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Here's something I've been playing around with.
I have always been, always am, and will always be God’s best friend. From before the beginning, to after the end I have been the right hand to the almighty hand. I was even there when you all came about; Men. I will admit that for the bit when women first appeared I was napping, although I’m almost certain the idea was mine. You’re welcome.
I have learned a lot through my (endless) time spent with the Lord, doing his biding before you all did- his demands were much worse then. The thing is, most humans have written their little books about how their species, ‘their’ planet, ‘their’ universe was made. And it’s all wrong-every single one.
Don’t feel upset though, it isn’t your fault; there is no way any human could get the real big picture behind existence. We made you very rational creatures, and tossed you in a very irrational universe. On purpose. You’re not supposed to understand why you’re here, but rather just appreciate the fact you exist…That was our, or at least my intention.
Anyway, reading through your story books, I find myself amazed (recall I’m God’s best friend…it takes a lot to amaze me) at just how much information is left out! For example, I’m not mentioned once! Not once! Do you realize how frustrating that is, to not be recognized in the least bit for all the effort and work you put into something?
I write this to set the record straight. I write this so that for the first time in forever, you will get a clear picture of what needed to happen for you ungrateful bastards to exist so comfortably on such a pretty little blue green pebble, in a majestic, incomprehensively enormous universe. I write this to finally spread the truth. I’ll even let you in on some secrets that God never told you. Prepare yourselves. To be shocked.
I have always been, always am, and will always be God’s best friend. From before the beginning, to after the end I have been the right hand to the almighty hand. I was even there when you all came about; Men. I will admit that for the bit when women first appeared I was napping, although I’m almost certain the idea was mine. You’re welcome.
I have learned a lot through my (endless) time spent with the Lord, doing his biding before you all did- his demands were much worse then. The thing is, most humans have written their little books about how their species, ‘their’ planet, ‘their’ universe was made. And it’s all wrong-every single one.
Don’t feel upset though, it isn’t your fault; there is no way any human could get the real big picture behind existence. We made you very rational creatures, and tossed you in a very irrational universe. On purpose. You’re not supposed to understand why you’re here, but rather just appreciate the fact you exist…That was our, or at least my intention.
Anyway, reading through your story books, I find myself amazed (recall I’m God’s best friend…it takes a lot to amaze me) at just how much information is left out! For example, I’m not mentioned once! Not once! Do you realize how frustrating that is, to not be recognized in the least bit for all the effort and work you put into something?
I write this to set the record straight. I write this so that for the first time in forever, you will get a clear picture of what needed to happen for you ungrateful bastards to exist so comfortably on such a pretty little blue green pebble, in a majestic, incomprehensively enormous universe. I write this to finally spread the truth. I’ll even let you in on some secrets that God never told you. Prepare yourselves. To be shocked.
