dream

[Irxirola Mishka]

@Valen Pelora


"Tython is beautiful and powerful, enigmatic and dangerous, filled with mysteries and open to those comfortable with the Force. It was here long, long before us, and these mysteries persisted with no eyes to see them, no minds to contemplate them. And that is why I fear Tython. It means everything to us, and yet we are nothing to it. We are merely passing through."
―Je'daii recluse Ni'lander

Tython.

Pain was something new to the Lethan. He remembered the teachings he had received when he had first been recruited. Everything that he had believed about the force revolved around the teachings that his former, now deceased master, had taught him. There was an ancient saying that he had repeated to his Initiate on multiple occasions, and it had stuck, and was the entire reason that here he stood, outside of the council chambers, awaiting for the new Knight..or Master that had been assigned to him. He moved to sit on the outer ledge, his feet dangling far above the ice cold river that lay below. As soon as he sat, he lingered for a few moments, and grew tired of sitting. He stood, his robes flowed around him, however with the hood pulled down one was easily able to identify the wearer as a Twi'lek, with the tell tale Lekku wrapped around the young Lethan's neck.

Fear, Pain, Anger, Hatred, Darkside.

Those were the important parts of what he was told. Each one of these were related to the other in one way shape or form, and if he were going to crush down any of the emotions that followed to the Darkside, it was these. The maverick Initiate learned these. He learned to love without fear of loss. He had never felt pain. Emotional pain, anyway. He did not know how it hurt, until he lost his master three months ago. How the adolescent Initiate learned to crush the pain, worse than any blaster shot, cut, or lightsaber strike he had received, was through the fact that he knew there was no death, there was only, indeed, the Force.

Now as he stood, rather than sat, his anxiety palpable. He knew better than to dwell on the past, but he couldn't help it. Here he was, a seventeen year old Initiate, with a slain master, getting assigned to another master, who would have his own completely different way of teaching him than Zek did. He sighed, crushing his anxiety down, until it was almost non existent, and put his hands in the pocket of his robes, leaning against the pillar he had been pacing around.

All he had to do now, was wait.
​

 

[Valen Pelora]

Jedi Knight Valen Pelora could not remember the last time he had set foot on Tython. He had not returned to the Jedi ‘homeworld’ since he had left the Order to join the Jedi Army. Those like him were still welcome on Tython, still welcome at the Temple but treated like outsiders. That sentiment had only grown since the Army had rebuilt the Temple into a fortress. The Council had been displeased upon returning home, they considered the Temple on Tython to be a symbol of hope. A symbol of peace. The Council regarded the changes to the rebuilt Temple to be a symbol of war. This had not stopped the Order from utilizing the improved security.

So it was, Valen wandered around the magnificent fortress doubling as a Temple feeling lost. He had never had ‘close’ friends in the Order but he had never felt shunned. It was strange to walk among Jedi and feel like an outsider. The Templar and the TSF watched him closely. His brothers and sisters barely shared a passing word with him. He could feel their distance, he had left why should they welcome him home. The Jedi Order had fully ostracized the Army, he wondered if the rift could ever be healed.

He had come to Tython seeking answers. He had found Jedi in the Army who thought the way he did, who wanted peace and only joined to help keep the Army honest. To make sure they did not lose their way. Just as he had found Jedi who followed the same path he had begun to wander. After years of seeking peaceful resolution, diplomacy and healing, the last month of his life had been filled with violence. He had killed, he had used the Force as a weapon. He had looked in the mirror and not recognized the man staring back at him. He had promised himself joining the Jedi Army would change nothing. He would not comprise who he was because of war.

He didn’t know what the first steps had been but he was finding it easier and easier to reach first for his lightsaber. He had hoped returned to Tython would give him clarity. The Lightside of the Force pulsed strong on the planet but it had not helped him. He had been on Tython for three days, he had meditated for most of those three days and the path was still unclear. He was no closer to an answer. He had decided to brave the sideways glances to walk the grounds to try and clear his mind. For all the war in the galaxy the beauty of Tython was still breathtaking.

