ISB Database- Daemon Valara

[KrakenDaWhip]

>access restricted.input password
>password: *****.... Accepted
> Welcome to the ISB database, Officer [REDACTED]

ISB DATABASE FILE​ __[ALIAS] "Molotov" Markus Komo​ __[NAME] Daemon Valara​ __[AFFILIATION] DarkNet​ __[RANK] N/A​

DETAILS​ __[SPECIES] Human​ __[HOMEWORLD] Bastion​ __[AGE] 17​ __[GENDER] Male​ __[HEIGHT] 5'10​ __[WEIGHT] 140 lb​ __[HAIR COLOUR] Black​ __[EYE COLOUR] Heterochromic, Left- Hazel Right- Light blue​ SUMMARY​ __[ASSET SUMMARY] Weapons: "Surprise" SH-5 Holdout-Blaster Armor/Apparel: Gas-mask, illegally modified Ship: Z-Interceptor Other Gear: Hacking datapad, Illegal 5x Blaster power packs 10 Feet of Detcord __[BIOGRAPHICAL SUMMARY] *Written by [REDACTED], close friend to Valara, now Imperial agent* Daemon Valara was born to a pair of middle-class, vehemently anti-state Anarchist parents. At first, Daemon didn't seem to share his parents sentiments. However, as he grew older, he began to see the signs of oppression and misery everywhere, even among other middle-class families. He only began to consider himself an Anarchist after he went to his first protest. Protests weren't very common, often savagely repressed, but a few of the parents of the more wealthy protesters had payed of some of the officials to have the response to this one limited. Despite these attempts, the riot still spiraled out of control, and Daemon found himself near one of the more violent rioters, a bomb-maker, as the first shots were fired into the crowd. Scared out of his mind, Daemon almost didn't respond when the other man asked him to toss a rather heavy box towards the police. Even not knowing it was a bomb, Daemon was afraid to do it. Under pressure from surrounding protesters, Daemon threw the box and ran. When he felt the heat, and heard the boom and screams that followed, he knew he had done something very serious. When Daemon found his home, he was horrified to discover several police there. The influence of several rich parents of the rioters kept them out of jail, but Daemon was delivered an official warning, and made to watch a recording of the riot. When he saw the part when he threw the explosive, while he wasn't too happy with killing the troopers, he didn't feel any regret. Several odd disappearances had been linked to Imperials removing subversives, which had been the cause of the protest, and it felt great to him to fight for that cause. When the police left, all he could think about was going to more protests, helping to right the Imperium's wrongs. Eventually, he was contacted by the man who had asked him to throw the box, and offered to teach him how to make things go boom. Curious, he accepted, not expecting to get too involved. However, he soon discovered he had an aptitude for explosives. The man, named Jaku Granta, became Daemon's close friend, and buddy at protests. Eventually, with encouragement from Jaku, small time protests and riots turned into mild terrorism, at every protest at least one bomb was thrown. This was when Daemon purchased his current weapon, and with help from Jaku, taught himself to use it. The two were excellent at hiding their identities, between both of their self-taught hacking abilities, and special precautions, they were unlikely to be caught. That is, until one of their close friends ratted them out to the police. Returning home after the celebration of one of their more successful hacks, Daemon found a very official notice, stating his parents had been arrested for suspected criminal activity. The rat knew that the couple had been Daemon's parents, but Daemon was too careful to give his allies his true identity, even Jaku, training Daemon, told him not to give his real name to him. Inheriting only an old "ugly", a Z-Interceptor, Daemon had a new mission. Find the rat and deal with them. If possible, find, and rescue his parents... And make the Imperials rue the day they targeted them in the first place. __[FORCE SUMMARY] Not force sensitive __[LOCATIONS OF INTEREST] Bastion: Homeworld __[CONFIRMED SIGHTINGS] Bastion __[KNOWN ASSOCIATES] Jaku Granta Close friend of Valara, wanted for terrorism. __[THREAT SUMMARY] Valara is armed, and extremely dangerous. Valara is to arrested on sight, lethal force is authorized in event of resistance. Certain amounts of public support are seen to Valara from radical anarchist, or anti-state groups. Such groups and people to are to found and "disappeared". If Valara comes into Imperial custody, he is to be interrogated and summarily executed. Valara's parents are being held in the [REDACTED] holding facility, this knowledge is to be kept from Valara at any cost. Subject Notes- Subject has not been seen without a mask on, greatly concealing his identity from us, making it very difficult to find him. Currently believed to be on the lower levels of Bastion. Subject also seems to have photographic memory.

