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"One would not have to take up the practice of black magic if one was not surrounded by such utter dullards." - Duchess Kastaria
Duchess Kastaria Ixfort Valstrum de Coruscant
Portrait of the Duchess attending a social gathering of the Alliance upper crust.
Welcome readers - today we have a special treat for you! That’s right an interview with the Duchess herself. A prominent figure in the Coruscant socialite scene she often has much to say on others but rarely speaks about herself. But today (And through no little effort) we finally have the story on the Alliances most famous and perhaps only sorceress. Our interview answers many of the questions plaguing viewers minds and both confirms and denies several astonishing facts. So without further ado lets begin.
Interviewer: Greetings Madame could we perhaps start the interview with you giving a small description of yourself?
Kastaria: Well as you can see I am five foot six inches and have white hair with a single red streak - I assure you that contrary to popular rumours this is entirely natural and I have had it since the day my mother bore me. As far as age is concerned I am 30 years and 21 days old (I find those women who hide their age to be already descending into the vale of years and conversely starting to sag). My interests include : The Opera , Equestrian sports involving Keffi and shooting Maramu on my estates. Oh and I am a poet of some repute you may have heard of my collection – the Decay in the Umbrall Orchids.
Interviewer: Perhaps the Duchess would be so kind as to share with us some of her family’s esteemed history.
Kastaria: Certainly my family has after all a most prestigious and I am sure you will agree altruistic history. In the early days of our founding my forebears tended to be a of great stature with large beards and even larger swords. They excelled in several wars against those wretched savages - The Tuang and I am glad to say contributed greatly to wiping their disgusting presence off the face of the universe. After this we helped defend Coruscant from the star dragon menace we also slayed many of the filthy beasts and as you can see we have a taxidermied Duinuogwuin head accompanied by two Tuang on the mantle. And thus we found ourselves in the possession of a rather large sum of money that we invested wisely and thus came to own a large amount of businesses many of which you know as major corporations today. Oh but of course we soon became bored with business – after all it’s not exiting if one can simply crush the competition. And thus we took up for more rapturous pursuits.
Interviewer : You are of course referring to the fact that you practice the black arts of sorcery ?
Kastaria: Indeed. It occupies ones time and produces such a wonderful range of effects. Ah here comes a one of the servants with a bottle of Tokaji. You do drink don’t you – because really everyone should. I prefer absinthe but really 9 o’clock in the morning is a tad early for me. I usually wait two hours till eleven before I start indulging myself.
Interviewer : Your ladyship is there something wrong with your servant I mean he looked half dead…
Kastaria: I shall take that as a compliment to my necromantic abilities. But of course he is dead. One simply cannot have an animated corpse that isn’t – surely it defeats the purpose otherwise. Oh don’t look so shocked I have written consent from everyone I have raised as well as their families. And truly I find them to be rather more animated then the Jedi council. That avian creature was certainly flamboyant if lacking in any fashion sense or subtlety and the rest of them are simply droll.
Interviewer: But isn’t the practice of sorcery illegal?
Kastaria: It’s strange that you would think so yes? Well several others including Jedi have in the past attempted to pursue legal action against my family and even have us arrested. However my family has for the past several hundred years employed the services of Strogtham , Golbam and Burch perhaps the most formidable law firm in the Alliance. And as is currently stands anyone attempting to take legal action against my person shall be met with tremendous adversity. Also disregard the rumours that my family tend to use their political influence to ruin the lives and careers of those whom speak out against us – this is simply… not …true.
Interviewer: But doesn’t one need Sith training to use sorcery?
Kastaria: (short peal of laughter) Oh what a quaint notion! Really this is a fabrication devised by those vile little sycophantic worms and their Empress (I really must ask her what briar patch she does her hair in). Anyone with enough talent and access to a grimoire may take up the black arts and some of the most proficient users in the galaxy have been neither aligned with the Jedi or the Sith. Though I was fortunate enough to have the ‘tutelage’ of my uncle to break me into to the business so to speak.
Interviewer : Can you perhaps demonstrate your powers to us?