As he walked he felt anxiety, nervousness, pain, but not his own. The emotions churned in the Force, drawing his eyes to a young Twi’lek. The boy was at least 10 years his junior, pacing side to side, and trying very hard to hide his distress. Valen set his own misgivings aside and approached the young Jedi.

“Young one, is there someone I can help you find?” Valen ran his hands through his dark hair as he waited for a response.

@Irxirola Mishka

 

[Irxirola Mishka]

As quickly as the young Lethan had calmed himself, his anxiousness had kicked in again. How could he, a Jedi, struggle with such emotions? His self musing continued, as did the twitching of his Lekku. He took another deep breath, and crushed down his anxiety, simultaneously quitting his pacing and shutting off his emotions like a light switch. Enough is enough. He thought to himself, as he crushed his emotions like a bug, and waited. The last thing he needed was to seem out of control of his emotions. While not having an absolute mastery over them, the young Initiate's ability to repress them was impressive enough. He sighed, forcibly moving his thoughts from the past to the present, Zek would've had his Lekku had he known that his Initiate had not been paying enough heed to the living force, something that had been preached and taught to him for the six years he was the older Nautolan's initiate.

However, whether dead, or one with the Force, contacting his old Nautolan master was impossible, however, dwelling on the past seemed to be an insult to his memory, so simply put, Irxirola stopped. No sooner had he stopped dwelling in the past, that his emotions, although gone, the traces of them were palpable still in the air, attracted the attention of a Knight. The Jedi, albeit ten years his senior, was a few centimeters shorter than the Twi'lek, who was shy of two meters by a few inches. He turned to the Mirialan Jedi Knight, and offered a small bow out of respect of the differences in experience and title. As he bowed, the Knight addressed him.

“Young one, is there someone I can help you find?”

Irxirola had been waiting for awhile, to meet his new master, and he rarely, if ever, lied to a fellow Jedi. He spoke, introducing himself first. "Hello." He said, his voice even. Every word he spoke seemed to be rehearsed. While he had planned to meet another Jedi here, he hadn't quite been positive on who it was supposed to be. "I'm Initiate Irxirola Mishka." He said, as he came up from his bow and extended his hand out to greet the Knight. His usage of the word 'Initiate' versus 'Padawan' distinguished him from the older Jedi here. Much like Valen, he was almost ostracized from the rest of the Jedi here, for being part of the Jedi Army, instead of the Order. "I was sent here to..meet my master." He said.

While still youthful, Irxirola was a bit old to be taken on as a brand new Initiate. Also, the dual curved sabers at his belt distinguished him from a brand new Initiate as well. "My old one..was slain on our last mission, three months ago." He said, making the source of his anxiety, and pain, known to the other Jedi. "I've yet to be told who I'm supposed to be assigned to."

@Valen Pelora

 

[Valen Pelora]

Valen nodded slowly as Initiate Irxirola explained why he was pacing outside the Council’s chambers. The pain of losing one’s master was indescribable, he had lost Master Rork four years ago, and even now he could still feel the hole as if Master Rock had died yesterday. The ache would never leave but you could grow from devastation, learn to accept loss and move forward. The young Jedi before him had only lost his Master three months ago, Valen knew what Irxirola was feeling. He knew that pain. He knew that anger. He knew that suffering.

It troubled him that he had felt all of that flowing from Irxirola and then suddenly nothing. The young Jedi was an ocean beset by a storm and then, in a blink, a still lake. That was strange. He suspected the Twi’lek was bottling his emotions, shoving them deep down inside himself. It made Irxirola appear calm. The young Jedi may have even felt calm but it was a dangerous game. Shutting the emotion away did not make it disappear. Rather, all those shut-in feelings would build and build until the pressure was too great. He had seen Jedi fall because they had internalized so much pain.

