…always been there, I guess,” He rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably, unable to even look at his dad, “Things moving…doors closing… especially when I’m angry or something,” Ezra finally looked over at his dad, trying to read those emerald eyes. Thankfully, dad was easier to read than the statue that was Pops. He saw support and understanding in those eyes, so he took a deep breath before he spoke again, “I think I’m Force sensitive..”

@Altaris

 

[Jaikus Thorne]

Jaikus didn’t miss the way that Ezra brightened the slightest bit - that normally frosty expression twinged with warmth. It was a small gesture, irrelevant to anything that was bothering his son, but the Axxilan knew it might help in its own way. It was a familiar comfort, and something that was just for them. “We used to go all the time,” He smiled fondly, starting to open some of the packaging with Ezra.

“Every Friday after school - Emryc would be busy, Jayna would be shadowing him or attending her combat training classes,” The Axxilan grinned over at his son, “While you and I would grub on some real food on that little balcony above the diner,” It was a fond memory, and one that the Axxilan thought back to often.

“Made sure the Koftas were extra crispy,” He added, knowing full well Ezra’s preference.

Of course, that didn’t mean Jaikus wasn’t paying close attention to Ezra. He clearly noted the way that the quarter-Sephi chewed on the inside of his lip, the tension palpable off of the boy - both physically and thought faint pangs of the Force. It brought Jaikus’ own movements to a slow, and he waited for Ezra to broach the topic however he was comfortable - patient and understanding of whatever information was about to drop.

Though he said nothing, the warmth behind those emerald eyes spoke a thousand words. It was familiar comfort and understanding - and the reality that no matter what Ezra said or did, the support and affection behind those eyes wouldn’t waver. No matter how mad the Axxilan became - even with Ezra or Jayna had broken the rules - Jaikus wasn’t ever capable of staying mad at them for long, and made a point to always keep dialogue open with his children.

Of course, Jaikus’ brows furrowed the faintest bit when Ezra started to explain what had been going on. The Axxilan felt his stomach drop ever-so-slightly, because a part of him already knew where this was going. Jaikus’ own Force Sensitivity, being the first in his family, meant he was familiar with the secret symptoms and random episodes, long before a realization was made.

Jaikus was silent for a moment or two, when Ezra finally said those words. He had hoped that neither of his children would inherit his gifts.. But the Axxilan knew how unlikely that was. And now, he knew for certain that it simply wasn’t the case - and what inevitably came next scared the Axxilan to his very core. “Are you sure?” He asked, only to shake his head a split moment later with a smile. “Of course you’re sure.” He knew Ezra wouldn’t bring it up otherwise.

“Ezra look at me,” He began, reaching over with both hands, lightly squeezing Ezra’s shoulders. “I don’t care what you’ve heard from others, or what anyone says in the future. There is nothing wrong with you.” He wanted to relate to his son. Wanted to tell him it was going to be okay, that he wasn’t some kind of freak, and that his abilities got better with time. The Axxilan wanted to reveal his own abilities and try to guide his son through it all.

A hundred times before. Jaikus had considered revealing that part of himself to his children - and that urge was never stronger than in that moment. But he hesitated all the same. Hesitated, because Jaikus knew that his own secrets - all the buried bodies - were there to protect his family. To safeguard them from the past that both him and Emryc had buried, and all the danger that was associated with it.

“You have abilities that make you different from the people around you. Different from almost everyone else you will meet.. But that doesn’t make you abnormal or some kind of freak.”

He brushed Ezra’s cheek. “It doesn’t change the man I know you do be. It doesn’t change the fact that you are a member of this family, our son and a Thorne.” Whatever political statements had been made or feelings within the greater ISC, Jaikus intended on banishing any notion of Ezra being some black sheep of the family.

“Does anyone else know?” He asked after a moment, really only guessing Jayna might. It was a huge secret.. But they were twins. And closer than either would dare to admit.

“What do you want to do now, knowing this?” Jaikus said with a comforting squeeze of Ezra’s shoulder. The Axxilan had advise to offer, but knew that this was a huge development for his son - and ultimately Ezra had to be the one to want to learn more about his gifts, or attempt to ignore them.

@Sreeya

 

[Ezra Thorne]

Ezra opened his mouth to repeat that he was sure, but his dad got there first. It almost caught him off guard. His father was usually very expressive, far more than he likely intended. There was a level of understanding in his face and his posture that threw Ezra for a loop. Jaikus would catch his son staring at him, with those very familiar silver eyes that could burn right through multiple layers of walls. He would know those eyes were analyzing, calculating, thinking, measuring.

He managed a small smile as his dad continued to speak, effectively distracted for a moment. Ezra looked away, “I don’t even know what being a Thorne means, dad,” He said quietly, “Pops is just… I don’t know what he wants from me. I don’t know what would make him proud. No matter what I do, it’s never enough to get him to even say anything,” Ezra looked back at Jaikus, “How do I get through to him?”

Jaikus had always been present in their lives, but Emryc was always there with a bit of distance, “No one else knows,” He finally answered, not counting the Jedi he met on Kashyyyk, “Well…Jay might..” Ezra admitted sheepishly, “I sent her dollhouse flying down the stairs,” He said as he looked at his dad. Jaikus would vividly remember that incident as Jayna screaming and crying, Ezra standing there frozen, but then Jayna telling dad that she was mad and threw the house herself. It was the first incident of her witnessing the act, and also the first time she brazenly covered for him, even back when they were only five.

