Ask Freebird Was Playing

[Leon Baudelaire]

Leon peeked over the edge of the high-rise building. Below was a private club owned by a ringleader in Black Sun, Cayman Craw. Normally, Leon wasn’t in the business of following criminals around, but Cayman was a particularly violent and gruesome individual. The Ringleader was supposedly the biggest runner of spice on Ord Mantell as well as a rising star in the growing slave trade on the planet. The planet’s capital Wolford was as mean and villainous as Mos Espa, but much bigger. It was the perfect place for a criminal to garner a reputation and an even better place to justify stealing a ship.

Cayman Craw owned a ship he lovingly called, “The Caged Bird,” rumor on the street was he’d stolen it from a Crimson Dawn enforcer a few years back, but the details were sketchy to say the least.

Leon wasn’t taking any chances on this mission. He’d let Hera knew what his intentions were and she’d given him that typical grin before punching his shoulder and saying, “Good Luck.” He had no doubt she was somehow monitoring his every move, but it didn’t matter.

Over his shoulder he said to Ezra, “You about ready?”

Leon was dressed incognito, face covered by a mask and body hidden under a poncho. He wore his usual gear, but there was a new addition. A BD Unit. Leon had found Peetwo the same day he’d found his lightsaber Daybreak. This was their first time working together, but Leon noticed Ezra and the little guy got along like old friends, typical, laughed Leon to himself..

@Sreeya

 

[Ezra Thorne]

“These pants are riding up my ass,” Ezra grumbled as he adjusted said pants. He was entirely displeased about being told to ‘blend in’. However, he still was going to be as extra as possible and put together an assortment of different plates and straps to complete his ‘mercenary ensemble’. The lower hemisphere of his face was concealed behind a mask (actually opaque unlike the picture..).

“If Craw hires us as muscle, that’s our best way in,” Ezra said, referring to the plan he had been cooking up. Plus, hopefully it would give him an avenue to beat some people up. He was in a sour mood since the Holonet came out and rumors circulated around Dash. In typical fashion, instead of dealing with it like an adult, Ezra chose to stew in his own thoughts and avoid speaking with Dash.

“What will Peetwo do?” Ezra asked, unable to hide the slight hint of concern in his tone. He had a soft spot for droids and he didn’t want the BD unit to get crushed or sold.

They couldn’t simply waltz into the club, and they had to find a way in. Ezra walked down through the local streets, spotting market stalls and people milling about all over the place. He walked next to Leon, glancing around to take in sight of everything. The district was poor and filthy, the people all sketchy in nature.

“Apparently some sex worker chick named….Leia Orgasma..” Ezra read slowly from his Nalphone, “...is the person to talk to about jobs for Craw,” The part Sephi shook his head, “Neon and Reed back at it.”

@Zay

 

[Leon Baudelaire]

Ezra complained about his pants and Leon laughed, “Filling in for Glub, and Dur, I see,” he said with a teasing shove. Even though they lived in the same dorm, their schedule had kept them on opposite schedules since Dash’s knighting. Truth be told, the majority of their interactions have been half hearted, totally exhausted versions of their patented handshake, so it was nice to snag a little bro time while stealing a ship from a Criminal Drug Lord. Talk about wholesome bonding time.

“I like it,” he said, switching on his voice scrambler, “I’ll be an Ubese Gunslinger looking to avenge his father after a Scion of the Cartel had him killed, what should my name be?”

Leon had already chosen Neon Montoya, but he’d let Ezra think it was his idea. “PeeTwo?” he said with a quirk of his head. The little droid looked up at him, the little droid’s big single photoreceptor focusing on him, almost like a puppy dog. “I was thinking we’d let him scout for us. We’re gonna need someone to get eyes on the ship. Once he finds it he let’s us know and we enter the next phase of the plan?”

Leon chuckled, “Leia Orgasma, classic.” He shook his head, “Let’s just hope she looks at us as thinks of muscle and not dancers.”

Leon threw his hands up excited, “That’s it! I’m Neon Montoya! I’ll say cool shit like, ‘Hello my name is Neon Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die!’ What do you think?” The entire time he acted out little fencing maneuvers ending with a stamp of his foot and an invisible flourish. Ezra shook his head and proclaimed that Neon and Reed were back at it again. Leon went for a high five solidifying his excitement for the job.