The galaxy viewed the Jedi as emotionless. If the Sith were raw emotion the Jedi were the absence of that emotion. That wasn’t right. They were taught to feel, taught to recognize their emotions, their feelings but not to let those feelings control them. There was difference between emotionless and control. He could be angry, hurt, sad or depressed but those feeling would not consume him. The Sith let their emotions consume them, they let their emotions control them. Shoving your emotions where you couldn’t see them was a step towards letting your feelings control you. It was important to feel and to understand why you felt the way you did. Only then could you obtain peace.

The young Jedi would not get the help he needed from the Council or the Order. He was an ‘Initiate’ not a ‘Padawan’ meaning he was a member of the Jedi Army, or his master had been. The Council would want him back or not at all. Valen ran his hands through his hair one last time.

“A pleasure to meet you Irxirola. My name is Valen Pelora, I am a Jedi Knight in the Army of the Light.” He chose his next words carefully as he wasn’t sure what Irxirola had been told.

“I am terribly sorry for your loss. I know how it feels to lose a master but the Council will not assign you a new master unless you leave the Army and return to the Order. They do not approve of what we have done. If you wish to remain in the Army I can take you with me when I return to the Peacekeeper, the Army leadership may be able to help you. Although, they seem more concerned with waging war than training Jedi these days.”

He didn’t want to prevent the young Jedi from returning to the Order but wanted to give him the chance to stay in the Army. The Order would only give him a master if he renounced his current path.

@Irxirola Mishka

 

[Irxirola Mishka]

Irxirola observed the Mirialan carefully. He ran his hands through his hair twice throughout the conversation with the Initiate. While wanting to continue his training with the Jedi, he had no desire to quit fighting the Sith. If he ceased participating in the tireless effort to combat the Sith on all fronts of this war..he couldn't. He couldn't insult Zek's memory like that. No, the youngling would not be returning to the Order, no matter how..calming he found Tython's presence, and was able to bask in the natural Light of Tython, and take solace in the planet. However, as he was calming himself, and essentially exiling himself from the rest of the galaxy, as he had been doing for the past three months, there was a war being fought, against the very people who had slain his master, and were determined to destroy the Jedi Order, Army, and the Republic in general.

No, the Order wasn't for him. The Jedi Army, who he and his master had joined, was the place where the Lethan felt he belonged.

“A pleasure to meet you Irxirola. My name is Valen Pelora, I am a Jedi Knight in the Army of the Light.”

Almost as soon as his personal musing had ended after his introduction, the Mirialan knight returned his greeting, introducing himself as a Knight of the Army of the Light, rather than the Order. He nodded his head. "The pleasure's mine." He said, before the older Knight spoke started to speak.

“I am terribly sorry for your loss. I know how it feels to lose a master but the Council will not assign you a new master unless you leave the Army and return to the Order. They do not approve of what we have done. If you wish to remain in the Army I can take you with me when I return to the Peacekeeper, the Army leadership may be able to help you. Although, they seem more concerned with waging war than training Jedi these days.”

It seemed the Initiate had found a kindred spirit in the Mirialan. Ever mindful of the will of the Living Force, the Initiate spoke. "Thank you, for your condolences." He said, almost painfully formal with his speech, as most Initiates were when addressing their superiors. "If I may," he said "I think, both of us have found ourselves on Tython for a reason, whether we were previously aware of it or not, the planet here seems to be a beacon for the Light side of the Force, and has drawn us together for a reason..I will go with you to the Peacekeeper. As far as training, I would be insulting my former master, if I did not fight the Sith." With that, he uncrossed his arms, and stepped forward, ready to leave. "I'm ready, whenever you are." He said, ready to leave the peaceful planet.

