Finding Clarity

[Allu'rah Danan]

Akira paced the training room the Harrowing nervously. She bit her lip and looked around, wide-eyed. Her hands rested on her belly. She felt sick to her stomach with fear. "Something is wrong," she said to the empty room, almost on the verge of tears. "Something is very, very wrong." An overwhelming darkness pressed on her mind. It was so strong that it was making her feel physically ill. Or perhaps she was physically ill. That was certainly a common enough occurrence.

Akira wanted to go home. Where was home now? The Ven had been her family, her village, her people. But home wasn't on Shili anymore. Hadn't been for months. Home was with Elliot. Akira wished that they would let her see him, or even tell her where he was stationed, or when the last time he had made contact was and whether or not he was okay. All they told her was that he was training, much like her.

The Togruta finally sat down and crossed her legs. Perhaps someone would be there soon, and her lesson could begin. She wanted to learn how to control her visions of impending doom and her nightmares. She wanted to put a stop to them

 

[Syn]

Matsu entered the room from her chambers as she looked at Akira with raised eyebrows and spoke seeing her unease. "I can feel it to, somethign bad has happened but we cannot do anything about it right now. Please Akira try to think of something else." Matsu moved forward and offered a smile as she gave her hand lightly not expecting a hand shake but she didn't know the girl could surprise her. "It is nice to see you again after last time much has changed. I understand your friend has even joined."

 

[Allu'rah Danan]

Akira's head perked up at the motion behind her. "You are a Jedi," she said bluntly, clearly surprised. "I remember your face. Why are you here? And where is Elliot? Tell me, please." The Togruta sniffed and wiped her eyes on the back of her hand. The girl got to her feet in order to face Matsu properly. Then the rest of the statement hit her. "Wait, you hear it too? You feel it?" The words were barely out of her mouth when a sharp pain exploded through her head, dropping her back on her ass.

"Something is very wrong," Akira said with a sob, clutching her head. "Please, teach me. Teach me what to do to make this all stop. I do not want all this darkness and fear bottled in me."

 

[Syn]

Matsu looked at Akira. "I was a jedi Akira now I am a knight. Your friend is on another ship. The guardsmen are trained differently. As for what you are feeling right now I do not know if I can make it stop. I can show you how to not let it make you ill but we will have to do a lot of work." Matsu remaiend there as she looked Akira up and down. "A lot of work, Akira and you will be able to control what you are feeling."

 

[Allu'rah Danan]

Akira nodded, sitting up and straightening herself out. Crossing her legs, she attempted to calm her mind and compose herself, but it was proving exceptionally difficult. She could almost hear the echoes of dying screams transmitted through the Force. But Akira nevertheless took deep breaths in an effort to quiet herself.

"Please, teach me what you can," she asked, a little more composed and polite now. She still was unable to keep her voice from quavering. "I know nothing, but I learn. I promise to you, I learn."

 

[Syn]

Matsu gave a nod and moved forward until she was on front of Akira and knelt down speaking. "Now that you are calm imagine in your head a wall something that cannot be breached unless you allow it. This will block out the feelings and allow you to filter them. Then we will be able to work on strengthening your thought shield."

 

[Allu'rah Danan]

Akira nodded. She didn't really understand how this would help, but there was a lot that she did not understand. She imagined a wall, but it crumbled like sand as soon as the first wave crashed against her. Her face furrowed as she tried to focus. She rebuilt the wall, sturdier this time, but the constant flood simply flowed over. So she shaped the wall around herself, a solid sphere to protect herself. The Togruta was adrift, with inky black tar sloshing up and over her. Whatever it was, Akira knew this black sea was entirely evil. But it could not reach her. The tumultuous ocean could not be into her little pocket of serenity. The Togruta could feel the weight lifting from her as the screams faded, as did her pain. But she had to fight to keep everything back. "It threatens to crush me," she said through gritted teeth. "I have my wall. How do I support it? How do I make a wall that is sulf-sufficient?"

 

[Syn]

Matsu thought about it as she spoke. "To strengthen your mental walls focus on them. Whatever they are made from think of the elements that make it stronger. " Matsu tried to think more there were many ways the most obvious and tiring was sheer force of will. it would make her tired but it could help. Quickly Matsu set her hand on Akira's shoulder and spoke sending force energy into her to help and ease the burden. "Just concentrate and be gentle. Your trying to hold back an ocean I know but it can be done."