A few minutes later they were standing in front of a Zeltros woman who, putting it nicely, looked like she’d been driven like a Kessle spicer keen to beat Solo’s record. She looked rough. But behind the hard use Leon could see the glimmers of former beauty. He felt for her, not enough to do anything about her situation, but enough to wanna avoid making her life any harder than it already was.

She wore a shoddy imitation of the golden bikini the former princess of Alderaan had made so popular. Her inky violet hair was pulled into a pair of twin buns, and her face was so caked with makeup she may as well been wearing a mask.

In a voice that was deeper than Leon or Ezra’s “Leia” said, “Welcome gentlebeings, how may I be of service?” her eyes lingered hungrily on Ezra.

Neon stepped up, his tinny metallic voice said, “Are you the one they call Leia Orgasma?”
She bobbed her head, "In the flesh, can I help you?"
"Two merc's looking to work for Craw."

He kept his speech clipped and to the point. Like basic wasn’t his first language. Leia’s expression changed. The practiced inviting glean was replaced by an appraising edge, “And what makes you two grunts think he’s looking?”

Her eyes shifted up and down the street before coming back to them. Her professional paranoia had taken over, but she wasn’t turning them away. So, Leon took that as a plus.

@Sreeya

 

[Ezra Thorne]

Ezra didn’t miss the way the old bat eyed him - she was probably old enough to be his grandma. He remained unfazed, “Business booming for Craw,” He said curtly, adding an Axxilan accent to his speech, “He needs the protection.”

The woman looked as if she was about to say something. But before she could, Ezra spoke again, “But someone as beautiful as you probably has them lining up, so we won’t waste your time,” He said before spinning on his heel.

“Wait!” She called out behind them, his bullshit having done the trick. She gave them a smile that was likely once very dazzling, but today was full of spice-rotted teeth, “Your accent is hot,” She remarked as she looked at them both, “Fine. There’s a fight club happening a few blocks away from here. Talk to Blor at the warehouse door marked Blor’s. Tell him ‘Leia sends the beef’ and he’ll know to get you in. Y’all impress Craw in the ring and he’ll hire you.”

She reached out to trace her finger along the side of Ezra’s face. Leon would sense Ezra visibly stiffen, his fingers curling into fists. His roommate knew the part Sephi hated being touched by strangers, “Don’t get that face too messed up, baby, I’ll make you feel better if you wanna come by again,” She smiled at them again before waving them off.

Ezra walked off then, glancing over his shoulder before reaching into his bag to pull out disinfectant wipes. He vigorously wiped off where the woman had touched him, “You’re hitting on the fossil next time we run into one,” He said moodily to Leon as they began to arrive at the warehouse.

@Zay

 

[Leon Baudelaire]

”Hey man, it’s not my fault the older ladies love you,” Leon teased.

The trek to the warehouse was short. As they approached the door, a bouncer stepped in the way.

“Evening, gentle beings, what can I do for you?” asked the doorman.

The bouncer was a Duro with ashen colored skin and crimson eyes. His question had seemed polite, but his tone suggested Leon and Ezra could go fuck themselves.

“We’re here to see Blor,” stated Leon in that flat tinny voice.
“Blor, who sent you?”
“The one and only Leia Orgasma.”
“Did she?”
“She did, she also sent us with a message.”
“Is that right?”
“Leia sends the beef.”
If the Duro had eyebrows one could be cocked.
“I see,” he reached back and gave the door two sharp knocks. The plate slid back and a robotics eyeball stretched from the opening.
The Duro said, “Leia sends BEEEEF!”

Leon glanced at Ezra, “I got a bad feeling about this.”

Ten mins later…​

Leon and Ezra were standing across a ring from a Zabrak that was built like a brick shit house and a wiry Codru-Ji. A cage that crackled with electricity surrounded them. The horned beef cake snarled stereotypically, while the spindly armed goon stretched two of their arms and made obscene gestures with the others. A small tinge of excitement ran through Baudelaire. He and Ezra were in a genuine team brawl. Finally, a chance to try out what they’d learned on Ellora.

An Ardennian dressed like a pirate inspired pimp rose from his elevated throne and held up two of his arms to quiet the crowed while the other two crossed over his chest.

"I Blor de'Crim, sanction this brawl. May the nastiest team, WIN!"

A spray of cascading pyrotechnics went off and the other team charged.

@Sreeya

 

[Ezra Thorne]

Theme
​

Unlike Leon, Ezra was very much not looking forward to this. First of all, his pants were entirely too tight to allow for his regular kicks. Second of all, if his helmet got damaged or had to come off, he would be recognized instantly. However, even he couldn’t deny a sliver of exhilaration at being able to use some of their combo moves.

