Egli Yogonda

Lexi-Oi

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View attachment 2979

FULL NAME:
Egli Luna Yogonda
FACTION: Jedi Order
RANK: Padawan
SPECIES:Human
AGE: 19
GENDER:Female
HEIGHT:5"9'
WEIGHT: 130lbs
EYES: Brown
HAIR: Bright Blue
SKIN:Tan
CREDITS:1,000 Credits
DISTINGUISHING MARKS: Scar under eye. Got in a ship crash with a reckless driver.
FORCE SENSITIVE:Yes

STRENGTH: 5/10
Egli isn't the strongest of her age, but can definitely move something away if it's in her way.
DEXTERITY: 6/10
Egli is agile enough to jump out of the way of things, etc.
CONSTITUTION: 7/10
Egli is OK living on her own and can take care of herself very well.
INTELLIGENCE: 9/10
Very smart, able to remember things pretty well, always did well in school.
WISDOM: 6/10
Able to think through problems pretty fast, also able to keep herself from doing anything that seems uncertain if she thinks it unwise.
CHARISMA: 1/10
Egli is flat out shy and un-charismatic, with her only friend dying when she is only twelve.

PERSONALITY:
Egli simply has no friends at all and is not very good at making them. She lived a pretty good life until she was about 12, but everything changed after that. Though what she lacks in friendship is made up for in smarts, because she was always the top student in her class and can ace any exam. She's also a girl who is not afraid to move something with her strength.

BIOGRAPHY:
She was born on the planet Coruscant to a well working family. Her mother was a stay home mom and her father worked in the city. Together they could uphold the whole family: Egli, her two brothers and her two sisters. When Egli's parents felt she was ready for school, she was reluctant to go. After all, she could only really be friends with her siblings; she was horrible at making friends with other people. Egli finally agreed to go to school after many months of her parents pushing her to go. When arriving at school she took a pretest, and she aced it and moved up into accelerated everything. That is where Egli met her best friend, Yuki Donna. She is the one friend Egli would ever meet.

Unfortunately, when Egli turns 12, Yuki mysteriously dies and nobody knows why. She is heartbroken, and is never able to find another friend. After Egli has recovered (partially, she'll never really recover) from Yuki's death, around the time she's 14, she and her family are on their way to the super-market, a reckless driver comes out of nowhere and hits the family. Egli is the only one who wasn't fatally damaged. She is left only with a scar to remind her of her family. In the four years since,she has been thrown around through foster care and had many foster families. When she was 18 she was released from the foster center and allowed to work in a small shop that an old man owns downtown. She is allowed to sleep in the upstairs part of the shop but she has to do all the work. She takes care of the shop while the old man (who's name is Bernard) just "manages" it.

Not to long ago, she started to see visions of various things, and that is when a Jedi Master came looking for her because he had seen a vision about a little girl, sitting by herself.

FORCE POWERS (though not fully able to control yet):
Force Pull/Push
Force Leap
Force Speed (run)

SKILLS:
  • Good with mechanics
  • Very fast without even using her powers of speed
  • Extremely Smart
LIGHTSABER/SWORD FORMS:
None

STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES:

Strengths:
Very high stamina
Always fit
Weaknesses:
Afraid of flying
Not very social; can't get much help

GEAR:
Green Lightsaber (makes when accepted into Jedi Faction)
Has blaster under cloak

Role-Plays:
A little more than a typical day:http://www.thestarwarsrp.com/forum/index.php?threads/a-little-more-than-a-typical-day.66619/
 
Last edited:

Painus

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Should probably elaborate on how she meets and is recruited into the Jedi, given that this information is nowhere on here. Similarly, if she was 12 and recruited by the Order, why would they just leave her on Coruscant? How did she get her scar? Who trained her? Many questions, no answers.

Ambiguity is neat sometimes, but not to this extent. :v
 

Reya Starlyght

roger roger
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Alright, expanding on what Painus said, your character's biography needs to be expanded. You need a minimum of three pragraphs, not to mention a way of tying her into the timeline. Also, the Jedi faction and the Republic faction are seperate things, not one.

Also, I would like to see her stats expanded. Just numbers aren't going to cut it, as this is a writing, not a video game. At least write a sentence for two on each thing.

Third, you may want to put how she got her lightsaber. They aren't exactly just a weapon like a blaster, and you didn't elaborate at all on this point.
 

Lexi-Oi

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Alright, expanding on what Painus said, your character's biography needs to be expanded. You need a minimum of three pragraphs, not to mention a way of tying her into the timeline. Also, the Jedi faction and the Republic faction are seperate things, not one.

Also, I would like to see her stats expanded. Just numbers aren't going to cut it, as this is a writing, not a video game. At least write a sentence for two on each thing.

Third, you may want to put how she got her lightsaber. They aren't exactly just a weapon like a blaster, and you didn't elaborate at all on this point.
Sorry guys. I was just kinda trying to make a person and forgot some of the guide lines. I'll go back and change them:oops:
 

Elijah Brockway

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Remember the rules about visions and the like regarding RPing/maybe explain a different way for how she was found by the Jedi/found the Jedi herself, because "visions drew them together, Force wills it!" just sounds like a cop-out a lot of the time. Other than that, I'd like some more description regarding the Force abilities, skills, and the like. How good is she actually, how did she learn these abilities, stuff like that? To add to the bio, what was her first year as a Jedi like (or did she only just get recruited now)? Why does she have the weaknesses and stuff she has? How did the trauma she's experienced actually affect her personality, because you don't really explain that much? Things like that.

Address those as soon as you can and I'll be willing to approve the character.
 

Lexi-Oi

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Remember the rules about visions and the like regarding RPing/maybe explain a different way for how she was found by the Jedi/found the Jedi herself, because "visions drew them together, Force wills it!" just sounds like a cop-out a lot of the time. Other than that, I'd like some more description regarding the Force abilities, skills, and the like. How good is she actually, how did she learn these abilities, stuff like that? To add to the bio, what was her first year as a Jedi like (or did she only just get recruited now)? Why does she have the weaknesses and stuff she has? How did the trauma she's experienced actually affect her personality, because you don't really explain that much? Things like that.

Address those as soon as you can and I'll be willing to approve the character.

Gomenasei. I will fix those asap
 

Bigfatpenn

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Nice character just genuinely curious, is her hair colour natural?
 
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