@Valen Pelora​

 

[Valen Pelora]

Valen was heartened to hear the young Jedi would return with him to the Peacekeeper. He did not agree with every decision the Army made, he often found himself questioning why he had left the Order. Returning to Tython had reminded him why it had been impossible to stay. Tython was a paradise largely untouched by the war. It was so easy to forget how the galaxy suffered while you walked the halls of the rebuilt Temple. The Jedi were the protectors the galaxy, it was their solemn duty to protect those who could not protect themselves. The Order had not answered the call when the galaxy cried out for help, the Army had. It was vital young Jedi like Irxirola were taught the right way. An Initiate could get lost, even in the Army, without the proper guidance.

He couldn’t help but smile when Irxirola suggested the Force had called them to Tython and brought them together. He suspected his idea of fighting the Sith was very different than that of the Initiate’s. There were different ways to fight the Sith besides killing. He fought the Darkside by healing the rends left by its influence, by helping those who needed him. He only fought when his hands were forced. Lately, that had been all too often.

“The Force works in ways we may never understand, try as we might.” He moved to stand beside the young Jedi and look out over the plains of Tython. Beautiful.

“Before we leave there is something you need to see.” Valen had never taken an interest in guiding the next generation of Jedi. He was rarely aboard the Army’s base of operations, when he was first Knighted he was only twenty-two, and now few young Jedi found his brand of ‘fighting’ interesting. But, he saw something in Irxirola that he recognized. He saw something of himself. He wished someone had helped him understand Master Rork’s death. Maybe he could help Irxirola where he had been left on his own.

“It won’t take long.” He motioned for the young Jedi to follow him and began to walk towards a meditation pool he frequented after Master Rork’s death. It was outside the grounds of the Temple in a secluded wood and the Force beat strong around it. He hoped there he could help Irxirola gain some closure.

@Irxirola Mishka

 

[Irxirola Mishka]

Surreal. That was the feeling that Irxirola would use to describe this current experience. While intending to rejoin the order, he had been intercepted almost, by who he was all but certain would be his next master. He would be different from Zek, but different wasn't always bad. Perhaps Valen's predilection for noncombativeness would balance out the Lethan's preference for more aggressive negotiation tactics. As always was it with a master and apprentice relationship, the Initiate was sure there were tactics that were neglected by the Mirialan, that he himself preferred. “The Force works in ways we may never understand, try as we might." The two Jedi were now standing next to each other, the Initiate's hands remained in their pockets as they looked out over the rolling, resplendent plains of Tython.

"Yeah.." He said, agreeing with the verbal musings of the Knight regarding the Force. The more he stared at the wondrous terrain, the more he wanted to leave the idyllic planet. “Before we leave there is something you need to see.” This had caught the younger Jedi's attention. What did he need to see on this planet, that the both of them seemed so anxious to leave? Perhaps sensing the Twi'lek's anxiousness to get off the planet and to the Jedi Army headquarters, he reassured him. "It won't take long." He said, as he signaled for Irxirola to follow him. "Alright." He said, trusting in the Knight.

The trek that the older Jedi took him through was indeed, not long. They walked through a deciduous forest. The Lethan almost smiled, how easy it was to remember every detail about forests and how he could recall everything about the Temple, having grown up and trained here for the entirety of his child. He remembered how peculiar it was that this forest was the only forest that happened to have trees that shed their leaves. He eventually reached out with the Force, connecting with a tendril of it that seemed to draw him in as they got closer and arrived at what seemed to be a private location for the Jedi Knight.

He was curious, meditation pools were used for meditation, and Valen, who had sensed the conflict within the youth, had taken him to meditate. He sighed, and took a seat, commencing the process of meditating on what bothered him the most. Loss.

@Valen Pelora

 

[Valen Pelora]

Valen breathed the fresh air as they walked towards the meditation pool. The forest was filled with life as they slowly walked through the trees and came upon a silent pool. The chatter of the forest died away as young Irxirola sat beside the pool’s edge. The Lightside pulsed strongly here. Valen could feel it calling to him, beckoning him forward. He breathed the Force in deeply. He let it fill his mind and body. He was at peace. He looked down at the young Jedi. He could see he was adrift, lost without guidance, suffering alone. No longer.