“Good thing we know how to handle four armed jackasses,” Ezra muttered quietly to Leon as they entered the cage. The electricity was overkill, but if this is what it took to get in good with Craw, then so be it.

The Zabrak and the codru-ji both taunted them and Ezra largely ignored it. The pyrotechnics went off and the two charged. Ezra was targeted by the codru-ji, the alien swinging in with both his upper arms. Ezra blocked one and swatted the other away, but one of the lower arms came in to slam into his side.

Ezra grunted and did a sweep with his foot to knock the codru-ji down. This caught his enemy by surprise, causing him to stumble. On the flip side, this caused Ezra’s pants to tear a bit right along his rear. He could already hear some whistles and catcalls from the audience as he glared at the codru-ji.

@Zay

 

[Leon Baudelaire]

”Oh yeah, we’re gonna whoop their asses,” he said, flashing his grin from behind his helm and going for an abridged version of their handshake. When it came to battle buddies, there was no one Baudelaire would rather have at his side than Ezra.

As the other team came at them. Leon saw Ezra shift to take on four-arms. That meant the Zabrak was his.

“C’mere Horny!” he yelled in his tinny voice. What Leon didn’t expect was for the brick shit house to be fast as fuck. A meaty fist slammed into Baudelaire’s helmet, spinning it around and nearly taking his freaking head off. Dazed, he stumbled blindly, missing Ezra’s ass, just all out, which later he’d thank the force for, then he was doubled over by a vicious round kick to the gut.

Leon crashed to the ground. He managed to pull his helmet off in-time to see the horned asshole smile and beckon for Baudelaire to rise. This was off to a great start. He was hurt, but he’d been hurt worse. Besides what was a brawl without a little drama?

The Padawan got to his feet and bounced a couple of times on the balls of his feet, “Reed, you thinking 45 or 27?”

Ezra would know he was referring to their ultra-secret repertoire of devastating Jedi tactics. Of course, the Zabrak was circling like a shark that smelled blood, Leon wiped blood from his freshly busted lip and brandished a bloody grin before charging at Brick.

@Sreeya

 

[Ezra Thorne]

Ezra briefly caught Leon just eating shit out of the corner of his eye. He wasn’t feeling too great about his prospects, but he wouldn’t give up on his buddy yet. He had extensive training in Teras Kasi and it was time to show off some moves. Ezra got into a defensive pose, glaring at the codru-ji.

“I think it’s time…” He gave a dramatic pause, “For 50,” He said, with determination and theatrics. Ezra charged towards the codru-ji, grasping him by one of his arms. Using the Force, the Thorne hoisted him to the side. Leon would know to duck at exactly the right moment and help roll the codru-ji over his back, timing it so he was thrown right into the path of the Zabrak. The Zabrak just happened to be doing a headbutt move and the codru-jii collided full on with a loud shriek of pain.

Both of their enemies fell in a heap and there was blood. Ezra raised his arms at the crowds to spur on their cheering as he circled the little cage. Craw had to have seen that!

@Zay

 

[Leon Baudelaire]

The Zabrak charged, Leon slipped the attempted tackle and managed an off kilter counter that sent the horned dick head sprawling. Over his shoulder the padawan exclaimed, “Fifty?! You know I hate fifty!”

Crouching Wampa screaming Lizard Monkey was a complicated manuver that required the highest level of teamwork imaginable, which is why Leon started screaming like a man possessed.

Their opponents froze as confusion colored their expressions while they traded a glance. The four-armed queen shrugged and the Zabrak mirrored the sentiment. All the while, Leon was going straight up ape shit, wailing, spitting, thrashing. That’s when Ezra snatched four arms and hurled them. Leon had positioned himself between the two combatants, and as the mass of flailing limbs came his way, Baudelaire flashed a smirk at the Zabrak, then ducked.

Good ole’ Brick reacted exactly as he was supposed to, Head down and charging as the Corji-whatever slammed into him.

Leon crowed victoriously, initiating the duo’s patented super secret hand shake, “Those dudes got fucked, If Craw doesn’t bring us on he’s a ding-dong.”

The space pimp ardennian rose from his throne and lifted two of his little furry hands, “Bring me the winners!”