“I need help with it,” He said, “I can’t ignore it. I need to train it and control it. I don’t want to join the Sith, which leaves…” Ezra trailed off, sighing, “I know they’re weird hippies, but I can’t see other options. Not like you or Pops can show me.”

@Altaris

 

[Jaikus Thorne]

Jaikus didn’t miss the way that his son stared back at him - recognizing immediately the familiar burn of those silver eyes. The Axxilan had fallen in love with those same piercing gaze in Emryc, learned to decipher the little nuances and nonverbal meanings behind that gaze, and saw it inherited by both of his children. They both were more alike to their father than either of them realized, and it meant that Jaikus knew exactly what was going through Ezra’s mind. And it killed a part of Jaikus.

It killed him to know that his son needed help and understanding. Support and guidance through the same gifts that both him and Emryc shared.. And it was only their own lies that kept his son from that support. The Axxilan couldn’t help but weigh the cost and benefits of everything they’d hidden over the years, and perhaps how much easier things would’ve been for Ezra if he knew the truth. Or would it have been? Emryc and Jaikus both had demons in their closets - his husband far more than any normal person would handle. Any breach in their carefully maintained secrets would open the floodgates to questions and prying by both of their children. Prying for answers, to questions that best remain unanswered.

Jaikus managed a small smile when Ezra continued speaking, expressing his inability to get through to Emryc. He planned a hand over the top of Ezra’s shoulder, gently squeezing his son in that loving and affectionate manner. It was a combination of physical gestures, and the look behind Jaikus’ emerald gaze, that spoke a thousand words. That told Ezra just how much he was loved, supported and worthy - clear as crystal to read.

“He is more proud than either of you realize. Cares, more than either of you realize.” Jaikus said softly, allowing his gaze to linger on Ezra for a long moment. He knew just how distant Emryc had always been, and the ways that he rarely showed his deeper feelings. Jaikus had grown to love and understand Emryc through it all, but knew how difficult it had been for their children. “Your father is different from most, Ezra - and I don’t mean because he is the President or his status in life. He..” Jaikus paused for a moment, considering the best words, “Doesn’t show his emotions outwardly. Isn't sentimental. He doesn’t express his approval or love or show that he is proud, like most would. Like I do,” There was no questioning the contrast to the presence that Jaikus had maintained in his children’s lives, though it was never something he faulted Emryc for. Never blamed the half-Sephi for being exactly who he’d always been.

“But I promise you, Ezra, that he is proud. That he does care - more than either you or your sister realize.” He affectionately nudged his son. “All of those checkup calls and random status updates throughout the week? Ensuring that both you and your sister are taken care of, and have never wanted for anything. Making sure you are both protected against any possibility or threat,” He flashed a knowing look. “Being there for you and your sister when I can’t be.” There were times when the twins both hid things from Jaikus and went through Emryc, and the half-Sephi had always taken care of matters discreetly and without emotional outburst.

“Your father and I only want you to be successful. To realize the best education you have access to, to excel in all the ways that I know - that both of us know - you are capable of. That is what will make us both proud, more than we already are.” Jaikus paused for a moment, considering what Ezra said about being a Thorne. “Being a Thorne doesn’t mean trying to emulate your father, or follow his precise path in life,” He smiled. “Find your path in life, Ezra. The thing that makes you happy, where you can be successful - and commit yourself to it without reservation. Give it your all, and take charge. Recognize who you are and where you come from - your worth when you walk into a room, and take no bullshit from anyone.” He tilted his chin upwards ever-so-slightly.

Jaikus couldn't help but smile at the memory of the dollhouese, vividly recalling the incident. Even then, he had his doubts that his normally non-expressive daughter was responsible for the destruction. It suddenly made a lot more sense. "Is that what happened?" He shook his head. "Was that the only incident?"

For all the ways that Jaikus was known for wordy expressions of love and his sentiments, the Axxilan took a moment to just.. Listen. To hear his son and what he needed most of all - no matter how much the thought tore him apart. Knowing it would mean letting his son go, allowing him to put himself in danger. “No, not the Sith.” Jaikus said, the words a bit more curt then he intended. The Axxilan knew entirely too well what the Sith would ask of his son, the sacrifices he would make and the dangers he would face. More than that, Jaikus knew his son would be manipulated as a weapon against the Consortium and his husband. And that only left the Jedi.

Jaikus closed his eyes for a moment, an unmistakable sorrow flashing across his feature when Ezra said neither of his parents could help him. It was a barb that cut him deeply - visible even to the quarter-Sephi, even if it could only be chalked up to Jaikus’ desire to help his children. “My baby boy..” He exhaled, giving Ezra a somber look. “I am sorry that I can’t help you more. That I can’t guide you through this.”

“The Jedi..” He began, a complicated look set into his expression. “Are not the path I would’ve chosen for you. It is not the life I envisioned for you or your sister, and one very different from what you have the capacity to be. It isn’t what I would’ve picked for you,” Jaikus gave Ezra’s shoulder a squeeze. “But you are your own man, Ezra - and it is your choice to make. Your gifts to understand and control, and I won’t hold you back from what you need and want to do,” Even if it broke him inside, Jaikus knew he couldn’t hold Ezra back from this. Not even he couldn’t help his son - and the Jedi were perhaps the only ones who could, while looking to Ezra’s best interest. "Whatever you decide to do, I will be here to support you."

“But that doesnt mean I don’t have concerns.” His expression hardened a bit, becoming stern. “I am not okay with you abandoning your education, first and foremost, and I have other questioned that need answers as to your wellbeing. Quite frankly, I need to have a conversation with the Jedi before I am going to be okay with shipping you off to their temple.”

@Sreeya