"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back to the Hyperlane Herald. Daubird has been a household product for the better part of a decade, but the company met with unprecedented success last year when they released their brand new line of hair care products for men, Musky and Husky. Musky and Husky's popularity is due, in large part, to its partnership with Free Worlds Senator Aezz...Aezz..." The Pantoran's yellow eyes peered at the senator's name scrawled across cue cards—the same name she'd been practicing for the last half hour.
"Senator Aezzaairrfowlhoodurrl and Independent Systems Consortium President Emryc Thorne. The pair of politicians put their political and personal differences aside to star in a number of commercials together sponsoring Musky and Husky, with the Senator of Kashyyyk going so far as to insist that 20% of all proceeds be donated to AMS relief efforts undertaken by the GOH and ISCRA.
"Emryc Thorne enthusiasts and Wookies have been calling for new scents for months now, and it seems that Daubird has listened to their consumer's requests. Or have they? Daubird unveiled and released a brand new Musky and Husky product today, but it's probably not what you think it is.
"That's right—it's for household pets! The new shampoo is intended to kill pests your furry friends might pick up on their adventures, from fleas to ticks to lice. Daubird claims that the product can even be safely used by some sentient species in lieu of their regular shampoo.
"The new product has been met with mixed feedback, with some consumers claiming that the product's release is in poor taste and couldn't have come at a worse time, considering current galactic events. Just days ago the Sith Empire began a bombardment of Kashyyyk, with Senator Aezz...airrfhowrrhudrrl and neighboring Free Worlds planets coming to the defense of the Mid Rim planet in a naval battle that is currently ongoing.
"ISCRA is working tirelessly alongsideJedi present on the planet to evacuate any citizens that wish to escape the bombardment, while the planet of Onderon has put their transport ships and private military company on standby for evacuation and on the ground support, pending orders from Senator Aezzairrfhowrrhudrrl himself."
Finally, the difficult name began to roll of the tongue. "Is Daubird capitalizing on the tragedy at Kashyyyk or is this simply a coincidence? We'll let you decide, and we'll be right back after this quick commercial break."
