david smith

[David smtih]

NAME: David smith
FACTION: the Jedi Order (still applying first)
RANK: Jedi shadow (a more edgy jedi knight) (still applying first)
SPECIES: human

AGE: 30 human years
GENDER: he is a male
FORCE SENSITIVE: yes he has been bleased with the force and trained by the Jedi order (still applying first)

APPEARANCE: he is 6,2 and very skinny. He has dark brown hair. He wears Jedi battle armor at all times. His eyes are very abnormal and are black and look like there puple has taken over the rest of the eye. He is white. He is skinny but not skinny enough to be out of place. He also looks rather weak.
ATTRIBUTES:

WEAKNEESES

· He is weak and have no muscle

· His left hand is bionic so it can’t channel the force

· He has an old wound on his chest that if hit will knock him out due to the intense pain.

· He is susceptive to the dark side

· He is extremely paranoid

· He has a very hard time trusting people

STRANGHTS

· He is very strong with the force

· He is smart

· He is a fast runner due to the force

· He has built a small spy ring

· He has large knowledge of the underworld

· He knows many languages

PERSONALITY:

He hates killing in all forms. He has a habit of trying to read people’s minds in order to see if he can trust them. He is not headstrong and will often survey the area or situation before entering it. He believes that Sith are a disgrace to the force and thus must be repaired. If he senses or views a sith he usually will not engage unless he can be shur no other sith are coming. He is very paranoid and that is why he reads minds a lot. When he reads people’s minds he never just finds their intentions he also tries to find out everything about them.
BIOGRAPHY:

He was born on a smugglers ship that had landed on Stewjew for his birth. For the first 5 years of his life his mother who was a smuggler taught him stealth and how to work a ship. When her mother made a run to the Jedi they found him and considered training him even though he was older than normal. He was trained by Jedi master minkes. The main traits of his training where that he and his master never worked on eny of the normal force abilities they focused on the mind. during his training david fingered out how to use his force skill to increase his stealth. the only real combat he and his master did to gather was 2 bladed combat witch david was good at. one day he and his master whent on a mission with a hunter david sensed treachery from but his master did not. the hunter and his master left the ship..... they never came back and david returned to the jedi and they considered wether to make him a jedi shadow or not.
SKILLS:

his force skills are all based on the mind, excepted for the odd speed or strength boost here and there. His most powerful skill is his ability to read and control the minds of others. he fights with 2 light sabers he is good but not the best.
GEAR:
2 white colered sabers
jedi battle armor

SHIP: he uses a Hellion ship he made himself based on the original (he pirated it)

 

[gradyth]

He has a habit of trying to read people’s minds in order to see if he can trust them.

While this skill can be used to some extent, but (from what I have seen on the site) you cannot use it read their minds and see their intentions. This allows for meta-gaming, I have seen an instance where someone was using a very similar ability but had to change it, they ended up with the ability to sense emotions instead of intentions. You may be able to keep i but just a heads up.

read and control the minds of others

controlling their minds is definitely a no go... I don't want to come off as wanting you to change your entire character, but I do think you need to make some revisions.

He has built a small spy ring

this is some cool tech, you should elaborate, what does it do, how is it used. it is these types of thinks that turn them from a side character into a main character.

 

[Wit]

There isn't really a Jedi Shadow rank, so the Jedi wouldn't consider making him a Jedi Shadow. And the Jedi of this time have no issues against taking on older students, so they would have no problem with accepting him even if he's 5 years old. Also you might wanna reconsider that his mother taught him stealth and how to operate a ship before the age of 5. 5 is kindergarten age, you're going into anime territory with that.

 

[Richie B.]

@David smtih hey buddy just read the profile as a member of the Jedi leadership I suggest you change a few things that have been brought up by the other members.

If you want help we have created this

http://www.thestarwarsrp.com/forum/index.php?threads/getting-started-a-guide-to-being-a-jedi.64715/

It should help you in figuring out the history of the site and so on.

But as been brought up, the ability to control other peoples mind like other Player characters is going to be a no go. Unless you have permission of said player, yet even then complete control is probably going to be a nope.

Also might wish to relook at the profile and fix a few small grammar mistakes. But it isn't something serious.

Also for him to be a Jedi knight he is going to need to be able to do more than just mental abilities, such as telekinesis and so on. But if you got anymore questions please ask I will do my best to answer.