Kastaria: Why certainly! I do have a most hideous vase sent to me by the Countess Meldia of Skye that I have wanted to dispose of for a age. She is simply the most bloated and obese individual I have ever seen. In fact here is a poem I wrote about her : “Undulating waves of glistening acrid flesh dripping with glistening orbs of saline dreck. Let heavens open and she cease forever this laboured wheezing we to which we are all subject.” Ah that’s Caruthers my butler. He’s a Kasa Horansi and an ex Mandalorian learned in 15 different martial arts and is proficient in heavy weapons combat. Oh did I mention he is also strong enough to rip a humans arms out of their sockets. But he is a gentleman with perfect manners and keeps his paws to himself.
Yes place it there Caruthers that should be fine.
Now the incantation:
إطلاق الانفجار غامضة
And voilà no more wretched vase. Force blast is such a useful tool and an immensely amusing distraction at parties.
Interviewer: That was most impressive! Perhaps you could tell us a little bit about the parties you host and your part in the social scene of the Alliance? You don’t seem to ever lack admiereres or those eager to hear about your exploits.
Kastaria: What I do is simple really. I live the life that others want to live and they in turn admire me for it. As for my parties. Well what goes on behind closed doors is really a matter for those who are behind them isn’t it? I mean of course you can her snippets and fragments of the delight and perves- well I think that that is more than enough on that subject for the day – do you have anything else to ask before we wrap up this interview.
Interviewer : Perhaps her ladyship could tell us about some of her plans for the future?
Kastaria: Well I have recently purchased a rather large sum of land on Iego and am thinking of joining the Galactic Congress as the head reprehensive of that planet as the natives there are either highly unorganised like the settlers or utterly barbaric troglodytes like the Maelibus and Diathim. I have also entertained the notion of signing up with the military as a consultant when fighting the Sith due to my unique understanding of their methods and means and ability to counter their arcane assaults. At the very least it should provide a few months of entrainment.
Interviewer: Thank you for your time perhaps we can host another interview in the future?
Kastaria : I think not. In fact I find myself growing rather tired of you. Caruthers please show our guest the door.
Duchess Kastaria Ixfort Valstrum de Coruscant
Portrait of the Duchess attending a social gathering of the Alliance upper crust.
Welcome readers - today we have a special treat for you! That’s right an interview with the Duchess herself. A prominent figure in the Coruscant socialite scene she often has much to say on others but rarely speaks about herself. But today (And through no little effort) we finally have the story on the Alliances most famous and perhaps only sorceress. Our interview answers many of the questions plaguing viewers minds and both confirms and denies several astonishing facts. So without further ado lets begin.
Interviewer: Greetings Madame could we perhaps start the interview with you giving a small description of yourself?
Kastaria: Well as you can see I am five foot six inches and have white hair with a single red streak - I assure you that contrary to popular rumours this is entirely natural and I have had it since the day my mother bore me. As far as age is concerned I am 30 years and 21 days old (I find those women who hide their age to be already descending into the vale of years and conversely starting to sag). My interests include : The Opera , Equestrian sports involving Keffi and shooting Maramu on my estates. Oh and I am a poet of some repute you may have heard of my collection – the Decay in the Umbrall Orchids.
Interviewer: Perhaps the Duchess would be so kind as to share with us some of her family’s esteemed history.
Kastaria: Certainly my family has after all a most prestigious and I am sure you will agree altruistic history. In the early days of our founding my forebears tended to be a of great stature with large beards and even larger swords. They excelled in several wars against those wretched savages - The Tuang and I am glad to say contributed greatly to wiping their disgusting presence off the face of the universe. After this we helped defend Coruscant from the star dragon menace we also slayed many of the filthy beasts and as you can see we have a taxidermied Duinuogwuin head accompanied by two Tuang on the mantle. And thus we found ourselves in the possession of a rather large sum of money that we invested wisely and thus came to own a large amount of businesses many of which you know as major corporations today. Oh but of course we soon became bored with business – after all it’s not exiting if one can simply crush the competition. And thus we took up for more rapturous pursuits.
