Fatherhood

[Darth Evandrus]

Theme​

He was dreaming again wasn’t he?

Of course he was.

He wasn’t in his Jedi chambers and he wasn’t in a hotel room or safe house. No, the bed he ‘woke up’ in wasn’t as cold as the one in the Temple and it wasn’t as comfortable as a hotel bed. It was a bed that someone bought for their home – something that Cregan didn’t actually have.

This dream though… was familiar.

He’d had this dream before and he would likely have it again in the future. Was it a good idea to look forward to a dream that he knew could never actually happen? No. No it broke his heart a little every time that he woke up for it, simply by not being real. While he was in the dream however, he lost sight of that fairly easily and all he could think about was enjoying it while he could.

Weirdly enough, recognising that he was dreaming did absolutely nothing to ruin the dream itself. He’d always heard that acknowledging you were in a dream was a good way to make it go away but he hadn’t found that to be the case at all. All it meant was that he could enjoy this, guilt free, because he knew it wasn’t going to last.

The same reason why he dreaded waking up from it.

Leaving his bed, he looked around the small, comfortable, room with its double bed and large, double breasted, wardrobe. Breathing in the smell of it, he luxuriated in the scent of pine and fresh air along with some kind of sweet smelling fabric cleaner. It was… well it was what he imagined domesticity to smell like.

The warmth in the air was pleasant enough and there were even some birds singing somewhere in the background. Just letting it all wash over him, Cregan couldn’t help the lazy way the smile worked its way onto his face even as he just stood there, eyes closed, and let the entire scene wash over him.

“Morning sleepyhead.”

Chuckling softly, he turned to see Alais leaning against the doorframe, dressed in some honestly rather cute sleeping clothes. The kind that were fluffy and came with pictures of goofy Lothcats on, doing goofy Lothcat things, naturally. She held a cup of caf in her hands and she just looked so damned amused by how happy he was just to be here. He couldn’t help the chuckle and he didn’t even pretend to resist the urge to move across the room to wrap a single arm around her waist, bringing her in close,

“Morning yourself my little early riser. Got to be early to work or something?”

Alais groaned in annoyance and led him away from the bedroom into a kitchen, a rather cramped affair that somehow managed to feel so much more inviting than an entire banquet hall would be to him. He listened, idly making a cup of caf for himself, as Alais droned on about how someone at work was annoying her by being, and he was quoting, ‘an insufferable know-it-all’.

He just listened to her as she vented, occasionally chiming in with supportive comments towards her or insults towards the other woman as were needed. Instead of actively participating into the conversation, he just sat atop the work surface with his caf in his hands just… just listening.

A chorus of giggles from outside?

Two little children, no more than maybe five or six, went racing through the kitchen and off down another corridor. Both of them had their mother’s dark hair but one of them was noticeably paler than the other, the other one being closer to his own, slightly sun-kissed skin tone. He didn’t see any other distinguishing features and he never had done in the past either.

Though there had never been two before… or little Cap (looking perhaps in her early teens) chasing after them with a mock-angry expression firmly on her face as she made roaring sounds after them.

Were they playing Lothwolves and Lothcats again?

Their attention spans didn’t often seem capable of allowing them to listen for more than a few moments but that single game gave them hours of amusement. He hummed a little bit as a thought struck him.

Only one of those kids is mine and Alais’.

The other kid, he instinctively knew, was fathered by the shadowy male figure that stood by the front door to the house. He examined the figure but it was impossible to make any features out. After all, he knew nothing about the other man save that he existed. Turning back to Alais, he was unsurprised to find her dressed all in black with a flowing cape.

“Queen going to address her troops today?” he teased her with a soft smile, “Don’t work them too hard. They complain to me when they hurt themselves too much following your commands.”

Alais just chuckled a little bit and stepped forward to kiss him lovingly on the lips. The kiss lingered for a few moments before she backed away and greeted the shadowy figure at the door with the same gesture. He watched, not really feeling much of anything about the display before she turned and waved goodbye to him and left with the shadowy man.

Cregan just watched her go.

Humming a little bit, he noticed the now teenaged Cap huffing, out of breath, as she came back into the kitchen, sans children. He raised an amused eyebrow at her and she huffed,

“The little beasts don’t want to do their saber practice until they’ve been caught!” she argued with a pout, “And I’m apparently not a good enough Lothwolf…”

Chuckling, Cregan ruffled the teenager’s hair fondly, ignoring her indignant squawking about how he’d ruined her hair for that kid she had a crush on. Instead he ruffled his own hair up with one hand and dropped off the counter. Brushing his knuckles against his front, he winked at Cap,

“Let me show you how a Master plays Lothwolves and Lothcats!” He declared before reaching into the Force and letting out a deep, reverberating howl echo throughout the house, “Ahwooooo!”

Using the sound waves he had generated as some kind of focusing factor in the Force, he grinned wide and declared,

“Papa wolf is coming for you Lothcats!”

Following the sounds of their excited giggling, he quickly found them, using his Force enhanced reflexes and agility to grab them up, one under each arm. He shook them a little, much to their eager delight,

“Daddy!” “Uncle Cregan!”

They complained simultaneously but he just ignored them, giving another Lothwolf howl before leaving his own child for Cap to ‘capture’ and instead focusing on tickling the remaining child – Alais’ child by another man.

Part of him felt like he should be upset that the kid even existed… and the other parts of him just saw a happy, smiling child with Her eyes.

And that was all alright.

…

Waking up slowly, after spending another ‘day’ there in his only consistent dream, Cregan didn’t want to move. He just lay there, looking up at the ceiling in his Jedha temple bedroom with overly moist eyes. As he always did, Cregan immediately wanted to go back.

Hells, it was apparently poker night with himself, Alais, her lover, Kal and Evalyn. That sounded like fun!

Chuckling, he wipe away the unshed tears and went to go about his day. Maybe someday… but it didn’t do to be dreaming about ‘someday’ when today was still awaiting.