OOC NOTES: If your character would realistically have access to the ISB, and a reason to look Daemon up, feel free to sue this as an IC resource. All credit to the template goes to Cassanova.

If I screwed anything up big time, or you see plot holes, or anything that makes the profile less shiny and squeaky clean, PLEASE PLEASE tell me, I won't cry too much. I promise.

 

[Zink]

It's just...

It's a 17 year old, who is considered a prime threat to boot. And to top it off, he has heterochromia, and has one of the edgiest names out there. I have no real problems with the character other than that, I'd just bump up the age. Seems a bit snowflakey otherwise.

Of course this is coming from the new guy so you don't really have to listen to me. And if you wish i can give a more in depth review when a computer is available.

 

[Gamov]

Just at a glance I'd also like to point out something of a contradiction. If he wears a mask most of the time, thus making him difficult to identify because his face isn't well known, wouldn't wearing red eye contacts be a pretty dead give away? Especially for a human? I don't know of many, or any humans [actual humans, not near-humans or hybrids - and it isn't mentioned that he is either of these], that have red eyes. That would draw more attention than heterochromia because:

"Hey, Trooper Dan, look over there, that kid has red eyes. Just like that dude in this dossier."

"Oh yeah, you're right."

BAM! Arrested.

His weight is also quite heavy for a kid his age. According to averages, he's about 20 pounds overweight for his age, where he should be somewhere closer to 140-145 lbs or so. That's mostly a nitpick of mine though because I never actually see height/weight coming into play in the RP, so feel free to ignore that bit.

Otherwise, I wouldn't necessarily say his age needs to be increased as reading his bio, I gather that he's associated with another known terrorist who is wanted by the Imperium. Therefore it would logically follow that anyone tied to him would become a target for Imperial intelligence, regardless of how much of a threat he is or isn't to the Imperium as a whole. Information is power and all that.

 

[Saul Perth]

Honestly, I'm just not crazy about the name Daemon. I feel that should be his alias while Markus Komo/Valara would be his actual name. Also I agree that the contacts are a little out of place, perhaps red lenses on the mask instead?

Otherwise seems like an interesting character. I like that you didn't make him a combat monster, I think we need more characters like that. He's got a compelling story (maybe change exactly how exhilarated he felt when watching himself throw the bomb at people, that seems a little mentally unstable), but I like the desire to rescue his parents.

 

[Zink]

Why not have a character who is mentally unhinged, though? It's always a new concept to try out, and I haven't seen any (well written) insane people yet.

 

[Gamov]

Why not have a character who is mentally unhinged, though? It's always a new concept to try out, and I haven't seen any (well written) insane people yet.

To be honest, characters with mental instabilities can lead to some fairly murky waters. Not outright saying it can't be done, but if it is, there is a fine line to tread between "insane" and "mental disorder" as the two terms are not interchangeable.

When writing a character with some kind of mental defect - and I use that term in a broad general sense - it is always best to air on the side of caution and try to limit the exposure of that particular trait so as to avoid entirely associating the character with it. It may be an aspect of the character, yes, but it should never be that character's defining characteristic.

That said, I believe this character's overriding desire to fight the Imperium and rescue his parents would be the central story being told here rather than that of whatever desires spur him towards the levels of violence he feels compelled to undertake in pursuit of those goals.

Of course, that's merely my humble opinion on the matter.

 

[KrakenDaWhip]

Just noticed you guys have been posting. I didn't mean to ignore you, just didn't see it, so I'll address some of these now:

1) As for the red contacts, they'll go, I see now that that would make him a dead give away.

2)As for giving him a "mental disorder" I won't be doing that... yet. His primary objective is to find his parents, and wreak some havoc on the Imperium for taking them. However, as I may be joining a terrorist organization with someone else, I'm tossing around the idea of him finding his parents were interrogated and executed. While I'm not leaning towards it unhinging it, it would certainly make his objective lean more towards attacking the Imperium.

3) As for the name, his alias essentially is what he'd use. In RP, he'd be giving his alias to people. Although, Markus Komo/Valara is growing on me. We'll see, I might change it, might not. I'm leaning towards changing it though.

4) As for the mask, if the armor I put in the tech forum gets accepted he won't use the mask anymore. That would help to conceal his identity a bit, he doesn't do anything illegal without it.

And Zink, I don't take your opinion any less serious than I do Gamov or Saul, being a newbie doesn't mean you can't give some very valid input.

In hindsight Saul, I agree. Him being so excited to have murdered people doesn't fit. Edited. As for not making him a combat monster, I prefer story over combat. PVP isn't my thing, and I'd rather describe the character than the way they slammed someones head into a wall with their toe :3.