Interviewer : You are of course referring to the fact that you practice the black arts of sorcery ?
Kastaria: Indeed. It occupies ones time and produces such a wonderful range of effects. Ah here comes a one of the servants with a bottle of Tokaji. You do drink don’t you – because really everyone should. I prefer absinthe but really 9 o’clock in the morning is a tad early for me. I usually wait two hours till eleven before I start indulging myself.
Interviewer : Your ladyship is there something wrong with your servant I mean he looked half dead…
Kastaria: I shall take that as a compliment to my necromantic abilities. But of course he is dead. One simply cannot have an animated corpse that isn’t – surely it defeats the purpose otherwise. Oh don’t look so shocked I have written consent from everyone I have raised as well as their families. And truly I find them to be rather more animated then the Jedi council. That avian creature was certainly flamboyant if lacking in any fashion sense or subtlety and the rest of them are simply droll.
Interviewer: But isn’t the practice of sorcery illegal?
Kastaria: It’s strange that you would think so yes? Well several others including Jedi have in the past attempted to pursue legal action against my family and even have us arrested. However my family has for the past several hundred years employed the services of Strogtham , Golbam and Burch perhaps the most formidable law firm in the Alliance. And as is currently stands anyone attempting to take legal action against my person shall be met with tremendous adversity. Also disregard the rumours that my family tend to use their political influence to ruin the lives and careers of those whom speak out against us – this is simply… not …true.
Interviewer: But doesn’t one need Sith training to use sorcery?
Kastaria: (short peal of laughter) Oh what a quaint notion! Really this is a fabrication devised by those vile little sycophantic worms and their Empress (I really must ask her what briar patch she does her hair in). Anyone with enough talent and access to a grimoire may take up the black arts and some of the most proficient users in the galaxy have been neither aligned with the Jedi or the Sith. Though I was fortunate enough to have the ‘tutelage’ of my uncle to break me into to the business so to speak.
Interviewer : Can you perhaps demonstrate your powers to us?
Kastaria: Why certainly! I do have a most hideous vase sent to me by the Countess Meldia of Skye that I have wanted to dispose of for a age. She is simply the most bloated and obese individual I have ever seen. In fact here is a poem I wrote about her : “Undulating waves of glistening acrid flesh dripping with glistening orbs of saline dreck. Let heavens open and she cease forever this laboured wheezing we to which we are all subject.” Ah that’s Caruthers my butler. He’s a Kasa Horansi and an ex Mandalorian learned in 15 different martial arts and is proficient in heavy weapons combat. Oh did I mention he is also strong enough to rip a humans arms out of their sockets. But he is a gentleman with perfect manners and keeps his paws to himself.
Yes place it there Caruthers that should be fine.
Now the incantation:
إطلاق الانفجار غامضة
And voilà no more wretched vase. Force blast is such a useful tool and an immensely amusing distraction at parties.
Interviewer: That was most impressive! Perhaps you could tell us a little bit about the parties you host and your part in the social scene of the Alliance? You don’t seem to ever lack admiereres or those eager to hear about your exploits.
Kastaria: What I do is simple really. I live the life that others want to live and they in turn admire me for it. As for my parties. Well what goes on behind closed doors is really a matter for those who are behind them isn’t it? I mean of course you can her snippets and fragments of the delight and perves- well I think that that is more than enough on that subject for the day – do you have anything else to ask before we wrap up this interview.
Interviewer : Perhaps her ladyship could tell us about some of her plans for the future?
Kastaria: Well I have recently purchased a rather large sum of land on Iego and am thinking of joining the Galactic Congress as the head reprehensive of that planet as the natives there are either highly unorganised like the settlers or utterly barbaric troglodytes like the Maelibus and Diathim. I have also entertained the notion of signing up with the military as a consultant when fighting the Sith due to my unique understanding of their methods and means and ability to counter their arcane assaults. At the very least it should provide a few months of entrainment.
Interviewer: Thank you for your time perhaps we can host another interview in the future?
Kastaria : I think not. In fact I find myself growing rather tired of you. Caruthers please show our guest the door.
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