“Let the Lightside flow through you, feel the peace and tranquility of the Force.” He stood a few feet behind Irxirola and carefully monitored him in the Force. He did not intent to push the Twi’Lek Jedi too far.

“Burying your feelings only makes their hold on you stronger. I can feel the pain is still fresh but you hide from it.” He lifted his eyes and looked out at the pool. The Lightside and the Force moved all around them, guiding them. “Sadness, anger, hurt, suffering, and pain are part of you. You need to feel to understand.”

He walked around the edge of the pool. His voice was calm, his presences bathed in the Lightside.

“Tell me Irxirola, tell me how your master died. Face what you fear.” Valen waited for the young Jedi’s response. Irxirola needed to confront his master’s death, he needed to confront the feelings he had deeply hidden. The Force would draw those feeling out. The Force would heal those wounds. Valen basked in the Lightside and waited for his answer.

@Irxirola Mishka

 

[Irxirola Mishka]

Despite the comforting embrace of the Force enveloping him at this meditation pool, he still felt the loss of Zek. He feared for what would happen to his sanity. Did Jedi lose their minds? He pondered, with the guidance of Valen at the secluded meditation pool, he was able to focus on what he needed to focus on. Confronting his feelings now rather than later. He knew his bad habit of bottling up his emotions would come back to bite him later, and here he was, at a meditation pool, dealing with all of the pain and suffering he had bottled up for three months.

He was almost crying. “Burying your feelings only makes their hold on you stronger. I can feel the pain is still fresh but you hide from it.” Now painfully aware of this fact, he took a deep breath, calming himself, rather than crushing and bottling his pain. Confronting it felt nice. He took another deep breath, focusing on his breathing, and of the ambiance and omnipotence of the Force.“Sadness, anger, hurt, suffering, and pain are part of you. You need to feel to understand.”

While these had always been taught to him, for some reason they never stuck until now, upon inner reflection. He came to the realization that he needed to come to terms with Zek's death. The man had been the closest thing he ever had to a father, but now here he sat, without him. “Tell me Irxirola, tell me how your master died. Face what you fear.”

Facing his fear is exactly what he did, while silently absorbing the Knight's teachings, the question was less rhetoric, and more a command. "The Sith. He was killed on a mission on Ryloth. A Peacekeeping mission. The Sith weren't supposed to be there, but they were there, and they were stronger, and..better, than us. He died fighting." He said, piecing the sentences together carefully. "How am I supposed to not hate them?"

@Valen Pelora

 

[Valen Pelora]

Valen could feel months of emotional pain bubbling to the surface. He carefully kept his face and Force presence neutral. Inwardly, he cringed at what he felt surfacing from Irxiorla. He was baffled at how the young Jedi had been able to suppress such profound feelings of loss. Valen had been inconsolable for weeks follow Master Rork’s death, Irxirola had repressed all those emotions. He could only imagine the daily pain the Initiate felt.

He felt the pain intensify, Irxirola was remembering his master’s death. He was remembering the greatest pain he had ever felt. The twi’lek needed to feel it. He needed to grieve. Then he could accept his master’s sacrifice, accept the pain of the loss, and he could move on. Valen listened carefully to how the Jedi had died. It was a story becoming more and more familiar. The Sith were expanding their reach further in the galaxy, they hunted the Jedi mercilessly. No planet was safe. No mission was safe. The Force pulsed with anger, hate. Irxirola hated the Sith who had killed his master but he had pushed that hate deep down. The hate would not remain buried. Valen continued to walk around the edge of the pool, feeling the Lightside wash over them. He spoke quietly. Calmly.