@Sreeya

 

[Ezra Thorne]

Ezra’s side still hurt, but he was thrilled to see their ridiculous combos worked in their favor. Truth be told, this was called 50 because it had a 50/50 chance of working or failing horrifically. The crowds went wild and cheered while Ezra tried to ignore his wardrobe malfunctions. His designer undies were on display and there was nothing he could do about it right then. How did Dash or Ferrin ever manage in those tight pants? Ezra couldn’t even make it an hour before ripping them.

The two were led over to Blor, and Ezra gave Leon a look wondering why they always got stuck with four armed simians. Thankfully, this one didn’t seem as pissy or cryptic as the Ellorans. Blor was handed some grapes by a scantily clad twi’lek. Blor gestured for them to sit down as he put his little feet up on the table in front of him.

“The winners get a favor,” He said with a grin, “What do you want?”

Ezra thought quickly on his feet. It was a risky move, but it was time to go big or go home, “We want a ride on the Caged Bird,” He declared flatly. He hoped Leon wouldn’t melt into the floor right there or make any involuntary noises. Truth be told, Ezra didn't entirely think this through, but he trusted in his abilities to slice into systems. Maybe they could still steal it discreetly.

@Zay

 

[Leon Baudelaire]

Leon picked his helmet from the ground and slid it back on his head. No notifications from Peetwo. A tinge of anxiety slipped down his spine but he swallowed it down and followed behind Ezra.

The homies exchanged a glance. Apparently, their fate was tied to four armed beings. Leon’s mouth opened, but before he could Ezra spoke up. Baudelaire’s eyebrows shot but he kept his mouth shut. The Ardennian had clearly been drinking, and this might just work. At least that’s what he thought until Blor laughed.

“You want a ride in Cayman Craw’s Caged Bird?” howled the simian space pimp. He laughed so hard, Leon couldn’t help but laugh a little. “Yeah, no way in hell, only Craw’s main crew get that privilege,” but with a sly smile he said, “But we can take a look at it, if you want.”

This time Leon piped up, “Sure, can we throw in a couple of drinks with that?”

Blor laughed while snapping one finger, a cocktail waitress appeared out of nowhere and Leon ordered a whiskey. Better to have one before this went to shit than to die wanting, right? Right.

A few minutes later they were walking through a secret passage that ran underneath Blor’s place to a hidden hangar owned and operated by Black Sun. Leon’s helmet was pushed up high enough to expose his boyish smirk, which was currently adorned by a sip of whiskey.

“So, you two some force freaks or what?” asked the Ardennian casually, as he padded down the hall.

————​

Peetwo scuttled up to the air vent grate and it’s single photo-receptor peered between the slates at the hangar below. The ship Leon had droned on about at length was prominent in the hanger. The little droid wasn’t sure why, frankly the ship looked like shit to the little droid, but he’d been assigned to a Jedi so he had to get used to this level of mediocrity. Then again this was far superior to the alternative which was draining away in that damn force hidden camp. His little head dropped a little at the thought of his former master, Tolan Kar.

The former Grandmaster of the Order had been so different from the other Jedi of the time. He was forward thinking and driven. He was hell bent on giving the Jedi the best foothold to the galaxy that he could, but in the end… he hadn’t been enough. The little droid's back legs wiggled, what Leon affectionately referred to as his droid butt, just before he lunged forward head butting the grate and knocking it loose.

“What the hell was that?” said the voice of some dumbass that hadn't realized the hanger had been infiltrated. Peetwo chortled haughtily as it patiently awaited his moment to strike. Once the guard was back to being a bored lump of a being, Peetwo fired off his grappling line, and slid across, landing on the top of The Caged Bird. Now, he just needed to slice into the ship before Leon and the big one came barreling into the hangar with whatever chaos they’d inevitably attract. Padawans, am I right?

@Sreeya

 

[Ezra Thorne]

Ezra was pleased that they were at least going to be within the ship’s direct vicinity. Aim for the moon and you land in the stars, right? Except he aimed for the moon and landed in a pile of shit. The disgusted look on his face as he gazed upon the ship Leon rambled on about was priceless. He slowly turned his head to look at Leon with a gaze that suggested he wanted to put the Adumari’s face in the ship’s thrusters. The thing looked decrepit and cheap.

“What makes you say that?” Ezra asked flatly at Blor’s question about being Force users. Were they that obvious? Or was Blor just used to really shitty fighters. Ezra didn’t particularly rely on the Force for the fight, “Maybe you ought to up the challenge,” He couldn’t help adding.