 

[Allu'rah Danan]

Akira winced. Her bubble was more like a sieve than a wall. However, the Togruta gave another push, patching up her protective sphere. She imagined the toughest material she could. Rock? No, the Sith had incinerated stone at Muunilinst. She had already seen that. Then what? Akira could not help but think of what she now considered home. Inside the hull of Elliot's ship, she had always been safe. Nothing had ever hurt her there. Inside those walls was nothing but happy memories. . The protective sphere around her mind changed, its composition morphing into strong, light steel reminiscent of the Dusty Mandalorian. Finally, it was quiet, and Akira heaved a sigh of relief. She was sweating and trembling, afraid that it she stopped focusing on the wall it would shatter. "Now what do I do?" she asked in a shaky voice. "It holds for now. But how do I keep it whole? How do I not let it break?"

 

[Syn]

"By teaching yourself to hold it. It may take sometime but you can do many other things while holding a mental shield. You will have to practice. Now my hand is in front of you. Grab it and we'll do a small exercise." Matsu held her hands out as she waited. They could play a simple game but it would teach her to focus on both the shield and another task at the same time.Patty cake"

 

[Allu'rah Danan]

Akira bawked at Matsu for a moment. She was going to have to do this forever now? How...? Ugh. She got to her feet slowly, trying to stay just as focused on the barrier. It tried to bust, and she swore she could hear the hull groan, but it stayed in tact and stabilized. Akira hesitated as she raised her sweaty hands up to chest height and held them out, just as Matsu had done. Giving her a questioning look as she followed the Human's lead, their hands met with a faint clap, and then came back with another clap, and went back to each other. The effort to maintain the barrier was too much for a mind divided to handle, and Akira cringed as the screams of terror and anguish rippling through the Force began to leak back into her head. "NO!" she snarled to herself as she forced the walls back up. "My mind is my own." Panting, she looked back up to Matsu as she wiped her face. "Again, please."

 

[Syn]

Matsu looked at Akira and gave a nod as she held her hands out and focused on the girl. She was sending as much calmness she could at her and energy while she set her hands and was ready. "Then lets do it." Matsu brought her hands forward to clap and then back one forward back then the other forward.

 

[Allu'rah Danan]

Akira was starting to get the pattern of the clapping game now, and so did not need to focus nearly as hard on it, putting more focus back onto her mind shield, although that was probably missing the point of the exercise. She had seen some students sparring against each other with their lightsabers, but there was just so much technique involved when using such a dangerous weapon. How would she be able to focus on shielding herself and combat at the same time? It probably was not something she needed to fret about at the moment. It would likely be weeks before she was allowed to have a lightsaber.

Over the course of the next douple of hours, Akira walked through different drills that involved her splitting her focus. After patty cake, she was instructed to maintain her shield while patting her head and rubbing her tummy. She lost focus several times during that exercise, but eventually got the hang of it. Once that one was under her belt, she had to do the same thing while standing on one foot, and then again while walking backwards. And following those, she was drilled in something a little more practical: walking and carrying on a mundane conversation while maintaining her mind shield. By this time, she was positively exhausted and sweat was running down her face and body, but she hadn't dropped the shield at all over the last half hour. There was still a flaw in the multi-tasking drills though.

"How... how do I... protect myself as... I sleep?" she asked between breaths. A good question, given how exhausted she was. They also still had to train on how to filter certain things through the shield, making it selectively permeable than totally impermeable. But those were likely lessons for another day.

 

[Syn]

Matsu had been there with Akira walking her through everything and spoke about sleeping. "At first it will be hard. Your mind will drift to sleep and it will all come flooding back. I would suggest practicing in your quarters. Some find it easier with a partner. Someone who can be awake and help focus on you to keep the shields up. That is how some jedi do it. In the Imperial knights you will be subjected to mental discipline and learn how to the harder way. For now rest a little and I will watch over your mind." Matsu stood there and bowed as she focused on akira to protect her while she relaxed.

 

[Allu'rah Danan]

"Thank you," the Togruta said as she bobbed a grateful nod. She went over to a corner of the room where a pile of mats were stacked. Akira curled up on top of the stack, and wished that she had a blanket there with her, or better yet a person to curl up with. Taking a deep breath, Akira stopped focusing on the shield, and remarkably, it held true. She relaxed considerably, and exhaustion crashed on her like a shipwreck. It wasn't long before she was asleep, unbothered by the troubles of the galaxy for the first time in a while.

 

[Syn]

Matsu looked at Akira and moved near her as she sat down to meditate and from her chambers had done of the droids bring her a blanket as she set it down on the girl. She could hold a thought shield for both of them easily enough and she closed her eyes to meditate. She would keep her prospect safe. Same way she would have had she been in the jedi still. Akira was to be trained and protected they all were.