“Do you hate them? Why hide from what you feel?” He came up behind Irxiorla and placed his hand on the twi’lek shoulder. “Do not fear your emotions. Tell me why you feel the way you do. Tell me why you hate them. Don’t burry it. You can only grow and move past forward if you feel it. No more hiding young one, you must face his death. You must face the emotions you fear most. You must accept what you feel. “

The first step towards healing a wound was removing the infection. The hate Irxiorla felt was the infection, it could only be removed if he faced it. He needed to confront the hatred he had suppressed for 3 months. Then Valen could help Irxirola heal, then they could move forward.

@Irxirola Mishka

 

[Irxirola Mishka]

Irxirola felt nervous. He wasn't supposed to feel these things. This wasn't a Jedi like thing. There is no emotion, there is peace. This was a statement that was all too familiar to Irxirola. He has struggled with his emotions, despite being raised by the Jedi. His coping mechanism when confronted with his emotions, were to crush them, and bottle them. This was becoming more apparently unhealthy, as he meditated at the pool, his own darkness felt like a blemish against the light side aura of the Force in this area.

“Do you hate them? Why hide from what you feel?” The Twi'lek felt a hand placed on his shoulder. “Do not fear your emotions. Tell me why you feel the way you do. Tell me why you hate them. Don’t burry it. You can only grow and move past forward if you feel it. No more hiding young one, you must face his death. You must face the emotions you fear most. You must accept what you feel. “

He was confused. He wasn't supposed to hate, why was he not being reprimanded for such a negative emotion? In the absence of scolding, he reprimanded himself. He started to crush his feelings, before he realized he needed to listen to what the Knight was saying. Accept what he felt. How could he accept the death of Zek? He received no closure. He sighed, his Force Aura a torrential storm of emotion, as his former master's death played over in his head, repeatedly.

It was times like these he struggled with the last part of the code. There is no death, there is the Force. Yet he had seen Zek struck down in front of him, heard him scream, felt his essence fade. "I hate them." He said, more openly. His conviction palpable. "I want to destroy them." He said, and sighed, "Am I truly a Jedi if I feel these things? How am I supposed to follow The Code, when it preaches against these things?" He said, his disappointment in himself unable to be hidden at the pool.

@Valen Pelora

 

[Valen Pelora]

Valen struggled to keep Irx’s emotions at bay. The hate rolled off, bombarding the Lightside of the Force. The young Jedi viscerally felt the death of his master. He wanted revenge. He wanted death. He had hidden all of those feeling away until they turned into what Valen felt now. Unrepentant hate. He realized Irx was walking a broken path, beset by pain on all sides. The Initiate needed to be healed. It was then he understood why the Force had called him to Tython. He was the healer. He had never considered taking on a student, teaching an Initiate the ways of the Force. He was only 26 but he had been a Jedi Knight for nearly half a decade, he had joined the Order when he was 3. The young man sitting before him needed his help, it was time he stepped outside of his comfort zone.

“No Jedi is perfect. The Code is what we should aspire to, not what we are. We all struggle with our inner demons. The key is to try and better yourself, to try and follow the code, and not give in to those emotions. You lost someone very close to you. No one would blame you for feeling his death, for slipping from the path. Hiding from those feeling only makes them stronger. Your master’s killers win if you crush those emotions down.”

He fully opened himself to the Force, he hid nothing from Irx. The young Initiate needed to see there were no flawless examples, only those of them who strived to better themselves step by step.

“Your master is one with the Force. Whatever violence he faced in death is gone, he is at peace. If you search the Force you will find it to be true. If you accept his death, time will fade the pain. When the pain fades so will your hate but you can’t hide from it. The longer you hide the worse it will get.”

He took his hand off Irx and walked around to the other side of the pool. “The Force brought us together. I think I can help you if you give me the chance. We can head to the Peacekeeper and you will be assigned a master, or you can accept my offer.”

He was anxious, this was a tremendous responsibility but he felt ready. He trusted the Force would light his way.

@Irxirola Mishka

 

[Valen Pelora]

OOC: Thread Completed. Valen would go on to take Irx as his Initiate.