Ezra’s sensitive ears could pick up on some tinkering and he knew right away it must have been Peetwo getting to work. That meant the two had to stall and bullshit to give the droid the window he needed. Ezra decided to start first, looking at Blor, “So why’s Cayman Craw the head honcho anyway? Seems to me like you should be running things,” He said to the Ardennian. Ezra may not have been a politician, but he knew how to grease people up and get them to inflate and pontificate when it mattered.

@Zay

 

[Leon Baudelaire]

Blor watched them greedily out of the corner of his eye, Ezra answered first, which Leon appreciated because he was a terrible liar. “Uh, you both look like you’re in preschool,” scoffed Blor. Ezra parried the line of questioning, and the Ardennian shrugged his top set of shoulders, “Yeah, thugs and goons just ain’t what they used to be, huh?”

Blor greedy predatorial grin hadn’t faltered the entire time Leon and Ezra had been with him, but when Thorne brought up Cayman, the Ardennian’s smile faltered.

“You obviously don’t know who Craw is,” Blor looked around as if making sure the coast was clear when he said, “Once you join Cayman’s crew, you’ll see why he’s the boss and I run shit here.”

Just like that, Blor’s little veneer was back in place. Leon wasn’t thrilled by what he’d heard… If his meeting with Peef Callo was any kind of barometer for named criminals, he wanted to stay as far away from Cayman Craw as he could. Luckily for him and Ezra, they were here to snag a ship, not take down Black Sun.

The hall they were in abruptly came to an end at what appeared to be a solid wall. Blor stepped over to the garbage bin, slid it to the side, and flipped a hidden switch. The hiss of compressed air nearly made Leon jump. Before them was a hanger filled with mean looking vehicles. Everything from speeders to light freighters were on display as Blor led them toward The Caged Bird.

“Oh man, it looks even cooler than I thought!” said Leon totally fangirling over the heavily modified Lancer Patrol Craft. Two Falleen guards clad in all black stood guard on either side of the ship's boarding ramp. This was it, they were so close Leon could taste it!

“Blor…” the calm no nonsense tone of the guard, grabbed Baudelaire’s attention and out of precaution slipped his helmet down over his face. As soon as Peetwo gave the signal it would be time to begin their totally full proof plan. Operation: Flying Rancor Hidden Wampa.

“Aw, relax Jaxus, I’m just showing some new guys what ship not to fuck with,” said Blor waving the guard down. The second Falleen stepped forward, hand hanging just over his blaster, his intent overt. “Absolutely, no uninitiated are allowed here, you know better!” he growled.

Blor’s confidence was deflating like a balloon with a pin prick. Leon decided to chime in, “Wow, Blor you’re right, these guys do suck humongous rancor balls!”

Ezra would know to double down on this immediately, they needed these morons focused on each other, not the two new guys about to steal the cool ass ship!

@Sreeya

 

[Ezra Thorne]

Things got a whole lot more complicated when the guards showed up. Ezra counted on his superior hearing to tell when Peetwo was done with his part. He watched the bickering start and Leon added fuel to the fire. Ezra blinked a few times before quickly joining in, “Why are you giving him a hard time? We’re just here to look.”

“You shut it, kid,” The guard hissed.

“What, you gonna arrest us?” Blor said with a scoff, clearly irritated.

After a moment, Peetwo was finished. Ezra glanced away for a moment, letting the bickering continue and relying on Leon to stall them. He focused on a lever in the distance, using the Force to coil around it and yank down. Almost at once, the door to the bay began to open, letting sunlight pour in.

The guards and Blor all looked surprised, glancing over. This offered the perfect cover for Ezra to use the Force to send them all flying down the hall and slamming into other ships and speeders parked.

“Go!” He shouted, bounding up the ramp that Peetwo had lowered. He didn’t even look back to see if Leon followed, throwing himself into the ship and rushing to the cockpit. He could hear blaster bolts flying in their direction, some of them scuffing up the ship. Peetwo had hotwired the ship and Ezra popped into his seat and began to back away out of the landing bay. He really hoped Leon managed to make it onboard..

Without hesitating Ezra slid the ship out and shot up into the air, glancing down at a perplexed Blor and two guards rushing over to the edge of the bay. They became smaller and smaller till they were just specks.

He felt a rush of adrenaline, and he didn’t even realize that he was smiling. They had the Freebird.

@Zay

/End